Anyone celebrate Christmas without doing Santa?

ally2011 · December 2013

DH and I are strongly considering not doing Santa. We are Christians and do celebrate the birth of Jesus at Christmastime. However, in a lot of ways the Santa thing seems a) to overshadow that and b) to be just kind of weird in many ways when you think about it. We are curious about the experiences of others who for whatever reason have bucked the societal trend on this issue. What say ye, bumpies?

jbatch · December 2013

I grew up with Santa decorations and knowing the story but never believing in him. My parents always put it as any other story and all the presents were from them instead of from Santa. It didn't bother me any. I plan on doing the same.

kleigh926 · December 2013

I agree with @jbatch. My brother and I were raised exactly the same way. We knew about Santa, but we also knew he was only a story and that gifts were from family members. We plan on doing the same with our kids. We want the celebration of Jesus' birth to be the main focus.

Also, I know many people don't agree with me here, but to me, teaching my kids Santa is real, or even just letting them believe he is, seems exactly like lying, and I don't want to lie to my kids about something as trivial as Santa. I don't want to deal with my kid someday realizing Santa is fake and then being upset and knowing that I was the one who allowed that.

I know this is a UO, but it is UO Thursday after all, haha!

Puck1182 · December 2013

We will probably do gifts from Santa and all that good stuff, but we're planning to treat it as a fun story/tradition. Teach her the history of where the tradition came from and explain why people do it now, and basically treat it as a game of make believe.

I figure this way we can extend the fun as long as she wants. I remember pretending to believe in Santa for 2 or 3 years longer than I really did because I didn't want to ruin in for them!! Even after that I still got a few "Santa" presents each year. And DH's parents still give their adult kids gifts from Santa and even the reindeer! It's cute and fun and I don't see any reason to omit Santa altogether, but kids love to play pretend, so I think doing it that way will allow DD to have fun without feeling lied to or betrayed.

ally2011 · December 2013

Bonus question - what are your thoughts on keeping your kids from ruining it for other kids?....I am mostly thinking about my 2 nieces and how to handle that. They are 1 and 4. I had been thinking some about teaching the history, explaining the tradition and saying some families like to play make believe, but am not sure how this plays out in real life. I don't want to upset my sis, but I also don't think that is a good reason to make a parenting decision.

DublinMama · December 2013

Here is my take on it. I was raised very Catholic growing up. I did all the religious milestone ceremonies, years of CCD, the whole bit. I knew exactly what Christmas was from a religious standpoint. But we also did Santa. I believed he was real, we left cookies and milk, my parents left notes from him to us. I don't remember feeling lied to or betrayed when I found out it wasn't real. When I started asking persistent questions, my parents knew the gig was up and were forthcoming about it. I certainly don't have any lingering emotional issues bc I found out there was no Santa.

As an adult, I am grateful to my parents for doing things to keep our childhood magical and innocent. The only issue I take with parents not doing Santa, is when it is ruined for other kids. As as second grade teacher, I see this a ton, and then I'm on damage control when one kid blurts out, "My mom says there is no Santa!!" I think a conversation needs to be had at home about what Santa is for others and to be respectful of that. My husband is an atheist. No two ways about it. But we will tell DS that he is certainly not allowed to go into school and say, "My dad says there is no God!" Because we respect what God might be to others. I think it's like any parenting choice. You do what works for your family, but not everyone is going to do it the same way, and there is room for differences.

wifeofadam · December 2013

I didn't want to do Santa and DH did. He ultimately won out and we chose to do it.

What I decided to do was make the secular and religious celebrations very distinct and different, and then find ways to "Christianize" the secular parts. My kids know that Santa has nothing to do with the birth of Christ. We do the whole elf on the shelf thing, but we call him our evangelizing elf and every night they have to teach him what they learned about Christ that day during Advent studies so the elf can go back to the North Pole and be the Light to all of the other elves. On Christmas Eve we write out the Nativity story and fold it up with our elf, who sits next to Santa's plate of cookies. On the story we tell Santa to read the story to everyone at the North Pole so they can learn the true meaning of Christmas.

We do a very in-depth Advent study in which we stop all other school lessons (apart from math and phonics) to focus on the birth of Christ. This builds anticipation for the celebration of His birth. I think my kids look forward to lighting the candles on Jesus' birthday cake and singing to him on Christmas morning (and then getting to eat cake for breakfast) just as much as they do the opening of the presents. They know what Christmas means.

The older I get, the more I've realized that Christmas, even a solely religious celebration, isn't exactly a Biblical mandate. The early Christian's didn't celebrate it and so there is no "right" or "wrong" way to celebrate it. In fact, as a Christian there is nothing wrong with not celebrating it at all.

People want to argue that Santa and all of that is "Pagan" but they don't realize that just about every aspect of our modern Christmas celebration has pagan roots - the tree, the decorations, the gift giving and placing them under the tree, the mistletoe, the colors....everything. We only give power to the pagan roots when we make them idols.

I guess I feel like we celebrate the birth of Christ every day in our house through our worship. Christmas is a special time to gather with family and do the same thing. There is nothing wrong with making it special for our children too.

The only anti-Santa argument that I feel is valid is the whole lying thing. But it is possible to do it without technically lying. I get in on the fun and talk about Santa and the North Pole in the same way I talk about the Tooth Fairy. I don't feel it is unchristian to have fun and play make believe with your children - God gave children an imagination to use. When my children ask me if Santa is real I always respond with, "What do you think?" and then let them explain it themselves. I've never once had to say that Santa is real because children want to believe so badly. When they ask how Santa travels around the whole world I ask them how they think he does it and they use their critical thinking skills to give excuses and reasons. One day, I have a feeling they will figure it out themselves and realize it was all just a game that was harmless and fun.

We have family that have chosen not to do Santa and I hope their kids don't ruin it for mine. They've come close before and it's really upsetting.

Anyways, we've been judged pretty harshly for doing Santa with our kids, but I'm 100% confident that it takes nothing away from our religious celebration and in fact, enhances it. You just have to be careful not to let the gift-giving, regardless of whether or not Santa is involved, become the focus of your celebration.

Drea926 · December 2013

DublinMama said:

Here is my take on it. I was raised very Catholic growing up. I did all the religious milestone ceremonies, years of CCD, the whole bit. I knew exactly what Christmas was from a religious standpoint. But we also did Santa. I believed he was real, we left cookies and milk, my parents left notes from him to us. I don't remember feeling lied to or betrayed when I found out it wasn't real. When I started asking persistent questions, my parents knew the gig was up and were forthcoming about it. I certainly don't have any lingering emotional issues bc I found out there was no Santa.

As an adult, I am grateful to my parents for doing things to keep our childhood magical and innocent. The only issue I take with parents not doing Santa, is when it is ruined for other kids. As as second grade teacher, I see this a ton, and then I'm on damage control when one kid blurts out, "My mom says there is no Santa!!" I think a conversation needs to be had at home about what Santa is for others and to be respectful of that. My husband is an atheist. No two ways about it. But we will tell DS that he is certainly not allowed to go into school and say, "My dad says there is no God!" Because we respect what God might be to others. I think it's like any parenting choice. You do what works for your family, but not everyone is going to do it the same way, and there is room for differences.

I had a similar upbringing and completely agree with this. To me, Santa brought the magic to Christmas. And Santa is the spirit of giving, so I don't see why that is such a bad thing. Being able to "play Santa" this year with DS has brought back a feeling of Christmas that I hadn't felt in a long time.

@DublinMama even at the 6th grade level I have some kids that believe in Santa. It's interesting because at that age they've moved beyond that "nah, nah Santa isn't real phase" and if some kids believe, the kids that have outgrown it are pretty respectful. It's sweet.

@adamwife while you certainly celebrate things differently than I do, I like how you incorporate Santa into your belief system. I feel bad that you are criticized for doing so. I'm sure your DH really appreciates that you've chosen to "do Santa".

musicalmama5 · December 2013

We definitely plan to do Santa! It was never even a discussion over here. I think our families would judge us if we didn't (not really, but they'd think it was weird). I think it only overshadows the birth of Christ if you let it.

And as for the lying thing.... that doesn't bother me very much. Children have amazing imaginations and, like adamwife said, want so badly to believe, so it's not like you even have to work very hard. Like @DublinMama I never felt any kind of betrayal when I realized Santa wasn't real. It certainly wasn't traumatizing. In fact, looking back, I really appreciate my parents lying about this and other things to me (or at least keeping me blissfully unaware of some crazy stuff going on with my older siblings). I say let adults deal with reality. The world of imagination and make-believe is for children.

Oh, and @Drea926 I didn't realize Santa wasn't real until I was in 6th grade.

kleigh926 · December 2013

Eh, I actually seem to have some weird aversion to pretending that Santa is real. It's just so foreign to me since I wasn't raised that way. I think the whole Santa thing is so strange, and I don't think Santa is what makes Christmas "magical," if you want to use that word. Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year. I just love it. And I never believed in Santa.

I agree that it doesn't have to overshadow the birth of Christ, and I respect the fact that it's possible to successfully celebrate both the religious and secular aspects of Christmas. It's just not for us.

musicalmama5 · December 2013

kleigh926 said:

Eh, I actually seem to have some weird aversion to pretending that Santa is real. It's just so foreign to me since I wasn't raised that way. I think the whole Santa thing is so strange, and I don't think Santa is what makes Christmas "magical," if you want to use that word. Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year. I just love it. And I never believed in Santa.

I agree that it doesn't have to overshadow the birth of Christ, and I respect the fact that it's possible to successfully celebrate both the religious and secular aspects of Christmas. It's just not for us.

Makes sense!

Drea926 · December 2013

musicalmama5 said:

kleigh926 said:

Eh, I actually seem to have some weird aversion to pretending that Santa is real. It's just so foreign to me since I wasn't raised that way. I think the whole Santa thing is so strange, and I don't think Santa is what makes Christmas "magical," if you want to use that word. Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year. I just love it. And I never believed in Santa.

I agree that it doesn't have to overshadow the birth of Christ, and I respect the fact that it's possible to successfully celebrate both the religious and secular aspects of Christmas. It's just not for us.

Makes sense!

I was literally going to bold and say the same thing.

If it wasn't how you were brought up, I understand your reasoning.

Different strokes for different folks. :-)

Rynleigh · December 2013

We are atheists who celebrate the winter traditions generally associated with Christmas. Our children have been raised to know that "Santa" is a moniker for people who graciously give to others, but who do not want anyone to know who they are. So, they do receive "Santa" gifts, and they leave out "Santa cookies" for anyone who happens to give them those sorts of gifts (I box them up for a couple of families that contribute Santa items, or Dad eats them, LOL). They also get a picture with the local Santa, because it's cute. But they don't "believe" in THE "Santa". While I don't have any problem with my children being honest and saying that Santa isn't really an immortal person who flies around in the sky if another kid asks them, they are pretty respectful of letting other kids believe it.

SidraJedi · December 2013

We discussed this and decided to just do with DD what we do with each other, we sneak gifts under the tree in secret and say "I don't know how that got there!" Of course we know who did it but the surprise and the trick is fun. Santa will remain a sort of fairy tale and that's that.

I was raised "believing in Santa", I figured it out at a pretty young age but my mom wanted all of us to believe until we were 20. It was pretty silly. I never felt betrayed when I stopped believing. I understood why adults said it. The story on DH's side is similar, except his parent's didn't care that he stopped believing.

We're not going to say that Santa is real and a direct question will get a "Santa represents the spirit if giving" kind of answer. DD will be encouraged to participate in the "who put that under the tree?" Game as she grows up.

All of this isn't set in stone as she is our first and we'll se how it plays out but that is what we discussed.

DD didn't get Santa" this year. I don't foresee that we will change our minds and start doing it later on. It just doesn't feel like our style.

I hope to raise a child who will respect the beliefs of others and therefore not go around trying to convince friends and relatives who believe in Santa that there is no such thing. But ultimately her actions are her own and she may spoil the fun for someone.

We have vehemently vetoed the tooth fairy.

kelly321 · December 2013

kleigh926 said:

Eh, I actually seem to have some weird aversion to pretending that Santa is real. It's just so foreign to me since I wasn't raised that way. I think the whole Santa thing is so strange, and I don't think Santa is what makes Christmas "magical," if you want to use that word. Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year. I just love it. And I never believed in Santa.

I agree that it doesn't have to overshadow the birth of Christ, and I respect the fact that it's possible to successfully celebrate both the religious and secular aspects of Christmas. It's just not for us.

My DH is the same way - he feels like it's lying. This year I kind of mentioned Santa in the context of stockings, but otherwise there were no extra gifts from him.

I remember that even though I kind of knew Santa wasn't real, when my dad 'fessed up when I was 10, I started bawling.

I'm still on the fence, but I figure by next year we'll have to decide how we're doing things because by then DD1 will really get what's going on. Maybe we'll stick to Santa stories and Santa filling the stockings but not actually tell them he's real.

SidraJedi · December 2013

I totally hate the threat of "be good or you won't get any presents" that is wrong to me. My mom did that. I remember one year (after I knew Santa wasn't real) I thought that I didn't get as many presents because I was bad. It was a horrible feeling.

I will never tell any children to be good if they want presents.

ally2011 · January 2014

We are leaning towards no, but have a year to decide. We will not be making an announcement b/c I don't want my sister to freak that our kids will ruin it for hers.....we just won't do it and hopefully won't get too many questions that out us on the issue. Although I am totally fine w/ bucking societal trends on things like this

jesuisfatiguee · January 2014

We're not going to do Santa. I even feel weird about putting a tree up (but I don't care if other people do).

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