CIO - Sleep Training

Violet1372 · January 2014

https://www.alternative-mama.com/a-letter-from-a-sleep-training-baby/

This letter was the SADDEST thing I have ever read. I don't know that after reading this I will ever be able to let Soph CIO. Even though I think at this age ( and even old months) they can't form opinions like this. I do still think they can feel abandoned and sad. I had my husband read it. His response was "who would write something like this" I think it totally gave him a different view point on CIO, even though when I asked him what he thought about it to have a more in depth conversation he wouldn't talk about it. Oh well, just wanted to share with you ladies.

blinnea23 · January 2014

Awwwww

ajbook · January 2014

Ok, maybe I don't let LO CIO. I can't imagine going that far with it! A few weeks ago that was my UO, but after reading that I think I let her fuss it out. NEVER has she been shaking when I go in to comfort her. It hurts my heart to think of her feeling so abandoned.

We have been letting her learn to soothe herself when her pacifier falls out, but never, ever more than fussy crying. We started doing this when she was waking up out of habit and not hunger, but couldn't soothe herself back to sleep.

blinnea23 · January 2014

When I think of CIO I'm thinking full on screaming. Am I wrong?

I let DD fuss when she goes down for naps because she'll do it for 5 minutes and fall asleep. Now when we put her down for the night she goes right to sleep.

ajbook · January 2014

@blinnea23 I was thinking of it as fussy crying. More than just grunting, but not full on screaming. I count my 5 minutes from her first fuss, and she never makes it to screaming.

Violet1372 · January 2014

blinnea23 said:

When I think of CIO I'm thinking full on screaming. Am I wrong? I let DD fuss when she goes down for naps because she'll do it for 5 minutes and fall asleep. Now when we put her down for the night she goes right to sleep.

I think CIO is full on screaming. Soph whines and fusses and that ill let her do for a bit but I would never let her have a full blown melt down.

HBirdie · January 2014

I hate this article. It circulated around a different mom's group I'm in on Facebook and it pissed me off then, and it pisses me off now. The last thing a brand new, tired, frazzled set of parents need is a big fat guilt trip.

Edit because I thought that was all I needed to say, but I'm still bothered.

The root of my problem with this article is that what it really is is mom-shaming. Whether you think CIO is okay or not, I really don't appreciate that some high and mighty mom is sitting at her keyboard somewhere feeling smug about making parents who DO try CIO feel awful and like they're terrible parents. Kids cried it out for a loooong time. Does that make it the best parenting method? Maybe not. But it isn't child abuse, either. Just because I don't intend to practice something, that doesn't give me the right to make other moms feel like shit about themselves.

Being a parenthood is full of decisions that you have to make every single day. It's overwhelming and confusing and scary and no one has the perfect solution. Sanctimommies make me mad.

eyris · January 2014

I haven't gotten to the point of needing to let E CIO, but I wouldn't rule it out if we end up with sleep issues when he's older.

This letter is putting words in a baby's mouth that no one could possibly know is a true perspective or not, it's just the opinion of one person.

313Meg · January 2014

I cried. Then again I cry at everything baby lately. DH goes "keep in mind a baby didn't write that" and then looked at LO snuggling with me in bed and said "yea I never could"

blinnea23 · January 2014

HBirdie said:
I hate this article. It circulated around a different mom's group I'm in on Facebook and it pissed me off then, and it pisses me off now. The last thing a brand new, tired, frazzled set of parents need is a big fat guilt trip.

Edit because I thought that was all I needed to say, but I'm still bothered.

The root of my problem with this article is that what it really is is mom-shaming. Whether you think CIO is okay or not, I really don't appreciate that some high and mighty mom is sitting at her keyboard somewhere feeling smug about making parents who DO try CIO feel awful and like they're terrible parents. Kids cried it out for a loooong time. Does that make it the best parenting method? Maybe not. But it isn't child abuse, either. Just because I don't intend to practice something, that doesn't give me the right to make other moms feel like shit about themselves.

Being a parenthood is full of decisions that you have to make every single day. It's overwhelming and confusing and scary and no one has the perfect solution. Sanctimommies make me mad.

I don't judge those who decide to try the CIO method but while reading this article didn't you think about your LO being alone and scared? I did, now I want to cuddle with her but she's sleeping so peacefully in her bassinet

Violet1372 · January 2014

I guess I should clarify... I dont think it's child abuse or wrong to try the parenting method of CIO. Nor would I ever shame someone or purposely make them feel guilty for trying it. Now if they let their baby sit in the crib for hours screaming that's totally different. I know people view CIO differently and all do it slightly different but I guess for me when I think of CIO I think of it as literally putting you LO down, walking away, and crying themselves into exhaustion. Which is why the letter made me so sad.

Edit: wording

HBirdie · January 2014

blinnea23 said:

I hate this article. It circulated around a different mom's group I'm in on Facebook and it pissed me off then, and it pisses me off now. The last thing a brand new, tired, frazzled set of parents need is a big fat guilt trip.

Edit because I thought that was all I needed to say, but I'm still bothered.

The root of my problem with this article is that what it really is is mom-shaming. Whether you think CIO is okay or not, I really don't appreciate that some high and mighty mom is sitting at her keyboard somewhere feeling smug about making parents who DO try CIO feel awful and like they're terrible parents. Kids cried it out for a loooong time. Does that make it the best parenting method? Maybe not. But it isn't child abuse, either. Just because I don't intend to practice something, that doesn't give me the right to make other moms feel like shit about themselves.

Being a parenthood is full of decisions that you have to make every single day. It's overwhelming and confusing and scary and no one has the perfect solution. Sanctimommies make me mad.
I don't judge those who decide to try the CIO method but while reading this article didn't you think about your LO being alone and scared? I did, now I want to cuddle with her but she's sleeping so peacefully in her bassinet

Oh trust me, it definitely made me cry the first time I read it. Maybe that's why it bothers me so much- I just don't think it's fair to play on the (sometimes fragile) emotions of a mom to further your parenting agenda.

sunshine2929 · January 2014

This is heartbreaking. ..
but I agree with pp.. its not fair to make moms feel guilty like this

JocelynB0911 · January 2014

I didn't read it but we did the 3 day CIO with dd. she hated her crib abd when she was 13 months we went ahead with it. Every 10 min I would check on her abd if she was crying I would calm her. By night 2 she was fine on her own. I tried it with ds1 and he's still a fighter when it comes to sleeping. I felt something more was going on and after some testing he had underlying issues.

Nvm, I read it. I hate when articles make you feel guilty. When Cale gets overtired he really just needs to lay on his back for a few minutes and cry. He calms down, I pick him up, he smiles at me and then falls asleep. Meh

bermybabe68 · January 2014

This has me shaking

. I have been trying to get DD down for naps and bed and every time it is a huge struggle. Yesterday it took 45 mins each time for me to get her down for what ended up being a 20-40 min nap only. The last nap I had to put her in her crib for 5 mins as I came totally unglued and sobbed so hard and loud that she stopped crying. I can't seem to do anything to comfort her. She gets so full that she won't nurse to sleep, I can't keep carrying her because of my back, and she just seems to cry harder when I try to hold her. But then I feel even worse laying her down and listening to her cry because I feel like I'm not meeting her needs. This article is salt I a very wide open wound and I feel like I'm going to be sick.

ravenclaw1 · January 2014

I think this is a mommy shaming piece of shit. CIO is just a parenting method like any other. It's not Beat it Out or Starve it Out. It's ok for some people, not for others. People who publish stuff like this on the Internet have a clear agenda to guilt others when it's wildly unnecessary.

ssublett09 · January 2014

I don't let LO cry it out but I am not opposed to it if we have to go down that road. I know many of moms who have done it because their LOs have had such bad sleep problems with no underlying problems. I know one mom who put her 7 week old in his crib and he would fuss and cry and try to fight it (never screaming) and he eventually got the hang of it and is an awesome sleeper now. Don't you think If they did feel like what the letter said they wouldn't sleep as much because they would be scared... I just see it as helping your baby learn to sleep. Obviously the shaking and screaming should be addressed but that's just my opinion.

blinnea23 · January 2014

jenny5o5 said:
Is it bad that the giant earring on the baby irritates me more than the article? That sucker is huge!

I HATE baby ear piercings. I think it was one of my FFFC or UO.

dukeblue27 · January 2014

blinnea23 said:

jenny5o5 said:
Is it bad that the giant earring on the baby irritates me more than the article? That sucker is huge!
I HATE baby ear piercings. I think it was one of my FFFC or UO.

Yes yes yes!!! I also HATE baby piercings!!!

jlp0528 · January 2014

bermybabe68 said:
This has me shaking . I have been trying to get DD down for naps and bed and every time it is a huge struggle. Yesterday it took 45 mins each time for me to get her down for what ended up being a 20-40 min nap only. The last nap I had to put her in her crib for 5 mins as I came totally unglued and sobbed so hard and loud that she stopped crying. I can't seem to do anything to comfort her. She gets so full that she won't nurse to sleep, I can't keep carrying her because of my back, and she just seems to cry harder when I try to hold her. But then I feel even worse laying her down and listening to her cry because I feel like I'm not meeting her needs. This article is salt I a very wide open wound and I feel like I'm going to be sick.

@bermybabe68 -- do not feel shitty!! My LO is like this a lot too and I often feel like, "wtf can I do now? I don't know what you need baby girl!" And often feel down and hard on myself but we are both great moms just trying to do what's best for our babes and keep our sanity at the same time. New year will hopefully bring some changes in our LOs as they grow and it will be even better! Hugs mama!

Violet1372 · January 2014

Well if her purpose for writing this was to make moms feel guilty she totally sucuessed. After reading it I felt completely guilty for even thinking about letting Sophie ever cry for an extended period of time. Which is why I shared it. Because it made me feel so terrible. But I do agree with quite a few of you that it is terrible to write something like this to make people intentionally feel bad about themselves and their choices

ravenclaw1 · January 2014

Violet1372 said:
Well if her purpose for writing this was to make moms feel guilty she totally sucuessed. After reading it I felt completely guilty for even thinking about letting Sophie ever cry for an extended period of time. Which is why I shared it. Because it made me feel so terrible. But I do agree with quite a few of you that it is terrible to write something like this to make people intentionally feel bad about themselves and their choices

I'm sorry you were so affected by it, that really sucks. Just remember that what she wrote has no real, scientific basis to it. It's just her own ramblings. Not trying to convince you to CIO or anything if that's not your plan, but sometimes it's just best to filter these types of people out of your head. They're just trying to fuck with people, which is a really lousy thing to do.

bermybabe68 · January 2014

@jpryber0528 thank you for your kind and supportive words. DH just found DD's first tooth sprouted this morning to it must be the reason we haven't slept since Christmas. I had another good sob when he told me because it made me feel like 1. It wasn't my fault and 2. like a dumbass for not figuring it out sooner (although floated the idea around being as she was drooling like crazy, but so sure it was to early for teeth at 3 months). You are right, we are good mamas and try to meet our LO's needs the best we can

.

bumpuser9130703 · January 2014

I hate this article. It circulated around a different mom's group I'm in on Facebook and it pissed me off then, and it pisses me off now. The last thing a brand new, tired, frazzled set of parents need is a big fat guilt trip.

Edit because I thought that was all I needed to say, but I'm still bothered.

The root of my problem with this article is that what it really is is mom-shaming. Whether you think CIO is okay or not, I really don't appreciate that some high and mighty mom is sitting at her keyboard somewhere feeling smug about making parents who DO try CIO feel awful and like they're terrible parents. Kids cried it out for a loooong time. Does that make it the best parenting method? Maybe not. But it isn't child abuse, either. Just because I don't intend to practice something, that doesn't give me the right to make other moms feel like shit about themselves.

Being a parenthood is full of decisions that you have to make every single day. It's overwhelming and confusing and scary and no one has the perfect solution. Sanctimommies make me mad.

a-freaking-men But I might be a little weird because I find almost all mommy letters, mommy quotes, mommy articles annoying. Just do what you do and stop worrying about everyone else. The inspirational "The love a mother feels is greater than all the grains of sand in the universe" type stuff is just sooooo cheesy to me. Yes, I think being a mom is swell, but cheesy stuff like that almost makes me.... uncomfortable? I don't know.

ETA: I didn't and won't read the article. It sounds like an opinion piece meant to make moms feel guilty. And that's BS. And FTR I don't know if we would do CIO, so far LO is pretty good at putting herself to sleep so it hasn't really crossed my mind. But I do have friends that had to try CIO and all of them have happy, healthy, well adjusted children who still love mommy and daddy and still trust mommy and daddy. Like many parenting issues, it works for some families/kids and doesn't work for others. If they're not starving, beating, and leaving a child to cry for hours, what does it matter to anyone else?

HBirdie · January 2014

Littlejellybean said:

I hate this article. It circulated around a different mom's group I'm in on Facebook and it pissed me off then, and it pisses me off now. The last thing a brand new, tired, frazzled set of parents need is a big fat guilt trip.

Edit because I thought that was all I needed to say, but I'm still bothered.

The root of my problem with this article is that what it really is is mom-shaming. Whether you think CIO is okay or not, I really don't appreciate that some high and mighty mom is sitting at her keyboard somewhere feeling smug about making parents who DO try CIO feel awful and like they're terrible parents. Kids cried it out for a loooong time. Does that make it the best parenting method? Maybe not. But it isn't child abuse, either. Just because I don't intend to practice something, that doesn't give me the right to make other moms feel like shit about themselves.

Being a parenthood is full of decisions that you have to make every single day. It's overwhelming and confusing and scary and no one has the perfect solution. Sanctimommies make me mad.
a-freaking-men But I might be a little weird because I find almost all mommy letters, mommy quotes, mommy articles annoying. Just do what you do and stop worrying about everyone else. The inspirational "The love a mother feels is greater than all the grains of sand in the universe" type stuff is just sooooo cheesy to me. Yes, I think being a mom is swell, but cheesy stuff like that almost makes me.... uncomfortable? I don't know.

ETA: I didn't and won't read the article. It sounds like an opinion piece meant to make moms feel guilty. And that's BS. And FTR I don't know if we would do CIO, so far LO is pretty good at putting herself to sleep so it hasn't really crossed my mind. But I do have friends that had to try CIO and all of them have happy, healthy, well adjusted children who still love mommy and daddy and still trust mommy and daddy. Like many parenting issues, it works for some families/kids and doesn't work for others. If they're not starving, beating, and leaving a child to cry for hours, what does it matter to anyone else?

I am SO with you on this. Stuff like that circulates Facebook all the time and makes me want to vomit. Yes, we love our children more than anything else. But I don't really understand the need to shove that down everyone's throats all the time in the form of quotes set against pictures of sunsets and whatever. Annoying.

blonde151188 · January 2014

Yeah... I'm not reading this. You guys gave me the summed up version, and being a mom who had her oldest two CIO at appropriate ages, I don't need anything else making me second guess my judgements as a mother. I'm already scared enough that I'm going to mess them up as it is.

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