I have to complain for a second

Saraevh · January 2014

Alright so my babe will be a month old tomorrow, so I realllllly need to get over this, but I just have to vent for a sec.

I'm pissed about the fact that I had a c-section. I mean, I have no one to blame but myself because no one made me do it, but I felt like I was misled. Everyone kept telling me he was going to be so big, telling me an induction would probably fail and I'd end up laboring and laboring and just end up with a c-section anyway. Yeah. Okay. He was 7lb 7oz. My second kid was bigger than him!

Now, my vaginal deliveries in the past were no walk in the park. I pushed for over 3 hours, fractured my tailbone, forceps and episiotomy, months of physical therapy post delivery etc with my daughter, pushed for hours again with my son followed by 4th degree tearing that my doc attempted to fix surgically already once (and it's not normal yet) and bladder damage, etc. Fine. I can see how my doctor was concerned considering she thought he was going to be bigger than my other kids and that is why I agreed to the section.

Well, I'm a month out and am finally starting to feel better, but seriously the last month has been pretty hell-ish. Not being able to lift the kids and attempting to care for two toddlers while trying to recover from surgery has been rough! I over did it and popped a stitch about two weeks ago which set my recovery back a bit. I have this nasty scar across my abdomen and a fat roll/shelf that hangs over it and I'm annoyed because I feel like it was all unnecessary. I know they always say hindsight is 20/20 and who knows how his delivery would have gone if I had opted to go the vaginal route. He is here, he is healthy, we are all fine. Those are the only things that matter. I get it. And I realize that. And I'm so grateful! But I can't help but be a little bitter about it all.

Oh well. I'll get over it. No point to this post. Just needed to vent.

Cwhitaker27 · January 2014

So sorry Saraevh! I'd be bitter if I were in your sutuation too. I hate when docs estimate the baby's size. I feel like they are always wrong and overestimate, majorly. They told my sister her baby would be big around 9 lbs and he came out 6 lbs 11oz. Haha what a joke!!
I hope the rest of your recovery is speedy and the new year brings your family lots of blessings!

wille2b · January 2014

I don't know if birth ever goes the way anyone plans and there is probably some regret in everyone's birth plan. I totally understand what you are saying and how you are feeling. You have every right to be a little disappointed but you are right about one thing, he is here and he is healthy!! Its taken me almost the whole year to "get over" my less than perfect birth plan. It will come, but in the mean time don't beat yourself up

kmc84 · January 2014

(((Hugs))) hindsight is 20/20 unfortunately. I know this hard on you. I can't imagine recovering from any surgery and trying to take care of 2 toddlers and a newborn-holy crap that's damn near impossible! It will take awhile to get used to your new body for sure-but your a month out; it'll get better still! It sounds like your doctors had some very real concerns. Know that they had your best interest in mind, even though it might not have been necessary. I hope things get easier soon!

TJ1979 · January 2014

Hugs. I would be upset too. And it's ok to be upset. Give yourself a set amount of time to grieve, then move on. Don't let it be a black cloud over his newborn period. You know it is over much too quickly!

Ruthie04 · January 2014

I could have written this post! I HATE that I caved to a c/s. My boys had IUGR and Baby B kept flipping, so there was no guarantee he would be head down once Baby A came out and I was scared of a double whammy (vaginal for one/ csection for two). But, he dropped right into position once Baby A was out- perfect! My OB and MFM had been pushing for a csection because of the risk to Baby B, but on the day of delivery the OB (from another practice due to shared on call duties) gave me a choice. I caved to a c-section out of fear. I had NO idea how hard surgical recovery with two newborns would be. Now, I'm left with the nasty scar and skin flap, in addition to twin skin and pain from adhesions. If course, there's no way to know if Baby B would have tolerated a vag, but I can't help but be sorry.

I'm so sorry to go on and on about me, but I wanted to say you aren't alone. C-sections suck!! The actual surgery is awesome, but the after is awful!! Big hugs, mama!!

CarrieB. · January 2014

I'm sorry!! I hope you start feeling better soon and your kids are all healthy too.

Dragonfly1226 · January 2014

I am so sorry hon. I understand a little of how you feel. With K&A I was convinced I could have a vaginal birth. I tried spinning babies and acupuncture to get the to turn. They were both stubbornly breech. So I guess I didn't have a choice in the matter but my c section recovery was bad. I had a blocked bowel and was restricted to a clear liquid diet while trying to nurse twins. I had no energy. The blocked bowel was so painful that I couldn't cuddle with my girls for a few weeks after they were born. I couldn't play with DS or even safely watch him on my own. They had to make a long vertical internal incision because of the way the girls were positioned so if we ever have another child I am not a candidate for a VBAC at all. It is definitely not the birth experience that I wanted, but I know how very lucky I am to have two healthy, happy baby girls. (((((Hugs)))))

mcgeeva · January 2014

All I can say is I have never had a vag delivery and I can't imagine having one. With what you just said happened with yours I would think that a c-section was better! Recovery is slower but fracturing a tail bone??!!! I would definitely be upset by the baby's weight factor because that is not a big baby. Hopefully you feel better soon. I'm sure I will be super frusterated when I have my next c-section and I cannot pick up ds. I was hoping 2nd time around is easier.

Saraevh · January 2014

Cwhitaker27 that is seriously ridiculous and actually made me laugh! I also have a friend who they told was only going to have a 7lb baby at an ultrasound she had at 38 weeks and her baby was 9lb14oz when he was finally born like 4 days later LOL.

@kmc34 You're totally right. I know my doc had my best interest in mind given my past deliveries and the fact that she thought the baby was going to be larger than my other two.

@Rutihie I agree the surgery wasn't bad. What was bad was coming home with three kids to take care of by myself when I couldn't move HA! Maybe I wouldn't be as bitter if I didn't have the flap?

@dragonfly that sounds like the csection experience from hell.

But all of you are right! In the end, healthy kids are all that matters. And I totally realize that and am forever grateful. All I have to say is these kids better be nice to us when they are teenagers. They have TRASHED my body.

jesselayne8 · January 2014

I had a ton of anger and depression after my first csection. I agree with other about giving yourself more time to grieve. About that over hang-it will go away! I promise! I had one after each section and it's gone now. I can't remember how long it took.

kbeach82 · January 2014

I'm so sorry you didn't get to have the delivery you hoped for. FWIW, I don't think the majority of us truly do. You have exactly the right attitude pointing out that the health and safety of your LO was obviously the most important factor, but that doesn't mean that you don't need to grieve missing out on the birth experience that you wanted. ((HUGS))

queenbone · January 2014

I feel your pain! I'm still bitter over having a c/s and it was 6 yrs ago. I'm bitter it lead to the 2 subsequent ones too. Sigh!

Yay for healthy babies though!

phishgirl29 · January 2014

I didn't want a csection but as soon as my LO's heart rate went to 80 I was bout ready to take the knife and cut myself open! They actually left a piece of placenta in me so when I went back for my incision check 20 days later, I was rushed back to the hospital for an emergency d&c.

I was angry for a long time, but now I'll gladly do it again (no d&c though) for another healthy baby.

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