Relocating - away from family & friends

pjo79 · December 2013

Hi...

this is my 1st time posting... My husband & I and our 1 yr old currently live in MA and we are thinking of moving to WA/VA/MD area. We would be leaving all our family & friends. My husband's company has offices in all 3 states so he could transfer and potentially make more $. I currently work FT, but with the move I would potentially be able to be a stay at home mom.

My husband really wants to move out of MA though we have both grown up here and lived here our whole lives. I on the other hand, would love the adventure, seeing new things and being in a new place, but at the same time I am scared to be away from all my family & friends.. My husband always says- Family can visit, we can come visit them and we will make new friends.

I know that this isnt about every one else and this is about "My family" (me, my husband and our son) now and I know that he is right... Every one can visit, we can skype and talk on the phone and we will make new friends. But, still freaks me out...

Thoughts?? Anyone out there feel the same way?

acbfreire · December 2013

I live away from all my family and friends and it gets very hard at times. I mostly SAH since DD was born and only work very, very part time a couple of times a week.
I would try to think of how much time you guys spend with relatives and friends currently (are they baby sitting for you, for example?) and then try to picture life without that support.
Also, if you are moving away from everyone and going to stay at home, you need to think of activities and ways to meet people so you don't feel isolated.
Yes, ultimately it is YOUR family first, but it takes a village. I do not have that support and it gets to be very stressful on DH and I.

pjo79 · December 2013

Currently because I also work FT my MIL watches our son and on days that she cant my mom does unless me or my husband take time off.

But, if we move and I stay home then we wont need a sitter for me to work. But, yes there will be NO ONE for sitters if we need someone and that is what I tell my husband.

I dont know. I am so confused LOL

jnnfrrose6 · December 2013

pjo79 said:

Currently because I also work FT my MIL watches our son and on days that she cant my mom does unless me or my husband take time off.
But, if we move and I stay home then we wont need a sitter for me to work. But, yes there will be NO ONE for sitters if we need someone and that is what I tell my husband.
I dont know. I am so confused LOL

Well that's only a little over-dramatic, isn't it? It will be tough at first, but as PP mentioned, you have to look for activities and things to do, especially if you are going to be SAH. That will also help you network and find sitters.

Other than that, it really is up to you and DH. You can always set a time frame (maybe a year or 2) to allow yourselves to move and experience and then reassess after that period and see how it is going. You may find you love it and it was the best thing, or it really isn't working to be away from your current support system and you need to go back.

dh79 · December 2013

We moved 2.5 hours away from our families last March when DD was 8 months old (had to move for hubby's work). I had been working full time before we moved (my SIL in watched DD when I worked) and now I SAH. The truth is that it is a mixed bag. I love being able to stay home with my little girl (and son coming in March 2014). We absolutely love the area we live in. However, the transition has been difficult at times. We spent a lot of time with our family and had a wonderful community back home. SAH can be isolating, and it has been a slow process for me to make new friends here. I highly recommend getting involved if you do decide to move. I joined Stroller Strides (mommy and baby workout) and a local MOPS group. That has been wonderful for connecting with other moms in the area. While the last year has been tough at times, I am glad we moved. I miss seeing our families as often, but this area is the kind of place we wanted to move to and I think a year from now we will be nicely settled in and excited to raise our family here. And your husband is right about visiting. We get lots of visitors and head home periodically and haven't missed out on too much with our families.

pjo79 · December 2013

the move for us would be about 8-10 hr drive away and about 1 hr away plane ride. So that is doable for sure.

on a day to day basis I only see the family members who watch my son other than that maybe once a week or so I will see my mom but as far as extended family- family functions and holidays.

Yes I would definately need to get involved with groups and other moms so that I am not just sitting in a house all day... Did you learn about these specific groups via a specific website or just word of mouth in your community?

dh79 said:

And your husband is right about visiting. We get lots of visitors and head home periodically and haven't missed out on too much with our families.

pjo79 · December 2013

uconnhuskie007 said:

I think you are understandably scared, as anyone would be, but your husband is right. Family and good friends will come visit you, and if it doesn't work out you know where your roots are. Speaking of which, where in MA are you? I grew up in Waltham - but now live in Dedham. My husband is from Needham

Yes definately scared LOL... We are in the Fall River area

pjo79 · December 2013

Thanks everyone for your input..

We have a lot to think about.. We will have to take a little family trip to check out the area too before we make any decisions.

pb_bride · December 2013

I think it will be a big adjustment for all 3 of you, and it can be particularly hard on you - transitioning to a SAHM with ZERO friends and family to support you. I'm SAHM and it can get very lonely at times. My sis-in-law lives nearby but we only see her once a month. She has babysat for me twice (DS is 14 months now). My ILs just moved to the area last month. My family are far away. DH & I have YET to go out on a "date" by ourselves. I know we can hire a babysitter, but since I SAH, it doesn't make sense to hire someone on a regular basis. And if we hire a person for the odd night out, I simply don't "trust" leaving DS with someone whom we don't really know.

Although we have some friends here, they are childless so there's not much in common with them after DS was born. I took many different classes with DS and met many moms, but it wasn't until 6 months later before I finally clicked with several of them. The other moms I just didn't have anything in common with, plus many of them were going back to work FT.

Furthermore, have you thought about what kind of relationship you would like your DS have with your parents and your ILs? Once you move away, it'll be much harder for your parents and ILs to see them that often. Maybe it's not a big deal to you or YH. I never knew my paternal grandparents, and my maternal grandfather died when I was till pretty young, so I basically only knew my maternal grandmother. I wish my parents live closer so my son can see them more often. I wish my son could have a closer relationship with his maternal grandparents...

shannm · December 2013

I think it is good for everyone to move away from home at least once. Doesn't have to be permanently but I think it is a great learning experience. And honestly, those two places aren't that far from each other. I imagine it would be harder for a SAHM with a LO though. Having a job allows you to meet people that you have things in common with. Do you think you have the personality that would be willing to join a moms group, a church group, etc.? I think that would be super important in your situation. Otherwise, you may feel really isolated and lonely. I don't live near any family and have only really made friends through work but I have relocated several times and I really like the "newness" of it. I vote that you give it a shot, keep an open mind and know that it will require some work to build a new network.

dh79 · December 2013

Here are the websites for the two organizations I mentioned:

Stroller Strides https://fit4mom.com/

MOPS https://www.mops.org/

Good luck with your decision!

this decaf life · January 2014

We live on the other side of the world from our families for DH's job and get by just fine. Skype is awesome for moves.

FemShep · January 2014

I would look very hard at the cost of living in DC/VA/MD. I grew up there, and lived there off and on after college. I now live in MA (also in Dedham! Small world!) and as expensive as stuff is up here, you might find that any raise your DH gets is offset by a higher cost of living, especially if you're looking in the DC area. We don't have family nearby, and wish we did. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't move.

g8trkim · January 2014

dh79 said:

Here are the websites for the two organizations I mentioned:

Stroller Strides https://fit4mom.com/

MOPS https://www.mops.org/

Good luck with your decision!

janinekrause · January 2014

it is such a personal choice. I live 5 minutes from my mom and sister, and near a lot of extended family. I also like NY and being near the city and can't imagine another place I would love as much. I love that for myself and my children, and couldn't personally move away from that. My dad passed away in June and my mom would be a mess without me and my kids around all the time. On the other hand, my MIL does live about a 7 hour drive away and my SIL 4 hours, and they are super super close with my kids and me and hubby, because we visit and talk a lot!

Every family is different and totally depends on how much you want to be around family, or if the new adventure/money/ability to stay home is more important.

Do know if you do move, and you don't like it, you can always move back.

mrsbhk22 · January 2014

We moved 1500 miles from our family when DS1 was this age. It was hard. I worked FT, I didn't really trust anyone to baby sit, other than the military daycare (only has hrs 6-6). I never really got a break. It was hard when I missed events like birthdays and retirements. My sister gave birth and I couldn't hold my niece for a few weeks. To some, that's NBD, but it was really hard for me. In the end, we moved back when DS2 was born. Personally, I enjoyed the adventure, but wished we would have done it before we had kids. While we have children, we will likely stay by our family. Is there potentially to move for just a few years with an option to move back?

BLPL101 · January 2014

DH and I moved from CA to TN and it's hard. Basically no one has met my DD because it's expensive to fly here.... I haven't even met my only niece (7 months old). I love living here and don't plan on moving, but it's difficult.

pjo79 · January 2014

thanks everyone. We definately have lots to think about.

we both feel like we are ready for a change / something new, but at the same time I am so scared to make the move. My husband is all for it, but will go with whatever I decide.

decisions, decisions...

thanks again everyone for your input

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