advice for FTM?! please and THANKS!

Meg&Austin · January 2014

So here is my predicament.

We had a destination wedding in May. Our friends that made the trip are having one October 10 2014 in Mexico. Would feel bad when they spent money to go to ours and us not try to go to theirs. Not that they wouldn't understand. Also we take these kinds of trips every year and plan to keep trying to go when we can with our kidsn

We will obviously have, around, a 5 month old baby. My mom says Mila is in no way going to Mexico and will watch her. My husband does not only want to go for 5 days as its more cost effective to go for 7, which i feel would be hard enough being away from her. I however am not a mom yet and dont know how hard it will be to either be away from her for 5 days or take her for 7. I also feel it may be wrong to take such a young baby out of the country. I also feel like it should not be left up to our parents to watch our baby so we can go have "fun".

I am so torn on what to do.

Any input on leaving a baby for that long or traveling with one? Or saying no we cant make it. Either way I feel like I could be a bad parent.

CamrynnsMommy · January 2014

I don't think you'd be a bad parent either way. Do you plan on BFing? I could see this as a potential issue, if so.

My vote is go, it'll be nice to get away, though I'm sure you'll miss your nugget.

Meg&Austin · January 2014

I plan to bf as long as I can so unfortunately she would probably have to be supplemented and I will have to pump and dumo while we are Apart, is how I assume it would go I guess

Tnpeach · January 2014

The longest I've been away from DD is when MIL takes her to the next state over, and we didn't do that until she was 1.5.

I suggest buying tickets. Let your DD stay the night with grandma at about three months, and see how it goes. If it works out, leave her for the weekend. That will help prepare both her and you for the time apart. If it doesn't work out, most airlines don't charge for baby anyway. Just make sure they know you will be bringing her.

At five months, you might be ready for a small break, and that is nothing to feel guilty about.

pandadair · January 2014

Meg&Austin said:

So here is my predicament. We had a destination wedding in May. Our friends that made the trip are having one October 10 2014 in Mexico. Would feel bad when they spent money to go to ours and us not try to go to theirs. Not that they wouldn't understand. Also we take these kinds of trips every year and plan to keep trying to go when we can with our kidsn We will obviously have, around, a 5 month old baby. My mom says Mila is in no way going to Mexico and will watch her. My husband does not only want to go for 5 days as its more cost effective to go for 7, which i feel would be hard enough being away from her. I however am not a mom yet and dont know how hard it will be to either be away from her for 5 days or take her for 7. I also feel it may be wrong to take such a young baby out of the country. I also feel like it should not be left up to our parents to watch our baby so we can go have "fun". I am so torn on what to do. Any input on leaving a baby for that long or traveling with one? Or saying no we cant make it. Either way I feel like I could be a bad parent.

I'm also a FTM, so no advice on the actual traveling part. But no, totally not wrong to take a young baby out of the country. People do it all the time. And why shouldn't it be left up to your parents to watch your baby so you can go have "fun"? They want to spend time with their grandchild, and are offering, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying baby-free couple time. Hell, my husband and I have already planned a trip toward the end of the first year that will involve 3-4 days with each grandparent for baby. The only issue I see is, like @CamrynnsMommy mentioned, the breast feeding angle. As a FTM, I don't know if it's reasonable to expect to be able to freeze 5-7 days worth of milk to leave with the grandparents, or if it'd be easier to bring her.

Allibob · January 2014

I don't see a problem with taking her. The only potential problem would be the timing of the wedding/reception & baby's bedtime. You may have to expect to miss out on some things while somebody sits in the room with a sleeping baby. We took DD to Mexico at 8 mo and had a great time. I wasn't comfortable getting a sitter there, so we weren't able to go out for a nice dinner like we used to, but that's life.

It may be hard to be away from her either for emotional or other logistical reasons, but everyone is different in that sense. I BF & DD wouldn't take a bottle, so it would not have been possible for me even if I wanted to.

Nmooney1 · January 2014

CamrynnsMommy said:
I don't think you'd be a bad parent either way. Do you plan on BFing? I could see this as a potential issue, if so.

My vote is go, it'll be nice to get away, though I'm sure you'll miss your nugget.

THIS. It is easier said than done though (at least it was for me the first time leaving DD). I was an emotional wreck and was so nervous about leaving her. After we got to our destination, got settled and started having fun with out friends, it was a lot easier.
If you are going to Bf, you will want tonjave enough bagged for her while you are gone and take a pump with you.

Meg&Austin · January 2014

Can you feed baby and pump enough to last 5 or 7 days?

Allibob · January 2014

Meg&Austin said:
Can you feed baby and pump enough to last 5 or 7 days?

Maybe? Depends on your supply. That's a LOT that you would have to have saved, and I'm not sure I had that much in my stash at 5 mo.

Junebug060609 · January 2014

kitchencolors said:
I'd rather take the baby than leave them at that age personally, especially if you want to BF. What about having your mom go with you to watch the baby? That seems like best of both worlds. It's rediculous of your mom to imply that a 5 month old can't go to Mexico.

This. I would take baby with me. At 5 months there is no way in Hades i was ready to be apart from my son for an entire week. Hell, hes two now and i still am not. Plus if you are nursing it will be tough. Infants travel outside the country all the time. It takes planning, but its doable.

ErikaLynn75 · January 2014

I'm a FTM as well, so I have no real advice, but this made me think of a story from a few years ago. One of DH's best friends and his wife left their son for the first time at around 4-5 months with her parents. It was for a wedding about 4 hours away from home, and they left him for a weekend. I think she had pumped and frozen some breast milk, but the grandparents also needed to supplement with formula.

In the middle of the reception they got a call saying that the baby had begun vomiting blood and they were going to the hospital. It turned out to be an allergic reaction to the formula, and was the first indication of lots of allergy issues this poor child has dealt with. In the end, grandparents were able to handle everything and it all turned out just fine, but the mom & dad were (understandably) very upset being so far away and knowing their baby was in the hospital.

Personally, I even worry about my dog if we leave for a long time. I think I would choose to take the baby with me. But if you decide to leave the baby with grandparents, I guess my advice would be to do a weekend test-run to see how the baby handles the change in routine.

Allibob · January 2014

There's a lot of variables that you won't know until closer, but since your daughter won't need a ticket you can always take her if things don't work out to leave her. You just need a passport for her, then you can play it by ear.

Meg&Austin · January 2014

Allibob said:
There's a lot of variables that you won't know until closer, but since your daughter won't need a ticket you can always take her if things don't work out to leave her. You just need a passport for her, then you can play it by ear.

So you wouldnt take a car seat for a child that young?

danabsd · January 2014

Is it a kid friendly wedding? That would be my first question. If so I would take her and make a family vacay out of it. I agree that I would not take a 5 month old to Roserito for the week I don't see an issue with Cabo, Puerto Vallarta or other tourist destinations.
This coming from someone who's yet to leave their 16 month old for more than a night. I had a3 day trip planned in August last year and bailed last minute. $:\$ ">

ksyknelvr73 · January 2014

I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. We took our son to the beach (but not out of the country) when he was 5 months old and we were gone for 9 days. I don't think it's crazy to take your child with you, for sure. As a FTM, I was too nervous to leave DS for that long though...DH and I took a vacation out of the country without him when he was 15 months old and that was as soon as I could stomach it. But you never know how you will feel!

Meg&Austin · January 2014

ErikaLynn75 said:
Personally, I even worry about my dog .

This exactly. We have went on 3 trips in the last 3 years for 7 days and I was dying to see my dogs! Thats y I dont think I could leave her. But my husband doesnt seem to understand that. I think he will once she is here but he doesnt get it yet.

Meg&Austin · January 2014

danabsd said:
Is it a kid friendly wedding? That would be my first question. If so I would take her and make a family vacay out of it. I agree that I would not take a 5 month old to Roserito for the week I don't see an issue with Cabo, Puerto Vallarta or other tourist destinations.
This coming from someone who's yet to leave their 16 month old for more than a night. I had a3 day trip planned in August last year and bailed last minute. $:\$ ">

Its is and its to Cancun.

danabsd · January 2014

Allibob said:

Can you feed baby and pump enough to last 5 or 7 days?
Maybe? Depends on your supply. That's a LOT that you would have to have saved, and I'm not sure I had that much in my stash at 5 mo.

Mine would not have been and I had a small freezer stash from work pumping. I would also worry about storing and getting everything pumped back across the border and home before it spoiled. Not that i would have that much usable milk from a kid free week in Mexico. Drinky drinky. <:-P

bumpuser10194737 · January 2014

I believe freshly pumped milk can be stored in a regular freezer for 3-4 months. A 5 month old baby will be drinking about 32-40 ounces a day. I think mine nursed five or six times a day at that point.

If it were me, I would take the baby. I have left both of my babies for long periods (8 days and 11 days) to go to Europe, but they were both over a year old the two times we have done that. (DS1 was 14 months the first trip and DS2 was 16 months the second.) the first time leaving my first baby was VERY hard, but got better after the first couple of days.

I would not personally feel ready to leave a baby that going for more than one or two nights, so if it were me, I would take baby with us! I think going to Mexico, and I'm sure staying in very touristy areas would be fine!

And don't feel bad if you do leave baby with grandparents! My in-laws love the chance to spend extended time with our little ones when they get the chance to!

alphalyrae · January 2014

My vote and I'm a FTM is to go and take Mila with you. I think your mom is being a little overprotective and it's not her child, its yours.

ErikaLynn75 · January 2014

kitchencolors said:

I'd rather take the baby than leave them at that age personally, especially if you want to BF. What about having your mom go with you to watch the baby? That seems like best of both worlds. It's rediculous of your mom to imply that a 5 month old can't go to Mexico.

This definitely seems like the best option to me. OP, do you think it's a possibility?

Otherwise, I think I'd go ahead and get the baby a passport, make whatever arrangements would be necessary to take the baby with me, and then wait until September or so to make the final decision.

Allibob · January 2014

For the carseat, are you asking about buying an extra seat & having her in the carseat on the plane vs. lap child? Or whether to take the carseat for cab rides & such? Both are a personal decision. Will you be going out a lot once there? Can you afford an extra ticket?
I've always taken my daughter on my lap, and we have not taken the carseat to Mexico. I may get flamed for that, but it was our choice. We could walk from our resort to restaurants & shopping, so I wore her in the Ergo any time we went out. We only took a cab from the airport & back, & she was not in a carseat for that. You can gate check the stroller & carseat for free, so we've done that on other trips. I've heard it can invalidate the warranty to check your carseat on a plane, but we've done it to save the cost of an extra ticket. To each their own on that issue.

Meg&Austin · January 2014

We would only be in the car for the way to resort and back. Its all inclusive so we wouldnot really be leaving for any reason.

Meg&Austin · January 2014

ErikaLynn75 said:

kitchencolors said:

I'd rather take the baby than leave them at that age personally, especially if you want to BF. What about having your mom go with you to watch the baby? That seems like best of both worlds. It's rediculous of your mom to imply that a 5 month old can't go to Mexico.

This definitely seems like the best option to me. OP, do you think it's a possibility?

Otherwise, I think I'd go ahead and get the baby a passport, make whatever arrangements would be necessary to take the baby with me, and then wait until September or so to make the final decision.

Def not. She and my stepdad almost didnt go to my destination wedding bc he hates flying andhe would def not let her travel without him. The thing is I dont think it would really bug me to have to spend some of the day in the room for naps n such. On our last two trips I found myself drinking less and getting bored easily in the pool or ocean alll day.

Tkhixen · January 2014

Even if your in-laws can't/won't go on the trip with you, is there someone else that could go with you to help with baby while you are at the wedding/reception? Or, even if it is more cost effective to go for 7, can you shorten the trip to 4 or 5 days anyway? I think I would be a nervous wreck without my baby there! I'm a FTM, so I don't have experience in this, but I would totally be looking for someone to come with us as a "nanny."

Meg&Austin · January 2014

savannah_girl said:
you can gate check the car seat and carry her on the plane.

I didnt think that was possible I read somewhere that checking a car seats deems it damaged and unuseable after that, as if it had been in a car accident, because of how much luggage can get beat up. Anyone know if that is true?

Allibob · January 2014

kitchencolors said:

Allibob said:

There's a lot of variables that you won't know until closer, but since your daughter won't need a ticket you can always take her if things don't work out to leave her. You just need a passport for her, then you can play it by ear.

I'm not sure that the no ticket thing is true on international flights. I know you typically still have to pay the taxes for a lap infant...

You still don't need to buy a ticket in advance for international flights. When you check in at the airport, they will print an extra ticket to staple to yours. It can still be done last minute.

Meg&Austin · January 2014

We could probably go ahead a book her a seat for an infant carrier still not sure if we take one I would probably feel safer with the way some of those van people drive in other countries for. 5 month old to be in one but I am not sure how necessary that is. Then cancel or keep her seat last minute/eat the cost.

baby3ob · January 2014

I also ditto this. Best of both worlds. I probably wouldn't feel comfortable at that age leaving my 5 month old, really because I'd miss her so much as well as b/c of breastfeeding. I had to go on a work trip for 2-3 days when Lexi was 6 months and unfortunately at that point my BF supply was already wobbly and that just added to it tanking. Just my thoughts!

baby3ob · January 2014

Oh crud - that was supposed to be a reply on KitchenColors saying to take your mom with you ...

IBackBevo · January 2014

I would go but not take the baby. I would keep trip to about 4 to 5 days.

danabsd · January 2014

Meg&Austin said:

you can gate check the car seat and carry her on the plane.
I didnt think that was possible I read somewhere that checking a car seats deems it damaged and unuseable after that, as if it had been in a car accident, because of how

Gate checking is different than checking it with your baggage which I would not do but you can and it does not count against your luggage limitations. We have a travel carseat, a cheapy that we wouldn't cry about if it got broken. If you do take a car seat and check it in any manner I would suggest that.

awknyc · January 2014

I have this exact same dilemma with a friends wedding in Mexico in October. DH and I were discussing that since it is my good friend that he stay home with the baby and I go by myself and share a room with another single girlfriend. I think that'll probably give me about a good 4 days before heading back, plus a little R&R for myself without baby, dog and husband

Meg&Austin · January 2014

awknyc said:
I have this exact same dilemma with a friends wedding in Mexico in October. DH and I were discussing that since it is my good friend that he stay home with the baby and I go by myself and share a room with another single girlfriend. I think that'll probably give me about a good 4 days before heading back, plus a little R&R for myself without baby, dog and husband

Ours are a "couple friend" neither of us really hang with either of them without the other so unfortunately that not really an option

rainydayluck · January 2014

I've posted this in other travel posts, but DD travels everywhere with us. She's been flying all over the country since she was 3 month old. We took a trip to Japan when she was 14 months old.

We never bought her her own ticket until we had to. For certain international flights you have to pay 10% of a ticket for an infant in arms.

I would absolutely take my kid(s) when traveling simply because we, as a family, love traveling and I want my kid to share that with us.

5 months should be an easy age to travel with. We always plan side checked the car seat.

Meg&Austin · January 2014

rainydayluck said:
I've posted this in other travel posts, but DD travels everywhere with us. She's been flying all over the country since she was 3 month old. We took a trip to Japan when she was 14 months old.

We never bought her her own ticket until we had to. For certain international flights you have to pay 10% of a ticket for an infant in arms.

I would absolutely take my kid(s) when traveling simply because we, as a family, love traveling and I want my kid to share that with us.

5 months should be an easy age to travel with. We always plan side checked the car seat.

I have been told checking a car seat voids the warranty and the travel planner said you can pay for one fror the ride from airport to resort would anyone ever use that option instead of taking a car seat? If we pay for her car seat on the plane thats 400 $

KBowen715 · January 2014

Fly MIL or a nanny with you.

Mine are 11 and 9 (and due in May), and the longest I have been away from either is 5 days. It just gets complicated to make sure they have what they need for that long.

rainydayluck · January 2014

Meg&Austin said:

rainydayluck said:
I've posted this in other travel posts, but DD travels everywhere with us. She's been flying all over the country since she was 3 month old. We took a trip to Japan when she was 14 months old.

We never bought her her own ticket until we had to. For certain international flights you have to pay 10% of a ticket for an infant in arms.

I would absolutely take my kid(s) when traveling simply because we, as a family, love traveling and I want my kid to share that with us.

5 months should be an easy age to travel with. We always plan side checked the car seat.
I have been told checking a car seat voids the warranty and the travel planner said you can pay for one fror the ride from airport to resort would anyone ever use that option instead of taking a car seat? If we pay for her car seat on the plane thats 400 $

Plane side checking them is usually more gentle than straight up checking them. If it is another country, especially one like Mexico where car seats are not the law, I'd double check your resort or whoever if picking you up. It would be hard to trust that the car seat isn't bad. You can buy a car seat for like $40, like the Cosco Sereva (spelled something like that).

Meg&Austin · January 2014

Thanks for all the input ladies. Sounds like I just have to wait and decide what will be best for us as a family. Although I would love to see my cute beach baby out there I know parents do deserve breaks so we will see I guess.

spinsoffresonance · January 2014

We started traveling with DD after she got her 3 months shots. First we took a 2 hour flight to Chicago to visit DH's family, then a 12hour flight to Europe to visit my family (different trips). You can book your plane tickets now for you and DH and decide later if you want to bring LO. You can add lap infants on your ticket at any time, I've paid anywhere between 10-50% of the adult fare to bring DD as a lap child on an international flight. The rate depends on the airline. We either borrow a car seat at our destination or we gate check our car seat. At 5 months, I would take LO to Mexico, especially if you're breastfeeding. I was away from DD for 48hours when she was 6 weeks old for my dad's funeral and ended up with enough pumped milk to fill my entire carry-on size suitcase. I think it would be really hard to have enough milk stashed for a 7 day trip at 5 months. However, there is a good chance your LO will get sick. Every single time we put dd on a plane in her first year she ended up with a fever above 103 for 2-3 days after the flight. That does put a damper on your vacation.

Meg&Austin · January 2014

O yikes ya. Thanks for the insight! Ill def have to.keep.that in mind to bring stuff in case she gets a fever.

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