baby registry ideas. thoughts?

alicatand · January 2014

FTM mom here!

My DH and I just started talking about our baby registry this evening. It came up because we have family who have asked my mom and MIL when/where we'll be registered and so I've already been asked by both of them what they can tell everyone.

Anyway - so, my DH were going over a timeline at dinner tonight for next steps on preparing for baby - painting the nursery, ordering furniture, etc. and I asked when he wanted to take a look at the registry. (I've been keeping a private one on Amazon to organize everything I am researching and decide on.)

My DH sort of surprised me by saying he is totally against a registry of any kind. His opinion is that we're in our 30s, settled, and made this decision to have and raise this baby, so it's our responsibility to buy everything for him. Which I TOTALLY agree with. However, I do know people will want to get us something and I know it's nice (especially for those out of the baby loop or those without kids) to have some direction as to what we might like to have, which is what a registry does. We have plans to purchase a lot of the big ticket items ahead of time and I did not intend to put any of those things on the registry (like car seat and bases, stroller, and that sort of thing).

My DH just seriously wants nothing to do with a registry. He somehow thinks it's rude, but we have always happily shopped off of registries for friends' wedding and babies so I don't know why he thinks it's rude if we do it - especially since it will only be shared if someone were to search for it or if one of our moms passed it along. But, I do understand where he's coming from in not wanting to make anyone feel obligated to get us something.

To try and make a long story short - as a compromise I suggested a baby registry on Amazon with only baby and childhood books with a note saying something like, "Please help us build our baby's library and share with us your favorite childhood story!" Or something to that effect.

My question is - do you think that's weird if we did that? Have you known anyone or have you yourselves done something similar? I just know if I tell my mom this idea she's going to think I'm insane

. Any other arguments for why it might be good to have a more traditional baby registry?

AandJ28 · January 2014

A girl that I work with was against having a shower / registry for the same reason your H doesn't want a registry. Since we told her that we'd obviously be doing a small shower for her, she agreed to do a small registry with things such as bath- time essentials, pacifiers, bottles, etc. things that they would need multiple but also weren't expensive. Personally, I don't like the book thing... I feel the same way when people request a book instead of a card. I would rather but something that will be useful immediately (diapers, bottles). Perhaps you can talk with your H and compromise on doing a small registry with low-cost items.

drsunny · January 2014

I have mixed feelings about the baby registry and lean towards what your husband said.

I think that having people help build a library is a nice idea and you may not even need to create a registry for it - most people have a favourite children's book that they would like to give. You could also give your mom/MIL a short list of specific things that you are looking for that they could pass on to other people who are insistent that they want to get you something you have already picked out. Another option would be to have your mom/MIL suggest 'donations' towards larger items like a stroller, bassinet, etc. for those who ask about it.

I'm new to this, though, and still navigating all of the mother-to-be etiquette!

Luna C · January 2014

Completion discount. Do the registry if only for that.

I think your husband is being silly.

Its rude to advertise your registry to people who havent asked, or to demand that people ONLY buy from it. But just having one is totally sane and normal.

Luna C · January 2014

drsunny said:
Another option would be to have your mom/MIL suggest 'donations' towards larger items like a stroller, bassinet, etc. for those who ask about it.

I would not do that. It sounds like a money shakedown which is way ruder than just having a registry.

ElTrain5 · January 2014

I'm also doing it for the discount. We need the items, why deny yourself a discount? That just seems silly. You can keep it private if you prefer.

alicatand · January 2014

Luna C said:

Completion discount. Do the registry if only for that. I think your husband is being silly. Its rude to advertise your registry to people who havent asked, or to demand that people ONLY buy from it. But just having one is totally sane and normal.

Thanks for that

. I think he is being silly, too. Completion discount is a good point!!!

I appreciate the input so far!!! Good point, too, about people wanting to buy useful items. My mom and BF have offered to host a low-key shower for us, and I know those who chose to attend will want to buy actual baby things and not just books.

Perhaps having a public registry with lots of the lower ticket items that the moms advertise to people who ask, then we could have a bigger ticket item registry for ourselves so we still get the discounts!

JNerd · January 2014

We did a registry mostly for guidance, but with zero expectation. It was mostly because people did want to know what we would like as a gift since they were going to buy us one anyway.

I had a second shower that was for my friends and that was a 'build baby's library' one as we had everything we needed and all my friends were in different life stages so this is what we were most comfortable with.

You have do what feels right.

LegalLadyBug · January 2014

Completion discount and the coupons/gift bags you get when registering are awesome. I'm a STM and I'm registering just for that reason. I'm not having a shower or sharing the registry unless family asks, I'm just doing it for the perks. Bring that up to your DH. Yes you can pay for it yourself but why not register and get the extra discounts. I also put my EDD like a month ahead, which may not be far off since mine are twins. But it will mean you get that completion coupon a little earlier.

Valie18 · January 2014

I think that your DH is being silly. I think that you should register for what you two want for the baby and be sure to register in a range of price points. People aren't going to think less of you for putting a car seat, for example, on your registry. Grandmothers and Great Aunts and people may want to buy something big and will be happy to know that they are getting you the one that you want.

PinkKEL9 · January 2014

You will probably have some people like family and co-workers who will want to have showers/buy you baby things. So I would have at least one registry for them. Some people really like to stick to a registry, while others will just buy you clothes or things they think are cute. So I think you should have a registry but it can be short and simple, with little inexpensive things on it.

noryang · January 2014

Honestly - you are doing people who want to buy you a gift a favor because they don't have to think or worry if you will like it/already have it, etc. etc. So if you don't want to do it for yourself - do it for others.

joywithsugar · January 2014

People will buy you gifts regardless of your preferences so you might as well guide them in the right direction or else you will be left trying to do a bunch of returns or have lots of items that were a waste of money. I would suggest putting together a registry of basic, cheaper items then if he isn't comfortable with the expensive stuff. People want to shower you with gifts

Besides your wedding, this is the only other time people do it so just enjoy it!

MississippiCatfish · January 2014

I don't see a big difference between registering for books and registering for baby essentials. Personally, I would think it was pretty strange to be invited to a shower, look at the registry, and see only books. JMO.

SecondTimeinMSU · January 2014

noryang said:

Honestly - you are doing people who want to buy you a gift a favor because they don't have to think or worry if you will like it/already have it, etc. etc. So if you don't want to do it for yourself - do it for others.

I totally agree, when I am attending a shower I always just go and get something off their registry. Shopping is a pain and I want to make sure my hard earned money is going to towards something they really want or need. For DH's consideration I would double check that your shower hosts aren't slipping any mention of it into the shower invites and then I can't see how it would be seen as rude at all. If you don't advertise the registry at all then it will just be used by the people who want and need it

chloephoebecali · January 2014

Tell him that people want a registry. I know I want to buy something that will be useful. I even look for specific stuff that I know will get the most use because I hate to waste my money on something that is not that important. Use the registry as a list of stuff that you need and for the completion coupon. No one feels obligated by a registry and he should not feel bad. Personally, I would not want to buy you guys just a book or books. We've picked up so many books at garage sales that unless it is something really special I see no need to waste all that money on brand new books. Most of them are classics and have been around forever. Plus, books are way cheaper at stores like tj maxx/Marshall's. People will end up giving you gift cards/money and I think it would be more personal for people to pick something they like off your registry. There is no way people would feel comfortable bringing a few books as their gift to your shower. It would just be really awkward for your guests and you guys.

rmjones15 · January 2014

If he really doesn't want a registry you could always have your MIL hold a diaper shower. That way people will know what to get you and you will still get something you'll need.

alicatand · January 2014

SecondTimeinMSU said:

noryang said:

Honestly - you are doing people who want to buy you a gift a favor because they don't have to think or worry if you will like it/already have it, etc. etc. So if you don't want to do it for yourself - do it for others.

I totally agree, when I am attending a shower I always just go and get something off their registry. Shopping is a pain and I want to make sure my hard earned money is going to towards something they really want or need. For DH's consideration I would double check that your shower hosts aren't slipping any mention of it into the shower invites and then I can't see how it would be seen as rude at all. If you don't advertise the registry at all then it will just be used by the people who want and need it

Glad to hear this

. I would think it was weird, too!!

Thanks everyone for your opinions - makes me feel a lot better and I have some great points to convince DH that a registry is A-OK. He is such a weird-o about gifts! Yet he always loves to shop for the people we love and he has to understand there are people who will want to do the same for us.

I had to put our wedding registry together as well for the same reason - so guess I'll just do it again with baby

.

Luna C · January 2014

Luna C said:

Completion discount. Do the registry if only for that. I think your husband is being silly. Its rude to advertise your registry to people who havent asked, or to demand that people ONLY buy from it. But just having one is totally sane and normal.

Thanks for that . I think he is being silly, too. Completion discount is a good point!!!

I appreciate the input so far!!! Good point, too, about people wanting to buy useful items. My mom and BF have offered to host a low-key shower for us, and I know those who chose to attend will want to buy actual baby things and not just books.

Perhaps having a public registry with lots of the lower ticket items that the moms advertise to people who ask, then we could have a bigger ticket item registry for ourselves so we still get the discounts!

Put the big ticket items on there too. Trust me, if someone has a budget of $25 they aren't going to feel obligated to buy you a $400 crib just because it's on the registry. However, you may have a few aunts or whoever who want to chip in together to buy a big-ticket item. My friend got a jogging stroller (nearly $400) from her co-workers. She never expected it, but they had raised that much in a gift card, so they just got that off her registry instead. They were happy to help and she was thrilled to get a gift she never anticipated.

ema10 · January 2014

It's completely normal and expected to have a registry. Just don't go posting it on Facebook!

I do find the library idea kind of rude. Maybe compromise by not putting any big ticket items on the registry. Then add them after your shower so you can still get the completion discount?

I will warn you, someone complained to my shower host that I didn't put enough on my registry. (Who does that??)

almendarez · January 2014

My husband is the same way.. he didn't even want a wedding registry but I told him it is expected and if we don't make one then everyone is just going to ask us about it.

I started a private baby registry on Amazon also, mostly as a list to remind me which products other bumpies are recommending. I think only immediate family will buy us gifts though since I am relatively new to this area and work in a male dominated industry so I don't have very many female friends anymore..

If your husband wants to completely forgo the registry, maybe you can create a college savings account for the baby that relatives can donate to. Or just ask for necessities, like diapers.

Pahialii · January 2014

Several people mentioned it already, but I previously planned to put everything I wanted on a registry, buy them all for myself and get that completion discount! I originally wasn't planning on having a shower (my friend is dead set on planning one so that's changed) so I figured this was truly going to be only for me, myself and I. But DH hated our registry for our wedding and prior to us getting pregnant said that he didn't want a baby registry at all.... until I told him about the discounts and just having it for us, and then he was all in.

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