This REALLY sucks.

JuliaH21 · January 2014

My horse died today. She was born when I was 12 and was only 16 yrs old. She was my first horse and the first horse I trained completely on my own. I can't even describe how big a part of my life she was. I was expecting her to live into her 30s and to be the horse I taught my kids to ride on...and just that we would have so many more years together.
No one knows what happened. She was acting totally normal and frisky when the man we board with put out hay and then an hour later another boarder found her just laying out in the hay. There is just no indication of what happened and I'm slowly moving from complete shock into grief.

When I was pregnant with DD, I had to euthanize two of my horses as well as a dog (the only pet losses of my adult life). I kind of had an unreasonable anxiety this whole pregnancy that I would lose another animal and--I know it's totally unreasonable--but I can't help but notice the timing again and be frustrated by being so close to the end this time (39w4d). I really do know there isn't a real connection, but I can't help feeling some kind or responsibility (but I think that's inevitable).
I've been having contractions ever since I went out to see her, but I don't think it's actually labor, I think it's just from crying and getting nauseous, etc. Hopefully I can drink some water, go to bed and feel a little better about things in the morning. Thankfully the owner of the facility has offered to take care of everything for me so I won't have to deal with the that. I have the daughter of this horse still (she'll be 5 yrs next month) so I'll have to keep an eye on her, since they've never really been apart, but she seemed okay today.

I guess there isn't too much of a point to this, just still trying to process everything, as I said it caught me completely by surprise.

moosebaby2011 · January 2014

I'm so sorry

LabPupLuv · January 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss.

km_md · January 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss ((hugs)) I can't imagine losing a pet at this point in pregnancy, and it must be so much worse for you since something similar happened last time too. Like you said, it is nothing that you did, so try to not be too hard on yourself.

ccip82 · January 2014

Big hugs!! I am so, so sorry for your loss

mrskratt · January 2014

So, so sorry. I couldn't imagine going through that right now. Thinking of you.

CanadianGamerMom · January 2014

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time right now. I hope you're able to rest and get lots of water down tonight. Sending you lots of positive vibes to help you get through this ::hugs::

jmdaisy2 · January 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how awful it must be to go through this now. Losing a beloved animal is so hard. You have no reason to feel guilty for being pregnant though, so I hope you get that out of your head. Sending you positive thoughts.

mrsjenni · January 2014

Aw, I'm so sorry. Losing a pet is so difficult

{{{HUGS}}}

Siblynika · January 2014

{{hugs}} it's always hard losing a pet- I'm sorry for your loss.

BrittNR · January 2014

So sorry! Losing an animal just plain sucks!

PreDempsey · January 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss.

bensmommy518 · January 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine getting such a shock with no understanding of what or why it happened.

juliasmama2010 · January 2014

I'm very sad for you. So sorry for your loss

precious72381 · January 2014

I'm so sorry!! How sad and tough time anytime but at the end of pregnancy must make if more difficult. I hope you are able to get some kind of answers.

brideandbreve · January 2014

Oh man, the bond between a girl and her horse is a really special one. I am so sorry for your loss.

SunflowersBride · January 2014

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

daltosostarby · January 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss.

((hugs))

thelittlepear · January 2014

I'm so sorry

Thoughts and prayers for you.

megs12914 · January 2014

I'm so sorry. You lost a member of your family today and that's incredibly hard. Big, creepy Internet hugs to you.

jmjj1310 · January 2014

I'm so, so sorry! Big hugs!

peanutmuse · January 2014

I am so very sorry. ((hugs))

BuckeyeMommy4 · January 2014

So sorry for your loss

HappyDoc · January 2014

I am so sorry. Hope that her daughter is able to adjust quickly.

bee1916 · January 2014

Losing a pet is terrible- I am so sorry for you!

heather52904 · January 2014

I'm so sorry [HUGS]

CarolinaGirl2014 · January 2014

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, especially while so very pregnant. I can only imagine how much you're hurting. Hope her daughter does well on her own.

Roses87 · January 2014

That's terrible. I am very sorry for your loss.

forevergraceful · January 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss.

litzo27 · January 2014

I am so so sorry! I can't imagine how hard it is given your history with her. Please try to get some rest tonight.

kmd03000 · January 2014

I'm so sorry!! I've had my horse for 15 years and I completely know how much they mean in our lives!! My horse got a bad case of cellulitis 2 months ago and we were scared it was a joint infection but after 2 months of stall rest and wrapping it ended well. Which at 7 months pregnant (when it happened) it was exhausting going every day to give meds and wrap and clean stalls... But I wouldn't let anyone else do it for me. I had to check on it for myself! Then he started swelling all over and all 4 legs a few weeks ago. It put me in L&D with high BP because I was so hysterical and upset because I was so worried about him. We finally had the vet come back out last week and he has arthritis in his knee and the extreme cold just makes it swell up. I worry about him every day (he's 25 minutes from my house) and I'm worried about not getting to see him for several week once baby gets here!! It's been severely cold (below zero) here and I worry about him in this extreme cold!!

I've never stressed this bad about him before, he's a 21 yr old TB. He's my boy and we lost our family golden retriever last February who was 14. I was a complete wreck for months about her!

I'm so very very sorry and I can't imagine what you are going through. I know what my bond is like with my horse and I know how special the bond between a girl and her horse really is! Hugs!!!

ababymaybe · January 2014

I am so sorry for your loss.

OSUWifey09 · January 2014

I'm so, so sorry. **hugs**

[Deleted User] · January 2014

Oh so sad about your horse. I'm so sorry

twobluelines · January 2014

So sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is always painful.

JuliaH21 · January 2014

Thank you, everyone, for the kind words. There really is something about a girl and her horse, especially her first horse. It's not something I'm ever going to experience again (but I think I will get to watch my daughters experience it, so there is that).

I've declined a necropsy, but of course spent a good few hours scouring the internet. From various stories and the several studies I looked at, it seems that she suffered a spontaneous aortic rupture. It's not common, but (when a necropsy is performed) is a very common cause of sudden unexplained death in non-senior adult horses. So far they don't seem to know why it happens and have no way to predict it. It happens within several seconds so there isn't any suffering which is a relief to me.
My contractions got to be pretty intense, but after timing (7 min, 60 secs) for a while decided to go to bed and they settled down. I'm feeling a little better this morning and don't plan to do much except go check on my other horse and get her set up for the cold front coming in around my due date (there are other boarders who will blanket and stuff for me).

Thank you all again.