Issues with in-laws, needing some positivity sent my way

ilianabeltran118 · January 2014

It could just be that i'm emotional/hormonal or whatever but i feel like i just had an argument that was completely unnecessary. My SIL invitied us on a vacation to mexico THE WEEK OF MY DUE DATE (April 22nd) I'm like are you kidding me....um no i may be popping out a kid that week and quite frankly i'm surprised that your planning a vacation with this in mind. I know for some families it not as big of a deal, but my husband's family (meaning brothers and sister) have been there for every kid's birth. This is the brother my husband best gets along with, we go to all of their kids events and i'm not feeling the same love in return. When we brought it their attention the response was....you shouldn't be upset....should i be upset that you telling me when i can or can't go on vacation. wtf? you haven't visited your hometown in mexico for 10 years and now the sudden urgency to go the week of our due date? when you have all summer to go?? i'm feeling frustrated, why can't my kid be as important as yours were??

ksulli · January 2014

I'm sorry you're hurt. I think it's reasonable for them to plan a trip that week though, unless you were expecting them to be in the delivery room.

Chances are you'll go early or, more likely, late, and they'll be around for it. And if not, that first week you probably will want to be alone to figure life out as your own new little family.

ETA: it's also much easier to have someone else's kids be super important to you before you have your own.

irisheyez7 · January 2014

I feel you pain. My sister who is going to be the Godmother of this child (my first) is taking her whole family to Disney World the week before my due date and my mom is going on vacation to Arizona for 2 weeks and won't be back until 3 days before my due date. Neither of them go on vacations often but just so happen to both schedule one right before I am due to go into labor. So in reality if LO arrives early at all there will be no one here! It scares the hell out of me that I might have this baby and not have my mother or sister here for support!
I understand your frustration but there isn't really anything you can do about it, it's their life and they can do what they want, so try not to let it stress you out and just take comfort in the fact that at least your husband will be here!

Edited: Spelling

lilmama412 · January 2014

I think it is strange that she asked you to go that week, but I think you are being a little unreasonable about being upset about their vacation that week. It is hard to figure out schedules for vacation, and maybe that was the week that worked best for them. It's unreasonable of them not to have a life the whole month of April, just waiting for you to give birth. It sounds like this is going to be a big trip for them, going to see her family in Mexico that she hasn't seen in 10 years. She won't be able to do much when you are still in the hospital anyway. She will have years to spoil your child and be there for it, who knows when she will be able to go back and see her own family again.

Andrewsgal · January 2014

I sorry you are hurt but you are being extremely unreasonable and quite ridiculous.

sugarrush · January 2014

I feel ya. My BIL is planning a cruise around the time we are giving birth with all our mututal friends and im pretty bummed that we cant go. However, let them go and have fun. Youll be so busy wrapped up with your new little one that it wont even cross your mind who is and isnt there. Your baby being born wont be as important to everyone else as it is to you. Just be the bigger person, wish them a fun trip and focus on the excitement of your new little one.

avidkeo · January 2014

Maybe she asked so you wouldn't feel left out? kind of damned if you do, but damned if you don't situation for her? I agree that vacations are hard enough to organise at the best of times, so it is probably the case that week is the best for them to go. I wouldn't worry, my mum isn't going to be with me for the birth because she lives 12 hrs away and you cannot predict when baby will be here.

nikki912 · January 2014

I'm sorry you feel this way but you can't control other people. Take the high road and let it go.

Mustardseed2007 · January 2014

OK I kinda get this to a point, even though I never wanted anyone in the delivery room or even waiting room when I had DS.

On the one hand, I totally get the exasperated and frustrated feeling of double standards. My SIL and BIL have, in the past, been really terrible about expecting us all to show up to their big out of town trips and other activities. For years we went whether it was convenient or not just to show support or because they would get their feelings hurt.

However, now that we have a son and a home of our own and we have started planning different things that we invite family to attend, they don't show up b/c of various excuses. They haven't come to any family get togethers that we have hosted in well over a year - not even Thanksgiving (they simply didn't show) or DS's 1st and most recently his 2nd birthday party (I was really bummed about his 1st birthday, but by his 2nd I was over it).

On the other hand, people's lives are their own, and as PP's said, vacations can be hard to coordinate. The fact that they invited you is kind of a poetic way of saying they are not keeping track of your life the way you are keeping track of theirs, and that is hurtful. But just the fact that they are going to be out of town the week of your due date is not in itself terrible on their part.

Bottom line, I would take this as a message that you should focus on your family and allow them to focus on theirs. Don't feel like you need to go to every little thing they plan, they are simply not going to do the same for you.

Take it as a liberating thing, rather than an insult.

ilianabeltran118 · January 2014

Thanks for providing perspective. I appreciate it. There's a lot of backstory that's hard to get across in these things but in the end my post came at a time of feeling completely frustrated that she would want his whole family (parents and siblings) gone that week. Baby will come with or without them, just glad I know I can always count on my hubby and my family to be by my side.

*sparky* · January 2014

I get being hurt that your DH's entire family will likely be out of the country the week you are due. And it is a little odd that she invited you to go - it would have made more sense if she said "we planned this trip and normally we would love to have you guys there but I understand the timing is bad and you probably won't be able to make it."

But to look at it logically, most likely you wouldn't travel to Mexico on a big family trip within a month of delivering or for at least a month or two after having the baby, so it is not like this was the one week you couldn't go. And when I had DS, my IL's did not come into town until about two weeks later. And it worked out for the best - I would not have wanted them hanging around while I was in the hospital and immediately after. But they live out of town, so when they did visit they had to stay with us. It was nice that we did not have to deal with that immediatley after having the baby. And as others have pointed out, you may deliver early or late - not that many babies actually arrive on the exact EDD.

So it could all work out for the best. As others have said I would try to just let it go. my SIL drives me and my DH crazy in a lot of ways, so it is easy to let her get under our skin but we have learned to just let her be her and focus on our little family.

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