NWMR: Sleepover birthday party

WBMom · January 2014

It seems too young to be dealing with this but errrr......So last week DD2 (who is 4.5) gets an invite to another childs bday party in mid January. The child is turning 5. It is a sleepover party. The bday girl is super excited about her party; talking about it at school, what they will do, where they will sleep - so now my DD knows it is a sleep over party. My DD is pretty independent but has only slept over at my moms and my sisters house. She has had playdates with this little girl and I have met the mom in passing a couple of times but she is not someone I have socialized with otherwise. They do live only a couple of blocks from me. I am so torn as to what to do - let her sleep over or just let her go to the party portion. WWYD?

jf198400 · January 2014

That seems too young to me to sleep over with non-family. I would let her go to the party but then pick her up before bed. Being a parent means making the unpopular decision sometimes.

VOR · January 2014

beaubecca said:

Since I don't have personal experience I won't give any advice, but those parents must be brave brave souls to have a 5 year old sleepover party!

This is what I was thinking. No way in heck would I have done a sleep over for DSs 5th birthday!

WBMom · January 2014

I think the same thing - she invited the girls from the DC room to the party - I think she is nuts to try it.

massdreams · January 2014

jf198400 said:

That seems too young to me to sleep over with non-family. I would let her go to the party but then pick her up before bed.

I would do this. DS is almost 5, and I know a sleepover at a friend's house could be a big fail and it's not worth the risk to me. I personally think that's really young for a sleepover. I mean, my oldest wasn't fully night time potty trained at 4 1/2! Plus, as a parent, I would never want to be responsible for a bunch of 4 and 5 year old girls over night!

groovygrl · January 2014

I would never host a sleepover for a 5 yr old personally LOL and my kids have no interest in sleepovers (they've sort of said as much to me when the topic comes up, that they wouldn't want to sleep away from us, etc), but if you know the family, they live close by, you know the kids who will be going, and you like all those involved, then I would give it a try if DD really wants to go, knowing that you might get a 10 or 11pm phone call requesting pick up, and telling DD that if she decides at some point that she doesn't want to stay over, it is ok to ask the parent to call you. What are you afraid is going to happen that you would not allow her to attend beyond her getting scared & wanting to go home? It would be less about me 'letting" my kids go if I knew the parents & other kids and more about whether or not they'd actually want to sleep over & could be successful. I know recently an older sibling of a girl in our class had a sleepover bday party and the younger one (4) wanted to have her friends too, so the mom invited 2 younger siblings (also 4) of 2 of the friends to come too and they apparently were all fine & had a blast, no one asked to go home, etc. The moms all know each other pretty well from teh kids being in school together for a number of years though.

jasminelorraine20 · January 2014

Although I wouldn't host a sleepover for 5 year olds, unless it were maybe 2 kids max, I personally would give it a shot. You only live a few blocks and if your DD has a meltdown and wants to come home, you're close enough to get her. As a kid, I think I'd be dissapointed if all the other kids got to spend the night and I was the only one who had to go home. I would have an actual conversation with the other mom though to see what her plans are for the night.

Iblamethebeer · January 2014

Thinking of my own (very independent) 4.5 year old, if the house was only a few blocks away I would let her try it but be very clear with DDand the mom that if she wasn't asleep by __ o'clock (probably 11), or if she got scared/changed her mind before then, to please call me and I would come get her.

emberlee3 · January 2014

If DS (almost 4.5) were invited to a sleepover party at one of his good friends' houses, I would let him give it a shot. Especially if we only lived a few blocks away. He would be really sad if I didn't let him go and his other friends were going. Since he's pretty shy, I would be clear with him ahead of time that he could ask his friend's parents to call me to pick him up at any time if he changed his mind. I'd also ask the parents to call me if he got upset or couldn't sleep. FTR I, too, think 5 is too young for sleepovers, but I would let DS try it if he wanted.

litzo27 · January 2014

I would absolutely not do that. I think 5 is much too young! Although it's probably an unpopular opinion but personally I think even 6 is too young for a "party" sleepover. At that age I would only let LO sleep over at a relative's house or at a family that I'm really really good friends with. I would just take her for the party portion and pick her up before bed.

VitaLuna · January 2014

I wouldn't do it. I wasn't allowed to sleep over until 8 or so. I think it's too young. Definitely let her go and stay until late, though (maybe have the mom call when the girls are going to bed).

groovygrl · January 2014

I'm just curious, I might be missing something, but what is the issue with being 'too young' for a sleepover at someone's home that you know & trust? How is it any different than family and what is it that people think is going to happen at a 5 yr old sleepover that kids are 'too young' for other than getting scared & wanting to come home?

LoCarb · January 2014

Absolutely, I would allow my 4.5 yo to sleepover at a friends. Actually, I do this now. And often I host sleepovers so my other parent friends can have a night out.

It sounds like you know the family well and only live a few minutes away. Take advantage of the 'babysitter' and go out to a nice restaurant!

WBMom · January 2014

If I could have the other 2 go to a "sleepover" at Gramma's I may go out for a nice dinner with DH! My DD2 is definately excited and wants to do it - since we are only a couple of blocks away I have no issues coming to get her if needed at any hour. I think maybe part of me is bc I don't want to see her starting to grow up.

I am always super nervous about the first non family sleepover. I appreciate the input - I know it is a personal decision and based on my own child's maturity level but I was just looking for other's thoughts. Thank you.

mexicolombiana · January 2014

Well I was NEVER allowed to sleep over anywhere growing up (it's totally NOT a Latino thing) and I despised my parents for it. Now I totally understand not wanting to let my kids sleepover places. However, I don't want to be "that mom" who never lets her kids sleep over and I don't want them to hate me like I seriously hated my parents for a while.

I'm not sure how we would handle it, but it would have to be someone I personally knew VERY well, not just the parent of a student she goes to school with, I'd have to have visited the home and I would need to know exactly how many adults (especially male adults) lived there- like uncles, older brothers etc.

Anyway 5 sounds kind of young, but hell, what do I know since I never slept over anywhere. I'm not looking forward to these parenting issues with my girls! Oh and then there's my husband who said they're never sleeping over anywhere EVER. (again, totally not a Latino thing). So we'll see.

*sparky* · January 2014

If you knew the mom well I would be more comfortable with it but since you say you have only met her in passing a couple of times I would be nervous about letting my 4.5 year old sleep over there. We started sleepovers with DS when he was 7 and the first few were only with his BFF's and I knew their parents pretty well. Heck he was invited to a sleepover a few months ago and DH was nervous about it because he does not really know the parents - DS is 8.

Also, do you have any idea how many kids will be there? If there will only be a couple I would feel better than if they are planning on having 6 or 7 four- and five-year-olds overnight. That just seems like a lot to handle, especially if the parents don't know the kids well.

groovygrl · January 2014

mexicolombiana said:

Well I was NEVER allowed to sleep over anywhere growing up (it's totally NOT a Latino thing) and I despised my parents for it. Now I totally understand not wanting to let my kids sleepover places. However, I don't want to be "that mom" who never lets her kids sleep over and I don't want them to hate me like I seriously hated my parents for a while.

I'm not sure how we would handle it, but it would have to be someone I personally knew VERY well, not just the parent of a student she goes to school with, I'd have to have visited the home and I would need to know exactly how many adults (especially male adults) lived there- like uncles, older brothers etc.

Anyway 5 sounds kind of young, but hell, what do I know since I never slept over anywhere. I'm not looking forward to these parenting issues with my girls! Oh and then there's my husband who said they're never sleeping over anywhere EVER. (again, totally not a Latino thing). So we'll see.

Interesting my BFF in h.s. was also Latina and she was never allowed to sleep at my house and I found out later it was b/c I had an older brother... I get that type of concern but at the same time feel like we need to coach our kids (boys & girls) about appropriate behavior & red flags. So actually, I think I'd be way more concerned about pre-teen & teenaged sleepovers than 5 yr olds (I have vivid memories of a 6th grade sleepover that involved that passing out game & some girls stealing teeny sips from little airplane bottles of booze)- the parents are probably keeping a much closer eye on them than they would older girls! But I agree at a young age I'd have to know the parents/environment pretty well & be comfortable regardless.

NicoleWI · January 2014

I think that's way too young and I can't believe they are throwing that kind of party. Then again, my almost-five year old is my oldest and maybe it would be different if she were the youngest? Anyway, I bet all the parents are really wondering what to do. Personally, I would have my DD go to the party part and then come home before bed, but I know that would be best for her and what she would want anyway. Maybe your DD can handle it fine. I just think it's super, super weird to throw a sleepover party for five year olds!! We've only been to bowling, pottery painting, and the play place, for 2 to 3 hour parties.

dglvrk2 · January 2014

mexicolombiana said:

Well I was NEVER allowed to sleep over anywhere growing up (it's totally NOT a Latino thing) and I despised my parents for it. Now I totally understand not wanting to let my kids sleepover places. However, I don't want to be "that mom" who never lets her kids sleep over and I don't want them to hate me like I seriously hated my parents for a while.

I'm not sure how we would handle it, but it would have to be someone I personally knew VERY well, not just the parent of a student she goes to school with, I'd have to have visited the home and I would need to know exactly how many adults (especially male adults) lived there- like uncles, older brothers etc.

Anyway 5 sounds kind of young, but hell, what do I know since I never slept over anywhere. I'm not looking forward to these parenting issues with my girls! Oh and then there's my husband who said they're never sleeping over anywhere EVER. (again, totally not a Latino thing). So we'll see.

I agree with the part about not knowing the family very well. I would want to visit the home and meet any adults who would be there. After that, I'd go with my gut feeling. You seem pretty confident. Good Luck!

mexicolombiana · January 2014

groovygrl said:

mexicolombiana said:

Well I was NEVER allowed to sleep over anywhere growing up (it's totally NOT a Latino thing) and I despised my parents for it. Now I totally understand not wanting to let my kids sleepover places. However, I don't want to be "that mom" who never lets her kids sleep over and I don't want them to hate me like I seriously hated my parents for a while.

I'm not sure how we would handle it, but it would have to be someone I personally knew VERY well, not just the parent of a student she goes to school with, I'd have to have visited the home and I would need to know exactly how many adults (especially male adults) lived there- like uncles, older brothers etc.

Anyway 5 sounds kind of young, but hell, what do I know since I never slept over anywhere. I'm not looking forward to these parenting issues with my girls! Oh and then there's my husband who said they're never sleeping over anywhere EVER. (again, totally not a Latino thing). So we'll see.

Interesting my BFF in h.s. was also Latina and she was never allowed to sleep at my house and I found out later it was b/c I had an older brother... I get that type of concern but at the same time feel like we need to coach our kids (boys & girls) about appropriate behavior & red flags. So actually, I think I'd be way more concerned about pre-teen & teenaged sleepovers than 5 yr olds (I have vivid memories of a 6th grade sleepover that involved that passing out game & some girls stealing teeny sips from little airplane bottles of booze)- the parents are probably keeping a much closer eye on them than they would older girls! But I agree at a young age I'd have to know the parents/environment pretty well & be comfortable regardless.

Yeah I can imagine even more concerns at the pre-teen age! Ugh I'm SO not looking forward to this.

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