July 2014 Moms

Bridesmaid at 38 weeks?

My SIL (who is also my BFF) is getting married June 29th and asked me to be a bridesmaid.  The day before I turn 38 weeks pregnant.  I'm due July 14th.  This is my second child and I've always heard that it is more likely to go into labor earlier with your second.  With DD they induced me at 39w3d & I wouldn't dilate so I ended up having a c-section at 39w6d.  Both of my SILs had their children at 38 weeks, their first babies.  They are much more petite than I am if that matters.  With my DD I was a bridesmaid at 34 weeks and other than swollen feet it was NBD.  Would you agree to be a bridesmaid that far along?
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Re: Bridesmaid at 38 weeks?

  • No, I wouldn't.  I barely want to stand for the entire ceremony when not pregnant, I can't imagine doing it that far along, if you even make it there.  I think I'd offer to do a reading if anything, with a backup in place in case you go into labor early.
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  • I wouldn't plan on doing it. I would thank her, tell her how honored I was to be asked and offer to help her in some other way.
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  • Nope, I wouldn't do it.
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  • I was supposed to be n a wedding at 38 weeks as well and backed out. No way I'd want to stand up in front of a bunch of people in a bright red tent (dress). I'll likely go past my due date but still didn't want to risk it or to be super uncomfortable.
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  • I guess I'll be the dissenting vote. I'd do it, I think. But, I'd also talk to her before accepting so that she understands that while you're saying yes right now, you reserve the right to change your mind or back out. 


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  • I would be wary only because those dresses are expensive and there's a chance you could go into labor by that point. Unless it's a catholic mass or you're on bedrest, the standing for the ceremony part shouldn't be that big of a deal.

      
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  • pantherRN said:
    I guess I'll be the dissenting vote. I'd do it, I think. But, I'd also talk to her before accepting so that she understands that while you're saying yes right now, you reserve the right to change your mind or back out. 
    This is where I'm at too.  You already said she's your BFF.  I'd try my damnedest to be in my BFF's wedding, but I'd also make sure it was understood that (of course) you may not be able to be there.
  • No I wouldn't, you can't know if you'll be in labor or not plus you'll probably not feel like being up standing in front of so many people. I'd be involved in stuff leading up to wedding as much as possible but wouldn't agree to be a bridesmaid.
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  • OMG I am in the exact same boat!

    I am due July 1, but a friend has asked me to be her bridesmaid at her wedding June 21… 

    Here's the other complication… I live in the UK and she's getting married in California. I'm pretty sure there's no way I can even be at the wedding because it is a week and a half before I am due!!! 

    And she's knows I am pregnant and knows when I am due, but I haven't actually said to her yet, I really don't think I can be there. I guess I am still holding onto hope that it will work out, but I just don't see how???
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  • OMG I am in the exact same boat!


    I am due July 1, but a friend has asked me to be her bridesmaid at her wedding June 21… 

    Here's the other complication… I live in the UK and she's getting married in California. I'm pretty sure there's no way I can even be at the wedding because it is a week and a half before I am due!!! 

    And she's knows I am pregnant and knows when I am due, but I haven't actually said to her yet, I really don't think I can be there. I guess I am still holding onto hope that it will work out, but I just don't see how???
    There would be a chance your child was born in the US, not the UK if you travelled that close to your due date. Would that bother you? Many OBs will not allow you to fly during 3rd trimester anyways. I believe airlines can refuse to allow you to fly as well if you are pregnant and in your 3rd trimester.

  • I would ONLY if it was my BFF. I would also only do it if she understood and was completely ok with you possibly not being there.
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  • I was early with my first, so I'd be more nervous about going even earlier this time around. I'm going to be the maid of honor in my bff's wedding at 8 months pregnant and I know it's going to be a looong day. Would she be ok with you backing out if you had to?
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  • Maybe it's just me, but I would rather know sooner rather than later if someone was going to drop out of being in the wedding party for whatever reason.

    It sounds good in theory to agree now and drop out later, but if you know going in that there is a relatively high chance you are going to back out, why not just say no from the start and save yourself (and the bride) some stress?

    Do you set a deadline with the bride of when you could back out? OP circumstances seem to be pretty specific to the end of the pregnancy when she won't know pretty much until the day of.
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  • I wouldn't since DD was born at 36 weeks and I doubt my ability to make it to full term this time.  If she's ok with you backing out if necessary you could try.  I would ask to get a different dress that you can get just before the wedding so you don't waste a bunch of money if you end up not being able to do it.

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  • For my SIL/BFF yes I would! As long as no traveling was involved. I'm a bridesmaid in October for my brother's wedding and my soon to be SIL understands that I will have to miss her bachelorette trip and shower due to my being too pregnant to travel. I will also have to order my dress a couple of sizes up and bring a 3 month old to the wedding but my SIL understands. I would do it if I could :) as long as she understands you can't make ANY promises lol
  • I would offer to do a reading instead or be involved in some other way.  My sister was only 30 weeks or so for my wedding but chose to do a reading instead and it worked out really well. 

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  • My BFF was in our other BFF's wedding at 39 weeks.  She was due 3 days after the wedding!  She got the dress and everything and said unless she was in labor she would be there.  She was huge but it all worked out.

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  • OMG I am in the exact same boat!


    I am due July 1, but a friend has asked me to be her bridesmaid at her wedding June 21… 

    Here's the other complication… I live in the UK and she's getting married in California. I'm pretty sure there's no way I can even be at the wedding because it is a week and a half before I am due!!! 

    And she's knows I am pregnant and knows when I am due, but I haven't actually said to her yet, I really don't think I can be there. I guess I am still holding onto hope that it will work out, but I just don't see how???
    I'm fairly certain that most airlines won't even let you on the plane when you're that pregnant, without a note from your doctor. And I can't think of a single doctor that would tell you it's ok to take a long flight that close to your due date :(
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  • No. 38 weeks puts you in the any day you could go into labor category, or if god forbid something happens and end up being induced or going into labor sooner than 38 weeks you would have all the after birth stuff to worry about. One pp recommended making sure she understands you may not be able to stand and if she is cool with that then go with that plan.
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  • I'm in the same boat too! In SIL's wedding at 38 weeks. I just honestly asked her thoughts and she said she would love for me to still plan on it for now if I'm ok with it.

    The way I see it - if I feel fine, great. If I don't, or have the baby early, I'll back out. Bride doesn't care if there are even numbers of groomsmen, etc. so it really shouldn't make a big difference. (I'm also lucky the wedding is right down the street).

    Worst case I waste the cash on a huge dress. Best case I get to be part of her big day!

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  • Thank you all for your great responses!  I will talk to her and see what she thinks.  I'm pretty sure she will be understanding.
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  • My SIL is getting married June 28th...I'm due July 1st ;o) We've both decided that there's no reason to stress out about it. I'm going to be a bridesmaid as long as I'm physically able, and if not I'll be there in spirit, but I've gotta try!
  • I had DD at 37wk1d. Totally came on her own that early - no induction or complications or anything.

    I agree with the others to talk to her about it and make sure she understands there is a real chance you won't be able to participate if baby comes early.
  • AMcLawsandyandrachelashleysyn2

    Yeah I looked it up awhile ago and I think if you are within a couple weeks of your due date you have to have a note from your doctor… the only thing would be to fly over in early June and then plan on having the baby in California, which wouldn't be horrible, that's where all our family is, but I don't have insurance over there anymore, and that's a whole other issue. And I feel like if all my medical stuff is going to be here and my midwife, it's not a great idea to switch to the other side of the world last minute….

    So basically I need to come out and really make it clear to her that it's not going to happen. I'm really sad! I've never been a bridesmaid before and I really wanted to be a part of her wedding (although at this point I'd settle for being AT her wedding, but that's not going to happen!)
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  • My best friend is getting married July 19th, 11 days before my due date. Since this is my first, I told her we'd play it by ear. I'm buying the dress and planning on doing as much as my body is comfortable doing. We live in a beach town, so the weather won't be harsh. She is the most laid back bride and is supportive of whatever happens. Maybe talk to SIL and ask her if you can see how things progress? Good luck!
  • I was in a similar situation with DS. I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding at 34 weeks. I bought the dress and had taken it to be altered. I ended up being put on bedrest at 33 weeks (the Monday night before her Saturday wedding). She was heart broken, but I never considered that there would be any issues for me not to be able to be in the wedding. It really sucked because my husband was also in the wedding party. That meant major bucks that we had to shell out for a dress that I never wore and a tux that he had to return at the end of the event. I was able to give her my hair appointment since I had booked with the person that she wanted to use. But the worst part was that it really hurt her feelings. I don't think she ever really got over it (even though it wasn't my fault). She won't really have much to do with me now. :(

    I would rather have a discussion with someone up front and try to take a less important role in the wedding if I could, in case you aren't able to be there. That way there wouldn't be such hard feelings or wasted money involved.
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  • I played piano for a friend's wedding and her SIL was super pregnant. I'm not sure how many weeks along she was, but they had a chair for her on the stage and she sat during the ceremony. I thought it was really nice! I'm sure your BFF will be accommodating to you, and that she'll understand if you are unable to participate at the last minute due to health!

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  • I talked to her and she seems fine with whatever happens.  Also, I forgot this part, another one of her bridesmaids is due 6 days after me so she will be 37 weeks.  AND both my husband and her fiance are groomsmen.  My SIL apparently hadn't thought about this until I said something tonight.
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  • My sister was actually due on my wedding day - so we obviously realized she could not be in the wedding. She was there however and did a lot of other things to be a "part" of the day - she organized (and paid for) breakfast and lunch for me and the bridesmaids and organized a ton of stuff for me prior to the wedding. You shouldn't do it, IMO
  • I was in my friends wedding and her super preggo sister was the MOH. It was a Catholic mass and we were supposed to stand but a few minutes into the standing, her sis had to go sit down. I'm pretty sure everyone spent the rest of the ceremony sneaking peeks at the sister to see if she went into labor. So in my opinion, I think it took away from the brides day.

    I like the idea if being an honorary and just not doing the standing part. If it were my bestie, I'd put the money out for the tent dress, do the walk down the aisle, grab a seat with the parents and stay put. If you are feeling great, make sure to bust a move at the reception. :)
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  • I'm in the exact same boat as well!  Best friend is getting married on June 28th, I'm due July 20th, and am MOH.  

    From past pregnancy I know, that I can handle it. I walked 4 miles every day up until the day before my son was born (missing a few here or there for painful hips, but chiro took care of that).  Third trimester was my favorite though, which obviously isn't always the case for every woman!  I know there is a risk we'll have this one early, my son came a week early too, but she knows this and is good with it.  
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  • I have a similar situation. I was asked before we found out about the baby to be the only attendant to my friend Tessa in mid May. That will put me around 35 weeks. Honestly I was thinking about asking her if she wanted to ask someone else but thought it might be rude...thoughts?
  • My sister was actually due on my wedding day - so we obviously realized she could not be in the wedding. She was there however and did a lot of other things to be a "part" of the day - she organized (and paid for) breakfast and lunch for me and the bridesmaids and organized a ton of stuff for me prior to the wedding. You shouldn't do it, IMO
    What a great idea! I think doing all that smaller stuff to make the day special is more appropriate. I mean yeah now the bride says it's no sweat but come on if you call her 3 days before the wedding any bride would be a little stressed about what that means changes wise--# of plates, head table set up, bouquets, etc (there really is a lot that goes into planning a wedding and even an understanding laid back bride would get stressed) 
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  • I have a similar situation. I was asked before we found out about the baby to be the only attendant to my friend Tessa in mid May. That will put me around 35 weeks. Honestly I was thinking about asking her if she wanted to ask someone else but thought it might be rude...thoughts?
    I would just put it out there that there should be no issue (i'm assuming no big travel) but that you'd understand that with this new development  if she'd rather ask someone else. 
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  • biglewzerbiglewzer member
    edited January 2014
    I would agree, I really don't think they're going to be super pissed off if you happen to have a baby and are unable to attend. They have children of their own. It's pretty understandable. 

    ETA: I didn't read the rest of the posts....NO. 
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  • I was asked to be in our close friends' wedding ON my due date a few weeks before finding out I was pregnant. Once I found out my due date was on their wedding day, I let them know and the decision was up to me. I had no problem the day of the wedding, other than we live in south GA and the wedding was at the end of May, outside in the late afternoon, and the A/C at the venue was out all weekend. They put me on the end of the line-up during the ceremony just in case I needed to make a quick exit. I enjoyed being in the wedding, but I also didn't deliver DS for another 11 days after the wedding/my due date.
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