Job Offer but was Planning on SAHM

Abs211981 · January 2014

To make a long story short I just received a job offer for what sounds like a great job. I didn't apply for it, but rather got a call to see if I was interested and went in to interview just to see what it was all about. Unbelievable salary, great benefits and I think I'd really enjoy it. 3 months maternity leave. Good vacation. Not sure how flexible the hours are though. Asked about it being part time for a few years but they said no. They also made it very, very clear in the interview that they want this person to be at the company long term. That they would be investing a lot in the person and would hate to see that person leave after only 3-4 years.

This sounds great, but for the past few years my husband and I had planned on me being a SAHM and now we are fixing to start TTC next month. Exactly when the new job would begin. Do I want to hop into a new full time job *right* when we start a family? I work part time right now so it would be a big change.

I know this varies so much person to person, but if you could choose between working full time outside of the home or being a SAHM which would you choose? (taking the financial aspect out of it)

I know opinions vary....my MIL was a SAHM and told me to take the job. That she would have coped better emotionally if she had worked outside the home because the marriage became "very 50's" and she resented her husband a lot because of it. She also mentioned that it was hard for her husband to grasp just how much she put up with all day, as he held the view that she basically sat at home and had the perfect life.

My mom on the other hand worked FT and has always said that she resented my dad for "making" her work when all she wanted to do was be at home with the kids. She said if I have an opportunity to stay at home and it not affect us financially to do it.

Pro/cons of working full time? I'm also posting this on the SAHM board to get other views too.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! I know you guys can't tell me what is best for me and my family, but I'd love to get as much feedback as I can before making this decision.

cedenton · January 2014

It sounds like you're in a unique opportunity where you can do either. It's a lot easier to quit a job than to get a job, especially one that sounds as great as the one you're describing. I would take the job, enjoy your 3 months of paid maternity leave (I assume it's paid) and re-evaluate afterwards. You may find that you want to go back to work OR they may decide that you've been such an asset that they may reconsider part-time. If you decide to SAH, then you can make that choice.

I personally could not be a SAHM. I need the me time of my job. I am a better mom when I have time to miss my son.

massdreams · January 2014

If I were you I would take it. As of right now, you don't have kids and are not pregnant. You don't know how long it will take you to get pregnant. It could still be a couple of years until a baby comes along. It took me longer than I thought, and I was young and healthy. Plus, while they want someone for the long term, life happens. You would still have the choice to leave and stay home. Plus, you never know what could change in a couple of years. Maybe they like you and are willing to work out a part time deal in a couple of years when you have kids. Maybe you love the job and change your mind about SAHM. It's so hard to see that far into the future. Plus, you could build up some extra savings if the salary is higher to have a bigger emergency fund when you do stay home.

The only question is if you work part time now, regardless of kids, would you want to work full time?

Some days I wish I could be a SAHM, some days I'm happy to work. Staying at home is not an option for me. Even if it were financially (let's say DH earned 4 times what he does), I would be nervous. For me, I want to be able to provide for my children even if something were to happen to DH. I don't want to be completely financially dependent on someone. I take pride in providing for my family, so in the end, I would probably choose work. Although part time wouldn't be bad

ccam · January 2014

In your position right now, I would take the job. You have no idea how long it will take to start a family and you might want to work after having a child. After starting a family, you could always re-evaluate.

Right now, I work because I have to. If I could take the financial aspect out of it, I'd find a part time job doing something I enjoy. Being a SAHM is not easy and I think after a while, I'd need to work for myself and I also think it's good for DS to be in daycare.

82Sonia · January 2014

Take the job. You have no idea how long it will take to get pregnant. Plus, you might very well change your mind about wanting to stay home in the future.

And of course they want a long-term employee. No company wants to invest time and resources into someone who is going to leave right away. That doesn't mean you have to work there forever. You can always quit.

Fullcircle06 · January 2014

I agree w/the others. I would probably take the job. It sounds like a great opportunity. You don't know how long it could take you to get pregnant, but even if you started trying and got pregnant right away, you'd still have great benefits for prenatal care and a good Maternity Leave package. As someone mentioned, you could have a baby, come back and reevaluate, and maybe even come back part time or work from home a day or something (just throwing that out there - not sure if those would be possible options for you or not). But, yeah, I'd say it's totally worth it and go for it.

mommymegan831 · January 2014

I wasn't going to comment because this is such a personal choice that really only you can make, but pps did make a great point about who knows how long it will take to get pregnant. I work with a young, healthy woman who has been trying since last November with no luck.

I understand they told you they're looking for someone long term, but at the end of the day you really need to do what works for you. It might not feel right leaving after a year or two, but if there's no contract nothing is holding you there.

Abs211981 · January 2014

beaubecca said:

oops I didn't realize you don't have any kids yet. I thought you did and were going to start trying for another. If you are currently childless I'd take the job no question!

My family all were SAHMs and pushed me to SAH too. I always thought I would but after 8 weeks of maternity leave I was SO READY to go back. You don't know how you will feel after you have a family so if you want the job there's no harm at all in taking it.

Very true. I could always continue working part time for family if I wanted (that's what I'm doing now), but I don't know if another opportunity like this would come along.

Although every time I come to that conclusion I get a little sick about jumping into something like this right before we start a family :-/

Abs211981 · January 2014

Estwd2 said:

I agree - take the job. That said, if you leave right after maternity leave, be prepared to burn some bridges. IME, if a company goes out of it's way to talk about long-term employment, that tells me they've been burned before (in their opinion at least) and might not take your resignation graciously.

This is my main concern. It could take us 3 years but I could also get pregnant right away. And considering I've already resigned from one job after 3 months (boss was beginning to develop dementia and was verbally abusive bc of forgetting things...long, very sad story), i don't want to earn the reputation in my *very* small town of the girl who starts a job only to quit.

I work part time for family now and can always continue that after having kids.

But my luck I would pass this up and then it would take us those three years to get pregnant. Or I take it and get pregnant right away and then decide I really want to stay home.

Iblamethebeer · January 2014

I think previous posters have made some good points (ESPECIALLY the fact that for all you know you won't be a mother for 5 more years, or maybe never), but I'll play devil's advocate:

In my experience, it is more likely that after actually having kids you will want to work less than you expected you would want to work. So if you're already thinking SAH or part-time is your ideal, you're *probably* going to end up leaving this position. The fact that you currently work part-time without kids (and don't feel like you're going stir-crazy) makes it even less likely that you'll enoy the pace of life of having kids and working full time. I think you kind of have to be a person who enjoys the adreneline rush of a packed schedule and a never-ending to-do list in order to feel comfortable in that role.

I would seriously consider your long term career goals and the nature of your industry -- how concerned should you be about burning bridges? How likely are you to find an awesome part time job that's a better fit for you?

For me (few employers in my area in my specialty, and word gets around) taking a job where they specifically said they were looking for a "lifer" and part-time was not an option, then getting pregnant 6 months in, then after another year or two saying that I needed to quit to SAH unless they could reconsider the part-time thing, might really damage my credibility. If I wanted to interview in my industry again 5 or 10 years later, I would have hurt my chances.

JessAnnJ · January 2014

Is it possible that you do not want a full time job or that you are scared of starting a new job (maybe because of your recent bad experience) even if you remove having kids from the senerio? Your comment about it making you feel sick just thinking about jumping into it while you are TTC made me wonder if that might be a possibility.

Otherwise I agree with PPs. If it's something you want to do and the only reason you are hesitating is because you are not sure how you will feel after you have kids then I say take the job for the reasons listed by PPs.

Edit to add - if money weren't an issue I would probably work part time.

groovygrl · January 2014

I'd vote to take it- life sometimes throw curveballs, you wouldn't want to regret not taking it. The only bad thing that can come of taking it is that you quit after 1 year there but really how bad is that, if you do a great job during your year there, there won't be that much backlash if you leave b/c of having a child.

rcbuko · January 2014

I would take the job. As others pointed out, it is a lot easier to quit than to get another great job. I have never been an extended SAHM but did enjoy 4 1/2 months at home with my first and then 9 months at home when pregnant and then after my second child was born. Being a SAHM is NOT easy. Working full time and come home to be a full time mom in the evenings is also NOT easy. That said, it is nice going to work where you get to eat using two hands and where you get to enjoy your coffee while it is still hot. There is nothing like walking in the door at the end of the day to delighted children yelling your name because they are so excited to hear you.

My ideal would be to work less hours but to still work at some capacity outside of the home. Unfortunately, my career does not allow for part time at all. Perhaps this job could relent on the part time aspect at some point or perhaps they would allow you to work from home occasionally thereby at least eliminating your commute time for that day.

I also second the motion that you may not become a mother as easily as planned. I have no problem getting pregnant but do have problems staying pregnant. From start to finish, it took us 2 1/2 years to have our first child. We have been very successful since and I am now pregnant with our fourth but suffered an additional two losses during that time. I guess I can also be a testament that having three children is feasible while also working full time and beyond (often work 55-60 hour weeks). We do have flexible help and my husband is an equal partner in childcare. I won't say that it is possible to "have it all" because I think some aspects always suffer to some point, but you can get close.

Good luck in your decision!

Abs211981 · January 2014

Iblamethebeer said:

I think previous posters have made some good points (ESPECIALLY the fact that for all you know you won't be a mother for 5 more years, or maybe never), but I'll play devil's advocate:
In my experience, it is more likely that after actually having kids you will want to work less than you expected you would want to work. So if you're already thinking SAH or part-time is your ideal, you're *probably* going to end up leaving this position. The fact that you currently work part-time without kids (and don't feel like you're going stir-crazy) makes it even less likely that you'll enoy the pace of life of having kids and working full time. I think you kind of have to be a person who enjoys the adreneline rush of a packed schedule and a never-ending to-do list in order to feel comfortable in that role.
I would seriously consider your long term career goals and the nature of your industry -- how concerned should you be about burning bridges? How likely are you to find an awesome part time job that's a better fit for you?
For me (few employers in my area in my specialty, and word gets around) taking a job where they specifically said they were looking for a "lifer" and part-time was not an option, then getting pregnant 6 months in, then after another year or two saying that I needed to quit to SAH unless they could reconsider the part-time thing, might really damage my credibility. If I wanted to interview in my industry again 5 or 10 years later, I would have hurt my chances.

You have literally put into words all of my fears. I did the whole work yourself to death thing a few years ago before I was married...work 7 days/week and never have free time, but moved up the ladder super fast. I work part time, but still fill probably 40 hours a week because I am very heavily involved in the community. i.e. I sit on 5 boards and volunteer for them and an additional 2 organizations. I probably volunteer about 15 hours/week, so I'm definitely never sitting.

On one hand I remember how fulfilling that crazy schedule was. But on the other hand, this is a HUGE 180 from the "plan" we've always had in place. That and this is a super small town and I'm worried that I might burn bridges since they've made it clear during all three interviews that they're really looking for someone long term. That and that this job could never go part time, but would rather transition from the manager's role up into the director's role above it since that person is retiring.

It's so tempting. Would I love it? Definitely. Would I love it with 2 kids and still keeping up all of my board involvement? Not sure.

Ugh. I so wish that somehow the answer would just magically appear in bright, flashing lights. I would have snatched this job right up several years ago, but when it's offered literally weeks before we have planned to TTC it's a different story.

Thank you again for your thoughts. I know the initial reaction is "why the heck would you not take it?", but there are other factors.

jf198400 · January 2014

I was recently making a similar decision. We have 2 children and would like to TTC number 3. My company was suddenly and unexpectedly sold in August. The merger went very badly for us and lots of people were leaving. I was faced with the decision of stay put and TTC or find a new job. I am hoping to SAH after our next child, so I was nervous about changing jobs and only staying for a year or so (especially b/c I was only at my last job for a year). The ladies on this board encouraged me to take TTC out of my decision, and do what is best for my family right now. I found a new better job closer to home and started here in November. DH and I plan to start TTC next month so I will be eligible for Fmla when baby arrives. I will most likely stay home but I am going to see if they would be open to a PT arrangement. Even if I do leave and burn my bridges here, at least I am getting a good year or so here rather than a miserable year where I was before. The fact that you can always go back to your current PT job, makes it pretty much a no brainer that you should take this job opportunity now.

On the note about seeing your family more if you SAH I wanted to comment. I live 5mins from my ILs and 30mins from my parents. Now granted my MIL still works FT and my mom does not work, but I see my mom at least once a week. She watched both of my kids as babies. Now she regularly helps out if they are sick or daycare is closed. She is over all the time. Im sure if she was the one down the street I would see her everyday vs seeing my ILs like once every other week, but regardless the half hour drive is not a big deal. I wouldn't let something small like that influence your decision whether to SAH.

Abs211981 · January 2014

rcbuko said:

I would take the job. As others pointed out, it is a lot easier to quit than to get another great job. I have never been an extended SAHM but did enjoy 4 1/2 months at home with my first and then 9 months at home when pregnant and then after my second child was born. Being a SAHM is NOT easy. Working full time and come home to be a full time mom in the evenings is also NOT easy. That said, it is nice going to work where you get to eat using two hands and where you get to enjoy your coffee while it is still hot. There is nothing like walking in the door at the end of the day to delighted children yelling your name because they are so excited to hear you.
My ideal would be to work less hours but to still work at some capacity outside of the home. Unfortunately, my career does not allow for part time at all. Perhaps this job could relent on the part time aspect at some point or perhaps they would allow you to work from home occasionally thereby at least eliminating your commute time for that day.
I also second the motion that you may not become a mother as easily as planned. I have no problem getting pregnant but do have problems staying pregnant. From start to finish, it took us 2 1/2 years to have our first child. We have been very successful since and I am now pregnant with our fourth but suffered an additional two losses during that time. I guess I can also be a testament that having three children is feasible while also working full time and beyond (often work 55-60 hour weeks). We do have flexible help and my husband is an equal partner in childcare. I won't say that it is possible to "have it all" because I think some aspects always suffer to some point, but you can get close.
Good luck in your decision!

Holy smokes if there was any possibility I thought they would let me do this down the road I would be all over it. Not sure if I've already mentioned it, but they already said it could never go to part time or work from home because of the nature of the job. The girl who's leaving has been there for 7 years and quit when they wouldn't let her do this and she welcome her 3rd baby.

If only it could then it would be a yes 10 times over.

brandy4nicole · January 2014

I wouldn't take it, because it sounds like you enjoy working pt. That will likely be even more so after baby comes. I've always had trouble leaving jobs, and you seem to feel the same way. You also have enough doubts that it might be best to pass on this one. Good luck in whatever you decide!

groovygrl · January 2014

Abs211981 said:

You have literally put into words all of my fears. I did the whole work yourself to death thing a few years ago before I was married...work 7 days/week and never have free time, but moved up the ladder super fast. I work part time, but still fill probably 40 hours a week because I am very heavily involved in the community. i.e. I sit on 5 boards and volunteer for them and an additional 2 organizations. I probably volunteer about 15 hours/week, so I'm definitely never sitting.

On one hand I remember how fulfilling that crazy schedule was. But on the other hand, this is a HUGE 180 from the "plan" we've always had in place. That and this is a super small town and I'm worried that I might burn bridges since they've made it clear during all three interviews that they're really looking for someone long term. That and that this job could never go part time, but would rather transition from the manager's role up into the director's role above it since that person is retiring.

It's so tempting. Would I love it? Definitely. Would I love it with 2 kids and still keeping up all of my board involvement? Not sure.

Ugh. I so wish that somehow the answer would just magically appear in bright, flashing lights. I would have snatched this job right up several years ago, but when it's offered literally weeks before we have planned to TTC it's a different story.

Thank you again for your thoughts. I know the initial reaction is "why the heck would you not take it?", but there are other factors.

This changes things for me, and I'm one of those people who took several years to get pregnant so I lean toward not making decisions based on an assumption you'll get pg quickly and I also was a fan of "Lean In" and all the concepts behind it about not taking a step back BEFORE getting pregnant/having a family.

However, w/ all these commitments, something will have to give here at some point. If you expect to do the same level of community service you are now, add in 40 hrs per week paid work when you're used to 20-25 hrs, that will be a tough adjustment to start with, IMO, but doable assuming it won't strain your personal life... but then while pregnant even harder and then when you have a baby, I would say you wouldn't be able to do all of this in the way you want or are used to and either the job or the volunteering will have to decrease or be eliminated, at least temporarily (which isn't always a bad thing, it happens to the best of us but I know it is hard to envision before you're at that point). So, since you sound pretty happy where you are now, and if it is an industry/company/influence in your field that will be really pissed off if/when you leave after only a year or so or may affect your future career options, I would reconsider taking it and if you decline and they ask why, be honest about your concerns. If they really want you maybe they'd make concessions. If they can't, then maybe it isn't meant to be, and maybe you can revisit in a few years when priorities are likely to change/shift. The other alternative would be being open to cutting back on your community work. I know when my kids arrived I just couldn't fit in the volunteering anymore aside from an occasional meeting and that was ok with me, but since you're clearly very committed to a number of organizations, that type of work might give you more flexibility and options than a regular paid job, while still staying active & involved--- assuming you can afford to get childcare so you can do those things.

It's a tough one. GL.

Abs211981 · January 2014

groovygrl said:

Abs211981 said:

You have literally put into words all of my fears. I did the whole work yourself to death thing a few years ago before I was married...work 7 days/week and never have free time, but moved up the ladder super fast. I work part time, but still fill probably 40 hours a week because I am very heavily involved in the community. i.e. I sit on 5 boards and volunteer for them and an additional 2 organizations. I probably volunteer about 15 hours/week, so I'm definitely never sitting.

On one hand I remember how fulfilling that crazy schedule was. But on the other hand, this is a HUGE 180 from the "plan" we've always had in place. That and this is a super small town and I'm worried that I might burn bridges since they've made it clear during all three interviews that they're really looking for someone long term. That and that this job could never go part time, but would rather transition from the manager's role up into the director's role above it since that person is retiring.

It's so tempting. Would I love it? Definitely. Would I love it with 2 kids and still keeping up all of my board involvement? Not sure.

Ugh. I so wish that somehow the answer would just magically appear in bright, flashing lights. I would have snatched this job right up several years ago, but when it's offered literally weeks before we have planned to TTC it's a different story.

Thank you again for your thoughts. I know the initial reaction is "why the heck would you not take it?", but there are other factors.

This changes things for me, and I'm one of those people who took several years to get pregnant so I lean toward not making decisions based on an assumption you'll get pg quickly and I also was a fan of "Lean In" and all the concepts behind it about not taking a step back BEFORE getting pregnant/having a family.

However, w/ all these commitments, something will have to give here at some point. If you expect to do the same level of community service you are now, add in 40 hrs per week paid work when you're used to 20-25 hrs, that will be a tough adjustment to start with, IMO, but doable assuming it won't strain your personal life... but then while pregnant even harder and then when you have a baby, I would say you wouldn't be able to do all of this in the way you want or are used to and either the job or the volunteering will have to decrease or be eliminated, at least temporarily (which isn't always a bad thing, it happens to the best of us but I know it is hard to envision before you're at that point). So, since you sound pretty happy where you are now, and if it is an industry/company/influence in your field that will be really pissed off if/when you leave after only a year or so or may affect your future career options, I would reconsider taking it and if you decline and they ask why, be honest about your concerns. If they really want you maybe they'd make concessions. If they can't, then maybe it isn't meant to be, and maybe you can revisit in a few years when priorities are likely to change/shift. The other alternative would be being open to cutting back on your community work. I know when my kids arrived I just couldn't fit in the volunteering anymore aside from an occasional meeting and that was ok with me, but since you're clearly very committed to a number of organizations, that type of work might give you more flexibility and options than a regular paid job, while still staying active & involved--- assuming you can afford to get childcare so you can do those things.

It's a tough one. GL.

Yeah, the volunteer work (as much as I love it) would end up getting cut. Although right now the volunteer work plays a huge role in filling up my week so I'm not just sitting at home twiddling my fingers when not work. It's very fulfilling, but if I have to choose between more time with the kids after work and volunteering, the volunteering will go.

And as for burning bridges that's a whole other issue. I know that no job is forever, life happens, things change, you take and leave jobs, etc. But I live in a really, really small town and I just feel like I'm going to feel immense pressure to stay at this job down the road even if I decide to leave. My FIL knows the guy well and even mentioned that it won't look good if I go in knowing they want someone long term (and have made that very clear) and I quit because I decide to be a SAHM.

APendola · January 2014

I think if you are not pregnant yet and you want this job, then there is no reason not to take it. You'll probably be able to put in a good year of work there before taking mat-leave and then you can re-evaluate after returning to work. If it's not working for you, you can leave the position.

For me, I work for several reasons:

-Our budget would be very tight on one salary.

-I value my independence which includes having my own salary, bank account, credit card etc...I know it is a negative way of thinking, but if DH and I ever divorced, I know that I can take care of myself financially.

-Where I live, we get a year of maternity leave, so I was able to have that precious time with my little one and still return to my job. If I had a shorter mat leave, I might have considered taking some time off or working part-time if it was an option.

-I like having adult time out of the house

-I want to stay current in the job market. While it would be nice to stay home for a few years, the gap in my resume would make it hard to return down the road.

laurakaz13 · January 2014

Abs211981 said:

To make a long story short I just received a job offer for what sounds like a great job. I didn't apply for it, but rather got a call to see if I was interested and went in to interview just to see what it was all about. Unbelievable salary, great benefits and I think I'd really enjoy it. 3 months maternity leave. Good vacation. Not sure how flexible the hours are though. Asked about it being part time for a few years but they said no. They also made it very, very clear in the interview that they want this person to be at the company long term. That they would be investing a lot in the person and would hate to see that person leave after only 3-4 years.

This sounds great, but for the past few years my husband and I had planned on me being a SAHM and now we are fixing to start TTC next month. Exactly when the new job would begin. Do I want to hop into a new full time job *right* when we start a family? I work part time right now so it would be a big change.

I know this varies so much person to person, but if you could choose between working full time outside of the home or being a SAHM which would you choose? (taking the financial aspect out of it)

I know opinions vary....my MIL was a SAHM and told me to take the job. That she would have coped better emotionally if she had worked outside the home because the marriage became "very 50's" and she resented her husband a lot because of it. She also mentioned that it was hard for her husband to grasp just how much she put up with all day, as he held the view that she basically sat at home and had the perfect life.

My mom on the other hand worked FT and has always said that she resented my dad for "making" her work when all she wanted to do was be at home with the kids. She said if I have an opportunity to stay at home and it not affect us financially to do it.

Pro/cons of working full time? I'm also posting this on the SAHM board to get other views too.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! I know you guys can't tell me what is best for me and my family, but I'd love to get as much feedback as I can before making this decision.

Well, personally I could never be a SAHM. I would feel very, very unfulfilled w/o a career. I'm not happy long-term at home with my child. And I could quit today and we wouldn't have to alter our way of life at all.

Personally, you're not pregnant yet and you're not required to stay with the job long term. Take it and see how it goes. If you do get pregnant soon, just keep working and if you still want to SAH you can quit when the time comes.

I can't think of any Pros to staying home except more time with my child, although I believe in quality over quantity.

Pros to working for me include, fulfillment of my career, adult interaction, great salary, multiple international trips per year, lots of savings and great retirement accounts, being a good example for my daughter, working out at the gym at work during lunch, etc. I do love my job though. It's my dream job, so I am biased.

lorist202 · January 2014

I agree with the points that have been raised regarding taking an opportunity for the present and taking life as it comes.

As for the SAHM issue, you will surely get many responses. Personally, I found the first 1.5 years to be a once in a lifetime opportunity to spend with my baby (I really enjoy the infant stage) and I'll do it again with my next baby due in May. I do pay a huge price for doing so, as my career has had significant setbacks, and my H is not wholeheartedly supportive of the idea. It's surely not easy, but it's important enough to me to do so. I have no desire to SAH forever, so I find this to be a compromise.

Iblamethebeer · January 2014

Abs211981 said:

groovygrl said:

Abs211981 said:

You have literally put into words all of my fears. I did the whole work yourself to death thing a few years ago before I was married...work 7 days/week and never have free time, but moved up the ladder super fast. I work part time, but still fill probably 40 hours a week because I am very heavily involved in the community. i.e. I sit on 5 boards and volunteer for them and an additional 2 organizations. I probably volunteer about 15 hours/week, so I'm definitely never sitting.

On one hand I remember how fulfilling that crazy schedule was. But on the other hand, this is a HUGE 180 from the "plan" we've always had in place. That and this is a super small town and I'm worried that I might burn bridges since they've made it clear during all three interviews that they're really looking for someone long term. That and that this job could never go part time, but would rather transition from the manager's role up into the director's role above it since that person is retiring.

It's so tempting. Would I love it? Definitely. Would I love it with 2 kids and still keeping up all of my board involvement? Not sure.

Ugh. I so wish that somehow the answer would just magically appear in bright, flashing lights. I would have snatched this job right up several years ago, but when it's offered literally weeks before we have planned to TTC it's a different story.

Thank you again for your thoughts. I know the initial reaction is "why the heck would you not take it?", but there are other factors.

This changes things for me, and I'm one of those people who took several years to get pregnant so I lean toward not making decisions based on an assumption you'll get pg quickly and I also was a fan of "Lean In" and all the concepts behind it about not taking a step back BEFORE getting pregnant/having a family.

However, w/ all these commitments, something will have to give here at some point. If you expect to do the same level of community service you are now, add in 40 hrs per week paid work when you're used to 20-25 hrs, that will be a tough adjustment to start with, IMO, but doable assuming it won't strain your personal life... but then while pregnant even harder and then when you have a baby, I would say you wouldn't be able to do all of this in the way you want or are used to and either the job or the volunteering will have to decrease or be eliminated, at least temporarily (which isn't always a bad thing, it happens to the best of us but I know it is hard to envision before you're at that point). So, since you sound pretty happy where you are now, and if it is an industry/company/influence in your field that will be really pissed off if/when you leave after only a year or so or may affect your future career options, I would reconsider taking it and if you decline and they ask why, be honest about your concerns. If they really want you maybe they'd make concessions. If they can't, then maybe it isn't meant to be, and maybe you can revisit in a few years when priorities are likely to change/shift. The other alternative would be being open to cutting back on your community work. I know when my kids arrived I just couldn't fit in the volunteering anymore aside from an occasional meeting and that was ok with me, but since you're clearly very committed to a number of organizations, that type of work might give you more flexibility and options than a regular paid job, while still staying active & involved--- assuming you can afford to get childcare so you can do those things.

It's a tough one. GL.

Yeah, the volunteer work (as much as I love it) would end up getting cut. Although right now the volunteer work plays a huge role in filling up my week so I'm not just sitting at home twiddling my fingers when not work. It's very fulfilling, but if I have to choose between more time with the kids after work and volunteering, the volunteering will go.

And as for burning bridges that's a whole other issue. I know that no job is forever, life happens, things change, you take and leave jobs, etc. But I live in a really, really small town and I just feel like I'm going to feel immense pressure to stay at this job down the road even if I decide to leave. My FIL knows the guy well and even mentioned that it won't look good if I go in knowing they want someone long term (and have made that very clear) and I quit because I decide to be a SAHM.

I wouldn't take it. Seems like they are being painfully explicit about the long-term thing, and in a small town you are not going to be able to maintain the fiction that you really thought that's what you wanted when you took the job, and were surprised when children and a desire to downshift came on so quickly.

Your reputation will take a hit and it sounds like you have enough other things going on in this small town and that your reputation really matters.

Iblamethebeer · January 2014

Also, i know you didn'tsay this, OP, but I really disagree with PP saying that you can ignore what they are saying about it being a long term position and feel free to take the job and then quit in a few years.

Obviously you can't make absolute promises for the future, and I don't think anyone would hold it against you if you took a long term job in good faith and then something unexpected changed and you needed to resign, but that's really different from taking it with no intention of staying or trying to stay long term, which I think would be similar to taking a job that was explicit about something like travel or overtime or relocation, when you had no intention of agreeing to travel or be available for overtime or relocate.

LoCarb · January 2014

I agree with others-take the job.

You're guaranteed a great paying job right now. There is no guarantee you will become pregnant immediately. Use the pay to save towards your family, the maternity leave is great and re-evaluate after you have children.

Abs211981 · January 2014

I did do some digging last night and found out that this would actually (to my surprise) be a contract job and they would sign me for a minimum of 5 years. So I guess I could quit, but I'm not sure how hard it would be to get out of a contract. Their plan after that 5 year contract is over is to move me from manager to director since that's when the director is retiring, and I would then sign a new contract.

Definitely not a deal breaker, but something I need to consider.

While I'm not best friends with the guy I would be working for, I do know the family really well and he even attended my wedding as a guest of my husband. One person I *do have a decently "close" relationship with is his secretary. I've been holding off on sitting down with her and just laying out all my concerns and flat out asking "is this job manageable for someone who wants some flexibility with kids?", so I may do that within the coming days.

I know that doing so might hurt me in the short term and might mean not getting the job, but it would definitely help me in the long term. Talked to FIL last night and he mentioned that if I took the job, got preggers immediately and then left right after maternity leave, I could probably "forget every getting back into that sector" later since they made it clear they wanted someone long term. But that my best bet might be to just be really honest with them. Even if it meant holding off on a position for 6 years til I got my kids in school they would be more likely to give me a job then because I was upfront. Those were his thoughts anyway.

That and apparently there is a ceremony for whoever takes this job and they also run a story in the newspaper. So quitting a year later could get sketchy. yikes!

Not sure...may reach out to the secretary friend and have a long chit chat.....

KL777 · January 2014

I was a SAHM for the first three years and am still glad that I was. You don't know how long it will take you to conceive (hopefully not long), so you can go for the job and after birth, if you want to SAH, that's your personal choice. I personally would prefer to work part time right now (I work part-time in the summer only). If you can swing part- time after two years of SAH, I'd shoot for that.

Iblamethebeer · January 2014

Abs211981 said:

I did do some digging last night and found out that this would actually (to my surprise) be a contract job and they would sign me for a minimum of 5 years. So I guess I could quit, but I'm not sure how hard it would be to get out of a contract. Their plan after that 5 year contract is over is to move me from manager to director since that's when the director is retiring, and I would then sign a new contract.

Definitely not a deal breaker, but something I need to consider.

While I'm not best friends with the guy I would be working for, I do know the family really well and he even attended my wedding as a guest of my husband. One person I *do have a decently "close" relationship with is his secretary. I've been holding off on sitting down with her and just laying out all my concerns and flat out asking "is this job manageable for someone who wants some flexibility with kids?", so I may do that within the coming days.

I know that doing so might hurt me in the short term and might mean not getting the job, but it would definitely help me in the long term. Talked to FIL last night and he mentioned that if I took the job, got preggers immediately and then left right after maternity leave, I could probably "forget every getting back into that sector" later since they made it clear they wanted someone long term. But that my best bet might be to just be really honest with them. Even if it meant holding off on a position for 6 years til I got my kids in school they would be more likely to give me a job then because I was upfront. Those were his thoughts anyway.

That and apparently there is a ceremony for whoever takes this job and they also run a story in the newspaper. So quitting a year later could get sketchy. yikes!

Not sure...may reach out to the secretary friend and have a long chit chat.....

Sounds like you are approaching this the right way. I think more honesty/forthrightness will be better than less, just like FIL recommended.

groovygrl · January 2014

Totally agree w/ being up front since you don't have anything to lose & are ok w/ it not working out. I was offered a new role at a place right after I accepted a different job there and I was really concerned about flexibility, expectations, etc b/c I knew the one I was accepting had a ton of flexibility & WFH, etc. So, I just said it from the get go- I know what type of schedule I'm getting w/ X job and it is very important to me b/c of having small kids and a husband who works much longer hours, etc and I need to know that there is flexibility w/ this one or I can't consider it. I was assured there was, etc.
Now, it has not been exactly the case for me (little did I know, technically I have flexibility but the ppl who report to me have zero b/c of policies related to their HR classification and so it makes for a really uncomfortable situation for me), so while I would encourage being up front, I would also realize that the reality might still be a little different than what you and they think you discussed. Can't hurt you to be up front though- at least then they'd know why you took yourself out of consideration or turned it down or whatever and it is a perfectly legitimate reason IMO.

Want a personalized experience?

Job Offer but was Planning on SAHM

Re: Job Offer but was Planning on SAHM

Choose Another Board

Search Boards