Truely feels over now

blue2mango · January 2014

I had been doing so well of taking this mc and looking at the positives that we can try again and have had rl friends with kids after a mc that helped me feel positive until tonight. (First pregnancy, first loss) My mc journey started over a week ago by way of misoprostol because my body would not nmc and I passed what I thought were several large clots expecting the sac was one of them, most in the toilet. After a few days of very light spotting thinking its over I had another large clot tonight that took me by surprise. TMI WARNING: I went to the bathroom and felt like I had something like a tampon inside me, which obviously wasn't a tampon. I wiped and the largest gelatinouse clot was on the tp. It look completely different then any other clots and I am positive it was the sac/baby. I had a breakdown and started crying. It was the first time everything felt really real, I think I was living in a fantasy land that if I didn't see it it was just a rough period. This made it real and has been very hard. I yelled for my DH and he just held me as I cried on our bed, he has been so amazing through this whole process. I just talked out loud through my thoughts and cried as he held me. It was pretty tough to see since I didn't plan on it since my mw said I probably wouldn't see it and I was 6 weeks when it stopped developing, so it was small. I just wanted to let out my thoughts to someone, thank you for reading. I feel so physically/emotionally empty right now.

PinkRoses · January 2014

I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. Especially that it caught you by surprise - that must have made it so much harder. I'm glad your DH has been so supportive.

This truly is one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. Take as much time as you need to grieve, and know that we are all here to support you. Sending hugs.

SEsquared · January 2014

I am so sorry for your loss and everything that has happened today. That must have been such a shock to see. It sounds like your DH is an amazing man, so wonderfully supportive.

I completely agree with you on feeling like you were living in a fantasy Land. I remember during our ultrasound when we could clearly see there was no hb, when the tech said it, I felt like I floated to a different universe and it was not me she was talking to.

I wish you much strength and sending you many hugs.

francisc · January 2014

Hugs!

I never saw the sac myself since I underwent a D&C. But the first time this miscarriage felt real to me (before the D&C, while I was still spotting off and on) was when I passed out a large blood clot in the restroom while I was peeing, and I just felt so heartbroken thinking that that might be my baby. Most of the time I think I have been handling the M/C as well as can be expected, and then there will be the odd times when it just hits me. And I feel like a failure, or jealous of other women who went on to have successful pregnancies. And yeah, sometimes I feel empty. For the most part, when I'm busy, it's easier I think. It's when you have a lot of time to think and wonder how things might have been, that it hits you.

Wishing all of us the strength to get through this trying time.

missgore04 · January 2014

I'm so sorry. It is wonderful that you have such a loving and supportive DH. I have definitely noticed that through all of this my marriage has become stronger. Thinking of you and sending you a hug for a better day!

tumbleweed123 · January 2014

blue2mango i went though that same thing. I'm still processing it...sending you lots of hugs...know that you are not alone.

Campow83 · January 2014

I'm so sorry you had to go thru this. Mine also took me by surprise. Like you, I didn't know what to expect and passed a few clots. I was on my couch when I got this sudden urge to go sit on the toilet, next thing I knew, I heard a loud plop in the toilet. I knew without looking that I had just passed the baby. I just screamed and couldn't even look in the toilet. My husband helped me thru the rest of that night. Hang in there, it feels like it's never going to get better but in time it slowly does

lrendon · January 2014

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Your post made me cry and realize how hard any loss is. I was due in July and found out at 6 weeks that I had an ectopic pregnancy. I had surgery that resulted in the loss of one of my tubes. It took me two weeks to heal physically. Reading your post I realized you are a stronger person than I. I would have reacted exactly like you did. I can't even imagine your sorrow. I hope you get the rainbow baby you deserve!

aezimmerman · January 2014

That is just gut wrenching. I am so sorry. Thank goodness for your loving and supporting DH. Hang in there. Hopefully this is just a bump in the road to a happy and healthy baby.

redheadscu1 · January 2014

I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I had the same thing happen at 9 weeks. Similar to your experience, I forgot what was happening for a moment, and thought I had a tampon up there somehow. I pulled the baby out. I am so sorry you experienced this and I am a little angry at your doctor that she didnt prepare you for this possibility! Your DH sounds very supportive. I hope this gives you some sense of closure at least and that you have a wonderful smooth next pregnancy!

gabbagal · January 2014

So heartbreaking, I can't even imagine. Hugs to you and all who have shared similar experiences and feelings. I passed most of my clots this past weekend (I had a D&C after my first MC last year) and even though I had a friend who had gone through it tell me what to expect, I still felt totally unprepared. I hope you continue to get the wonderful support you've gotten so far and that it helps you to heal real soon.

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