baby shower ettiquette

Chrisnchels · December 2013

So moms, I have a serious dillemma. My husband and I are active duty military and stationed in Italy. Our families keep asking what we want for baby so we created a registry on amazon.com because we know that they use companies that will ship to our FPO. Since we cannot really do a normal baby shower where everyone gets together to celebrate but our families still want to purchase gifts for our baby I figured this is the best thing to do. Our plan was to send out a sweet invitation to all family members emails giving them the direct link to our registry and let them know that their names will show up next to the gifts they buy so that we can send thank you notes to them. There is a 9 hour difference between our time zones but maybe we could organize a Saturday to stay on Skype for everyone who would like to call. I have no idea what to do. Please help. We don't need the help but both of our families keep asking what we still need for the baby and want to purchase gifts, I just don't want to be tacky because I am truly grateful that our family is so loving and if we were back in the states would love to throw showers for our sweet baby girl.

kd&cd · December 2013

You have great ideas. I agree with Skype and think everyone will understand considering the distance! Congrats on your baby girl!!

MJC1116 · December 2013

I think everyone will completely understand. Personally, though, I wouldn't feel comfortable sending out invitations to people with a link to a registry. I would probably ask a family member back home (mom, sister, SIL, etc) if they would mind doing it instead. That way it's not as if you are asking for gifts, which I know you're not.

Okay, I just re-read the original post and it sounds less like an invitation and more like an informative email. In that case I think it would be fine for it to come from you.

Could you Skype with people who send you gifts so they can see you open it? Or save all your gifts and open them up all together on a specific day (your "shower" day) and people can tune in via skype? Or you could also record you and your H opening the gifts and giving a verbal thank you/shout out to the senders, post on a private YouTube page and send the link for family members to tune in at their convenience.

PrimRoseMama · December 2013

Showers are not a right. Throwing your own, even via Skype, is tacky. You don't have to have a shower to receive gifts & write thank you notes.

Taking photographs of you with the item then including the photo in a personalized letter back to each person that sent you a gift is far more classy, IMHO.

I wouldn't do it. Common =/= polite.

Chrisnchels · December 2013

because we were just home for christmas and spent the holiday between both of our families, we know that everyone wants to know what we need. So if, instead of calling it a baby shower, we just invited them to use them link if they would like to purchase a gift for the baby would that be ok? Trust me, i do not want to seem tacky at all, but it was overwhelming to be home and be asked that many times by both sides of our family what we still need that i don't know what else to do.

lexusolsen · December 2013

Just give the link to your immediate families. If people really want to purchase something they will be asking your mom or mil for the info anyway.

Unknown · December 2013

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Chrisnchels · December 2013

Please remember this is only for immediate family members who have already asked what we still need that they could buy for our baby. This is not for friends or co-workers.

Chrisnchels · December 2013

yes it is.
"We don't need the help but both of our families keep asking what we still need for the baby and want to purchase gifts"

PrimRoseMama · December 2013

Chrisnchels said:
Please remember this is only for immediate family members who have already asked what we still need that they could buy for our baby. This is not for friends or co-workers.

Still not ok to throw your own skype shower or send out invitations with your registry. It looks like you are only interested in material gifts. Tell your mom, aunt, MIL etc. trust me, the people that really want to know will get the information by word of mouth. Sending out an invitation is advertising your wish list.

It's tacky because it looks like you expect them to buy you stuff. It's putting pressure on them by mail. Let the gift giving be voluntary. I promise with whipped cream & cherries on top that those who want to gift you items for the baby will do so without solicitation.

Chrisnchels · December 2013

ok! Thank you so much! My Grandmother and MIL are going to take care of everything now.

Chrisnchels · December 2013

Thank you so much for your kindness. Some members can be so rude on an etiquette board, I don't understand. But, I really appreciate your response.

FemShep · December 2013

Chrisnchels said:

So moms, I have a serious dillemma. My husband and I are active duty military and stationed in Italy. Our families keep asking what we want for baby so we created a registry on amazon.com because we know that they use companies that will ship to our FPO. Since we cannot really do a normal baby shower where everyone gets together to celebrate but our families still want to purchase gifts for our baby I figured this is the best thing to do. Our plan was to send out a sweet invitation to all family members emails giving them the direct link to our registry and let them know that their names will show up next to the gifts they buy so that we can send thank you notes to them. There is a 9 hour difference between our time zones but maybe we could organize a Saturday to stay on Skype for everyone who would like to call. I have no idea what to do. Please help. We don't need the help but both of our families keep asking what we still need for the baby and want to purchase gifts, I just don't want to be tacky because I am truly grateful that our family is so loving and if we were back in the states would love to throw showers for our sweet baby girl.

No matter what the circumstances, it's never appropriate to "invite" people to give you gifts, whether by hosting your own shower or sending people your registry unprompted. By all means, create a registry. If someone asks, provide the info, and make sure the future grandparents have the info to share as well in case someone asks them. But a "sweet invitation" to send you gifts isn't sweet at all, it's tacky. And instead of a Skype shower, just send a personalized heartfelt thank you. Best of luck to you in your pregnancy!

Unknown · December 2013

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redhead610 · December 2013

OP, flagging posts that don't violate the terms of service will get you banned. The flag button is not a dislike button.

Unknown · December 2013

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katieharpiceland · December 2013

If it helps any, I live overseas and am not expecting a shower. I have a registry on Amazon, but unless someone asks me, they can either find it themselves or get whatever they want. I would feel horrible assuming family members would ship stuff overseas to me. Its expensive!! Its just kind of the way things go when you live far away.

Sareynoo · December 2013

My husband and I were in your situation with our first. A friend of ours offered to host it and we accepted. we didn't start a registry or anything, people just brought what they wanted. Family sent gifts but we told them to just get whatever.. We didn't ask for anything.

pdilly2b · December 2013

I think the only problem with your plan is the invitation coming from you. Would be much better for a "virtual shower" invitation to come from someone else serving as the "host" or to just tell the grandmas about the registry and others find out by word of mouth.

RebeccaY1 · January 2014

I would probably ask someone else to create the email with the link to the registry. That way it's not like you are specifically asking for gifts. I think it's a great idea to have a skype date with family and friends. They could even have a party and skype with you. It's not ideal, but your situation is unique. It would be great if they all sent you gifts and you could open them in front of your family and friends.

softservecity · January 2014

If it's for people who have asked then I see nothing wrong with it at all. And I know I'm in the minority here but if they (the family) ask YOU and YOU send the info then there is no problem.

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