Anyone not want to be a SAHM after alll?

PrimRoseMama · January 2014

I just think it propagates the misinformation that SAHM "do nothing" is all. It's all about word choice. The fact that OP feels worthless working in her home is disturbing to me. If she doesn't like it, that is one thing, but to attach the word "worthless" to her experience as SAHM is troubling.

I'm not sure why my shit is getting jumped for pointing this out. If anyone told you they think teachers, doctors or any other profession was worthless to them or they felt worthless employed in those pursuits then there would be contention.

By all means do what makes you happy but attaching words like worthless to the job is demeaning the job that others value. Yes you can place value in different things but you can do it without using demeaning words.

It never fails that it chaps my ass that SAHM have to continuously prove their worth to others. Mom war or not. If it's not for you then fine. However don't bring worth into it.

MommyAmes2 · January 2014

Instead of flaming you for "poor word choice," I will say.... I have SAH for 7.5 years now. I love what I do. I also know it isn't for everyone. Sometimes I get down and get a little stir crazy. So a hobby, play dates and such are a good idea. If you are unhappy, then it truly may not be for you! Do what is best and works for your family.

Andplusalso, I was not offended by your post. You were just honestly looking for advice, sorry it turned into a WM vs SAHM debate!

shootthemoon · January 2014

I didn't plan to be a SAHM, became one when I got laid off during maternity leave and have discovered it is very much not for me and is causing me PPD issues. I now have the opportunity to WFM and hopefully and combine DH's schedule and some hours with a mother's helper for affordable childcare. I struggle with the guilt of not being compelled to want to spend every minute with LO but as pps have said, everyone has to do what works for them.

MommyAmes2 · January 2014

PrimRoseMama said:

I just think it propagates the misinformation that SAHM "do nothing" is all. It's all about word choice. The fact that OP feels worthless working in her home is disturbing to me. If she doesn't like it, that is one thing, but to attach the word "worthless" to her experience as SAHM is troubling. I'm not sure why my shit is getting jumped for pointing this out. If anyone told you they think teachers, doctors or any other profession was worthless to them or they felt worthless employed in those pursuits then there would be contention. By all means do what makes you happy but attaching words like worthless to the job is demeaning the job that others value. Yes you can place value in different things but you can do it without using demeaning words. It never fails that it chaps my ass that SAHM have to continuously prove their worth to others. Mom war or not. If it's not for you then fine. However don't bring worth into it.

FWIW: She said she feels useless, not worthless. And since you said it's all about word choice, figured you should quote her correctly.

WheeLinTheSky3 · January 2014

Soleil3 said:

My family and I value having me be able to stay at home, and I love it. Coming from a business perspective, maybe it will just take time to find merit in raising your child vs putting your efforts out into the world?

This. OP, try to look at what you truly do every day and really look at what a value you are to your family. There is value in being at home even though you don't get paid. If it is not the right choice for you, that is ok too. Being a SAHM isn't right for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that

PrimRoseMama · January 2014

MommyAmes2 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

I just think it propagates the misinformation that SAHM "do nothing" is all. It's all about word choice. The fact that OP feels worthless working in her home is disturbing to me. If she doesn't like it, that is one thing, but to attach the word "worthless" to her experience as SAHM is troubling.

I'm not sure why my shit is getting jumped for pointing this out. If anyone told you they think teachers, doctors or any other profession was worthless to them or they felt worthless employed in those pursuits then there would be contention.

By all means do what makes you happy but attaching words like worthless to the job is demeaning the job that others value. Yes you can place value in different things but you can do it without using demeaning words.

It never fails that it chaps my ass that SAHM have to continuously prove their worth to others. Mom war or not. If it's not for you then fine. However don't bring worth into it.

FWIW: She said she feels useless, not worthless. And since you said it's all about word choice, figured you should quote her correctly.

Right, that's true. I don't think useless is any better. SAHM has a lot of use even just financially. I would hazard that useless actually sounds worse, but you are correct.

Sorry-- sick & sleep deprived here. My useless job doesn't get sick days.

coraggiosa · January 2014

PrimRoseMama said:

I just think it propagates the misinformation that SAHM "do nothing" is all. It's all about word choice. The fact that OP feels worthless working in her home is disturbing to me. If she doesn't like it, that is one thing, but to attach the word "worthless" to her experience as SAHM is troubling. I'm not sure why my shit is getting jumped for pointing this out. If anyone told you they think teachers, doctors or any other profession was worthless to them or they felt worthless employed in those pursuits then there would be contention. By all means do what makes you happy but attaching words like worthless to the job is demeaning the job that others value. Yes you can place value in different things but you can do it without using demeaning words. It never fails that it chaps my ass that SAHM have to continuously prove their worth to others. Mom war or not. If it's not for you then fine. However don't bring worth into it.

You are putting words in the OP's mouth. It is not at all like saying that teachers or doctors are worthless to you. She said that SHE felt useless in the role of SAHM. It's the equivalent of a teacher or a doctor saying that THEY feel worthless in their position, which is entirely on them and not at all a comment on other teachers or doctors. I'm studying to be a nurse, and I wouldn't care at all if someone else wasn't finding that profession fulfilling. I am not them, and they are not me. One has nothing to do with the other.

I guess if you want to be offended by the OP's feelings about her own situation, feel free. She was obviously not commenting on all SAHMs and was only commenting on her experience of it.

PrimRoseMama · January 2014

coraggiosa said:

PrimRoseMama said:

I just think it propagates the misinformation that SAHM "do nothing" is all. It's all about word choice. The fact that OP feels worthless working in her home is disturbing to me. If she doesn't like it, that is one thing, but to attach the word "worthless" to her experience as SAHM is troubling.

I'm not sure why my shit is getting jumped for pointing this out. If anyone told you they think teachers, doctors or any other profession was worthless to them or they felt worthless employed in those pursuits then there would be contention.

By all means do what makes you happy but attaching words like worthless to the job is demeaning the job that others value. Yes you can place value in different things but you can do it without using demeaning words.

It never fails that it chaps my ass that SAHM have to continuously prove their worth to others. Mom war or not. If it's not for you then fine. However don't bring worth into it.

You are putting words in the OP's mouth. It is not at all like saying that teachers or doctors are worthless to you. She said that SHE felt useless in the role of SAHM. It's the equivalent of a teacher or a doctor saying that THEY feel worthless in their position, which is entirely on them and not at all a comment on other teachers or doctors. I'm studying to be a nurse, and I wouldn't care at all if someone else wasn't finding that profession fulfilling. I am not them, and they are not me. One has nothing to do with the other.

I guess if you want to be offended by the OP's feelings about her own situation, feel free. She was obviously not commenting on all SAHMs and was only commenting on her experience of it.

I know I'm being over sensitive about it. The approach just ruffled my feathers. Also, I am not choosing to be offended. It's not like I can switch it off that it bothers me. I want OP to feel useful in any way she can. I just wonder why staying home with your kid makes someone feel like they are not of use to their family. That's all.

This combined with my present state is just kicking my ass. Apologies to OP. I don't mean to be an asshole about it. It's wrong to put words in her mouth.

MommyBolty · January 2014

I was heartbroken to leave LO when I had to go back to work. But now that I've been back for 2 months I know I'm a better mom for it. Staying at home with her all day was definitely not for me, but it took me going back to work to figure it out. You won't miss things. And just ask whoever is caring for LO not to mention is something new happens. Our daycare won't say anything unless I've said she does it. Who knows of she's rolled over a hundred times there... She rolled over for US the first time a few weeks ago and it was perfect. To us it was the first time. Good luck making your decision!!!

PrimRoseMama · January 2014

Again I feel the need to apologize. OP do what makes you feel useful. Good luck making your decision. It's not easy either way.

BlondieBia21 · January 2014

PrimRoseMama said:

Again I feel the need to apologize. OP do what makes you feel useful. Good luck making your decision. It's not easy either way.

I'll apologize, too. It's so easy to see things one sided and that's what I did when you replied, prim. That wasn't fair of me to do.

RoosterMemphis · January 2014

Now let's all hug it out.

PrimRoseMama · January 2014

BlondieBia21 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

Again I feel the need to apologize. OP do what makes you feel useful. Good luck making your decision. It's not easy either way.

I'll apologize, too. It's so easy to see things one sided and that's what I did when you replied, prim. That wasn't fair of me to do.

It's all good. Apology accepted. I'm with @roostermemphis . I'm hugging it out.
>:D<

RoosterMemphis · January 2014

KatieS7 said:

BlondieBia21 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

Again I feel the need to apologize. OP do what makes you feel useful. Good luck making your decision. It's not easy either way.

I'll apologize, too. It's so easy to see things one sided and that's what I did when you replied, prim. That wasn't fair of me to do.

Frig I love a happy ending :x

Points for use of Frig.
/dead

LJUTCMommy · January 2014

PrimRoseMama said:
I just think it propagates the misinformation that SAHM "do nothing" is all. It's all about word choice. The fact that OP feels worthless working in her home is disturbing to me. If she doesn't like it, that is one thing, but to attach the word "worthless" to her experience as SAHM is troubling.

I know this debate is over, but I just wanted to say to Prim that I think think SAHM is one of the toughest, most demanding jobs in the world and the furthest thing from "doing nothing." Running a household is a full time job.

Personally, I am about 200x more exhausted after a full day with DD than I am on a day when I go into the office for 7 hours.

I respect and support all mothers, but the choice is completely individual. Good luck OP!

LJUTCMommy · January 2014

danadane75 said:

PrimRoseMama said:
I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you.

That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.
Im sorry you took offense to how I feel. Nothing was personal or meant to describe anyone else or their lifestyles or feelings..i was speaking from the business side of things, not being able to help the business grow because Im at home all the time...

In reference to this, could you do some WFH while LO naps? You could do social media marketing for the business.

Start a blog, run the company's FB and Twitter, open an IG and Pinterest for the company, run the website, etc.

I'm not sure what your business is, but you could also start contacting bloggers in the industry and see if they'll write reviews of your product/ service.

henderson1026 · January 2014

PrimRoseMama said:

*snip*
I know I'm being over sensitive about it. The approach just ruffled my feathers. Also, I am not choosing to be offended. It's not like I can switch it off that it bothers me. I want OP to feel useful in any way she can. I just wonder why staying home with your kid makes someone feel like they are not of use to their family. That's all. This combined with my present state is just kicking my ass. Apologies to OP. I don't mean to be an asshole about it. It's wrong to put words in her mouth.

I know this is over now, but....

Prim, I understand your sentiment. I don't understand why someone would prefer to work over SAH, but the fact remains there are those that do. It's pointless and usually offensive to debate the topic, so I just keep quiet.

I love sparkly shoes and @RoosterMemphis hates them, but were are still BFF, KWIM?

janneann1127 · January 2014

I really disliked staying at home the first year or so. It was so isolating. I didn't have a lot of friends or family in the area and of course the baby doesn't really communicate at that age so I can completely understand where you're coming from. Once he was old enough to have play dates and participate in activities, we joined some mommy groups, & it became a lot more enjoyable.
I can completely understand wanting to go back to work rather than stay home… There are many days when I feel the same way. You have to do what makes you happy.

BlueJewelM · January 2014

Well, I know this became a whole different issue BUT OP. I think that sounds like a great opportunity! I think it would be exciting to help your business and nice to get out a bit.

I went back to work part time after DS1 was born 2.5 years ago. I'm so glad I did. I feel like it's the best of both worlds. I get a lot of time with my babies but also get to have a "career" that I enjoy. Personally I need and want both. I wouldn't be happy at either end of the spectrum.

Rowcate · January 2014

99% of the time I love SAH but once in a while I think working would be nice. I still occasionally style larger wedding parties so techniquely I do work periodically and it's like a vacation. SAH is harder but I love it. I have a lot of SAHM friends though so we are constantly busy. Everyone needs to do what's best for themselves and their family. Good luck in your decision. I think 3 days sounds like good start.

mommabmb · January 2014

It is a personal choice. I, personally, enjoy being a working mom. I do have to work, but even if I didn't I believe I would.

Also, I am willing to bet we all had some form of maternity leave... And we all know SAH isn't just sitting around on your ass. It's hard. And it has it's own challenges.

OP, I hope you find some peace with whatever you decide.

vintageutopia · January 2014

SAH is not for me. I could do it if I had too, but once again, being home on maternity leave confirmed that I need to work. Not because I don't love my children or value the role of the SAHM, but because I NEED to produce something at the end of the day to feel accomplished.

People may say "that's great", others may say that I have "misguided priorities", but whatever the case...my kids know they are valued and loved. And they also know I would move heaven and earth to meet their needs. That is enough for me.

tdmklm · January 2014

I started reading this thread and I was like,

But then I got to the end and I was like,

Coconuthead · January 2014

Mmm...coffee and bacon. Sounds like breakfast to me.

My UO: London Fog is the most delicious drink in the world.

magdalina.h · January 2014

With Lucas, I knew I didn't want to SAH. It wasn't right for me. Now I wish I could with Alexis, but it won't happen.

Obviously you weren't saying that SAHMs are useless, you said YOU feel that way about YOURSELF. I feel useless at work because I want to be at home, does that make working mom's offended because of how I feel?