I spent New Years alone.

mommy2twox3 · January 2014

Is it selfish to cry a little at the fact that my SO would rather go out and get drunk and ignore me, than invite me somewhere and want to spend the evening with me? This entire pregnancy I've felt alone. He doesn't touch my belly, he doesn't talk to DD, he has yet to help me buy anything for her..

Sorry for my sappy shit, I'm just really depressed about the situation. He comes banging on the door at 630 this morning and goes straight to the extra bedroom and sleeps on the floor? He didn't say one word to me..
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU TOO, DICK!
I'm so scared to be a single mom to two.. It was so hard with one..

Bleh.

thomas930 · January 2014

Sorry you feel alone. Maybe you should have a talk with him and see what's going on.

chirico3 · January 2014

thomas930 said:

Sorry you feel alone. Maybe you should have a talk with him and see what's going on.

I agree. Sorry to hear this.

J&NL · January 2014

I'm sorry you're going through this

I hope he comes around and gets his priorities straight. However, I would much rather be alone than be with someone that doesn't treat me well. That's just my two cents.

mommy2twox3 · January 2014

I have. He tells me that I'm boring. He isn't ready to grow up & be a father. He has no responsibilities and is still on his moms tit.
I'm boring because I'm pregnant? Haha okay. Seriously talking to him gets me nowhere. He's on of those assholes who turns crap to make you feel like you're in the wrong. Immature, that's what he is.

nicole mackenzie · January 2014

mommy2twox3 said:
I have. He tells me that I'm boring. He isn't ready to grow up & be a father. He has no responsibilities and is still on his moms tit.
I'm boring because I'm pregnant? Haha okay. Seriously talking to him gets me nowhere. He's on of those assholes who turns crap to make you feel like you're in the wrong. Immature, that's what he is.

Im going to have to agree with a previous poster.

If he doesn't treat you well, and especially since he said he doesn't want to be a father... I'd rather do it alone.

Do you have a good family/ friend support system?

Is he living off of you ? Or does he help at all?

thomas930 · January 2014

If he treats you that way then why stay with him?

No one deserves that and its not good for your kids to see you being treated like this either.

wfellerman · January 2014

I agree I would rather be alone than have someone treat me that way. I'm so sorry your going through this and do not deserve this.

MamaFantastic · January 2014

that's depressing for sure. it sounds like this behavior, while frustrating, isn't new or surprising to you. you commented a little while ago in a single moms thread that he said he didn't want to be with you and planned on moving out when your lease was up in march, right? it sounds like the most important thing to do right now is make sure you and your daughter are financially and situationally set, and get to work on the child support paperwork as soon as possible. is he the biological father of your 5 year old too?

he sounds like an immature dickhead. cut your losses, stay smart about the legalities of paternal support, and make him realize the hard way that making babies = a lifetime of responsibility even if he tries to ignore that fact.

deidremaria · January 2014

First of all I'm so sorry! Secondly, everything everyone else said. No one deserves to be treated this way. I really hope you have a good support system to help you out because i think you should leave him. I know being a single mother is hard (my mom was) but what I do know also is that it'll make you a stronger person.

maelic · January 2014

Kick his ass to the curb, you and your children deserve better.

CalinAZ · January 2014

It seems like everyone has given sound advice, so I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are not being supported by your partner. You deserve much better.

mooncusp22 · January 2014

I am so sorry to hear this too....you have every right to be upset and cry!! You deserve better and there is someone out there that will stay in with you and be there when you want them to. But, the longer you are with someone who doesn't want those things, the harder you are making it for yourself. You deserve better, your kids deserve better. I would strangle my DH if he chose going out over me ESPECIALLY on NYE!!! **take care & hugs**

Pandamom14 · January 2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was married for 7 years to another very crappy man. Trust me - if he's not a good partner - you and baby are better on your own. You deserve a wonderful partner in life who is supportive. Not a ahitbag. It's a hard slog either way but one is your road for life and one opens thousands of new journeys for you to travel. Ps I spent 7 years miserable and once I let go I found the man of my dreams, bought a house, got married and pregnant all in 1 year. You never know what could happen once you're free.

J&NL · January 2014

Coming from someone that was married to someone very similar to that (immature, never took the blame and was incredibly selfish), I am so happy I decided to leave him. Even if it meant living with my parents for a year and a half until I got back on my feet. It's just not worth being unhappy. I fell into a depression and even contemplated on suicide because of the way he made me feel like everything was my fault and I was good for nothing. Three years later he has had a kid with another women and she left him for the same reason. Now he's alone, living a minimum of 12 hours away from each of his kids and hardly sees them. People rarely change, especially dick heads like that.

Meanwhile, I have found the most wonderful person I could ever imagine for me and DD. I am thankful for him everyday because he treats me and DD the way we deserve. I'll admit, the first year was very hard and it sucked but once you realize that you are fine, if not better, without an asshole like that the more it empowers you and it teaches you to never settle.

NicoleAnne416 · January 2014

Sounds like two kids from two different daddies (not judging whatsoever) in which are both first time dads? Going through that once is hard enough, let alone twice! He's throwing his fit. He may or may not come around and be who he needs to be, but I guess I'd try to suggest counseling. If that doesn't work, and he won't go, or you don't want to, I'd personally take some space. See if he comes around or not because you cannot force him to, as much as he needs a swift kick in the ass. I'm so sorry!

mommy2twox3 · January 2014

Yes, they have different dads. They're also 5 years apart. I feel so bad with them not having the same father, but it is what it is.
Thank you all so much. I want to walk away, the lease is up in march so I'll be able to then. Everything is in my name so I'm not comfortable leaving till I can get it out. So stressful

No! When we go out I PAY! When he's short on his bills he expects me to help him pay. It's complete bullshit that I have to take care of him. But I have for over a year, because I love him & I feel like one day the favor will be returned. After last night I'm over thinking that shit. The only thing that's going to change is the way I feel about myself when I leave his punk ass.
I'm glad nobody commented "quit your bitching" like all my friends do haha y'all are sweet ladies

Yes my family is wonderfulllll they support me so much. My mom wants me to pack my stuff today but I don't really have anywhere to go quite yet. I'll figure it out though. Mama gots this

thomas930 · January 2014

Is it possible to just kick him out since its in your name and you are already paying for everything?

He deserves no favors from you if you are putting in 100% and he is just mooching off you.

rockstarlaw · January 2014

Stay strong & focus on what's best for you & the kids....which sounds like it is WITHOUT this chump. You willbe better alone!

mommy2twox3 · January 2014

The lease is in his name mainly but all the bills are in mine.. I'm not sure if there's a fee for having them turned off or not..

thomas930 · January 2014

Unless you are in some sort of contract there there shouldn't be a disconnect fee.

katieharpiceland · January 2014

Yea, if his name isn't on the lease then he can be kicked out! I would tell him you're going to look for a room mate and he's out. Eta Also, love is a two way street. It doesn't matter how much you feel for him. He has to feel it back for you!

deidremaria · January 2014

Since it's in your name you should just put him out and get a restraining order. It may seem dramatic but the sooner you guys are apart before baby comes the easier it'll be. By March you'll only have a few weeks before baby comes and by the time LO gets here you'll still be adjusting to life without him and probably miserable.

rockstarlaw · January 2014

I have never paid a fee to have a utility bill turned off, for what that's worth...

MamaFantastic · January 2014

1. stop giving him your money. period. no exceptions!!

2. start looking for a new place NOW. you won't want to be moving at 35-39 weeks pregnant.

3. when you find a new place, move out and tell him the utilities will be shut off on XX date - if he wants to port them over to his name and his finances, he's welcome to do that. if he's lazy, he'll be without heat, water, phone and cable.

britt33 · January 2014

Since the lease is in his name, turn off the utilities you pay for and move. Is it possible to move in with your parents for a while?

katieharpiceland · January 2014

Listen to @MamaFantastic!! Its a tough decision, but, from what he's said and done in the past, its time to move on.

mommy2twox3 · January 2014

I know I know I know. I'm just stubborn and hard headed. I can live with my aunt right now but she's so dramatic and over the top with shit I know I would be like KILL ME NOW living with her lol but it's still better being with someone who loves me than with someone who takes advantage of me. You all are right. I need to leave.

mrscrcalli · January 2014

Wtf do you do till 6:30 in the damn morning!?!

Sorry I want to come over and punch him for you! I'm sorry you are feeling this all right now when all you should be feeling is happiness and joy for what you are creating. You don't deserve this.
What's stopping him from 6:30am binges when LO is born and you're left to do it all by yourself anyway.

He doesn't deserve the family you are building for him.

I hope you find some answers and peace.. ((Hugs))

mommy2twox3 · January 2014

Aww you're so sweet @mrscrcalli

I want to go in the room and punch him in the throat but I know that'll only make things worse. And make me look like a psycho.. Haha.
Like I said though I've been alone this entire pregnancy.. So I know nothing is going to change when she's born. It sucks so bad, the one thing I didn't want her to have was a broken family. But having a family that's together but emotionally broken isn't very fair either. This whole thing just sucks. Where is my "I don't give a damn" attitude? It's like these pregnancy hormones ate it lol now all I do is cry about everything. Bleh.

katieharpiceland · January 2014

mommy2twox3 said:

I know I know I know. I'm just stubborn and hard headed. I can live with my aunt right now but she's so dramatic and over the top with shit I know I would be like KILL ME NOW living with her lol but it's still better being with someone who loves me than with someone who takes advantage of me. You all are right. I need to leave.

Go with your aunt. All family drives us wild, but they care for you. And its temporary. Go there ASAP, tell him you're cancelling the utilities, and work on finding yourself your own place for your daughters. Also, make SURE he pays child support!! I am so sorry you are going through this!!

Jbeuerle · January 2014

I'm somewhere in the same boat as well.. As hard as it may be, and it's always easier said than done, with someone who really couldn't give two shits about you and your little one on the way... You need to find much better for yourself! I would leave or try to find a way out of your lease before March. All this stress you're enduring is affecting the baby too and is not worth it in the long run if he's not going to stick by you and be a supportive father. Good luck with everything, I'll be thinking of you. Feel free to PM me whenever I know my friends aren't nearly as supportive as the ladies on the board. Hope everything works out for you. Happy new year!

mommy2twox3 · January 2014

Jbeuerle said:
I'm somewhere in the same boat as well.. As hard as it may be, and it's always easier said than done, with someone who really couldn't give two shits about you and your little one on the way... You need to find much better for yourself! I would leave or try to find a way out of your lease before March. All this stress you're enduring is affecting the baby too and is not worth it in the long run if he's not going to stick by you and be a supportive father. Good luck with everything, I'll be thinking of you. Feel free to PM me whenever I know my friends aren't nearly as supportive as the ladies on the board. Hope everything works out for you. Happy new year!

You're too sweet. & absolutely right it is so much easier said than done, especially when you still love the asshole. It has to be done though the only way I'm going to be happy is to get rid of the negative. I do want him to pay child support, he thinks he's getting out of it but he's sadly mistaken. He's never paid for shit in his life, it's time to start being responsible. He's such a child I hope his mom is embarrassed of the boy she raised. Ugh he makes me so mad.

Jbeuerle · January 2014

You can do it

just put your babies and yourself first.. It's what's best for you three, screw him.. if that's how he's going to be, he doesn't deserve you three. You deserve much better than to be treated like that and supporting someone like that

Lexii2385 · January 2014

I'm sorry you're going through this... But you need to focus on you and your children.. You come first and I know this will probably be one of the hardest things you do in your life but you have to let go and move on because that's what will be best for you and your children. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you. No one deserves to be treated that way. xoxo

J&NL · January 2014

Listen, I know how you feel. I went through the exact same thing. Same thoughts, same emotions, crying, depression, all of it. I'm not going to lie, it will suck and you will second guess yourself a lot but one thing you have to always do is put yourself and your babies first.

Don't do him any favors. Y'all aren't married so file for CS ASAP and if he has a job, take him back to court so they take it out of his paycheck automatically. That was the only way I got my XH to pay for his daughter. You have to do whatever it takes to protect your family because to me, it sounds like he isn't very reliable. Also, try to find as much support from your family as you can. That's the only way I was able to get away from my XH and I'm thankful for all of their help because they made it possible for me to move on.

The longer you wait, the worse it will be. Don't let him run all over you. Stand up for yourself and stand up for your family. If he doesn't want to be a part of it then fine, leave. He can sign over his rights if that's the case. If that's not what he wants then he needs to man up and be there for his child.

Bluebird2318 · January 2014

I am so sorry you have to deal with someone like him. As PP have already said (and as I can tell you already understand), keeping him around will not be of any help to you with regards to your two children. He can't even take care of himself, and would just be an added burden to you rather than a source of partnership and support. Doing it alone will be hard, but doing it with him would be harder. Best of luck to you. It will all work out.

Merlyna04 · January 2014

My 9 year old son doesn't have a father ,I am his mother and father , and bealive these guy disappear from his life long time ago, I DID everything by my self he never help me with money or nothing and that tells me about him .
I hope the best for you and your babies be strong mom.

ambarnett1 · January 2014

Good luck hun! I know you can do it. I'm sorry he treats you so terribly. That's the worse. Hugs.

Want a personalized experience?

I spent New Years alone.

Re: I spent New Years alone.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards