should be happy but really sad and alone

amd1982 · December 2013

well what we thought was a miscarriage wasn't - i went to my OB on Friday after two rounds of bloodwork (and an ultrasound to confirm) and we have one little bean with a HB of 121. The u/s tech says she thinks I had a larger SCH and now is a smaller one (which caused the bleed). my OB gave me a 10-15% chance of m/c with the bleed, so a little higher. but i keep reminding myself an 85-90% chance of success.

and now with the sad part - dh is barely talking to me. keeps saying he doesn't want a third child. making me feel horrible, like i planned this or something? yeah i get it - timing is not ideal. but wtf? seriously? he hasn't once asked how i'm feeling, i even broke down and told him how alone i feel in this whole thing and he barely batted an eye. basically said he wants me to terminate it! are you kidding? i am so beside myself i don't even know what to do. i feel so alone. i thought a spouse was supposed to be a partner. this sucks. i thought getting pregnant was supposed to be a happy occasion. but apparently i can't even be happy about this one little bit. i'm sorry to even say these things on this board. but after waiting 18 months+ to get pregnant the first time, it's amazing that my body actually behaved. yea, i wasn't entirely sure i wanted a third and definitely not now, but maybe life just has another plan and this is it? i am so sad that dh is behaving this way. i need some support from my saif ladies.....

imoverit · December 2013

Hugs mama. Im so sorry about yh reactions. I think if he was handling it better it would allow for you to be able to as well. He will come around hopefully. On the flip side yay that you are still KU. I agree with you that there just must be another plan. We are here for you. Do you have a close friend you can confide in about all of this? It has to be very stressful.

itsmevkb · December 2013

Your husband is being an a** but with that said, give him some more time. You both are going through something really huge right now, like life changing HUGE. And, although I would love it for you to have him be by your side and supportive, sometimes we have to let our partners work through their own stuff before they can even begin to help us with ours.

I am so happy that your baby made it and I hope your SCH resolves soon and without further incident. Don't worry about posting here, this board is all about the the craziness that is all the emotions surrounding both not getting pregnant and getting pregnant.

Huge hugs to you.

TJ1979 · December 2013

Oh amd, what a difficult position. I'm so glad you didn't lose your little bean, but it sucks that YH isn't being a good partner. I hope he comes around soon and you have someone you can confide in. Hugs.

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick · December 2013

((HUGS)) I'm sorry that you are going through this right now.

amd1982 · December 2013

Thank you all very much for the kind words. I actually confided in my good friend and my mom so I feel better. Hopefully you're all correct and even though dh is being a jerk he will eventually get used to it and be ok.

kzawisl · December 2013

1. Hooray, and wow!!, and 2. <---I hope YH comes around to that reaction soon.
((Hugs))

jesselayne8 · December 2013

((hugs)) I hope your husband comes around with time.

queenbone · December 2013

I'm so sorry, Momma. My friend went through something similar, except they are as fertile as can be. Her DH hadn't gone in for a vasc, they got pg with a 3rd child, and he told her to have an abortion. She didn't and moved out with the children for a time. After a few weeks they both came to terms with things and everything is okay. Their son is 4 now, but I still think about how he wanted to abort him, so I can only imagine how she feels about that.

I wish men would realize that even if the timing is bad, that is a suggestion that is hard to forget.

Dragonfly1226 · December 2013

I am so sorry hon. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling or how hurtful your dh's attitude is. I hope that in time your dh comes around and realizes that you guys are I this together. Sending you tons of (((((hugs))))).

kmc84 · December 2013

I'm so happy that your little bean is well

I know that emotionally this is so hard for both you and YH. I'm sorry he isn't handling this well. Hopefully he will come around, sooner rather than later. Use your mom and your friend for support as often as you need. ((Hugs))

wille2b · December 2013

((hugs)) glad your little one is doing well though. Im sorry your dh is less than supportive and I hope that turns around for you

MoFree · December 2013

I'm very sorry your husband isn't being supportive. Men sometimes act like jerks when they're scared. Maybe he is totally freaked about how he will support another child and how he will cope with all that is involved with caring for a baby, especially when your two are so young. For some men it's so difficult to admit to their fears that they distance themselves. I hope he comes around and starts to look forward to the addition to your family,

kbeach82 · December 2013

I'm so sorry that your husband is not being nearly as supportive as you deserve for him to be right now. I think men can be completely aloof and disconnected at times like this whereas I'm sure you already feel a connection with your LO. I agree with PPs that he most likely just needs some time to really process things. Sending you big ((hugs)) and hoping that you find the support you need, both here and IRL, until YH comes around.

jessica_gail2 · December 2013

Such a blessing for your little bean to be OK. As for your husband, I can't imagine how difficult that is for you. To have wanted something so badly for so long, then being blessed x2, and now being surprised by another pregnancy is an emotional roller coaster in and of itself. It makes me sad for YH that he doesn't value the life that's growing inside of you. I'll be praying for you both. I am positive he will "wake up" soon and wonder what the heck he was thinking and fully embrace you and the pregnancy and his soon-to-be third child. Huge hugs mama.

mcgeeva · December 2013

I'm so sorry that is such a tough situation. I hope he comes around soon. That is a huge decision for the two of you to make.

JBDamonM · December 2013

I really wish I could jump through the computer and hug you. I'm so sorry you are dealing with ALL of this. I hope your husband comes around soon, men are not good at processing things...good luck and thoughts and prayers coming your way.

jej05 · January 2014

You're right. It's supposed to be a happy time. I'm so sorry you are not getting the support you need from your DH right now. I hope he comes around, and soon! ((hugs))

should be happy but really sad and alone

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