^^ I know...I clealry have no balls and plus I feel sorry for her...because she is a widow alone on New Years Eve. I might have even invited her over because of that...but the whole just announcing she's coming and I feel violated.
Well I'm really sorry she lost her husband and daughter. I come from an insanely boundary-less family so "popping" happens all the time. Drives DH nuts but I was always told family is everything and around the holidays especially. She probably had to go through Christmas thinking about her husband and daughter and today is another holiday where you're supposed to kiss them at midnight. Maybe to her she's just trying to keep busy so she isn't reminded that this will be yet another year without them.
Ugh, that is incredibly frustrating, I'd be grumpy about it, for sure! I hope she doesn't stay long. I can understand her feeling sad this time of year, and you are a good daughter in law for allowing her to stop by!
My MIL did this when ODS was a baby a ton. She would stay at our house for 5 days at a time and she lives 40 minutes away. She wanted me to cook & clean the entire time while she took care of "her baby".
Like your MIL, she is single. She divorced FIL 20 years ago & 4 years ago FIL was killed in a car accident. DH is an only child and wasn't speaking to FIL at the time he was killed. He now wants us to have "no boundaries" with family these days, in turn it's caused a lot of conflict nipping her in the bud. I finally went off on her telling her she needs to go out with her friends or someone and have her own life. It isn't healthy for someone to be around that much. Plus she has caused tons of arguments btw DH & I. I felt sorry for her too & I'm just saying it's better to let her know now than to blow up at her later. You probably should have said or made up that you guys were having friends over for dinner & it's really not a good time. If she would like to visit, please plan it a month ahead of time. I highly doubt you guys just decided to stop by on Christmas.
We now plan things with MIL at our home or out. She is hurt we won't go to her home, but she is a chain smoker & her house is a story for another thread.
TTC January 2010
BFP #1 10-11-10 ectopic discovered 10-22-10,
10-23-10 methotrexate & emergency surgery, lost right tube BFP #2
12-1-10 Found to be tissue dropped from salingectomy or missed heterotopic
pregnancy from BFP #1 BFP #3 1-30-11 DS arrived on due date 10-10-11 BFP
#4 Surprise 9-3-12 EDD 5-9-13 DS2 arrived 5-5-13 BFP #5 5-14-14 Emergency D&C 6-16-14 9 weeks
^emmy makes a good point. Maybe wait until after the holidays.
This. But sometime in the near future get with her about planning ahead. Don't feel guilty about it either...or it will fester and she will be at your place all the time.
TTC January 2010
BFP #1 10-11-10 ectopic discovered 10-22-10,
10-23-10 methotrexate & emergency surgery, lost right tube BFP #2
12-1-10 Found to be tissue dropped from salingectomy or missed heterotopic
pregnancy from BFP #1 BFP #3 1-30-11 DS arrived on due date 10-10-11 BFP
#4 Surprise 9-3-12 EDD 5-9-13 DS2 arrived 5-5-13 BFP #5 5-14-14 Emergency D&C 6-16-14 9 weeks
Thanks guys, for all your input. I randomly just found a mass card of my FIL's in the hamper, I am taking it as a sign that I need to be kind and charitable tonight, so I am going to embrace this one and save the battles for another time. Hope you all have a great evening tonight!
coffeeandbooks
member
Re: Tis the season for another MIL Post
Like your MIL, she is single. She divorced FIL 20 years ago & 4 years ago FIL was killed in a car accident. DH is an only child and wasn't speaking to FIL at the time he was killed. He now wants us to have "no boundaries" with family these days, in turn it's caused a lot of conflict nipping her in the bud. I finally went off on her telling her she needs to go out with her friends or someone and have her own life. It isn't healthy for someone to be around that much. Plus she has caused tons of arguments btw DH & I. I felt sorry for her too & I'm just saying it's better to let her know now than to blow up at her later. You probably should have said or made up that you guys were having friends over for dinner & it's really not a good time. If she would like to visit, please plan it a month ahead of time. I highly doubt you guys just decided to stop by on Christmas.
We now plan things with MIL at our home or out. She is hurt we won't go to her home, but she is a chain smoker & her house is a story for another thread.
Hope you all have a great evening tonight!