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February 2013 Moms
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I just need to whine for a minute.

kleigh926kleigh926 member
in February 2013 Moms
Lately I've really been struggling with feelings of inadequacy as a mom. DH has been home for over a week now and will be home the rest of this week until he starts his new job next Monday. He is better at playing with DD and thinking of fun ways to interact with her, and she has really become attached to him. That's great, I want our kids to have a close relationship with their dad, and I think he is an absolutely wonderful father.

But it leaves me feeling like I'm just the lady who cleans her up after meals (which she hates), takes her away from things she wants (but shouldn't be getting into) and makes her wait in her walker if I have to get something done and DH isn't there (she deosn't want to be confined for more than about 2 minutes). I've come to realize that I just don't think I'm a baby person. The newborn phase was incredibly difficult for me, and I also get frustrated with this phase of getting into everything but not understanding that they shouldn't be doing that. I think I will enjoy my kids much more once I can talk to them and they will understand me.

So basically I just feel like I'm not doing enough. I feel like she's a total daddy's girl, and would choose to be with him over me if given the choice. It's just sort of discouraging since I've been home with her since the beginning, and in 1 week it seems like DH has taken over as the "cool" parent since I'm not good at thinking of fun things to do with babies. Wow, doesn't that sound pathetic. Ugh.
PCOS with long, irregular cycles
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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Re: I just need to whine for a minute.

  • Linds619Linds619 member
    My DH has always been the "fun" parent, while I'm the "comfort" parent with both of our kids. I know it can be frustrating, but please know your DD will, most likely, go through many phases where she will prefer one parent over the other. Each of you provide different things that your child needs, and that's what makes you and DH a great team! That being said, you're doing a great job!
    Proud Momma to two beautiful children!!!


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  • Moty2013Moty2013 member
    I'm sorry you feel that way. I am a FTM and SAHM and I had been feeling this way too. I think pp is right and it's just when you are the one there day in and day out your old news. I hadn't really gone anywhere away from ds until I was reading on one if these boards and someone had commented about how there Dh just assumed that when she wanted to go somewhere she would just let him know and he would watch the baby. So this weekend I gave it a try and you know DH didn't object at all. It was the first time I went out just to go spend time with friends. When I got back ds kicked and bounced around and it was clear he was happy I was back. Anyway I guess what I'm rambling about is maybe you should take a personal day since there getting along so well. It really does help a lot to have mommy personal time. Just to recharge the batteries. It does get hard being old reliable mommy but when he's not feeling good and only mommy can comfort him that feels good too.
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  • 843andme843andme member
    Definitely don't beat yourself up...I think this is fairly common with first children....I remember busting my butt changing diapers, breast feeding, pumping, and doing all the house stuff all the while trying to entertain a baby who had little attention span. My husband would get home from work and my son would act like I wasn't even there...it started to make me feel so tired and frustrated. I just learned to do what I could and eventually really enjoying the times my son was obsessed with Daddy! Now, with 4, I basically count the seconds until my husband gets home so they all run to him in a giant pack and jump all over him and cling to him...it lets me sneak off and get a break. Keep your head up, and I say enjoy the times your DD is all about your husband and do something for yourself! You deserve it! :)
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
    "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss
                         Mom to 3 wonderful boys( 6, 4, 20 months), and one little lady ( born 2/17).
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  • ericalee27ericalee27 member
    Linds619 said:
    My DH has always been the "fun" parent, while I'm the "comfort" parent with both of our kids. I know it can be frustrating, but please know your DD will, most likely, go through many phases where she will prefer one parent over the other. Each of you provide different things that your child needs, and that's what makes you and DH a great team! That being said, you're doing a great job!
    Yes, ditto all of this!  Hang in there, mama, you are doing great!

          DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13

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  • ally2011ally2011 member
    You are a great mom!  Let that craziness go sister....since DH is around more and a competent dad that means you can get a little break....take a bath, get a pedicure, go read in a park, etc.....be thankful you have a husband who is good with your DD and wants to be with her!  

    As moms we are always going to question ourselves some, but I think it is important to put those lies out of your head....being w/ a baby 24/7 is HARD and it is much easier to be fresh and engaging when it is a novelty.  Do not feel guilty to not engage her all the time....it is important for them to learn to play on their own and entertain themselves....and no one can entertain a baby 24/7, I don't care if we are talking about Mary Poppins.  

    Don't compare yourself to anyone....you are her primary caretaker and that is a different relationship than anyone else will have with her.  And while others may seem more interestingfrom time to time because they are a change of scenery, no one else is mama :)   

    You are a great mom, remember that! 

    We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013.  We love her to pieces.  

    We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011.  She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.


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  • stephbethpethstephbethpeth member

    I sometimes feel that same way. DH is the one who gets the most giggles out of DD, and they rough house together a lot. Its easy to feel singled out...and like I am not any fun.  However, DD has had a stomach thing for the last couple of days, and you can tell that she just isn't feeling like herself. She hasn't wanted DH, like, at all. She just wants to look at her picture books and snuggle with me. It has been melting my heart! Im the only one who can make her feel comforted like that and its ME who is making her feel better.

    I think that is a typical family dynamic. Daddy's are for fun, and mommy's are the ones who ( I hope that I wont get flamed, I mean this in the nicest way!) really take care of our babies. DH takes care of her in the morning while im at work until my mom comes to get her. But he doesn't know how many ounces she takes at what time during the day or what her favorite combo of fruits are for a snack. He doesn't know how we dance to the music in Daniel Tigers Neighborhood or what her favorite bath toy is. Dad doesn't  know what song and how to sing it to stop her crying. That is mama stuff.

    I know that you are a wonderful, caring and attentive mother because you question whether you are doing enough. That to me is a sign of a good mom. Keep up the great work and keep your head up, I know you have these special mom things with you LO! :)

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  • musicalmama5musicalmama5 member
    DS says "dada" when he's having fun and "mama" when he's crying. So yeah, I know how you feel. :)
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  • cinnasugarcinnasugar member
    I can basically echo what everyone else is saying, and I've definitely been there.  And then we had a second baby and my toddler very clearly preferred Daddy for a long time, because I was neglecting her to take care of the new one.  That was really rough.  But it has gotten easier as LO has gotten older, and they seem to go in and out of phases where they prefer one of us over the other.
    Mom to 3 year-old girl and 1 year-old boy
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  • RosebeanRosebean member
    The nurse in the hospital put it in the best terms, and it sticks with me when I have moments such as yours. Consider yourself Bert and your H as Ernie. It really is sometimes the most typical relationship for children and their parents. Dads get to swoop in and be fun and make them laugh and giggle and entertain them... And we get to take care of them. Ever the watchful eye of reason. And I am settled into it. I let DS spend plenty of time doing self play, and I make him giggle and play with him... But he definitely has a bigger blast with his dad. In the end though, I feel like I get a few more cuddles. But you are doing an amazing job, mama. And don't compare your relationship with your LO to your H's. In hindsight, if you could ask your baby who she loves more, her answer would probably be the same that any child has when asked the question. My mom asked me that all the time when I was little (all in fun) and my answer was always "both".
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • eatdrinkstretcheatdrinkstretch member
    Linds619 said:
    My DH has always been the "fun" parent, while I'm the "comfort" parent with both of our kids. I know it can be frustrating, but please know your DD will, most likely, go through many phases where she will prefer one parent over the other. Each of you provide different things that your child needs, and that's what makes you and DH a great team! That being said, you're doing a great job!
    Exactly this.  My husband is definitely more *fun* than I am, and that's totally okay.  He's a more fun, social, outgoing person than me in all settings.  But when my baby is sick or tired there is no one she wants but mama.
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  • kleigh926kleigh926 member
    Thank you so much for the encouragement, ladies! I talked to my mom about this last night too, and she said pretty much the same thing you all did. And, interestingly enough, as I was talking to her on the phone, DD was climbing all over me and didn't want me to be beyond her touch, so that made me feel better to get some baby snuggles :)
    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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