Like a dagger to my heart... (Advice requested)

Danielle0311 · December 2013

****warning, SIL pregnancy mentioned*****
So, I have posted here before about how awful my inlaws are but this morning my MIL's Facebook read like this "2014 is going to be the year we are finally promised our first grandchild" ummmm, wow?! We lost our baby in November and SIL is only 10 weeks along .. Is it just me or is this a) extremely hurtful and insensitive (we had the first grandchild even tho he/she isn't here they still existed) and b) pretty presumptuous to think anything is promised especially at 10 weeks along. I am stunned at how cruel this lady can be. It is not the first time and I'm starting to think she means to do it. Any advice on how to handle this? I want to start 2014 the right way!! Am I over-reacting? Sorry for the vent , hope you ladies are having a great day!

BethKate2 · December 2013

I'm sorry. How hurtful. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably have my H call her and let her know how hurtful it was. I don't know if that's the best option for you, though.

p3ngu1nn · December 2013

((HUGS)) I'm so sorry that you have to deal with someone like that. I agree, I think it's best to have YH address it with her. That is uncalled for.

Danielle0311 · December 2013

Yea, I think you guys are right. If I spoke to her I probably wouldn't handle it well. I'm going to tell DH to call during lunch. I really want to start 2014 without all the negativity that they bring

abryars · December 2013

(((Hugs))) that is so insensitive. Others have given good advice. I think YH should talk to her about it.

svancura1 · December 2013

BethKate2 said:

I'm sorry. How hurtful. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably have my H call her and let her know how hurtful it was. I don't know if that's the best option for you, though.

this! all of this. I'm so sorry. It's not easy to deal with people like that!

jbasore1123 · December 2013

Wow, she sounds lovely. I'm glad you're going to have your DH call.

LM915 · December 2013

wow that is so insensitive! I am so sorry! I'm not sure what I would do... most likely I'd have my husband talk to her about it. ((hugs))

buggirl72 · December 2013

You are definitely not over-reacting. There are a few different ways you can handle this and a lot depends on how much you want to maintain a relationship with her. At the lowest end of the spectrum would be to just ignore it. Not easy but things will stay exactly the same. Do you want that? Asking your DH to address it is the next level. Not sure how on-board he would be with confronting his mom and it still may cause some strife - but she may think before she posts or says something like that.

You could also block her - which is probably what I would do. It could be seen as slightly passive aggressive but if she is already posting crap like this, it is not going to stop. If she notices/asks why she is no longer on your friend list you can tell her exactly why.

Cheekers2010 · December 2013

Ouch! That is so hurtful. She sounds incredibly self absorbed. Unfortunately in her mind what she said is true to her. So, I don't know that saying anything will help. I'd block her. You don't need to be exposed to that.

Lily9911 · December 2013

Danielle0311 said:

****warning, SIL pregnancy mentioned***** So, I have posted here before about how awful my inlaws are but this morning my MIL's Facebook read like this "2014 is going to be the year we are finally promised our first grandchild" ummmm, wow?! We lost our baby in November and SIL is only 10 weeks along .. Is it just me or is this a) extremely hurtful and insensitive (we had the first grandchild even tho he/she isn't here they still existed) and b) pretty presumptuous to think anything is promised especially at 10 weeks along. I am stunned at how cruel this lady can be. It is not the first time and I'm starting to think she means to do it. Any advice on how to handle this? I want to start 2014 the right way!! Am I over-reacting? Sorry for the vent , hope you ladies are having a great day!

Not overreacting at all, that's downright hurtful. I'd have your H discuss this with her and to be perfectly honest, I have NO problem writing something on facebook under that status that requests her to please take that down. Maybe H should go about and do that, since it's his direct family member.

TVLily · December 2013

Wow, people are so insensitive. So sorry you have to deal with this! ((Hugs))!!

E&B0811 · December 2013

I am so sorry. I think @bethkate2 and @buggirl make some good suggestions. If it were me Id have dh call her.

dajhughes · December 2013

I have no further advice than what pp's have said but I just wanted to offer (((HUGS))). I am so sorry.

Danielle0311 · December 2013

Blocking her might not be a bad idea. I don't know how much more I can take

thank you for all this advice ladies.. It means so much to be able to talk to people about this without being judged ((hugs))

Waliany2015 · December 2013

I don't think you are over reacting but I wouldn't take her off your friends list without telling her why. If done that way, it will only cause more drama. My MIL is bipolar and is unmedicated. She deleted me then tried to re-friend me and I refused until we wanted her to be happy that I was pregnant. My point is that I don't think it's a good idea to block without an explanation. Maybe just unsubscribe from her so her status doesn't show on your newsfeed. That way you only read her status when you want to.

luciddreamer106 · December 2013

That is so insensitive. Whether she did it on purpose or is just not thinking of you, it's hurtful either way.

BKRR0913 · December 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this. I would suggest having your H speak with her before blocking her, only because as previously mentioned it could cause more problems, which I'm sure you don't want to deal with. After your H speaks with her, then make the decision to cut ties with her or not. Just a suggestion, and of course in no way to lessen your hurt or the feelings that appear to be completely justified, sometimes dealing with in-laws is like walking on broken glass. Best of luck to you.

KStephens514 · December 2013

I'm really sorry about her comments. That is beyond hurtful. ((Hugs))

5895WolterA · December 2013

I am so sorry that your MIL was so insensitive with her comments. Your feelings are totally justified and you are 100% right that your baby did exist and was the first grandchild. (((hugs)))

I think that @Walainy2015's suggestion is a good one and would probably just unsubscribe from her status updates for now. I would also definitely have DH call her so that you can get some resolution and move forward into the new year.

RustyGirl3 · December 2013

Oh my goodness, that's horrible.

So sorry you have to deal with that. I would have YH talk to her AND block her. She needs to know that it was wrong of her to say that.

I hope it was just a mistake in her wording and that it wasn't intentional. (((HUGS)))

Danielle0311 · December 2013

Tappin2B said:
Oh my goodness, that's horrible.

So sorry you have to deal with that. I would have YH talk to her AND block her. She needs to know that it was wrong of her to say that.

I hope it was just a mistake in her wording and that it wasn't intentional. (((HUGS)))

I wish this was a mistake in her wording but being this is one in a few times she has hurt us since the loss I doubt it

just weeks after my loss when SIL announced her bfp (in a crowded restaurant) my MIL saw we were upset and said "guys this is just a small bump in your life you have to move on and now you get to have a neice or nephew" I mean- she really says the worst things ever!!! I think she's just evil

Frenchteachermama · December 2013

Unbelievable! And on FB! I have been in therapy because of my in-laws for over 2 years. It's taken me a long time to realize (through the coaching of my therapist) that these people will never change and the only thing I can do is find coping mechanisms of how I handle their behavior and actions. I do think that your H should tell his mother how much that also hurt HIM because, at least in my situation, my MIL doesn't care about me but she does care about her son. But in my experience I only talk and work through problems with people I love and who care about me, why bother trying to work through your issues with people who are so toxic? One of my good friends told me this little thing "you cannot get orange juice at a hardware store". You can't expect rational behavior from irrational people.

I say hide her on FB, distance yourself from your MIL and SIL, and start off 2014 doing things that make you are your husband happy and bring you closer. My in laws have almost cost me my marriage and I hate to hear others going through the same thing.

stefuge · December 2013

I agree with the blocking her on FB idea - I wouldn't be able to handle comments like that. Ugh. ILs can be the worst! (sorry - coming off of a rough Christmas with my ILs!)

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