Working Mothers

mfoster134 · December 2013

Hello!

I am torn on a decision I have to make with my career.

I am currently a working mother, I work 4 days a week (roughly 32 hrs). We have one child that is 23 months old. I would really like to move in my career and make more money but it seems every job is 5 days a week. I did make a job switch this past April, I worked there 3 days and hated the work I did and couldn't stop thinking of time I was missing with my little one.

It doesn't seem like much, only one extra day, and we could use the money. I don't know what to do! How do you other working mommies handle 5 days away from your babies?!? Is it worth it to make the switch for me?

jess9802 · December 2013

I find my job rewarding and fulfilling, so that when I'm there, I'm not overly focused on what's going on at home with my son. I think of him and call to check in, but mostly I'm doing my job. The only time I began to feel bad about what I was missing was when I was super sleep-deprived and burned out. I took a week long "staycation" and hung out with my kid, which recharged my batteries. It's been smooth sailing ever since.

Only you can answer the question of whether the switch is worth it to you.

Zimger · December 2013

I agree with the pp. Only you can really make that decision. I work 40 hours a week. I enjoy my job and I make the majority of the money for my family. It wouldn't be feasible for me to quit. I won't lie. Some days are hard but realistically I think that would be true even if I was a SAHM. I don't think the grass is greener on the other side. Being a mom is just a tough job some days.

I do miss my LO when I am at work and I'm sure he misses me. I make sure to set aside time where it is just the two of us doing something fun. We also do weekly trips to the library. That's a special time for the two of us. I think it helps.

aurora1974 · December 2013

The same way I would handle 4 days away. It is just what our life is. I agree with pp that you are the only one that can decide if that will work for you or not. Personally I would work part time if we could afford that, but since we can't I work full time 5 days a week. I just make sure that weeknights are spent with LO and if DH and I want to go out it's on the weekend so we spend time with her every day. That's what works for us.

jnnfrrose6 · December 2013

mfoster134 said:

It doesn't seem like much, only one extra day, and we could use the money. I don't know what to do! How do you other working mommies handle 5 days away from your babies?!? Is it worth it to make the switch for me?

Honestly, I don't understand this question. I don't "handle" being away from my child. I just do it because that's what is right for our family. The school my son is in is fabulous and I know he gets a lot more from them socialization wise and even education wise than I could do at home with him. I enjoy where I work and when I'm at work, I don't focus on the fact that I could be at home with my son because right now that's not even an option, so why dwell on it.

ETA-PT would be an option for me and our family, but I enjoy the work I do and the people I work with. I like the adult interaction and ultimately think the pros of DS being in school is better than me being home with him PT. Long term, I may reduce my hours, especially after the next one comes, but that's still TBD.

michelle615 · December 2013

I work full time because we need both incomes. It's not a choice for me either. There are days I wish I saw DS more, but there are days that I enjoy the balance having a career brings to my life. My DS is in a great daycare facility, he's really blossomed in the 6 months he's been there. We get weeknights and weekends together. And for me, I enjoy not having to worry about where every dollar goes. If I worked part time or was a SAHM that is most likely what would happen. Good luck with your decision!

kerbear135 · December 2013

Another mom who doesn't have a choice..I work 5 days a week because we can't afford for me to be part-time. It was hard at first, but I know DD's being well taken care of and I know at the end of the day, she'll be happy to see me and we'll get some quality time together.

ASmallWonder · December 2013

I don't really see much difference in 4 days vs 5. Sure, an extra day at home is great but it's not a huge change. As to how to handle it, you've got to think beyond the here and now. In a few short years the kids themselves are going to be gone 5 days a week at school. If this is a good career move for you, you've got to think longer term because very soon your work schedule isn't going to be the only thing that affects how you manage your time with your kid(s).

SingleMom31 · December 2013

I could work part time, but I choose not to (and work full time). Honestly, I didn't enjoy being home on maternity leave - I missed the adult interaction and the satisfaction that I get from my job. Now, hour-wise, it's tougher than most (I'm a CPA, so leading up to April is hard and more like 6 long days/60 hrs per week), but I think I'm a better mom for it. I concentrate on work when I'm at work and am refreshed when I get home to see her. We have our special time while I put her to bed every night, and I know that she doesn't forget me while I'm at work.

Thinking of this another way... What is your plan for when he starts school that five days/ week? Keep him home on Fridays since you can't bear to be away from him another day? Obviously not - Off he'll go and you'll be excited when he gets home and can hear about his day, etc. Same difference.

emberlee3 · December 2013

That's a decision only you can make. I am a physician. I work all kinds of crazy hours, but I cut back to 80% full time equivalent when DS was a toddler. That puts me at about 45 hrs/week average, although it includes some evenings and frequent weekend shifts, as well as holidays (I worked Christmas this year). I love my work, and I find it very fulfilling. I love being with my children, too, and we have plenty of quality time together.

jasminelorraine20 · December 2013

5 days a week is not hard for me- if I had to work weekends or night shift then that would be a deal breaker for me, but I get off early enough to cook dinner, sit and eat with my LO, have time to play, have bathtime and a bed time story. I feel like I'm getting an adequate amount of time with my son in the evenings and with 2 full days on the weekend. Like a PP said, when I am at work I'm too focused on my workload and other things to sit and miss spending time with LO. Plus, I like that he's at DC with his friends, learning and doing kid stuff.

RedDDD · December 2013

Honestly I wish I could work 4 days a week. I work 5 days a week and sometimes long hours with a long commute but I hold the benefits and earn a high salary so its not really an option for me. I have friends that are able to work 4 days a week and love it because the day they have off during the week they send LO to DC half day and do all the errands and grocery shopping. So then they have their weekends to relax and enjoy. I wish I had that extra time so I was able to enjoy my time off on the weekends more. I would gladly give up $$ to have a 4 day week.

APendola · December 2013

It's such a personal decision. I'll tell you one thing though - I do appreciate flex work options and that is a factor in me applying to work in certain places. For example, at my work, I work a longer work day but I get every second Friday off. Those long weekends are great. I'd also love a job that offered something like working from home, a short commute, extra vacation days, or flexible start/stop times.

It's great to make money and have a career, but it's also important to find something that allows you to balance your home life and have time to be a mom.

Irishsapphire · January 2014

For me, that extra day would be just an easy day to go to the pediatrician, or a playdate during the week. But as my kids get older, I have been lucky to find activities for my kids that are on the weekends. We go to swim lessons on Saturday mornings and church on Sunday mornings. And I have been at my company for 10 years, so I will take a day off if there is a playdate or some other special opportunity for my kids that I want to go to.

I would only say that it was really only the first year of both of my kids when they were an infant that I wish that I had had more time with. But when they get older and especially during the toddler years, I need a little break from them. And I feel good when someone else can watch them and they are okay (like leaving them at the nursery at church, and they are okay and enjoy playing with toys there).

It is personal choice, but I feel that you should choose a job that you will like doing the most. And if you make more money then that is is a good thing.

mommymegan831 · January 2014

I'm a teacher and because of my experience and the grade level I teach, I'm able to leave right with the kids, so do many other teachers so I don't get any side eyes doing it either. I would really love to try something else and work in a more buiseness like profession, but I've decided I'd rather be with my kids at 3 at a job I don't really love and still have time for parks, picking them up from school, playdates, homework, ect. than work at a job I love and not see them until 5:30 or 6 then rush dinner, homework and bed.

If I were you I'd much rather be in a job right now that was 4 days a week, but in a few years your child will be in school 5 days a week, maybe that would be the better time to make a switch for you.

EMOmamma · January 2014

I'd love to only work 32hrs but it's not an option. If you and your career are fine for another year or two of that then do it, but if you're bored and need to move on then suck it up.

Honestly the way you asked the question is insulting. How do I "handle" it? Like I'm not as dedicated as a mother because of working 1 more day per week? Please.

DawnLilly · January 2014

I want to know where you all are finding these four and five day a week jobs. I work 3 for a corporate and they have offered me 3 1/2 but can't let me go past 29 hours.

DawnLilly · January 2014

I enjoy three days. It's a great balance for us. Everyone has to meet their individual financial needs and balance. I was just wondering because sometimes money is really tight but I don't even have the option for another day. Half a day would be pointless after gas and daycare. I was told that with new restrictions on hours and healthcare they couldn't offer more. I know a lot of people in my workplace and others that were cut hours because of this.

PhantomPower · January 2014

I don't have a choice (we need two incomes) but I realized recently that I don't mind working FT. I enjoy being able to drink my coffee while it's still hot, pee without someone screaming at the door, and feel the pride that I get from a positive career move, bonus, paycheck, etc.

Nothing beats seeing my son's face when I get home from work. Those couple hours I have with him 5 nights/week are quality hours. We really make the most out of weeknights and days off!

I think it's important to maintain a sense of identity outside of parenting, and part of that for me is working. I can also see why people choose to work less/stay at home because I was completely heartbroken that I couldn't SAH for several months after he was born. You ultimately have to choose what is best for you and your family.

christinasullie37 · January 2014

You have to do what is right with your family. One more day isn't going to be that hard but that is easy for me to say because I love my job and I can not do the stay at home thing. I hated being on materninty leave and was ready to go back after two weeks. Don't get me wrong, I love every minute I am with my daughter but I am too much of a busy body to stay home. When I am at work I don't obsess about being at home with DD. I too am a CPA so the house are about to double for me for the next four months. I love my job and I love my kid but mentally working full time is the best thing for me.

melody921 · January 2014

For me, going to work outside the home provides me balance. Yes, there are times I miss my LOs or wish I could be home. But I think if I were home all the time, I would take it for granted and feel I was missing something in the world. I was actually the happiest, schedule-wise, when I worked 3 days a week. But it was a very dead-end job. So when DS was 2, I made the switch to a full-time career. It can be overwhelming, but like you said, the extra money helps. Life is all about choices and sacrifices, and for me, I'd rather have a 5-day-a-week job that I like and that brings a chance for advancement, than a part-time one that is just a job, not a career path. GL in your decision!

mb314 · January 2014

What I find hardest about a 5 day work week is having to take care of the lion share of household cleaning and chores in just 2 Days. I notice that when I have a four day week, i get more time to enjoy activities with DS and I feel less stressed. I like my job and have to work 40 hour weeks to keep a job in my field, so I deal with it. I would love to have a cleaning lady so my weekends were more free.

chillypenguin · January 2014

Before DD was born, I worked 5 days a week (8 hour shifts). After coming back from my maternity leave, I switched to 4 days a week (10 hour shifts). I still work 40 hours, but I get an extra day home with DD. The only downside is the long days (combined with an hour commute each way), but I started going in earlier (I get there at 6 am) so the extra hours in the morning are hours that DD is asleep anyway, so I feel like I'm missing less. Good luck, hope you find the right solution for your family!

Divallyn · January 2014

I don't think it is much different than four days a week. There is some days I miss my kid but most of the time it works well for us. I get six weeks of paid time off a year so that really helps. My son really enjoys his childcare setting which is run by a mom with three other kids. He is so happy there. I did stay home for the first year (1 year mat leave in Canada) so I don't feel like I missed out on much even though I am finding the toddler years much more enjoyable than that first year

Wipz · January 2014

We don't use daycare and both work fulltime 5 days per week

.. I installed security cams in our apartment which works on our android phones.. when I am at work I just sit with headphones on listening in to the crazy goings on at home (rarely on the phone in my job).. it makes it easier because I don't miss out on all the fun stuff and DH can talk to me without interrupting my work with texts or calls ..also our DS seems to wait till we are both present to pull his "firsts" which is super cool.

DH gets the peace of mind of being able to watch over us and home at night too.. so its def a great compromise for us as neither one of us can. or wants to quit working right now...and we didn't want to send him to daycare.

We've worked hard to make this work and it can be exhausting at times..but totally worth it to us. DH and I both pull our weight with the parenting and household chores... it wouldn't work otherwise... some weeks I do more some weeks he does and it just balances as needed.

Wipz · January 2014

he works nights and I work days .. and we don't listen to each other ALL day I just hop in here and there, or if he txts me and tells me DS is up to something. We're real good about it and don't feel like we're being spied on. Now that DS is getting older, I don't feel the need to be on mommy duty 24/7 anymore lol

I always put the camera on patrol when I log on as a courtesy so he knows I am there and he can talk to me through the cam if he needs to ask/tell me something.

It was particularly useful early on when DS was real little as I could send txts with suggestions and advice to DH (first time daddy) to help him out.. they have full remote and two way audio and such so he could ask me a question and I could either text an answer or move the camera to point at an area if he was looking for something and it was a lot easier than him juggling a baby and a phone lol.

In the begining he had problems waking up with the munchkin so that helped him a lot as I could make his phone ring to alert him. LO used to see the camera patrol and point and shout mommy or daddy depending on who wasn't there..it was super frickin cute.. so he is well used to it too.

I totally get the feeling spied on thing, (my mom had a piss fit when she came to visit about it. LOL) but we never had that problem and have always seen it as a plus, rather than a negative that we had such a great tool to enable us to be there even when we aren't. I guess it depends on what kind of relationship/situation you are in.

Our neighborhood is ok,but not the greatest and I know it gave my DH great peace of mind to know he could keep an eye on us and see we were safe at night.

Each to their own.. great for us, not so great if you are self conscious about your other half seeing you dancing and singing to sesame street or Yo Gabba Gabba, or doing other goofy ass shit to amuse the munchkins lol. As long as you have an established trust rule..and no one puts vids on youtube of the other half being an asshat... I'm cool with it..I make an asshat of myself daily whether anyone is watching or not lol.

mfoster134 · January 2014

Thanks so much to everyone for all of the responses! It is nice to have opinions of other mothers. I am definitely in a dead end job. I took it right out of college, to get some experience in my field. I ended up getting pregnant shortly after and I've just kinda stuck with it. There is no room for advancement, or none for many years to come anyway.

I do have an interview coming up this Tuesday and I will take all of your comments into account! Helps to hear stories of others!

And to anyone who took offense to me asking how you "handle" it I meant nothing bad by that. I meant how do you handle it with your routines and emotions. Not sure how anyone got out of that I was calling them a bad mother for working an extra day. By no means. Heck, that may be me in a month! I just get emotional thinking about loosing an extra day with her and that is something I will have to learn to "handle".

izziebee · January 2014

I work 5 days/40 hours a week and would love to cut down to 4 days but not to stay home with my kids but rather to run errands and clean the house. My kids go to a GREAT daycare where they are gaining so much more education and socialization wise than I could ever provide them at home. Even with working 5 days I spend plenty of quality time with my kids in the evening and on the weekends and as with a couple of pp's I found it a little offensive that you ask how we 'handle' it. Not everyone is cut out to be a SAHM or wants to be, that does not make us bad parents. So to answer your question, I 'handle' it just fine, I make the most of the time I have with my kids.

skooterblenny · January 2014

I think it depends on your industry, what works for your family and how you prioritize other things in your life.

My industry is pretty much full-time, 40 hrs+/wk and not able to work from home. I work 5 days a week. That's just what we're used to, and it works because it has to. If something becomes your "normal" then you learn to work within those parameters.

Good luck with your decision!

skibunny59 · January 2014

I'm a teacher. Yes, I work five days a week but I'm home very early (usually picking up my DD by 3), I get nice long breaks for Christmas and Easter, get various shorter breaks for other holidays and stuff, am off 2 1/2 months in the summer, etc. Honestly, that's the only way I am able to "handle" it. I like teaching but honestly I would much rather be a SAHM for right now. I really don't know how other mothers who have to work 9-5 jobs and have to work all year round do it. I guess if I had chosen a different career path I would be in their situation and I would HAVE to do it. So happy I chose teaching.

In your situation, I would probably stick with the schedule you have now and then switch to 5 days a week once your kids are in school.

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