Custody Battle

cprice0219 · December 2013

Hi all, I am fairly new the blogging community, but I am hoping for some encouragement from anyone. A little background story of my situation:
I have a beautiful and smart and funny and loving 14 month old, whom I've had sole physical custody of since February of this year. Her father was taking drugs and got fired from his job and stealing from my parents and lying to me about everything. He was never around and when he was he was sleeping on the couch and expecting me to take care of the baby day and night, work 30hour weeks and cook and clean for him. He was verbally abusive and would never take the baby so I could eat or shower or hell even sleep. When I kicked him out and asked for a divorce, less than a month later he decided to give up his rights and wrote it out and signed it. 3 months later he came back in our lives and was still doing drugs and drinking, never giving me any money to help out with anything and wouldn't ever pay attention to her when he was there. About 2 months ago he decided to go to a 30 day in house rehab facility. When he came back you could see a little difference, but he would still sit on his phone or watch tv or text me 15 minutes before his visit and ask to reschedule and has even fallen asleep and not play with her or help support her. He didn't even bring her a birthday present. We recently tried working out a deal with our lawyers that he kept telling me he accepted but his lawyer wouldn't get back to my lawyer, so now I have gone and paid for the mediation which he is apparently refusing to attend. Last night when he came for his visit (which was longer since he missed last week) he only brought me $20 for the past 2 weeks. We got into an argument because of it, and it ended up him saying I have no case on him any more since he has 2 jobs and went to rehab. Anyone else been in a similar situation that can give me some hope that he wont be able to take my daughter with out supervision by a trusted adult? I am so worried for my daughters safety and I don't know what I will do if something happen to her and I couldn't stop it. Any advice/support??

Worried Momma

tig594 · December 2013

Welcome!

I'm going through something similar. First piece of advice is to cut him off completely. He isn't paying for child support and, unless you have something through the court, I wouldn't be letting him come around for visitation. You have lawyers for a reason. Stop answering his calls and texts. Not even one as he'll see that as a door he can push his way through. Document EVERYTHING. If you are worried for your physical safety try getting a personal protection order. These things will help you with your case but they won't guarantee you'll get what you want. Pull his whole criminal history if you can.

30 days in rehab and working two jobs for a month or two doesn't mean shit, pardon my french. Addiction can't be cured in 30 days. Why did he go? Was it court ordered? If it was, in my opinion, it doesn't really count because he was probably not choosing to be there or really admitting he has a problem and is ready to address it.

He can only come back into your life if you let him. Sounds like he's doing nothing positive for you. He's only bringing you down, running in and out of his kid's life and probably confusing your LO with his revolving door act. Essentially, you're already raising your child by yourself. What do you need him around taking up space for?

MinnesotaMomma91 · December 2013

tig594 said:
Welcome!

I'm going through something similar. First piece of advice is to cut him off completely. He isn't paying for child support and, unless you have something through the court, I wouldn't be letting him come around for visitation. You have lawyers for a reason. Stop answering his calls and texts. Not even one as he'll see that as a door he can push his way through. Document EVERYTHING. If you are worried for your physical safety try getting a personal protection order. These things will help you with your case but they won't guarantee you'll get what you want. Pull his whole criminal history if you can.

30 days in rehab and working two jobs for a month or two doesn't mean shit, pardon my french. Addiction can't be cured in 30 days. Why did he go? Was it court ordered? If it was, in my opinion, it doesn't really count because he was probably not choosing to be there or really admitting he has a problem and is ready to address it.

He can only come back into your life if you let him. Sounds like he's doing nothing positive for you. He's only bringing you down, running in and out of his kid's life and probably confusing your LO with his revolving door act. Essentially, you're already raising your child by yourself. What do you need him around taking up space for?

This. All of this.

cprice0219 · December 2013

Thank you for reminding me that I am not crazy, and that other people think that he's an ass too lol. According to my lawyer it's going to be bad news for me if I take away visits for him, so I unfortunately have to keep those going. I do have a journal he wrote stating all of his drug use and how he stole from my parents and his parents. It also says that he didn't want to be a husband and father in there as well. I have a lot on him, enough that my lawyer thinks we are being repetitive lol! I really just needed to hear from someone outside of the situation to tell me that I'm not crazy and I have every right to keep him from having unsupervised visits. I am really glad I posted something on here! Thank you so much!

cprice0219 · December 2013

Also he went cause he couldn't get a job without going to rehab. Nothing because of me or our daughter. As always it's for selfish reasons and he doesn't care about anyone but himself.

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