moms of multiple dogs

BransonsBecca · December 2013

Hi all. I haven't been around much lately, so I hope I haven't been demoted to lurker status. I'm having an issue with my dogs/husband and thought y'all might be able to help.

Some background: My DHs first dog got cancer and he really wanted one of his puppies so he could always have a part of that dog around. We ended up breeding him with my dog and kept 2 of the puppies. After Heis (DHs dog) passed away, we were a family of 2 humans, and 3 dogs, big dogs, labs. And we were fine with that and not planning on having children.

Currently: Now we have L. The dogs have been moved into the basement, where my DH keeps his computer. They get a little bit of human interaction but certainly not much. It's tough to go anywhere. Vacations are hard because we have to find someone to dog sit since kenneling them can cost more than our trip. We just don't have time to play in the yard with all 3. They are too big for L to be around yet, and the boys are still in a puppy state of mind. I just don't feel like it is a good quality of life for them.

My thought is to try and rehome the 2 boys, and keep my dog, who is a bit older. It is a sensitive situation because I'm asking my DH to get rid of his first dog's offspring. But those dogs are nothing like Heis, to me. Maybe I just needed to vent. What a weird situation.

I'll also add that my DH is so zealous with the boys that I am not allowed to get them fixed, because in the future my DH plans to breed them to keep yet another puppy. Good grief. Someone help me.

britbratjf · December 2013

Well first I will say that I don't own dogs but I grew up with labs and my mom and BFF have labs. My LO is around the dogs a lot with no issue so I'm wondering why you keep the dogs constantly separated from you. Could you let one dog at a time around LO so that he and the dogs get used to one another without the dogs rough housing with each other and potentially hurting LO? Is your yard fenced in? Are the dogs at least able to run around and play out there on their own? As for kenneling it may be cheaper to find a pet sitter to come to your house twice a day to feed and walk the dogs.

3 dogs is a lot to me but I get your H's attachment to the dogs. How old are the younger ones? I just ask because it may be a problem to rehome them together and they might get depressed if they are both rehomed and separated.

You're in a rough situation

. I would hands down insist on having the dogs fix because it will likely calm them down and make it easier to have them interact with your LO. But labs are generally great with kids in my experience so you could certainly start encouraging interaction between your LO and the dogs. Also have you expressed these issues to your H? Does he think it's fair that the dogs aren't getting enough attention? Does he do enough to help you with them?

Sorry this was a really long reply! But I do hope it gave you some things to consider. My LO loves my Moms lab (a smaller female) and my BFFs lab (a huge 100lb male) and they are both really great with her.

snickersforeveryone · December 2013

I have two gigantic dogs (a lab mix and a rottie/chow mix). They are both awesome with my kids. I never leave them alone together, and never give either the kids or the dogs food around each other. We've never had a problem, I'm just super cautious.
I agree with the PP about trying the dogs with your LO one at a time. I don't think I could ever ask my husband to get rid of his dogs, but I think you are right in trying to find a better way of handling things.

cwm11985 · December 2013

I have a pitbull and a lab, two gigantic dogs, one of which is still in puppy mode as well, who have been absolutely fantastic with Tucker (obviously they are never ever ever left alone with each other), so I don't think size is a reasonable excuse to get rid of your dogs. I agree with the pp's, introduce your dogs to your LO slowly. There are so many ways you can change your lifestyle to be a little more accommodating to giving your dogs a better quality of life. You could build a fence in your backyard, even if its just a small area for them to play in when you can't be outside with them, you could spend more time with them when L is alseep, or hire someone to come during the day (if you work) to give them some attention. As far as vacationing goes, that's just kind of what you signed up for when you get dogs; yeah, it sucks and boarding them is outrageous but that's something you knew when you decided to get dogs. I think before you consider rehoming them you need to consider some of the options people have given you here.

bumpuser1509193 · December 2013

Why are they exhiled? Is it just because you have a kid now? Or do they have issues? Of they are not a danger to the kid, they need to be back in the family. As for vacationing, instead of boarding the dogs, try asking if anyone at your vet house sits.
We have an Akita and a Boston that get along fine with the kid.

APendola · December 2013

First of all, I understand that this is a tough situation and that you want what is best for your family. On the other hand, as an owner of rescue dogs and it makes me really sad to read a story like this. If you chose to bred your dogs and keep the puppies, you should be prepared to train your dogs and not isolate them in the basement.

Your child is a year and half? Have the dogs been having supervised time with your baby? The baby also needs to learn how to interact with them. Have the dogs been exiled to the basement this whole time? Keeping them away from the family can make behavioural issues worse. They want to be with you. I know it's tough with three dogs...so maybe start with one dog at a time.

I think if your DH really loves and wants to keep his dogs, he needs to do some work on training them to be part of the family and make some tough decisions (ie. getting them fixed). It's not too late to work with a trainer and slowly introduce them to your child...but if you don't have the time for that, then maybe a new home is better for them.

We have two small dogs and they are doing fine with DD. I never lock them in a separate area of the house but they can chose to go somewhere else if they don't want to be around an active toddler. I also don't leave them with DD unsupervised.

Sorry, I really don't want to go on a rant about my opinion. I understand it's a tough situation and I think you really need to look at your options and talk over with your DH about what will need to be done if you keep the dogs in your lives.

lewispm · December 2013

Like other posters have said, I would definitely introduce the dogs to your LO and give them several months to get used to each other before giving up on them. They may surprise you and learn to be gentle with LO and become great friends!

I think YH is crazy for wanting to breed them again, however I am very against the breeding of pets anyway. We have a serious overpopulation problem with dogs as it is and adding to the problem is a horrible thing to do, IMO.

Please don't rehome your dogs without giving them every chance first. YOU brought them into this world. YOU took on the responsibility, now YOU have to see it through. That means introducing them to your LO, training them to be gentle with her, possibly even seeking the help/advice of a professional, whatever it takes. They are helpless animals and did not choose you as their owners. Please give them every chance possible to be a part of the family that made a commitment to care for them.

ETA: Sorry if this sounded blunt, I am just very passionate about pet owners taking responsibility for their pets. I would 100% get your dogs fixed ASAP. It could even help with some of the temperament issues you are worried about.

APendola · December 2013

bellaxanthe said:

It is a tough situation. I have 2 dogs and I do keep the big one seperated most fo the time from Cosette( due to her hearing, age, and sight issues). I think the first thing to do is to approach your DH about training them more fully. Then go about reintroducing them one at a time to spend time integrated into the family while supervised. If it's still too much, perhaps he would be willing to entertain re-homing one dog (not ideal in my opinion). I understand the financial difficulties in affording a kennel for trips but perhaps there is a neighbor with whom you can trade services. Or a teenager looking to earn a $10 bucks a day.
FWIW We let my dogs on the main floor and close off the play/living area with baby gates (Cosette is here) while the dogs are in the kitche/dining. They still get interaction from us. Once she goes to bed the dogs are let out and get couch time with us.

I think that's a good idea. If you can use baby gates to keep them separate while they are learning, but still able to see you. That way the dogs still get to be part of the family and interact with you but aren't able to knock over your LO at any moment.

BransonsBecca · December 2013

Thanks for all the replies so far, ladies! We do have a large fenced-in backyard and occasionally will have time to frisbee with them. I am just overly paranoid about Lola getting ran over or whacked with their tails. We've introduced them several times with no issues, so I'm not too worried about that.

They were sent to the basement shortly before Lola was born. Our house was/is on the market, so it's just easier to have them downstairs and be able to keep the upstairs cleaner. And with all the baby stuff we were accumulating, we were quickly outgrowing the space in our tiny house (why our house is for sale in the first place.) To be honest, I have missed them being part of our "pack." I understand why my DH wanted to breed his dog. He was such a lovely lab. But I feel as if he is wanting to keep up the fantasy of getting another puppy just like Heisman.

I feel better after reading everyone's replies. I think I will work on getting him to at least consider getting them fixed. And I would really like to try to reintroduce them to being upstairs in the house. I would hate for Lola to miss out on all those doggie snuggles.
:x

Hayden1jl · December 2013

My husband and I were In a similar situation so I can understand where you are coming from. I never in a million years thought that we'd be rehoming a member of our family, but sometimes there is more to it then training and we did not come by the decision lightly. We found a wonderful home for our girl and well it was sad to see her go we knew instantly we made the right decision for her and our family. Having said that, we did try making it work with our two dogs in every way possible before this point. We thought long and hard about different solutions and how they'd impact us and our dogs. I will say that I know that liter mates when kept together are well known for being difficult together. So if o it comes to rehoming, maybe try just one of them first?

StokedWifey · December 2013

BransonsBecca said:

Thanks for all the replies so far, ladies! We do have a large fenced-in backyard and occasionally will have time to frisbee with them. I am just overly paranoid about Lola getting ran over or whacked with their tails. We've introduced them several times with no issues, so I'm not too worried about that.

They were sent to the basement shortly before Lola was born. Our house was/is on the market, so it's just easier to have them downstairs and be able to keep the upstairs cleaner. And with all the baby stuff we were accumulating, we were quickly outgrowing the space in our tiny house (why our house is for sale in the first place.) To be honest, I have missed them being part of our "pack." I understand why my DH wanted to breed his dog. He was such a lovely lab. But I feel as if he is wanting to keep up the fantasy of getting another puppy just like Heisman.

I feel better after reading everyone's replies. I think I will work on getting him to at least consider getting them fixed. And I would really like to try to reintroduce them to being upstairs in the house. I would hate for Lola to miss out on all those doggie snuggles.
:x

I avoided responding because, like @lewispm, this is something I'm passionate about and I'm afraid I'd sound like a real b. After reading your response, I feel like I can respond now.

I understand your house being too small and the need to keep it clean while it's on the market. I'm there too, and until two months ago, had two dogs. While the girls shed like crazy, that's nothing new, and frankly, it's worth vacuuming and sweeping hair to give them a good home like I promised I would when I adopted. They add so much to our lives that that also makes the extra work worth it. Really, the dogs are easier to clean up after than Bryson.

I had one very old dog who pretty much avoided Bryson until she could give him attention on her terms. If he pushed on her or pulled anything, she warned him to leave her alone and he did. The other dog, the one that's still living, is still very much puppy, and while she isn't very big (roughly 47 pounds), could still knock B over. I take advantage of her, both her capacity to hurt him and her willingness to let him do whatever, to teach him about respecting dogs. He's learned how to play fetch without getting run over and not to hit, pull fur or get in a dog's face because of her.

I guess it's pretty obvious, but I think that a dog is invaluable for a kid. I hope you are able to find a compromise that provides the care the dogs deserve.

FWIW, I also think it's crazy he wants to breed the puppies eventually. While I think the sentiment is very sweet, he can't replace Heisman with his offspring.

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