Sister wants to be in delivery room

kandrea888 · December 2013

So my sister is five years younger than me but has three children already. I was in the room for her last two children, which was amazing. That being said we are polar opposites and she really wants to be in there for this one because she this is our last kid. I think she would be fine to be in there for the moment but what I'm concerned with is afterwards. She has no filter. She might share things I don't want her to. She tends to blurt inappropriate things out at the worst times. She also had had pretty easy labors and my first I pushed for three hours. Am I being unreasonable to not want her in there?

Shared from the What to Expect Pregnancy & Baby app:
https://goo.gl/R5hJiD

jessicat2283 · December 2013

No, your body your choice. Did she ask you to be in there, or did you ask to be in her delivery room. I guess that would make a little difference.

kandrea888 · December 2013

I can't really remember if she asked me or not but I have always kind of been that person for her. I'm sure she asked me if I would even want to be in there and would never say no to something like that. But I can also see myself asking her if she wanted me to be in there or if I could be. But like I said we are so opposite and right now she is not really my favorite person right now. I mean I know she would be great in the delivery room I just don't want to deal with any comments she has afterwards. Who knows I might change mind in moment.

angiek1 · December 2013

If you don't want her there then she doesn't get to be there. If you want her to leave the room at a certain point, tell her and the nurses when she has to leave. Your baby, your day, your choice.

bensmommy518 · December 2013

your baby/body = your choice. A good plan for compromise could be to tell her she can be there for delivery but as soon as baby is out and you all know he/she is healthy she needs to leave so you can have your bonding moments alone. Give her the job of going out to waiting room to tell others or making calls to tell other family for you. That will give her something to do and you don't have to worry about her ruining your first moments with baby.

peanutmuse · December 2013

Is this a joke? How do you think any reasonable person would answer this question? Obviously, you get to make this choice. Period, end of story.

ETA: I'm doing a pre-emptive quote, just in case there's a DD in this thread's future.

kandrea888 said:

So my sister is five years younger than me but has three children already. I was in the room for her last two children, which was amazing. That being said we are polar opposites and she really wants to be in there for this one because she this is our last kid. I think she would be fine to be in there for the moment but what I'm concerned with is afterwards. She has no filter. She might share things I don't want her to. She tends to blurt inappropriate things out at the worst times. She also had had pretty easy labors and my first I pushed for three hours. Am I being unreasonable to not want her in there? Shared from the What to Expect Pregnancy & Baby app: https://goo.gl/R5hJiD

kandrea888 · December 2013

I think you she probably stop responding to any of my post. Sometimes woman just want to share what is on their mind without being criticized for it. We are woman who should support each other. So even if all I need to hear is " no it is your body your choice" then let it be. I have noticed that you tend to think a lot of people's post are a joke. Well I'm not laughing

lmills730 · December 2013

I'm just going to echo PPs, but it's YOUR choice. Just because she was comfortable having you there for hers and you enjoyed the experience, doesn't mean that you are comfortable with her there for yours.

kandrea888 · December 2013

I don't like to hurt her feelings so I will probably make the decision in the moment based on how she is acting

peanutmuse · December 2013

kandrea888 said:

I think you she probably stop responding to any of my post. Sometimes woman just want to share what is on their mind without being criticized for it. We are woman who should support each other. So even if all I need to hear is " no it is your body your choice" then let it be. I have noticed that you tend to think a lot of people's post are a joke. Well I'm not laughing

Well aren't you the observant one! Guess what? The fantastic part is, I can respond to whatever posts I want to respond to, however I want to. That also applies to people responding to my posts. Isn't that great?! And now I'm going to be sure to respond to every post of yours. Because I'm feeling feisty like that today. (Heck, who I am kidding? I am always feisty!)

bethughknee · December 2013

I'm going to echo @peanutmuse, here. The question you asked was if you were unreasonable in feeling like you wouldn't want your sister there. Obviously NOT. It's your labor. How would you expect any of us to react? How would you actually feel if someone responded saying "Yes. You're being unreasonable. She's your sister and it's your last baby. You HAVE to let her be in the delivery room." You'd probably defend your emotions. So you know exactly what answers you wanted to get.

This is a question I'd be much more likely to ask a family member or friend and not just a bunch of strangers. It's not the people replying who don't know how this works, it might be that you just haven't spent enough time reading OTHER posts or replying to questions OTHERS have to really learn the tone of this community. Instead, you only ask and then don't always like what you receive.

peanutmuse · December 2013

And for the record, the last part of my original response echoed the exact same thing that everyone else here has said. I just pointed out the fact that you knew that was going to happen... I mean, who was really going to say "yes, you're being unreasonable"? That's a real question, @kandrea888. Do you honestly believe anyone would actually have said that? My guess is no. So you were looking to be coddled. I will offer support when it is truly needed. But I don't do the coddling thing.

peanutmuse · December 2013

And here's some more advice for you. How about talking to her beforehand about your feelings, if you still want to consider having her there? Novel concept, I know. Your idea that you're going to make a decision on the day you go into labor really doesn't address the issue at hand. It sounds like you want her there, but don't want her to share the intimate details of it. That part likely isn't going to change unless you actually talk about it.

peanutmuse · December 2013

KaitiMac said:

kandrea888 said:

I don't like to hurt her feelings so I will probably make the decision in the moment based on how she is acting

ETA: This sounds like a bad idea. You should tell her ahead of time so she doesn't plan on rearranging her schedule to be there. Like PP said, it may hurt her feelings even more, especially since you won't be in any shape to rationally explain your reasoning to her.

I totally agree with @KaitiMac here.

kandrea888 · December 2013

I'm not going to respond to any of this in an attacking mode. I was simply just asking if it is unreasonable because she let me be in there for her. I know it is my body and my choice. But I also wanted to know if maybe someone else might be in my situation. And of course I have already told her I don't think I want her in there when I start pushing but I can see in her eyes that she is disappointed and in return I don't want to hurt her feelings. I also think we are all a bunch of grown woman on here and we should be able to give our opinions and thoughts but I just don't see the point in all the judgement and making someone feel like their concerns are considere

kandrea888 · December 2013

Are considered "a joke"

peanutmuse · December 2013

And again, I will respond that you know the answer to your question and you knew it when you posted. You wanted us to pat your ass and tell you you're not a bad person. Here's the thing, though. I do think it is pretty shitty to not make a decision ahead of time and leave her hanging. So there's that.

And.... I think you need to look back on your posting history and how I have responded to you specifically and reconsider your position on me. Seriously. I'm looking specifically at your kidney and bladder infections thread.

Here, in case you need a link: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12170383/kidney-and-bladder-infections#latest

And now tell me again exactly how I'm not helpful and consider everything to be a joke.

ccip82 · December 2013

I knew there were better things to do today than put away Christmas decorations...

@kandrea888

I echo PPs...Quite frankly this post as with your other previous posts leaves me left wondering why exactly are you posting here. If it is just to gain validation on certain topics, there are many other website forums that would be better suited for you.

babycenter or babygaga come to mind

kandrea888 · December 2013

God bless you all:)

ccip82 · December 2013

Also FFS, no one attacked you...enough with the dramatics.

Siblynika · December 2013

Your body, your choice. Even if your sister was comfortable with you in the room while she delivered, doesn't mean you should extend the same courtesy. Screw her feelings, if she gets upset over you not sharing a private moment, that's her personal problem, not yours, there's no reason for you to feel obligated.

peanutmuse · December 2013

kandrea888 said:

God bless you all:)

@kandrea888, yes, rather than address any of the issues that people have brought up, let's take the holier than thou approach. It doesn't work, sweetheart. Now it's clear that both in real life and on an internet forum, your favored approach is to avoid things when they get tough.

And this is particularly funny for me because you can't acknowledge the fact that I was actually the ONLY person who offered advice and support in one of your posts. What a nice little coincidence.

kandrea888 · December 2013

Move on, don't get all worked up! This is becoming a bigger deal than needed to be. Thanks for all your responses but really I'm not that worried about it.

katags · December 2013

kandrea888 said:

Move on, don't get all worked up! This is becoming a bigger deal than needed to be. Thanks for all your responses but really I'm not that worried about it.

So why did you post about it in the first place if you're not worried about it? Oh, and it only started becoming a big deal when you freaked out on people for responding in a way that you didn't want.

litzo27 · December 2013

I'm not going to comment on the above back-and-worth cause I got nothing productive to add there but to go back to the original question I think that while it absolutely is your right to choose whom to invite to the delivery room there is a good chance that she will get upset if you don't invite her. She probably simply won't understand why wouldn't you want her there - your personalities sound very different. So I agree wtih PP who suggested you have an honest conversation ahead of time, explain your concerns given your prior labor experiences and think of other ways she can be involved that you are both happy with. Maybe she can be at the hospital but not the delivery room, maybe she can be the first visitor you allow to spend time with the baby. But don't let her bully/guilt you in this decision - you would regret that and resent her.

Unknown · December 2013

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tesskerr · December 2013

I'm ignoring the back and forth also. I thought I was going to be there (in the room, or at least in the hospital) for my sister. I didn't even know she had her baby! I was hurt, yes. But I would have been less hurt if we had talked about it first.
Some of us have different family dynamics, some of us (me) can get out feelings hurt quite badly over little things, only you know how this will play out.
Had my sister had me more involved in her birth, I would totally have her with me. Unfortunately (due to other things as well) we are no longer very close, and it sucks. Good luck!

peanutmuse · December 2013

kandrea888 said:

Move on, don't get all worked up! This is becoming a bigger deal than needed to be. Thanks for all your responses but really I'm not that worried about it.

Hunny, no one here is even remotely worked up. I see you're still avoiding that bothersome little link that I posted, though. That's definitely causing me to chuckle.

Unknown · December 2013

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brideandbreve · December 2013

wilburbud said:

kandrea888 said:

God bless you all:)

this made me laugh out loud.. thanks!! I needed that...

I'm giggling like mad over here.

This .gif is spot on.

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