Is there a perfect time?

krcran06 · December 2013

Do any ladies have experience of getting pregnant in the least convenient of times? I am 30 been married for 2.5 years and we had thought that we would have started by now or at least started trying. When I moved to the UK I bounced around jobs and just in Sept I would finally qualify for maternity leave... if we stay where we are. However in the next year my H finishes his PhD and we could end up anywhere in Britain or the US for his job (as a teacher I can go either way). Financially we will be fine even if I cant get my paid maternity but to wait means at least another year again till we are settled. I am just conscious that we want to have a few and it may not happen right away.

Seems that life has a complete different timeline than any of the ones I had planned.

Manateearmz · December 2013

Very few people are able to meet their desired timeline. I wanted to have 3 kids by the time I was 30. I'm 33 and have one toddler, currently TFAS.

It can take up to a year for a healthy couple to get pregnant. IMO there is no perfect time to have a kid.

MusicFanatic · December 2013

Yeah, no perfect time. I think there would always be "something" if you keep waiting, and waiting.. plus you have no idea how long it will take.

When I was "younger", I wanted children in my younger 20's. I was convinced I would have my perfect little family of two children by the time I was 25/26 years old. Uhh.

I'm currently 34 and we juuuust decided to start TTC, this is our second cycle. And we want at least two kids. And my husband is 36. He'll probably push 40 or even later when we have our second.. and that's if I get pregnant with our first in a decent time. I have no idea how long it will take. In other words, we're pretty damn old. I feel so, anyway... especially considering most of my friends are done having kids. And some kids I went to school with have 13 year olds.

But I feel wise now? More ready. But it definitely isn't what I pictured many years ago as my perfect timeline.

ClaireHuxtable · December 2013

Yeah, I'm in the no perfect time camp too. I thought I was "one and done" after I had my son at 22. Um, I'm 39 now and TFAS. I NEVER in a million years thought I would ever even want to get pregnant again. Goes to show, you never know what life will throw at you.

amberhoothoot · December 2013

We wanted to start working on our second early this year. But my son got sick and needed a lot of doc appointments. Then my husband was laid off. I do well and have partially paid maternity leave but we put TFAS on hold because I was too stressed about everything.

Well now DS is doing better and DH has a new job he likes.... And we are on cycle 6. Sometimes I'm glad we waited. Other times I really grieve the lost time for trying. I know we would have been ok if it had happened sooner.

If you can handle an unpaid maternity leave and possibly a move while pregnant or with a newborn, I wouldn't put it off. You never know how long it could take. Anything up to a year is normal. If you wait, it may take years for things to get stable and then you'll be panicking about the timeframe if it doesn't happen right away.

krcran06 · December 2013

Thank you ladies... its a bit relieving to hear. Sometimes I wish it would just "accidentally" happen so we both don't have to fret over the decision and the whats and ifs. Knowing the situations many of my friends and family were in when they started families are far worse then mine.

Until then I will continue running, CrossFitting and playing rugby up until I get the signal its all over for a year

vrj0522 · December 2013

I got pregnant and my son was born while neither DH nor I had jobs. Gratefully we had the savings to make it work. However, had we waited, who knows how things would've turned out (delay in pregnancy like I'm having now, etc)? I'm grateful we did it like we did and now that my husband works, what was going on at that time has no bearing on our present and we have a baby that we otherwise might have not had.

Timing will never be perfect, especially if you want more than one. You have to make the time and decide how to make it work.

vrj0522 · December 2013

WhoCanItBeNow said:

vrj0522 said:

I got pregnant and my son was born while neither DH nor I had jobs. Gratefully we had the savings to make it work. However, had we waited, who knows how things would've turned out (delay in pregnancy like I'm having now, etc)? I'm grateful we did it like we did and now that my husband works, what was going on at that time has no bearing on our present and we have a baby that we otherwise might have not had.

Timing will never be perfect, especially if you want more than one. You have to make the time and decide how to make it work.

No jobs and no insurance is a perfect example of shitty timing and something to NOT strive for. How awful that you think telling people to go for it is ok because "it'll just work out". No, most of the time it does not. Most of the time it is the start of a downward financial spiral, which usually drags down your personal lives as well.

Absolutely awful advice. Please don't ever spew that crap to anyone ever again.

I agree. It is the worst timing, but it happened. And for the record, we did have insurance, not sure where the assumption that we didn't came from. We were financially stable and were able to wait until my husband found a job. What I was saying is that timing will never be perfect and I wouldn't change having my child. Had we not been in a good financial position I would have said that trying to have a child while neither one of us is working is completely irresponsible but because we were okay financially we decided that getting pregnant was more important than waiting for the job.

I did not tell her to go be irresponsible in the way she plans it. Obviously she already has a plan in place. What I said, and the reason why I used our example, was because timing is never perfect and you have to make things work. I was not saying go have a baby while you have no money.

krcran06 · December 2013

Well in England we have the NHS so all things medical related are free (no copay) including all meds which I pay 10/month for. This is one of my reasons I want to get it going ASAP because of the medical costs of having a baby in the states are so much higher even with decent insurance.

To lighten it up as I am sitting her talking about this he is "playing" with lego and actually building something to use in the lab tomorrow... men never do grow up.

AppleGrapeMSTK · December 2013

I found out I was 10 weeks pregnant at my wedding. I had just quit my job, and we lived in MIL's basement. I was terrified because of our situation. We would have never planned for a baby under those circumstances.

We are in such a better place now- not perfect, but comfortable.

vrj0522 · December 2013

WhoCanItBeNow said:

It's extremely rare to still have insurance when unemployed, especially one that will actually cover maternity.

Your post comes off very "it worked out for us, so have all the babies no matter what!". Draining your savings isn't the best financial option, and many don't have that option. Does shit happen where you have everything in place and then you meet unfortunate circumstances? Absolutely. The goal should not be to start trying when you don't have those things in place. Many do and think they are going to end up like your situation. Even with your savings, you are an exception that things worked out in a positive manner in a very short period of time.

Some assumptions made about my story, but point taken. And I agree with the rest.

icaughtfire · December 2013

I always said I wanted 2 kids close together in age & wanted to start trying for the first in my early 20's. When I unexpectedly got pregnant at 22, the timing couldn't have been more awful. DH (my then-boyfriend) had recently been laid off, I was barely making it by as a server & we wound up living with his parents for almost a year. Now my daughter is 4.5 and I just now decided I felt okay to start TFAS. Our lives & financial situation have improved dramatically since my daughter was born, but I still think things could be better. My husband pointed out that in almost five years the situation hasn't met my ideal yet, who's to say it will in the next five years? If you feel comfortable enough to start trying now, even though the situation isn't your ideal, go for it! There really is no such thing as the "perfect time."

janda426 · December 2013

I always thought Id want my nursing career to be above and beyond anything else, but the desire to be a mom has definitely taken over. I quit my job in the ER and am working on finishing my BSN. I'm still 2 years away from graduating but I plan on being a SAHM for a few years anyway so it's not necessary for me to finish before having a baby.

I never thought I'd be trying for a baby before being finished with school, but we own our home, cars paid off, no debt, H has an amazing job with lots of raises lined up in the next few years, insurance and tons of vacation and sick time. My MIL just retired and she lives down the street and has already expressed interest in watching our child for free whenever we need it, as she does for my SIL. As far as I'm concerned things are great and we could definitely live comfortably with a baby at this point in our lives. Sure it would feel better for me to have my bachelors in hand, but well survive.

kibylou · December 2013

I am 30 and we wanted 3 more kids before 35... Not sure if we are going to manage it with my sanity intact

divinemsbee · December 2013

I'm going with the there are better or worse times to have a baby, it depends on where you are. For example, some people want their student loan debt completely paid off. That's not an option for me without the lottery, but my payments are manageable and interest rate is low and we have no consumer debt, so I'm fine with maintaining that payment while we try to have kids. Now is a better time for us, and a better time for us to seek testing because we are near an excellent facility that offers treatments at huge discounts rather than us having to seek a civilian doctor. I do know that I'm happy we got married when we did and started trying when we did, even though I really thought I'd be TFAS by now. But life doesn't always go as planned. We wanted 4 kids and to be done by the time I was 35. I turn 30 next week and we've been trying for our first for a little over a year. Timelines change.

ColinTheRobot · December 2013

We waited for perfect timing for us, even though others might have waited for a couple more things to fall in place (like owning a house). I think each couple has their own "perfect" that may not be another couple's perfect.

Matt&Monia · December 2013

There is no perfect time I look at it like just don't miss your window so many wait until they miss the child barring age.

ngolimento · December 2013

There is no 1000000% perfect time.

However, there are times when it's the stupidest thing you could do. Take me and my H. He just switched jobs, and he hasn't gotten a paycheck in two months. I am taking BC until about June because we need to financially recover and build savings (there's no guarantee I'll have a 100% healthy pregnancy/baby).

I can barely keep from rolling my eyes at all the people that tell me "oh you'll never be ready, have one now." No thanks to the Welfare, oh wise one.

krcran06 · December 2013

Thank you ladies for all the advice- and I second that about student loans!

I am seriously considering doing Teach for America if we move back to a major city just for the benefit of getting my federal loans written off. I am a foreign qualified teacher in chemistry and biology which they need desperately- and I love teaching inner-city kids. They get a good teacher who has no ideals of what the kids are like... I get my qualification and my loans off my back. Basically as close to the lottery as I can get.

Other than that I agree with you all- we have insurance, savings and as he is also an Engineer job prospects look very good with high salary, and with my history of PCOS I am terrified that we will end up needing assistance of some type (my ovaries like to be highly dysfunctional at inappropriate times). That all said I will be that a$$hole who posts in a month that I got a positive

catmagick · December 2013

I wanted three kids by 36. I got married at 31 and we started TTC when I was 33. Wellllll, I got so sick two months into it that we could barely have sex. While I'm surprised we never got pregnant I'm glad in a way because I had so much medical shit going on. Now I'm 34.5. Going to start testing soon. I lost my job and have been subbing. H has a good job with great insurance, but all things considered it's still not ideal. But with my age I just can't wait anymore. There isn't ever a perfect times, but like PPs have said, you just never know what will come up.

Ducktale · December 2013

I'm also in the camp of there may not be a perfect time but there are stupid times. The thought process of there will never be a perfect time makes me cringe because I've had friends use that as an excuse to try to have babies at really really stupid times.

Is there a perfect time?

Re: Is there a perfect time?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards