Should I ask permission?

ThankfulSnail · December 2013

My husband and I are about 95% sure we will be naming our little one Elizabeth and calling her Libby. I knew for a long time that Elizabeth was DH's niece's middle name, but it never really bothered me because it's such a common middle name and we will be calling LO by a nickname, anyway.

Someone in peanut's name thread mentioned that she had thought about naming her son the same as her sister's son's MN and asked her sister first if she would be ok with it. This honestly never occurred to me as being necessary, since it's not like we're giving her the same first name as DH's niece, and BIL and SIL are such big proponents of keeping the baby's name secret until baby is born, going as far as standing up for us and telling MIL to knock it off when she tries to get hints.

Are we weird/rude for not asking for BIL/SIL's permission to use their daughter's MN as our baby's name? Or do you think it's ok to go forward with the name we chose?

silentsiren11 · December 2013

I don't feel it is necessary to ask. Especially in this case. Keep it secret.

susieandmarty · December 2013

Use the name and no need to ask. They don't own a name - especially one that is super familiar. It is not like they invented a name and you used it.

silentsiren11 · December 2013

And they already sound pretty supportive.

megs12914 · December 2013

It was me who had this situation. I just asked my sister because she is super formal and is the type of person that might get upset by it. Don't let that worry you! I just decided against it because I wasn't hooked on the name.

AnnikaD20 · December 2013

We don't know your family dynamics, but I don't think you have to ask permission to use a variation/nickname version of an extended family member's middle name. Middle names are rarely used in daily life, and most people don't even know each others middle names.

One of my cousin's kids has my middle name for her first name, and it's not weird at all.

Shannahbee · December 2013

I think you're fine because it's such a common name, isn't your relative's first name, and you plan to use an uncommon nickname. Wouldn't worry about it.

CanadianGamerMom · December 2013

I would use the name without asking. Even if you planned on using the same first name (as opposed to the middle name) I still wouldn't ask. You can't ban someone from using a name.

We were told we weren't allowed to use a certain name by my SIL/BIL, but we're using it anyways because it's a family name and we've had the full name picked out for years now. No one knows the names we chose.

moosebaby2011 · December 2013

I wouldn't worry about asking permission. It's a pretty common name.

brideandbreve · December 2013

I wouldn't worry about it, and I wouldn't ask for permission.

While I totally understand the frustration or anxiety over someone "stealing" a baby name, I think that these situations get blown out of proportion. Asking someone for their permission to name your child something that you want seems really unnecessary to me, and it also seems to perpetuate the ridiculousness of the whole "stealing" of baby names.

It's one thing if you're going to a family member and saying, "We want to name our daughter Elizabeth in honor/memory of.." and asking for their blessing.. but asking for permission just seems a bit much.

BUT! OP, I give you some serious points for being thoughtful and considerate of family. And I also give you points because Elizabeth is one of those classic names that just never goes out of style.

cja06 · December 2013

I wouldn't ask in this case. DH asked if I needed to consult with my mom about using my grandmothers name for our LOs MN and I said no. I don't think anyone really owns the right to use or not use a name. The only exception for us was when we decided we wanted to use Christopher for our first son. We loved the name and wanted to name him after DHs cousin who died tragically at 19 in a car accident. We asked DHs aunt for permission to use the name and she was really touched. But that was a first name and a close relative and named after a young person who died.

ThankfulSnail · December 2013

Awesome, thank you so much, ladies! I had a feeling I was over-thinking this and feel much better getting some validation.

peanutmuse · December 2013

I personally don't think it's necessary to ask, especially with a relatively common/classic name. But, as I've discovered with my own name dilemma, every family has its own dynamic. So you really are the only ones who can make this choice for your family. Good luck!

Lena122 · December 2013

We named DS after my grandfather and my older nephew happens to have that name as his MN. It never even occurred to me to ask my sister if it was okay. It's a relatively common name.

mj0413 · December 2013

I think you're fine! If it was an uncommon name it might be different, but in this case I wouldn't worry. Your family sounds cool that they are sticking up for you to keep it a secret! Everyone nags us about our name!

bee1916 · December 2013

I think you shouldn't have to worry about it, especially because it's a middle name. Obviously, you know how your family will react better than I do though.

BTW, Elizabeth is the best name ever

It happens to be mine, although I spell mine with an "s" instead of "z".

ThankfulSnail · December 2013

bandbgrams said:

I think you shouldn't have to worry about it, especially because it's a middle name. Obviously, you know how your family will react better than I do though.

BTW, Elizabeth is the best name ever It happens to be mine, although I spell mine with an "s" instead of "z".

I never considered spelling it Elisabeth before... You may have just given DH and I something to talk about, that is very pretty!

waittilltomorrow · December 2013

Depends on your family dynamic. Elizabeth is my sisters middle name but also a name we considered for our DD3. My sister did not want us to use the name as she had plans on using the name if she has a daughter in the future. I didn't use the name to respect her wishes. It is a lovely name though

If you like classic names like I do, I had a look at some of the names the English royal family has used in the past. I also asked my grandparents to list down some old family names for inspiration as well.

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