I need advice.

ARJ6511 · December 2013

I have a sister with untreated personality disorders (borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic). She is very manipulative and has a history of turning people against me. Some of my cousins, for example, don't talk to me unless she says it's ok. I don't know how she accumulates followers, but she does. She has even turned friends against me over the years. She is just nuts and my family enables her.

After seeing her on Christmas, I am getting really worried about how things are going to play out as DD gets older. DD of course was born on her birthday (gag). My sister keeps saying things like how their birthday is just going to be about the two of them and just the two of them will go out..etc. She also says that DD is going to like her better than me and she will make sure of it. I'm getting anxious because I'm not sure how to protect my child from her. We limit contact already. I don't want her turning DD against me, but I'm so terrified of it because she has done that so many times before. I just don't know how to handle this. I don't want to have to completely cut off my family, either. I just feel stuck. I can't bring up the mental illness to anyone because I get screamed at and it is denied. Everyone acts like there is nothing wrong with her and I'm nuts for bringing it up.

Any thoughts on how to protect LO from her?

Aprilbaby49 · December 2013

I can't even imagine having to worry about somebody turning my own LO against me. It must be so difficult for you to deal with this issue especially since it sounds like your family is in denial about her mental illness.

Unfortunately if she (and everyone else) is in denial about here mental illness then she will not be treated appropriately and her problems will persist. My only advice is to continue limiting contact with her and to set limits/boundaries with her when she is around your LO.

For instance, if she says that their bdays will be all about just the two of them. Respond with "no, it will not be about only the two of you. It's wonderful that you share birthdays but I will celebrate MY baby's birthday with her along with family and friends." Or if she says that your baby will like her better than you and just flat out tell her that it is inappropriate to say.

Just remember that you are the center of your LO's world. Your sister will not be able to turn her against you. Remind yourself that your sister has a mental illness and try not to let her little comments get to you. I know it's easier said than done but just try your best to be consistent and set boundaries. It doesn't help that your family enables her behavior but you can do your best to manage it when it comes to protecting your LO.

skidderdo · December 2013

As your child grows, you should just engage in age-appropriate conversations about mental health- your doctor may be able to help you with this. And just continue to emphasize respect and love for other people. Ugh what a tough situation, people with personality disorders can be incredibly challenging to deal with. I would minimize contact too, although remember that it is not "contagious" - you just need to teach your child that manipulative behavior is unacceptable

Angela814 · December 2013

My ex-SIL is bipolar and has borderline personality disorder. She denies the later but fits the description perfectly.

My BFF's ex-BF and his mom both have narcissistic personality disorder. Both untreated because they don't think there's anything wrong with them.

I wish I had advice. I think the only thing you can do is keep limiting contact. I wouldn't let your DD spend any time alone with your sister if she's going to be disrespectful of you.

arschm02 · December 2013

Yuck. We are dealing with this with my SIL. We pretty much decided we don't want DS around her at all unless she starts taking responsibility of her actions. She's too manipulative and we don't want her to end up hurting DS with her actions. She has not seen him since about 1 month old. It sucks he won't know his aunt but we feel it is better to protect him. We will continue to talk about her to DS as he gets older and as for now, the ball is in her court. If she really wants to see DS she can take steps to take control of her mental health.

ARJ6511 · December 2013

Thanks for all of the advice and support. I appreciate it!

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