family being so ridiculous

jencity9 · December 2013

I'm strangely paranoid about family finding a post about them online, but I need to get this off my chest! (I may delete/edit later!) My and DH's family have known about every step of our IF issues and have overall been extremely supportive. I can't imagine not telling them about everything. BUT the only really insensitive issue lately has been that my BIL is getting married in Sept and has been making clear he will be pissed if ANYTHING stops his brother (my DH) from attending his wedding out of state. Today DH told him about our insemination on Christmas Eve, and while he wished us luck, he also basically said he would "disown" DH as a brother if he is not there regardless of if I were to be having a baby, etc. He thinks we should plan around the possibility of being unavailable in Sept. My thought beyond just being ridiculous is that we started TTC YEARS before he met his fiance, and we re-dedicated ourselves to the IF process long before he got engaged. It literally took all of last year to do all the things I had to do for testing and then my surgery and then the mandatory three month wait before starting IUI. And we have NEVER suggested that he plan his wedding around us. DH hasn't said tooo much to him at this point because no point in creating huge conflict when, who knows, it might not be an issue. BUT, I told DH I sort of feel like every cycle that doesn't work now (especially this one) I feel like I will blame on him like he put that vibe out in the air that it is not convenient for him if we were to get pregnant this month. Not to mention that even after BFP I will continue to worry that everything continues well etc. I am typically very able to not let things get to me (lots of practice as a LMHC) but this is really making me mad!! (DH has made it clear that I/we are his absolute priority and that this is not even a question in his mind).

pcrumley · December 2013

Oh. My gosh @jencity9 how selfish of your BIL to even bring that up, baby trumps wedding anyway bc for one, most ppl get divorced anyway. And second, it's a human life! Forget he even said it, some people just don't know when to put their Foot in their mouth. I'd proceed like normal and who cares if you guys are 9 mo pregnant when the wedding comes, baby > wedding. I'm so sorry u had to deal with that. My husband is going to be a best man in June in florida (we live in Ohio) and we made it clear if we were 3rd trimester by then, we wouldn't be joining them, and they understood. I mean it's a small chance for us to get pregnant and obvi we didn't. But that was terrible for him to say that to u, vent away girl, you need it.

jencity9 · December 2013

Thanks @pcrumley! I really appreciate the support and validation... I have had moments when I wondered if we really should put off IUIs until there's no way it would conflict with that date, but then I realize (and others have also told me, including DH) don't I dare do that, lol! DH is supposed to be the best man and the thing is they are really not even that close... we'll see how it goes I guess. That's awesome that the people whose wedding your husband is best man for are understanding!

pcrumley · December 2013

@jencity9 yeah they are super understanding but they are also the ones that say "just relax, and it'll happen" type people. I would DEFF not put of any iui's ; do them when u can, as often as you can bc this is your baby/babies you're talking about. I'm lucky my husband and his brother aren't close. (He's the black sheep) bc I think I'd ruffle a few feathers arguing that he was being a selfish pig! Lol and a groomzilla! Lol and if they think they are under financial stress from planning a wedding, they should try how much IF costs!

RunCC37 · December 2013

That is absolutely ridiculous and completely immature for your BIL to say that. Honestly, no one has any control over the situation, and I think it is incredibly selfish for your BIL to say such a thing. Sorry he's being a jerk about it.

Mozzarella13 · December 2013

I'm so sorry BIL is being a jerk--I think he deserves a TP in fact, but that might be the Clomid talking!

jencity9 · December 2013

@pcrumley yes definitely a groomzilla, LOL!!

@mozzarella13 haha I agree with the TP

Thanks @runcc37. I agree, it's so selfish!

chickysue · December 2013

I'm not sticking up for the guy by any means, but a wedding is really important too and I could understand his disappointment if his brother can't make it.

That said....If he chooses to disown him and carry on like a big child, that's his decision. You and DH need to keep yourselves in a bubble and just let this roll off your backs. It's just not worth the frustration, your bil is acting like a child, he's talking out of his ass and he doesn't understand what's involved in IF and how the process works.

If you get pregnant and can't go to the wedding, he should consider that karma for his ridiculousness. Try to stay calm and relaxed, I know it's difficult.....

jencity9 · December 2013

@chickysue I definitely get that he would be really disappointed, and honestly I'd be disappointed if for whatever reason we/I couldn't go. But I wish he was able to be a little more empathetic and not so extreme. But he has literally said that if it came down to it he would expect his brother to choose him over his wife and hypothetically his child. I find that ironic since he is getting married and is going to have to learn how to put his wife first.

rox825 · December 2013

NariaDreaming said:
I want to kick your BIL in the dick. He's being an exceptionally selfish asshole.

OMG I just laughed out loud at this! Nicely put, I'm with Naria. It's definitely ridiculous for him to think that there is any kind of choice to be made if you do end up with an EDD around his wedding. Duh. Grow up, man.

CandaceC1020 · December 2013

Your husband should hunt his brother down and deliver one quick, swift kick to his brothers balls.

Haha! @NariaDreaming- We think alike.

jencity9 · December 2013

@nariadreaming thank you, that made me laugh! And seriously we SHOULD mention the cost... Especially since in January we start our $4,000 deductible all over! And that was the other thing I considered, that putting it off would really mean for several cycles because you never know what would happen during those 40 weeks... Assuming one of these cycles is even successful!!

DharmaChick · December 2013

How immature and selfish! I know it's hard to put that out of your mind, but try to focus on the important stuff and let your hubby deal with his brother.

There have been a couple of times that I've had concerns about the "timing" of things and wondered about waiting on things. Fortunately, I have an awesome best friend (one of the only ppl who knows about our situation) who simply said: "Timing is never perfect. If you want this (a baby) then do what you need to do." I try to remember that whenever I have doubts.

*Hugs*

Want a personalized experience?

family being so ridiculous

Re: family being so ridiculous

Choose Another Board

Search Boards