Sex check-in

ATLdesi · December 2013

Well - DS is 10 months now, which means I'm 10 months postpartum. Nearly a year. And sex is STILL extremely uncomfortable for me. I had an all natural unmedicated vaginal delivery, and sustained a 3rd degree tear. I had a looooot of stitches. At my 6 week PP checkup, my OB told me that everything looked fantastic and that I'd healed incredibly well. During regular activities and even when working out, I don't feel anything out of the ordinary down there. But - during my period when I try to use tampons/Diva cup, and with sex, it is still incredibly uncomfortable and almost painful. Everything feels very tight and rigid, with no elasticity - so it's super overwhelming.

Over the last 10 months, my DH and I have only done the deed twice. TWICE. And - honestly, that was two times too many for me. I feel awful about it, but it's true - I have absolutely no desire to experience the discomfort. I tried both those times just b/c I thought maybe if we got started, I'd get into it and things would, er, relax - but no dice. And admittedly, I also have zero sex drive. I've been EBF my DS, and we introduced solids at 6 months but went slow with it. Only now at 10 months, he's taking 3 meals a day and a few small snacks, and has spaced out his nursing sessions from every 1.5 hours during the day to maybe 2-2.5 hours. We've just had a few stretches this week where he made it 3 hours between nursing sessions - the first time in his entire life. My PP period came back around 8 months, so I've had 3 now. But no change whatsoever in sex drive.

I've been blown away by the number of BFP's on this board lately - and happy for all involved! But I'm also quite mystified at the fact that other people here are having sex lives, let alone enough sex to create new babies, LOL

Am I the only one with this whole discomfort situation? Any STM+'s that have insight into this?

tamarar5 · December 2013

I'm sorry you're still experiencing pain! I had a 2nd degree tear along my previous episiotomy scar so I think that helped with healing-- since the nerves there were already damaged, it didn't hurt much. But I will say the first several times DTD afterwards were uncomfortable. Like certain positions were too much to bear. I could only do boring missionary because any other way put too much pressure on that new tissue. For me, that went away with time.

With your birth injury, that is significantly more damage than what I had (and mine was bad enough!!!). Its possible that the lack of sex drive is not allowing your body to relax and produce enough lube? Maybe its still too soon for the new tissues for you? I would definitely talk to your Dr though, because there is always the risk of scar tissue attaching itself to the wrong things and you would want to make sure that didn't happen to you.

Good luck! I hope you feel better soon.

eriannc22 · December 2013

I have heard that while BF'ing sex is just plain uncomfortable for some women. And it doesn't go away until weaning. I had a C section but for about 4 months sex was waaaay too painful. Now with a lot of lube it is usually okay. We are still BF'ing a lot. Sorry you are so uncomfortable. I've had lots of issues with pain during sex and it's no fun at all.

mattanda2011 · December 2013

I will say sex got a lot better as soon as I finished BF at about 7.5 months.

I also got a BFP 3 weeks later....go figure!

DBW0622 · December 2013

It was tears in my eyes painful up until 6 months. I told myself I was going to call the Dr. If by 6 months it wasn't better, for me it was. I mentioned it to my OB later, and she said I should have come in because she could have helped. Idk what that means, but there has to be something the dr. can do....I think it's worth a visit! Good luck!

ericalee27 · December 2013

BFing absolutely kills my libido and I'm just not into it at all...so you are not alone, OP!!! When I stopped BFing DS1, it definitely picked back up again so hopefully the same will be true this time. I'm also hoping we can go ahead with DH getting the big V so I can get off hormonal BC, which doesn't help things either!!!

tdmd09 · December 2013

I had a c-section (so no healing issues) and am not BFing (so no hormonal issues) and sex hurts so bad I cry. I ended up having a laparoscopic surgery on Thursday because my OB was concerned my pain was from endometriosis, but that was completely normal, so I'm at a loss. We've tried several times but I can only last a minute or two before the stabbing pain starts and we have to stop.

I have no idea what's wrong but it's frustrating, miserable and demeaning. At this rate we will never have another baby, ever.

ATLdesi · December 2013

I'm sorry that I am late in replying here - but I want to thank all of you for your replies. While I'm sorry that others are experiencing difficulties in the bedroom department, for what it's worth I'm feeling a lot less alone now. It's weird - many times I've considered calling my OB to talk about this, but was somewhat unmotivated to do so b/c a) she told me at my PP check-up that everything had healed perfectly, so I didn't really think it was an issue of things healing wrongly, and b) I too have a hard time talking about these things in person, in real life, not anonymously $:\$ "> I know I shouldn't feel that way with my doctor, but I do!

I'm not sure, but I suspect that my problems might actually be more due to BFing than my scarring from the delivery. My new moms' support group leader told me that the hormones involved in EBFing reduce both vaginal lubrication and elasticity, and that while it's possible to fake lubrication, there is no way to fake elasticity. I think this is my issue.

My mission is to EBF till one year, and then switch to cow's milk if possible. I am willing to keep nursing DS mornings and nights, or something like that, if he wants. He is extremely attached to me/my boobs so I'm anticipating this will be rough! He is a big-time comfort nurser. But for a number of reasons, I think it would be healthy for us to change our nursing relationship at a year. I'm hoping that at my one-year normal OB check-up, I can talk a little about this, and then go into this reduced BFing mode and see if that changes things.

Anyway. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and offering suggestions here!

draeray · December 2013

FWIW, I don't have any sex drive, ever. I did before DS, but now I could care less if it ever happened again. Once we get going, I am fine but getting passed the saying No part is where I struggle. I am not BF anymore so I don't know where it is coming from. I try to make sure it happens for DH's sake and I really feel bad that I never want to do it anymore.

Wife2Billy · December 2013

If I can just let you know, a while back I experienced issues with my bladder and actually was sent to a physical therapist for it. While I was there she informed me that she also sees women who experience pain during sex. Some PP and some who were trying to have sex for the first time. If after you stop BF you are still experiencing issues I figured I would let you know there are options available to you. A healthy sex life is important so don't be concerned about addressing this with your doctor if needed. Wishing you all the best.

khaze · December 2013

I'm a FTM, but I'd make an appointment 6 months ago with your OB and talk about what's going on with your body. I ended up going in for a 2nd postpartum visit 4 months PP due to still having pains from the horrible SPD I had while pregnant and my OB was fantastic about helping me get it taken care of ASAP. I've heard about people using some type of estrogen cream on their tears to help improve elasticity, maybe you can bring this up with your doctor and see if that is something he or she would recommend for you....
Good luck!

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