Swearing

kadymax · December 2013

My son just turned 6 months. He is learning things very quickly. I have asked my entire family to take it easy on the swearing. My sister just returned home from school and every other word out of her mouth is a swear word. I have asked her nicely to watch her mouth when she is around my son, if she wants to swear her face off when he isn't around I couldn't care less. Yesterday, she lost it on me and told me to stop trying to change the way she is and who she is, and that she swears so to deal with it. I told her if that is how she is going to be then I don't want her around my son. I don't need his first word to be a swear word.

Am I wrong to tell her I don't want her around if she is going to be swearing all the time?

Shoecrazysarah · December 2013

MrsMuq said:
So, you want to control your family's freedom of speech around your child? Huh.

Unless your sister was saying racist/discriminatory/violent things, and/or openly bashing you/your H/your LO in front of LO, I'd let it go.

You're not going to change how someone speaks on a daily basis because you don't like what words they use.

If you choose for your sister not to have a relationship with your LO because she curses (which is inevitably what will happen if you don't let your LO around your sister), I think you're hurting your LO a lot more than if he hears a swear word occasionally.

Wha...? Freedom of speech? I thought u were being sarcastic at first! I'm pretty sure cursing does not fall under freedom of speech.

Your sister is an adult. She can certainly control her speech around your LO, the same as she does around her professors or at her place of employment.

I think you are right to set the precedent when LO is young.

jennme · December 2013

Shoecrazysarah said:

So, you want to control your family's freedom of speech around your child? Huh.

Unless your sister was saying racist/discriminatory/violent things, and/or openly bashing you/your H/your LO in front of LO, I'd let it go.

You're not going to change how someone speaks on a daily basis because you don't like what words they use.

If you choose for your sister not to have a relationship with your LO because she curses (which is inevitably what will happen if you don't let your LO around your sister), I think you're hurting your LO a lot more than if he hears a swear word occasionally.
Wha...? Freedom of speech? I thought u were being sarcastic at first! I'm pretty sure cursing does not fall under freedom of speech. Your sister is an adult. She can certainly control her speech around your LO, the same as she does around her professors or at her place of employment. I think you are right to set the precedent when LO is young.

THIS!

trudibell · December 2013

Full disclosure I come from a long line of foul mouthed people. It's really hard for me to not swear a lot. When my husband tells me to stop swearing I find myself almost subconsciously swearing more. It's kind of unfortunate and I hope it works itself out before LO's first word starts with f. I'd give your sister a break, maybe just give her an obvious side-eye when she does it, but I wouldn't bar her from your child - unless of course her speech is racist, sexist, or intolerant of others, that I would not tolerate.

Shoecrazysarah · December 2013

MrsMuq said:

Shoecrazysarah said:

MrsMuq said:
So, you want to control your family's freedom of speech around your child? Huh.

Unless your sister was saying racist/discriminatory/violent things, and/or openly bashing you/your H/your LO in front of LO, I'd let it go.

You're not going to change how someone speaks on a daily basis because you don't like what words they use.

If you choose for your sister not to have a relationship with your LO because she curses (which is inevitably what will happen if you don't let your LO around your sister), I think you're hurting your LO a lot more than if he hears a swear word occasionally.
Wha...? Freedom of speech? I thought u were being sarcastic at first! I'm pretty sure cursing does not fall under freedom of speech.

Your sister is an adult. She can certainly control her speech around your LO, the same as she does around her professors or at her place of employment.

I think you are right to set the precedent when LO is young.

I was being a bit melodramatic perhaps, but, just as an FYI, yes, ALL speech, including swearing and hate speech, is protected by the Constitution. Instances when it can be "controlled" are very few and far between, and narrow in scope. Examples: you incite violence against another person or persons, your speech creates an eminent danger (shouting fire in a crowded movie theatre), and in certain cases, in public schools.

And the OP, and you, and several other posters, are totally overreacting. Can't wait til your kids go to preschool /kindergarten and come home saying all sorts of fun things. ::snicker::

Whatever LO picks up from the school playground is one thing. Expecting one's immediate family, of whom will be most influential on LO, to act appropriately is more then reasonable.

Furthermore, based on her sister's immature response that swearing essentially defines who she is, I think OP was wise to request her cooperation now as it does appear that there may be a lengthy battle ahead.

Last, why as you assuming that those of us who responded in favor of OP's actions are FTM's and do not have preschoolers and up?

Shoecrazysarah · December 2013

Oh, and I almost forgot! Freedom of Speech is the right for one to express beliefs and opinions publicly without unwarranted government interference.

It has nothing to do with one's right to curse, at all. You can definitely be fired from a job or asked to leave a public establishment for using obscenities.

Perhaps you should become more well acquainted with The Constitution which governs you country. ::snicker::

Shoecrazysarah · December 2013

MrsMuq said:

Shoecrazysarah said:

MrsMuq said:

Shoecrazysarah said:

MrsMuq said:
So, you want to control your family's freedom of speech around your child? Huh.

Unless your sister was saying racist/discriminatory/violent things, and/or openly bashing you/your H/your LO in front of LO, I'd let it go.

You're not going to change how someone speaks on a daily basis because you don't like what words they use.

If you choose for your sister not to have a relationship with your LO because she curses (which is inevitably what will happen if you don't let your LO around your sister), I think you're hurting your LO a lot more than if he hears a swear word occasionally.
Wha...? Freedom of speech? I thought u were being sarcastic at first! I'm pretty sure cursing does not fall under freedom of speech.

Your sister is an adult. She can certainly control her speech around your LO, the same as she does around her professors or at her place of employment.

I think you are right to set the precedent when LO is young.

I was being a bit melodramatic perhaps, but, just as an FYI, yes, ALL speech, including swearing and hate speech, is protected by the Constitution. Instances when it can be "controlled" are very few and far between, and narrow in scope. Examples: you incite violence against another person or persons, your speech creates an eminent danger (shouting fire in a crowded movie theatre), and in certain cases, in public schools.

And the OP, and you, and several other posters, are totally overreacting. Can't wait til your kids go to preschool /kindergarten and come home saying all sorts of fun things. ::snicker::
Whatever LO picks up from the school playground is one thing. Expecting one's immediate family, of whom will be most influential on LO, to act appropriately is more then reasonable.

Furthermore, based on her sister's immature response that swearing essentially defines who she is, I think OP was wise to request her cooperation now as it does appear that there may be a lengthy battle ahead.

Last, why as you assuming that those of us who responded in favor of OP's actions are FTM's and do not have preschoolers and up?

What is "appropriate" to you may not be to someone else. You want to exclude family from your LO's life because you don't think they're not "appropriate" enough to be around your precious bundle, go right ahead.

I still think you're batshit crazy for not letting your own sibling see your baby because they drop the word "fuck" in a conversation occasionally.

OP said every other word out of here mouth is a swesr word, not just occasionally. I think sis is more batshit crazy for thinking cursing defines her and it is appropriate to use in excess in any circumstance, let alone infront of a child. But honestly, sis is probably just very young and having a power struggle with her big sis.

Either way, I still agree with the idea of holding those who are going to be most influential to LO to a higher standard. My family does not have a right to see LO just because they are family. If their relationship with my LO is not important enough to them to accommodate whatever crazy protective mom requests I may have (assuming it does not cause them harm or major inconvenience) then perhaps they don't need to come around.

KaramelSutra · December 2013

Da fuq?

Slpafford · December 2013

Your sister should have enough courtesy and respect to try and not swear around your LO ( or any other child for that matter). I do my fair share of cursing but I try to never do it around children. It just isn't appropriate.

danigirl7181 · December 2013

I just wanted to say that my DH swears quite a bit and DD has never copied him. But I can say damn or shit once and she will copied it for days.

Shoecrazysarah · December 2013

somerandomchick said:

Shoecrazysarah said:
Oh, and I almost forgot! Freedom of Speech is the right for one to express beliefs and opinions publicly without unwarranted government interference.

It has nothing to do with one's right to curse, at all. You can definitely be fired from a job or asked to leave a public establishment for using obscenities.

Perhaps you should become more well acquainted with The Constitution which governs you country. ::snicker::
You guys are both missing that freedom of speech applies to the GOVERNMENT, not to individuals and businesses. You can kick someone out if your house or business for swearing or for saying they voted for Obama. It's not infringing on your freedom of speech for me to tell you to STFU and GTFO, just so we're clear.

Swearing IS protected speech, as is hate speech. They're protected from government censoring, specifically.

I'm pretty sure that is exactly what I said when I referenced "goverment interference".

henderson1026 · December 2013

i think any adult with two brain cells should know that swearing around children is inappropriate.

she needs to grow up and get over herself and MrsMuq - WTF?

Liz4444 · December 2013

OP, I think you are overreacting. I don't care how quickly he's learning things, at 6 months, he's not repeating fuck or shit. FYI- when he does start to talk, half of what he says is going to sound like a swear... When Li started talking, sit, shirt, Sid, etc all sounded like shit.

Shoecrazysarah · December 2013

somerandomchick said:

Shoecrazysarah said:

somerandomchick said:

Shoecrazysarah said:
Oh, and I almost forgot! Freedom of Speech is the right for one to express beliefs and opinions publicly without unwarranted government interference.

It has nothing to do with one's right to curse, at all. You can definitely be fired from a job or asked to leave a public establishment for using obscenities.

Perhaps you should become more well acquainted with The Constitution which governs you country. ::snicker::
You guys are both missing that freedom of speech applies to the GOVERNMENT, not to individuals and businesses. You can kick someone out if your house or business for swearing or for saying they voted for Obama. It's not infringing on your freedom of speech for me to tell you to STFU and GTFO, just so we're clear.

Swearing IS protected speech, as is hate speech. They're protected from government censoring, specifically.
I'm pretty sure that is exactly what I said when I referenced "goverment interference".
What I'm saying is you DO have a right to curse, where you said FOS has nothing to do with a right to curse. It's not just expressing of opinions that are protected. Even speech that has no 'value' is protected. (Of course, it's still impossible for the OP to infringe on anyone's right to FOS--freedom of speech doesn't guarantee an audience and you're welcome to walk away, hang up the phone, ask someone to leave your house etc if you don't like what they're saying)

We're on the same page, you just worded it better.

MommyAmes2 · December 2013

My family members all have enough respect to not swear around my children. Sis needs to grow the F up.

Carnation77 · December 2013

It's your job as a parent not to expose your child to bad influences. If you've discussed this with your sister before and she doesn't care enough to change her behavior then I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to limit LO's exposure to her foul mouth If she really wants to see him more she'll stop.

EmR22 · December 2013

Burp....didn't really. Like my response...sorry!

[Deleted User] · December 2013

My sons first word might be fuck. He's just about 5 months now, maybe I should stop before he's 6 months? I wouldn't want him to learn a word that's bad.

Shoecrazysarah · December 2013

etoille said:
And previous posters are right @shoecrazysarah -

Hate speech - RAV v. City of St. Paul (majority opinion written by someone with whom, given what you've said here, you likely identify with - Scalia). Protected.

Obscenity (specifically the word Fuck) - Cohen v. California. Protected.

Yes. I literally just knew that shit off the top of my head.

Stop buttfucking my constitution.

Eloquent. I was referring to the private situation that the OP was referencing. It has nothing to do with the constitution. I am fully aware of the F*** the Draft case.

Edit: and yes, I just knew that off the top of my head.

Caitable25 · December 2013

Nicb13 said:

Asbromle said:

My sons first word might be fuck. He's just about 5 months now, maybe I should stop before he's 6 months? I wouldn't want him to learn a word that's bad.

DS probably shouldn't be allowed around myself or my husband when football is on. Damn, we must be shitty parents

Yeah I'm thinking I should probably not drive with the baby in the car anymore. Fuck is probs one of the more tame of my obscenities

MagickalNarwhal · December 2013

If someone was so adamantly against considering something that I'd asked them to do then I'd be frustrated. We have friends who don't allow the use of the word "hate" in their house and others that don't say the word "stupid". When we hang out w them we try and observe that. It's hard because I apparently hate a lot of things and think a lot of things are stupid. But I do make an effort.

That said, I would not really care about swearing. We curse like sailors. My son is almost two and I still spew profanities all the time.

Shoecrazysarah · December 2013

etoille said:

Shoecrazysarah said:

etoille said:
And previous posters are right @shoecrazysarah -

Hate speech - RAV v. City of St. Paul (majority opinion written by someone with whom, given what you've said here, you likely identify with - Scalia). Protected.

Obscenity (specifically the word Fuck) - Cohen v. California. Protected.

Yes. I literally just knew that shit off the top of my head.

Stop buttfucking my constitution.

Eloquent. I was referring to the private situation that the OP was referencing. It has nothing to do with the constitution. I am fully aware of the F*** the Draft case.

Edit: and yes, I just knew that off the top of my head.

Damn right eloquent. No one knew what the fuck you were talking about. All you kept saying was "cursing doesn't fall under free speech". People tried to explain it to you but you kept on jabbering away that people needed to lrn there constitmatutions bitter.

No such ambiguities existed in my communication. Because I know when I am trying to communicate a point about private situations I talk about a) cursing and b) being fired from a job.

Good try on the walk back through.

Goodness you are an angry person, aren't ya? I am sooo very sincerely sorry that my jabbering has offended your delicate sensibilities so. I deeply apologize that I did not word my thoughts better.

BTW, no back pedaling here. I already stated above that Somerandomchick said it better then me and that I agreed with her.

PB102012 · December 2013

I think that if she's in your house, then you can absolutely ask her not to swear around your child. In public it's kind of hard to control what comes out of other people's mouth. Same goes for being at your sister's house, if she chooses to swear in her own home, I wouldn't bring your LO over there because I don't think it would be ok for you to expect her to change in her own environment. I definitely understand your frustration!!

MyBaby2013 · December 2013

christy32685 said:
I think that if she's in your house, then you can absolutely ask her not to swear around your child. In public it's kind of hard to control what comes out of other people's mouth. Same goes for being at your sister's house, if she chooses to swear in her own home, I wouldn't bring your LO over there because I don't think it would be ok for you to expect her to change in her own environment. I definitely understand your frustration!!

Beautifully said! OP good luck because it won't be easy but follow your gut and your heart. Only you know what's best for your LO.

trudibell · December 2013

Nicb13 said:

Asbromle said:

My sons first word might be fuck. He's just about 5 months now, maybe I should stop before he's 6 months? I wouldn't want him to learn a word that's bad.

DS probably shouldn't be allowed around myself or my husband when football is on. Damn, we must be shitty parents

That's definitely where my cursing started. Thanks Dad.

momof2buggs · December 2013

The best thing you can do to influence your child to speak only the words you want him to speak, is to model it to him. Don't use words around him, that you don't want him to repeat. Children will be most influenced by the people they live with. Now, if your sister is using that sort of language in your house, by all means make your wishes known as far as language goes. But you certainly cannot control it otherwise. And I don't recommend keeping your child away from anyone as a means of "shielding" your child from such language. He will hear it everywhere..

flutterbyday · December 2013

First of all, OP, it's very reasonable for you to ask your sister to stop swearing in front of your LO. But telling her you don't want her around may be too harsh a consequence. I think you should ask her what's really going on & try to be the bigger person so you can be there for her. It sounds like your sister has some issues or maybe this is just a maturity thing (?) because her reaction to your request is not reasonable!

Second, I can't get over how this turned into a constitutional law debate. @shoecrazysarah tried to point out that the 1st amendment is not really relevant here - FFS, OP wasn't talking about having her sister arrested - but then she was attacked for not being precise enough about free speech. While I am impressed that you both can cite cases off the top of your heads, @etoille, really? Your snarkiness was awesome but misplaced. A real life expert in con law?! How do I get my certificate?

RoosterMemphis · December 2013

I curse a lot, too. I am usually good about not doing it around kids that understand what I'm saying though. But nobody's perfect, and honestly, if this is the worst thing that your sister does around your LO, I think you're in pretty good shape.

Or you can just do "earmuffs". Haven't you ever seen Old School?

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