Caring about modesty and not sounding crazy.

undercoverst · December 2013

So from all my reading, from hearing my mom's beautiful birth stories about each of my four siblings and I, and hearing first hand about how so many interventions lead to c-sections I came to the decision to have a natural labor very easily. My one concern is probably very silly but I am worried I won't be able to let go during labor. I am preparing myself well. I have hired a doula, I have a super supportive husband and have signed up for birthing classes as well.

But every time I read a natural labor story or watch a natural labor I see how well these women let go. Making weird noises and in most home birth stories they are completely nude. I'm not a prude or anything I wear a swim suit to the beach (although i'm less comfortable in a bikini) and I'm actually a talkative person and really goofy. But I also worry about what other people will think of me. I worry that making weird sounds will weird them out.

I guess I just need so reassurance that I will be able to let go in the moment and relax.

I don't have to worry about getting naked since I am birthing in the hospital and I have a feeling that's frowned on lol so it's mostly just the noise making or possibly getting in strange positions. (can you tell I'm the type of person that likes to do things the right way?)

I told my husband that it's possible the only way I'll get comfortable is to be laughing most of the time and that will be his job. He's hilarious so it won't be too hard.

ok now I feel really silly for even typing this out. It will probably take me 10 min to decide to post this. :P

JessaPrimate · December 2013

Trust me in the moment you will not care.

ec0983 · December 2013

i was not necessarily worried about how i was going to behave in labor, but i also didn't really know what to expect from myself. i was actually fairly calm and collected through early labor, and looking back i know exactly when transition hit because i started moaning through contractions. i actually remember the exact contraction that i first moaned through- i was in the tub and my husband was next to me, and when the contraction was over i looked up at him and he was all "um, you okay?" lol! but the low moan was what i needed to work through my contractions, and he was great about it the rest of my labor, i think he just needed to get over the initial surprise of what i was doing. during labor, i never thought once about the sound i made. it felt good at the time, and it helped me focus, so that's what i did. i'm sure i'll do it again when this next one arrives. i'd put your focus right now on trusting that your body will show you exactly what to do, and wondering with curious excitement what that's going to be, instead of putting your focus on what others will think, because i guarantee no one will care- least of all you!

undercoverst · December 2013

Thanks everyone! I know I'm dedicated to doing what will be best for my body and baby so I'm sure I'll let go. I have a feeling the birth class will help as well!

momof2buggs · December 2013

I had 2 drug free deliveries. Your body sort of takes over when you're far along in labor. You will automatically get into positions that are ths most comfortable, and if modesty is an issue, you can always have your birth attendants drape you with sheets/towels. As far as making noise, again-your body just does what it needs to do. Some women find it helpful to make noise, and others are completely silent. I was still incredibly modest, even though I was in quite a bit of pain. I've heard many women say that you won't care about being modest when you're in the throes of labor, but it was not true for me. You do eventually get to a point where you realize that you have to do certain things that are embarrassing, to get your baby out. Like pulling back your own legs and pushing with all of your might with your doctor's face maybe a foot away from your vaginal area. Lol! Or pooping and lying there pretty much helpless while your midwife wipes you. In the end, no one will think anything of it, and you will have your baby in your arms, so it will all be worth it!

iris427 · December 2013

I am a really reserved and private person normally, and pretty self-conscious around strangers. But during both of my labors, that all went out the window. I seriously did not care who saw me naked or heard me coping with contractions. Labor is its own little world. I wouldn't stress about this--you will do what you need to do in the moment, and you will be just fine.

mavgirl_73 · December 2013

I just had my 3rd baby on Friday. This was my first homebirth. My previous two deliveries were in hospital. I felt very controlled and had zero grunting in the hospital. Very focused. With my homebirth it was the opposite. Although I did labor in the tub and on my toilet I had a bra on. I made all kinds of noises and didn't care one bit. As others have said you'll do what you need to do to get through labor. Don't worry you'll so great!

BShreeve · December 2013

Glad I'm not the only one that's thinking about this stuff. I am not excited about people seeing my junk.

OP, have you thought about a birthing dress? My midwife suggested it so that your ass isn't exposed and you don't feel too "hospital-y."

aylafsu88 · December 2013

iris427 said:

I am a really reserved and private person normally, and pretty self-conscious around strangers. But during both of my labors, that all went out the window. I seriously did not care who saw me naked or heard me coping with contractions. Labor is its own little world. I wouldn't stress about this--you will do what you need to do in the moment, and you will be just fine.

Same here. I am very private and it takes me awhile to become comfortable with strangers. In labor though I did not care. I do not remember how many people where in the room when I pushed LO out or who heard me laboring. I was so caught up in L&D that I did not think about anything else.

nosoup4u · December 2013

I can actually pinpoint transition during my second labor, bc I suddenly didn't want to wear pants. I also spent most of that time on all fours, growling like a lion to be able to get through contractions. Like everyone else said, there's a point where you honestly don't care. Vocalizing really helped during both my labors. You'll be okay, and I'm sure you'll have hilarious stories to tell others about afterwards!

Chichigo · December 2013

I was very quiet throughout my labor and delivery. My mom was at my knee and had no idea what my husband and I were saying to each other. I think the nurses were surprised by how quiet I was, as it wasn't the norm!

huntjul · December 2013

This is a great topic to discuss with your doula. She can help to honor your wishes, such as pulling a sheet over you, keeping your gown buttoned, etc if those are your wishes. However, don't be surprised if you get there and just don't care. Your body is concerned with pushing out a new life, and if concerns about modesty go out the window or you make funny noises to facilitate that, then there is nothing wrong with that!

wintersong · December 2013

Lol, my friend bought a button up nightshirt to labor in, but it wasn't too long before it was crumpled up in a corner as she was vacillating between shower and laying on her side in bed.

L0L0 · December 2013

I ended up naked for like the last 5 hours of my hospital birth, which was totally not the plan. This time I plan to step it up with a bra. It wasn't embarrassing at the time, but it's kind of embarrassing to think about later and also makes my doula's photos just that much more cringe-inducing. When I started BFing I also had my boobs out in front of everyone around, but as I got competent I was able to curtail the exhibitionism and also really wanted to regain privacy over my body.

Eggerkr · December 2013

I was concerned about modesty too. After transition stage you are so out of it you won't give two shits about anything! Try not to let it bother you. Just remember the drs and mws have seen it all. We are all women we all look the same!

alliejoe · December 2013

I could have written this before my first son. I brought all kinds of options of shirts/dresses/skirts to labor and deliver in. I ended up in the shower in a red bra.

In the moment things will fall into place and you'll be ok.

MrsBigTime · December 2013

I was butt naked with three women staring down my bootie as I delivered DD and I could not have cared less! I am not one who is comfortable in her own skin, and my ferocious stretch marks certiantly didn't help that, but in the moment, I didn't even have the extra energy to focus on modesty, I just stripped down and gutterally growled my baby out!

jennybean80 · December 2013

As an L&D nurse I can tell you that we've seen and heard it all. As long as your H keeps his clothes on we really don't have any problems with naked (or loud) mamas! Your body will tell you what to do, try and go with it!

DebateThis · December 2013

I can promise you that in those moments, your body takes over and your rational/modest brain won't care a bit, even in a hospital. Some women are comfortable laboring in a sport bra and a labor skirt or just a gown if that makes you feel a bit less anxious, though. I have similar "control" issues though and was definitely afraid I wouldn't be able to let go enough to let my body take over to do the work. I found that relaxation/hypnosis ahead of time really helped. I used Natal Hypnotherapy from the UK and I listened to the tracks for several weeks ahead of labor, so by the time it was actually go time, I could hear the voice from the tracks in my head and it was really great to be able to focus on that voice.

Also, please don't feel like laboring naked (or any other way you want) will be frowned upon by hospital staff/midwives. They've seen it ALL. I alternated between laboring naked and wearing a robe (hot and cold flashes and sweats) and my midwives were the ones who would, when I couldn't really think for myself, suggest something like "you look like you're getting warm again, would you like to take the robe off now?".

The biggest thing is to just believe you can do it. Corny, but so so true.

CallMeAl · December 2013

As the other wise women have said, giving birth without meds is something you do with the animal side of your brain. You will follow your instincts, whether that's to keep covered up (unlikely!) or let it all hang out (what most women seem to prefer). Good luck! I know for me I was in another place mentally.... And it was a place where naked was good!

BShreeve · December 2013

Great advice, thank you ladies

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