maybe it's time to stop asking why -- child mentioned

It's been about a month since our loss. We hadn't told many people we were pregnant, but I did mention it to a coworker at about 8 weeks. I saw her last week. She was asking if my DS was getting excited about Christmas. Then she asked about the little brother or sister being on the way. I told her we had lost the pregnancy. After saying she was sorry to hear it, she asked why? Did they have any idea what happened? She asked why a few times in a few different ways. She's a generation older than me, and was blessed with four children (no losses) herself. She seemed genuinely concerned, not accusatory at all, in asking why did it happen and how come the doctors couldnt tell me.

I think it was a small turning point for me, because I've been the one asking why, trying to think of all the possibilities, trying to figure out whose to blame if not me (because everyone says it's not my fault). So to hear someone else asking "Why?" and to hear myself saying I dont know, I think it's finally starting to sink in. I'm not going to know why. I don't get to know why. Maybe it's not place to know why things happen the way they happen somtimes. And I'm allowed to be angry and devastated and confused. But I'm not going to know why, and if I keep trying to figure it out, I'll just grow more angry and more devastated and more confused, and I may just drive myself crazy in the process.

So, for me, I think maybe it's time to stop asking why.