Late Term and Child Loss
lrichmond86
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needing to vent for a moment (pg/rainbow baby mentioned)
lrichmond86
member
Warning: rainbow baby mentioned
Since having my rainbow baby I've been very active on my bmb. I love the ladies there, but a thread today really got to me. A regular poster was talking about her disappointment in her birth experience. I can't understand this in the first place bc after losing a child I think any birth experience that results in a healthy baby and mommy is a success. Whatever. I can get past that. What got to me was other moms were talking about "mourning" their birth experience. I guess it was the term mourning that really hit too close to home. When you've mourned your child's death you really know what mourning is. It's not a term that I use lightly and I wouldn't use it to describe something temporary. In my view you mourn something that is permanently gone. A death. The loss of a part of yourself. It hurts when others say they have mourned something less than that. I know there are people who have horrific birth experiences... women who have terrible complications, who lose their ability to have more children. And that's awful. I wouldn't ever take away how awful it is. But it's different than mourning the loss of a loved one, of your baby.
Ugh. Sorry to dump that all out here. Don't feel like you need to respond. I just needed to get it out and I knew this was a safe place for that. I didn't want to hurt any of the moms in my bmb because I know that some of them did have very tramatic birth experiences and I would never want to say anything to them that would cheapen that for them. It's tough to be a loss mom in a world of moms with all of their babies alive and well. I hope no one takes offense to this post. I know it's a touchy subject. Everyone's feelings are valid. Like I said, it was just the terminology they used that felt wrong to me.
Since having my rainbow baby I've been very active on my bmb. I love the ladies there, but a thread today really got to me. A regular poster was talking about her disappointment in her birth experience. I can't understand this in the first place bc after losing a child I think any birth experience that results in a healthy baby and mommy is a success. Whatever. I can get past that. What got to me was other moms were talking about "mourning" their birth experience. I guess it was the term mourning that really hit too close to home. When you've mourned your child's death you really know what mourning is. It's not a term that I use lightly and I wouldn't use it to describe something temporary. In my view you mourn something that is permanently gone. A death. The loss of a part of yourself. It hurts when others say they have mourned something less than that. I know there are people who have horrific birth experiences... women who have terrible complications, who lose their ability to have more children. And that's awful. I wouldn't ever take away how awful it is. But it's different than mourning the loss of a loved one, of your baby.
Ugh. Sorry to dump that all out here. Don't feel like you need to respond. I just needed to get it out and I knew this was a safe place for that. I didn't want to hurt any of the moms in my bmb because I know that some of them did have very tramatic birth experiences and I would never want to say anything to them that would cheapen that for them. It's tough to be a loss mom in a world of moms with all of their babies alive and well. I hope no one takes offense to this post. I know it's a touchy subject. Everyone's feelings are valid. Like I said, it was just the terminology they used that felt wrong to me.
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Re: needing to vent for a moment (pg/rainbow baby mentioned)
Sending hugs your way!
Brooke Elizabeth born Feb 17, 2013 grew wings May 9, 2013 @ 11 weeks & 4 days old from SIDS
MrsLauren, I'm sorry your first experience was so difficult. I hope I didn't offend you by I said. And thank you to everyone for your words. I guess it sometimes surprises me how hard it can still be two years out with my rainbow and another baby on the way. I wish I could be less sensative to things like this.
I agree with you ladies - having experienced a loss, the idea of mourning takes on a whole new meaning. My birth experience with DS (our first) was extremely traumatic. Similar to PP it was an emergency csection, my son taken to a different hospital, I didn't get to see him for 2 days and then it was in the controlled environment of the NICU. And at the time, it was so awful, I couldn't imagine anything worse. I definitely "mourned" that birth experience.
But now, after having another even more traumatic birth experience to deliver our stillborn son, I had no idea to what extent I would mourn. I think that ladies are using the term not really understanding. People say things all the time without thinking about it, or not realizing how offensive they are being. That is one of the most difficult things I have learned through this experience, people often speak without thinking.
I'm sorry you had to listen to those ladies, and hopefully venting about it helped! ((Hugs))
This - completely!