"Teaching" LO to play by himself?

Re: "Teaching" LO to play by himself?

• michelle615 member

  December 2013

  I don't have any suggestions since we go through something similar right now. But since DS goes to daycare 5 days a week full time, I attribute the behavior to his age and the fact that he wants to be with us all the time when he sees us since he doesn't spend much time with us during the week. I sometimes get stressed as well when I don't really have a free moment. But I try to remind myself that this phase won't last forever and pretty soon I'll be wishing he wanted to spend more time with me. :-)

  

   

   

   

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• pb_bride member

  December 2013

  Could this be just a phase of separation anxiety? Is this a new thing for your DS, or has he been this way forever?

  
  

  I SAH with DS, and he goes through phases. He was doing pretty well with independent play, but lately he is super clingy, pretty much what you describe. Some days even when I'm in the same space with him, that is still not good enough... I have to be physically next to him when he plays with his toys. The second I move, he starts crying. But even this comes in waves during the day. He can play independently for 15 mins, then suddenly he'll cry for me and i have to be there with him for the next 15-30 mins, then he can be fine by himself again for some period of time.

  
  

  So, if this is a relatively 'new' thing for your DS, my guess is he is going through a phase of separation anxiety, and it will get better at some point (soon, I hope)!  Or perhaps, it is a sign that your H should start cleaning the house and cooking dinners! 

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• traveltheworld member

  December 2013

  DS is like this.  He goes to DC 3 days a week and are with grandparents the other days.  When we are home, either DH and I have to be with him.  We have a open floor plan but even then, he doesn't like sitting there playing by himself.  Although today he managed to play by himself (with DH and I about 10 feet away, in full view) for about 5 minutes before he got up, whined, and came for us.  We considered that a break-through.

  
  

  So we just tag-team him.  ONe of us is always with him.  It used to bother me, but now I just roll with it.  I figure if he is still this bad by the time he hits 2, we'll try to do something.  But otherwise, he is still little and we don't get to see him all that often during the week so may as well give him more attention while we can.

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• shannm member

  December 2013

  I think it is pretty normal.  They do alter behavior depending on who the adult is and what their reaction will be.  I think if you want him to be a bit more independent, get him going on an activity that you are able to pop in and out of.  And be super confident about it. If he starts to whine when you walk away, don't come back and whine back at him and bring attention to the whining.  Ask him an upbeat question about the activity.  Show him that you think what he is doing is really cool.  For example, if I need to cook dinner and DD is especially needy that day, I will pop her in her chair at the table and pull out the playdoh.  Yes, I need to help get her going, but then she will get into enough that I can step away and start dinner.  Yes, she may get frustrated or need my help but I am able to go to her quickly and help her through her need.  Then I step away again.  I also do this with stamps or crayons.  

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• beautiflaw member

  December 2013

  Sounds like a bit of separation anxiety, and also normal development. He's learning new stuff every day and he's growing. That's exciting and also kinda scary. He wants attention for several reasons, one might be that he's trying to show you his new skills.
  
  Kids are smart. Tell him what you expect of him and what you need to do. "Mommy needs to fold some laundry real quick. Can you build a tower from these awesome blocks while I watch?" or "Mommy is going to cook a yummy dinner for you. Here's some trucks to play with. When I come back I will play trucks with you while dinner cools." You can tell him "Just a minute sweetie" or sing him a song while he waits for you to come back.
  
  FWIW DD is the same way. She is almost 2.5 now and I have just now gotten to the point where I can cook, clean, etc as much as I need/want without her being underfoot. I keep an eye on her always, but she is able to play on her own now. She didn't start doing that until right before she turned 2. Partly because she wanted my attention, and partly because she would be getting into stuff and making messes. I take a break every so often to play with her, but mostly she plays all on her own.
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

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• diana.filipi member

  December 2013

  The way I've encouraged independent play was to let them do it every chance that came up.  That sounds simple but it's just what I did.  All 3 of mine will play on their own really well though not all day or at every time I wish they would. 
  
  If he wants to be with you when in the kitchen give him a pot or two on the floor with a wooden spoon.  Carry on with your business.  When you leave the room to go do laundry if he follows set something up there for him but don't spend tons of time playing with him, just give him something to do and carry on.  When you go back to working on dinner just point to his pots and ask him to make you a song while you work. 
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• diana.filipi member

  December 2013

  Evenings are just harder for a lot of kids also.  I just wanted to add that.  Even the best independent player often is just done by evening.
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• beccalee721 member

  December 2013

  ClaryPax said:

  It sounds like separation anxiety.  I would let him "help" you or be in the same room with you.  DD helps me unload the dishwasher by playing with the measuring cups and splashing on the door when it is down. 
  
  When DS was younger I would start him on an activity and then gently extricate myself.  Like oh wow look at these cool blocks lets play with these and then sort of casually get up while they still play. 
  

  This exactly. Our LO goes to daycare 5 days/week and she still won't play in the living room while we're in the kitchen even though she can see us. She's also clings to me more so sometimes when my DH is in the living room with her she still wants to be whereever I am. I let her "help" with everything. Unloading the dishwasher I let her close the door  every so often while I put them away and she hands me the clothes out of the basket to fold etc.

  When we're all in the living room if she's being clingy I sit on the ground with her and play and then when she starts to play alone I just scoot back until she can't see me and sit on the couch and she'll keep playing. She occasionally brings me toys etc after that but she'll play alone until one of us leaves the room.
  

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• monkeypants23 member

  December 2013

  Omg I could have wrote this same exact post- DD is 21 months and is a stage 4 clinger!!!! I always have to be in the playroom with her and sometimes that's not good enough and I have to be either holding her or sitting right next to her-glad I'm not alone on this- I will try all the suggestions- thanks

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• vpangela member

  January 2014

  I have a similar situation. Work part time and my parents watch him when I'm at work so he's very used to the attention. Do you do any activities outside of the house? Reason I ask is, I notice DS is not as clingy if we've been out and come home. He immediately wants to play with his toys. If we've been inside all day, that's when the clinginess is in full effect. I just started taking him to a toddler story time once a week. He gets "attention" and I can mentally rest, lol. I think it is helping him appreciate 'play time' at home more. Just a thought!

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• tbmadeamistake member

  January 2014

  I do the same as PP, and let her play alone any chance she'll do it.  C is 20 months and recently has been very clingy.  I think it's a combo of separation anxiety, teething and knowing another baby is coming, in her case.  I also have a small stash of toys that aren't in her normal toy bin.  When I need 5 or 10 minutes, out comes a "special toy".  She loves them and I can usually get a few minutes to myself while she re-aquaints herself with them. 
  

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• canadianttc1st member

  January 2014

  I think a lot of these are great responses. I am a work at home mom I work a part time and full time job with my 13 month old. I set up an area where he can play and I don't have to worry about him getting into anything at all or hurting himself. In the beginning it was hard and he would only play for very short periods of time alone. I would leave him if he was whining and wait to see if it would turn into a cry or if he would get distracted by a different toy. Now he will play hours by himself with me talking to him every so often when he is looking for a little attention. Some days I find he plays better alone if I am sitting outside his line of vision so I can see him but he can't see me. I also have a very good schedule so he can expect when his independent play time is and when his mommy play time is. Sometimes I think he even prefers playing alone lol. Good luck hopefully your able to get lo into independent play!

  

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