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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Jessimurph
member
? for SAHM's
Jessimurph
member
Was your DH supportive of you staying at home? Do you think he resents you for not bringing in any money? Does he keep a pretty close eye on the budget and your spending? Has it caused any problems in your relationship with him?
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Re: ? for SAHM's
1. Yes, absolutely!
2. Not at all--he knows how much else I do around here.
3. No, I keep track of our finances.
4. None whatsoever.
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I had those same fears at first, but if anything, it has made our relationship better! My husband is really proud of the fact that he supports our family and loves having me at home. I really don't make him do much of anything around the house (aside from helping with Jude, which he just does automatically), so he loves coming home and just relaxing with us. He realizes how much I do and we both often tell each other how appreciative we are of the other one.
As far as spending - I've always taken care of the bills, so he'll ask every once in awhile, but leaves it up to me to make sure everything is paid.
I stayed home for 5 years with my oldest. My DH would make sly comments here and there, like me not doing anything all day. But it was what was best for us. Now I am working PT in the evenings, so DH has to be home with the boys and he sees I didnt just do nothing all day.
We actually for more comments from friends and DH's family. None of them stayed home, so they assumed I shouldnt.
- I think he wanted me to stay home more than I did.
- My salary didn't really make a big difference so that hasn't been a problem.
- I manage our budget and bills and actually have to keep an eye on him
- Nope
1. Yes. My SIL watched DS when I went back to work, but decided she couldnt do it after about 2 months so it was either daycare or me staying home. DH refused to think about daycare (I was not as strong against it) so we decided for me to stay home.
2. Not at all. He knows how much I do for our son and for him around the house.
3. He has no idea about the money (I am the one who keeps track of it all).
4. Not at all. We get along just as good as we always have.
1. Absolutely
2. No way
3. I am in charge of budget and spending
4. I think we are better off for it....
1. Yes. He is actually the one that convinced me to try it for a year. He supports me if I want to go back to work too, but thinks it's important for someone to be home with DS.
2. No. I was a teacher before this anyway, so I didn't bring in much to begin with.
3. Yes, but he always did. Not specifically MY spending, but all of our spending.
4. At first it did, because he didn't know what I did all day. Then one day he stayed home with DS for a few hours, and he realized that when DS is sleeping, you really don't feel like doing work. He apologized a bunch and is great now. He always comments on how nice the house looks when I actually get the chance to clean.
Yes, very supportive. I've basically been home since DS was born (I worked PT nights for awhile before DD was born, but I've always been a SAHM otherwise)
No, I certainly don't think he resents me. He regularly admits that he thinks my job is harder
No, I keep track of all our finances. No problems in our relationship.
1. Yes, he didn't want DD in daycare.
2. Not at all (I brought lots of money in before I was a SAHM which built up our savings)
3. Not at all - he knows I don't spend frivolously
4. None
Was your DH supportive of you staying at home? yes, 100%
Do you think he resents you for not bringing in any money? No, not at all.
Does he keep a pretty close eye on the budget and your spending? We both keep an eye on the budget and our spending. Just as we used to when we both worked.
Has it caused any problems in your relationship with him? No. If anything, it's made life much easier for all of us.
LOL. *I* am actually in charge of our finances and budget. DH comes to *me* and asks if he can make a purchase! I work very very little - like a few hours a week - teaching flute at home, but he (as a graduate student!) is by far the major breadwinner. It just works better than I keep track of our finances - it's one less thing he does. Neither of us is a big spender, and if either of us is going to buy something out of the ordinary we check in with the other.
As for staying home, DH is very supportive. There's no resentment - he recognizes that I have a tough job and, besides, daycare is expensive and there's not a whole lot of good paying work in our area. Plus he'd rather I am happy and fulfilled by my job than working for $8/hr. (seriously - the job market it our city is CRAP!).
Staying home hasn't caused any problems for us.
1. Yes. I felt guilty about not working, but he would always remind me that if I was working a good chunk of our income would be going to daycare anyway, so it's not like it would make that much of a difference.
2. I know he does not. I recently started freelancing because I felt guilty, and he told me I didn't have to.
3. He's in charge of the finances, so he knows what I spend, but I spend very little, so it's a non issue.
4. No. He appreciates how hard I work because he tells me he could never do what I do.
1. At first, he was worried but now he is really supportive.
2. No way.
3. I am in charge of the finances.
4. not really.
1. Yes.
2. I *thought* he did at first but the more I delved into my own personal feelings, it was me that resented being at home and not helping out with the finances.
3. Yes and no. We have a joint account but often operate from our own (I saved my ass_ off to SAH) I still pay all my own bills and waitress 2 nights a week.
4. None right now, but as I stated above it did a bit when I first starting SAH.
We shall see as of January 30th, I am going to be a SAHM for awhile!
I do the bills and budget though so I am the CFO in the family anyway so I have to watch my spending!
I think he's happy that I am going to be able to be home. Currently we have family watching DD, but we are just happy we don't have to do the daycare route.
1. He is very supportive. He wanted me to make the decision to stay home and not go back to work b/c he didn't want me to resent him if I didn't like the decision I made. Once I decided to stay home he told me that is what he wanted me to do the whole time.
2. Nope- I was a teacher like a pp. I didn't make that much to begin with, and I spent a lot on my classroom and students.
3. I keep a closer eye than he does. He is the spender and I am the saver in the relationship.
4. Truthfully, the only issue is with me feeling a little jealous of the time he gets to spend with other adults, going out to lunch, etc.?
1. yes, he's supportive. We both agree that I'll be at home for the first few years, and then go back to work full-time when kids are in school (and I think work part-time starting next summer, when DS is bigger and more likely to accept someone other than DH or I watching him)
2. No. But he makes enough that I can stay home
3. Nah, it's both our money - I was the breadwinner when he was in grad school, and we lived on savings I made for awhile. We don't worry about who spends what (not that we're spendthrifts)
4. I get sick of being SAHM sometimes, but other than that, no.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
1. yes, very
2. no
3. no
4. no
Was your DH supportive of you staying at home?- yes
Do you think he resents you for not bringing in any money? - no
Does he keep a pretty close eye on the budget and your spending? -no
Has it caused any problems in your relationship with him?-no
We were planning on me being a SAHM, and I was- but then my husband got laid off at the end of August so he's doing the SAHD thing and I'm working. Although he just got called back to work the other day, so for the next few months (to make sure he's back to work long-term) we'll be using family as childcare, and then if it looks long-term I'll go back to staying at home again. Either way, though, when either one of us was at home, we were both supportive of eachother, split all household and child-related chores, spent money equally (or, more accurately, not at all after he was laid off) and it didn't cause any problems. Both of us feel that our children belong at home with their family and we have respect for whichever one of us is the daytime caregiver.
I'm going to answer this one from the other side. I work part-time in an office and WAH and my salary basically covers our childcare expenses for the days I am out of the home. So, realistically I could be a SAH, but I really like my job. DH was ok with this in theory, but it has caused some tensions recently and I have been reconsidering whether I should just SAH full time. He has no problems whatsoever with my budget and spending- he knows my full paycheck pretty much goes to the nanny and diapers and other essentials for DD with a tiny bit left over for savings or other minor expenses around the house, like groceries. But when it comes to things concerning DD, he does not cut me any slack even though I have other responsibilities outside the home. For example, when our nanny was sick last week, I had to call out from work despite a really big pre-Christmas deadline and he wouldn't even dream of being the one to take a sick or vacation day to stay home, because as he says "I could be a SAHM, but I choose not to be."
1. for sure!
2. I do work PT (10 hours a week), so no...
3. I do all the budgeting... he has no clue
4. Nope.. no problems!
Malakai - 8.3.09
Ezra - 12.1.11 ASD
1. Yes. He still is.
2. No. If there's any kind of resentment, it's the fact that I get so much time with DD and that he doesn't get much at all, except on weekends.
3. Yes, but he's always been like this.
4. Occasionally. I am extremely jealous of his ability to engage so much in the "outside world." He's extremely jealous of the amount of time I get with DD. I miss my profession a great deal, even though I don't miss having a job (I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me).
1. 110%
2. not at all
3. not at all- I handle all our finances - we have similar spending habits so it has never been an issue
4. no, if anything it is better - he loves having dinner ready when he gets home every night and knowing our child is in my care
Was your DH supportive of you staying at home? Completely!
Do you think he resents you for not bringing in any money? No. We would spend much more if we put our son in day care then with me staying home. I made less then daycare would cost a week!
Does he keep a pretty close eye on the budget and your spending? He has always kept a close eye on the budget, but not in a bad way. We are both just aware of where our money goes. We're trying to pay off our house, so any extra we find, we put into that.
Has it caused any problems in your relationship with him? Nah. The only thing I would say is sometimes I get upset because it's hard to balance being home and baby care with him. When he comes home he wants to relax, and I've spent all day with our son so I need some time too! That's really the only thing that's come up.