anyone with an older DH?

athomas2424 · July 2013

is that affecting your decision on when to have another? I am 34 and my DH is 40. We want one more but I want to wait at least 2 years because I don't want 2u2. DH says no way because he doesnt want to have a LO at 43. i will only be 36-37 so i know i'll want one. i totally understand his point though and if the ages were swapped i would probably say the same thing. i know a lot of people only look at it from the womans perspective though and as long as the woman isnt too long it isnt a big deal is the man is.

ilovemygirls · July 2013

I had to giggle at this because we didn't have our first until I was 34 & DH was 42

I was 37 with our second. When I was pg w/#1 my DH had a little bit of a complex about being an "older dad"- until we went to our birthing class. He was FAR from the oldest guy there! These days so many people have kids in their 30's & 40's. My brother had his last kiddo at 49 (his wife is 10yrs younger). Quite frankly, I can't think of one parent in any of my kids' preschool classes that was younger than 30- and most were more in the mid-30's to 40's range. I think age is truly just a number. My DH is over 50 now with 8 & 6yo & I don't see us as any different than any other parent out there, and neither does he!

Kimmin121 · July 2013

I'm 6 weeks with our 1st and 35 yo. DH is 49. We've pretty much decided one will be it for us. I'd love to have two but I don't know that either one of has enough energy for two. Our decision could change after we have this little one though. I see many older parents up here in Washington so I don't feel too out of the loop. Age is just a number IMO.

CrazyMary77 · July 2013

I'm 35 and DH is 42 and we just had our first child 4 months ago. We do want a 2nd child but I would ideally like to wait until LO is around 3-years-old before our 2nd child is born. He's not excited about waiting too long because of his age, but he's basically said that the decision is ultimately mine. Of course the risk of waiting is that it becomes harder to conceive, and risks are greater. However, I'd like LO to be old enough for preschool to give me a little break while caring for a newborn!

AGmomof3 · July 2013

Dh was 43 when we had our last. He has no issues with it at all. I know so many parents that are older, it is so much more common now.

Ilumine · July 2013

My DH was 43 when we had DD. Of course I was 4 months shy of 38.

And I can honestly say that age - for us - matters. Yes, we are smarter and can approach child rearing in a more thought out way to mitigate as much stress as possible.

However, we are SOOO freaking tired and bruised (from DD using us as a jungle gym) and slower now then when we were in our 30s.

And it DOES weigh heavily on our minds and hearts. We were blessed that my brother is 9 years younger than us, but if he was not a good fit, we would have had a hard time finding someone to take her if we both died. And we carry huge life insurance policies because we have a lifestyle that is due to being older and more set in our careers.

While I would do it all over again, since DD is my only child, I would also say that I am very glad we only have one.

sucredee · July 2013

DH was 48 when we had DD and I was 37. It is a second marriage for both of us the only difference being that he already had 2 DDs and I had none (very thankful for that!). We met when I was 30 and got married 4 years later but had fertility issues. His youngest (now middle) DD is 16 years older than our DD. Fertility and age definitely played into not having any more kids (DD is 3 and I would have wanted to wait until she is 4 or 5 for another one) but more importantly was the fact that he already had 2 DDs that we are putting through expensive college and we also ended up with his 2 nieces the year before DD was born so we pretty much have 5 kids now. At some point he would like to retire :P 43 is not at all old for a guy. It may seem like it but these days it is very common for both men and women to be "old".

Strunella · August 2013

DH is 44, and we're on round two. Would we have preferred to be younger? Yup! But those weren't the cards we were dealt and we wanted 2 kids. My friend is married to someone 18 years her senior and they had their first when he was 50. So 40 doesn't seem old to me at all. I also live in the northeast, where it's very common for parents of young children to be in their 40s.

chicagobride_07 · August 2013

We had our first a few months ago and I am 43 and DH is 45. Most people in our neighborhood are over 35 with small kids, or in their sixties with grand kids. I don't feel out of place at all. That said, we likely will not be having more kids.

PipSqueak0313 · August 2013

I am 43 and have a 21yo and a 16 yo from my first marriage. I remarried 2 years ago and dh had no kids and we were happy with the family we had. Life decided otherwise and I got pg at 42 so my dh became a bio father for the first time at 58...... My youngest does have down syndrome but since we are the oldest parents of a young child with down syndrome in the support group, Im not sure how much our ages played a role in it.

We really dont want more, but at the same time, we wouldnt give up ds2 for anything.

steph1977 · August 2013

My DH was 41 when we had our daughter, and will be 46 when our new one arrives next spring.

Sure, I wish we had started younger, but we went to school, traveled and enjoyed each other. As long as you and he are both in good health and physically able to care for a young child, you'll be fine!

There are some risks with advanced paternal age (autism, schizophrenia) just as with the mother's.

I agree with the others about it being more common to have kids at an older age in the NE, but here in the south, I feel like an old prego hag at 36!

Good luck!

CalBears · September 2013

In California, there are tons of older parents.

athomas2424 · December 2013

funny about the North and South comments...I totally agree with the poster that said it is way more common in the NE to have kids older but here in the South I am also feeling like an old hag being pg at 36-37 around here. not that there is anything whatsoever wrong with that age, just saying what the perception is!

ilovemygirls · December 2013

DH was 43 with our first child- he totally thought he'd be the oldest guy at the birthing classes but he was FAR from it! He was 46 w/our second. I'm about 8 years younger, so I was no spring chicken either, and I have never felt "old" amongst parents at preschool or elementary. I feel like we're more the norm, actually.

Thirtyodd · December 2013

We are both 36 and expecting our second child, do I wish we were both younger ? No, I am glad we are the age we are for a few reasons. It's only been the past few years where his career has really started to take off, he's definitely calmed down a lot more than what he was before according to his dad and when I was younger I went through so many MR Wrongs until I met him (we met in our 30s) so yeah I think the timing is spot on for us. If my children have kids themselves I'm aware that they might wait as long as we did to have them therefore we might not get to see our grandkids but that's way off and what really matters is the here and now.

rae_dylanzmom · January 2014

My DH is 10 yrs older than me, and we'll be 41 and 51 when this LO makes a debut (assuming all goes well). I know DH thinks about being able to keep up, but he is the youngest 50 year old I know! My thoughts about it are more along the lines of wanting to see my kids grow and having a lot of adult years together.

Mrs_Lady · January 2014

Not old I was 36 hubby was 41 when I got pregnant and had LO don't let that influence too much! GL

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