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MeggoWaffles
member
AW: Post Christmas Rant Novel
MeggoWaffles
member
I am so angry I just want to scream. And I'm thinking I might be hormonal and overreacting, so I need you ladies to either tell me I need to say something to DH and deal with this, or help talk me down if I'm being crazy.
A little backstory: DH and I have agreed on a holiday schedule where one of our families gets Thanksgiving and the other gets Christmas, and the next year we switch. But even on "my year" for Christmas, we have ALWAYS made it a point to at least see his family to say Merry Christmas and exchange gifts, and vice-versa. This was his year for Christmas. Also, we see his family a LOT MORE than we see mine. We live next door to (and work with) his parents and his sister, and most of his Aunts, Uncles and cousins on his dad's side are within 5 minutes of us. I see my family a couple times a year. I had a feeling that this year was going to be tough based on people schedules, but DH assured me we'd get to see everyone and asked me not to mess with our system, since its always worked out before.
I'm going to try to make a very long story as short as possible. My immediate family and my MILs extended family live near-ish each other, so we always hit both on Christmas Eve. His mother kept guilt-tripping us (for showing up 15 minutes late - I had to work) and asking us not to leave her family's house, so by the time we were finally getting out the door, most of my family was on their way out to Midnight Mass. DH didn't want to stay over with my family because he wanted to have a Christmas morning in our house, just the two of us. I didn't think it was that big a deal, but it meant a lot to him, so I agreed (and this was a few weeks ago, not a spur-of-the-moment descision). My DH was exhausted and we had a 2 hour drive home, so we ended up only seeing my parents for about 10 minutes, and missing my brother completely, which makes me cry just thinking about it. We're extremely close and have never not seen each other on Christmas. The timing was just really crappy this year, but I get to see my family so rarely that it really hurt. Also, it was the first Christmas since my Grandmother passed away, so I would have liked to spend a little more time with my mom.
Christmas day was at our house, and it ended up just being his parents, sister, and family who all live within a few minutes of us. My entire (huge) extended family was all together down the shore, and I was literally the only person who missed it completely and didn't even stop by to say hello. So I feel like I gave up one of the few chances I have to spend with my extended family to see his family who we're with at least once a week anyway. I tried really hard not to act like I was upset at all, but I guess his mother picked up on it and make some kind of crack about his family not being good enough for me. Also, this was the first year that one of my MILs sisters who has a ton of kids and grandkids didn't come to Christmas, and she kept saying how it was so nice and peaceful without kids there, and she liked it so much better without crying, screaming babies. While I'm sitting there pregnant. Gee, thanks.
I just found out we're actually going to have ALL the same people who were at Christmas day at our house again tonight for leftovers. So now I'm pissed. His family is getting 3 days, I got 10 minutes. Plus, his mom's comments about liking Christmas without kids just fucking hurt. I felt like saying, Fine, thanks for making my descision easier about which set of Grandparents get to spend Christmas with our child. But I'm prety sure that would not go over well with my husband.
So tell me, am I over-reacting or do I need to have a talk with DH? And holy shit, I wrote a novel. Thanks for reading, and letting me vent.
A little backstory: DH and I have agreed on a holiday schedule where one of our families gets Thanksgiving and the other gets Christmas, and the next year we switch. But even on "my year" for Christmas, we have ALWAYS made it a point to at least see his family to say Merry Christmas and exchange gifts, and vice-versa. This was his year for Christmas. Also, we see his family a LOT MORE than we see mine. We live next door to (and work with) his parents and his sister, and most of his Aunts, Uncles and cousins on his dad's side are within 5 minutes of us. I see my family a couple times a year. I had a feeling that this year was going to be tough based on people schedules, but DH assured me we'd get to see everyone and asked me not to mess with our system, since its always worked out before.
I'm going to try to make a very long story as short as possible. My immediate family and my MILs extended family live near-ish each other, so we always hit both on Christmas Eve. His mother kept guilt-tripping us (for showing up 15 minutes late - I had to work) and asking us not to leave her family's house, so by the time we were finally getting out the door, most of my family was on their way out to Midnight Mass. DH didn't want to stay over with my family because he wanted to have a Christmas morning in our house, just the two of us. I didn't think it was that big a deal, but it meant a lot to him, so I agreed (and this was a few weeks ago, not a spur-of-the-moment descision). My DH was exhausted and we had a 2 hour drive home, so we ended up only seeing my parents for about 10 minutes, and missing my brother completely, which makes me cry just thinking about it. We're extremely close and have never not seen each other on Christmas. The timing was just really crappy this year, but I get to see my family so rarely that it really hurt. Also, it was the first Christmas since my Grandmother passed away, so I would have liked to spend a little more time with my mom.
Christmas day was at our house, and it ended up just being his parents, sister, and family who all live within a few minutes of us. My entire (huge) extended family was all together down the shore, and I was literally the only person who missed it completely and didn't even stop by to say hello. So I feel like I gave up one of the few chances I have to spend with my extended family to see his family who we're with at least once a week anyway. I tried really hard not to act like I was upset at all, but I guess his mother picked up on it and make some kind of crack about his family not being good enough for me. Also, this was the first year that one of my MILs sisters who has a ton of kids and grandkids didn't come to Christmas, and she kept saying how it was so nice and peaceful without kids there, and she liked it so much better without crying, screaming babies. While I'm sitting there pregnant. Gee, thanks.
I just found out we're actually going to have ALL the same people who were at Christmas day at our house again tonight for leftovers. So now I'm pissed. His family is getting 3 days, I got 10 minutes. Plus, his mom's comments about liking Christmas without kids just fucking hurt. I felt like saying, Fine, thanks for making my descision easier about which set of Grandparents get to spend Christmas with our child. But I'm prety sure that would not go over well with my husband.
So tell me, am I over-reacting or do I need to have a talk with DH? And holy shit, I wrote a novel. Thanks for reading, and letting me vent.
Started TTGP July 2013 ~ BFP! 11/21/13 ~ TEAM PINK!!!
**Josephine Aimee** born 5/21 at 29 weeks 2 days
You should know how great things were before you. Even so, they're better still today.
Now I can't think who I was before you ruined everything in the nicest way 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: AW: Post Christmas Rant Novel
@dlsexton - I would if it wasn't a 5 hour round trip.
Now as far as my mother in law saying she likes Christmas better without kids...I have no idea how to touch that. :-\
And my MIL knows I'm pregnant. This is her first grandchild. I don't think she mentioned my pregnancy once in the two days we spent with their family. And it's not a secret, we've told all the family. She just seems pretty apathetic about it.
This is the first year that I've been off for the holidays since I don't work at the bedside anymore. So, it's also the first Christmas we've had to figure out how to split stuff. We came up with a similar plan you guys have. We spent Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with H's family. We stopped by to see my mom and dad on Christmas Eve after work and left Christmas morning to see H's family and we are here until Sunday morning.
I agree with PP that you need to try and stop seeing it as his family and your family. Both families are important. And they will both be important to your baby. If the two of you continue to harbor this sort of resentment over who gets what holiday and how much time is spent at each place, your kids are going to pick up on it too. Also, it's important for your kids to make those memories during the holidays with the entire family.
Next year, we'll be at the ILs for Thanksgiving and at home for Christmas. But I know it would kill my ILs to not see us and our baby for Christmas, so we're going to suck it up and drive the 3 hours either a few days before Christmas or after Christmas to see my ILs.
Bottom line, if you are this upset you need to really talk to YH about how you guys do holidays.
TTC #1 since 10/2012.
BFP#1 11/28/12, MC, BFP #2 CP
BFP #3 10/21/2013, EDD 7/3/2014
Beta #1 (4W6D): 1768 Beta #2 (5W1D): 5255
1st US at 6W4D HB of 112 BPM!
1/20/2014: IT'S A GIRL!
6/30/2014: Happy birthday baby M!