Stupid/annoying/hurtful comments this Christmas

Amykeir · December 2013

Ok, so I don't have a very good one to start with, but I'm sure there are some out there (please share!). Today I had allergies & took some Telfast & my sister said - what are you taking? You know you shouldn't take anything when you're ttc! (I know I'm out this month & F off).. Other niggly comments were just asking why I wasn't well & was tired - suggesting I could be ku when I know I'm not!

mrs.chaiffetz · December 2013

My DH's grandmother called Christmas Eve. She is super sweet and 98 years old. She has no idea we struggle with IF. She lives in NJ so we don't see her much either. Well she commented to DH on the phone if she would get another great grandchild this year and that we had been married awhile. The look on DH face was priceless because I think he was afraid of how I would take it. When he got off the phone I just told him I was ok and that she is older and doesnt know that we could be struggling. I wasnt mad, upset or livid - I was just hurt. I think I am hurt because now people are starting to question us. I love her to death and know she meant it from the best part of her heart but it just means less nice people will start to ask soon too.

tippytoes06 · December 2013

Rumbera28 said:
{HUGS} to both of you!

*** loss mentioned ***

Nobody bothered to tell my sister in law's 90 year old grandma that I miscarried this summer. She hand crocheted a lovely receiving blanket for me and gave it to me for Christmas. I'm still trying to recover.

Oh Rumbera

I'm so sorry...

DH's grandma gave us a long lecture that we have plenty of time and to enjoy not having kids right now and that we can't change Gods plan and we should praise God that our problems aren't serious. I had to leave the room. I'm so glad this day is almost over.

Saintelizabeth · December 2013

My mom gave my sister (who had an "oops" baby this past August) an extra gift and announced my sister received the extra gift "for giving my mom a grandchild"

missmarypoppins · December 2013

I'm getting seriously mad just reading the comments you girls had to deal with! No one has said anything to us so far thank goodness. Word spread like wildfire when we had our miscarriage, I know everyone knows and they all tiptoe around the whole baby subject now.
I'm finding the sadness comes in waves this Christmas. I'm perfectly happy one second and tearing up the next.

@rumbera28 I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope 2014 is your year!!

divinemsbee · December 2013

@Saintelizabeth WHAT?! That is ridiculous. It's just H and I for Christmas, so I'm not dealing with anything from other people. However, there's this stupid Walmart commercial with kids opening presents that keeps playing and I have to change the channel every time. I'm normally not too bothered by kids on TV or things like that, but somehow they've just hit the buttons with this one. Which I'm sure makes it heartwarming to some people and heartbreaking to me.

Lizarella82 · December 2013

Jesus @Rumbera I'm so sorry.
@Saintelizabeth I think you should get yourself an extra present for not TPing your mom in the middle of Christmas.

I've just had to deal with the normal offensive bs, nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, I've been thinking of emailing everyone (family) a copy of an article about what not to say to people dealing with infertility. I'm bad at confrontation so when my SIL (or anyone else) tells me to "just relax" I have a hard time speaking up.

mrs.chaiffetz · December 2013

@lizarella I Pinterest things I know my family will see. That way maybe if they see it and read it they will get the hint. LOL it is worth a shot.

ronniesgirl1981 · December 2013

My husband--for some entirely unknown reason--patted my stomach at my mother's house. And then the jokes started.

WA1215 · December 2013

Rumbera28 said:

{HUGS} to both of you!

*** loss mentioned ***

Nobody bothered to tell my sister in law's 90 year old grandma that I miscarried this summer. She hand crocheted a lovely receiving blanket for me and gave it to me for Christmas. I'm still trying to recover.

I'm so sorry

WA1215 · December 2013

*a pg is mentioned*

DHs 19 yr old niece is pg and the baby's father is a felon/drug dealer. She out of the blue at dinner said - "I'm not a whore or anything but next time I will choose a better potential baby daddy" Smh. Good grief.

chicory · December 2013

@Saintelizabeth that is the worst. Just wow. I'm so sorry she said that!

Twinkie0612 · December 2013

Rumbera28 said:

{HUGS} to both of you!

*** loss mentioned ***

Nobody bothered to tell my sister in law's 90 year old grandma that I miscarried this summer. She hand crocheted a lovely receiving blanket for me and gave it to me for Christmas. I'm still trying to recover.

I'm sorry @Rumbera28.

Twinkie0612 · December 2013

Saintelizabeth said:

My mom gave my sister (who had an "oops" baby this past August) an extra gift and announced my sister received the extra gift "for giving my mom a grandchild"

@Saintelizabeth I really hope that your mom doesn't know about your IF treatments, although either way the comment is rude and out of line!

pcrumley · December 2013

Saintelizabeth said:

My mom gave my sister (who had an "oops" baby this past August) an extra gift and announced my sister received the extra gift "for giving my mom a grandchild"

Ouch! @saintelizabeth

pcrumley · December 2013

WA1215 said:

*a pg is mentioned*

DHs 19 yr old niece is pg and the baby's father is a felon/drug dealer. She out of the blue at dinner said - "I'm not a whore or anything but next time I will choose a better potential baby daddy" Smh. Good grief.

I read that to my husband, it applies to a few ppl we know as well, there's always next time!

blaxnubian · December 2013

My mother in law (who doesn't want us to have kids period) made the point of saying 3 times yesterday that she doesn't need any more grandkids, she's not ready for us to have children or that she doesn't want to be around when we do have children. It's so painful to hear these comments when in the back of my head, all I want is a child. Smh.

pcrumley · December 2013

Last night my step brother (24 year old bachelor) who is an accountant said that he's not going to have kids, he's going to adopt 10 kids and make his mom (my step mom) raise them, so he can get the tax credit. Ridiculous ! :-??

DharmaChick · December 2013

I'm so sorry to hear of all these comments/situations! I hope that you all gain a little comfort in knowing that you're not alone, and that those people who can't relate probably did not intend to hurt you. *hugs*

Fortunately, I haven't encountered any insensitive remarks such as these, and I count myself grateful.

The only thing that triggered a few tears was that my parents played some old home videos from when I was little and my mom was pregnant with my sister. I realized that she was younger at that time (with two children) than I am now (with none).

I have a few more holiday gatherings left, and we are hosting a New Year's Eve party, which will probably the most challenging as it will hopefully be during my 2WW. I stocked up on plenty of sparkling cider, etc.

zoso11 · December 2013

My SIL just had the first grand child of the family 10 days ago. then on the 23 my other SIL announced they are expecting. that was the day I took a test and was negative AGAIN. it's been 3 years of trying. next step is ivf. Merry Christmas.

pcrumley · December 2013

((Hugs))

zoso11 said:

My SIL just had the first grand child of the family 10 days ago. then on the 23 my other SIL announced they are expecting. that was the day I took a test and was negative AGAIN. it's been 3 years of trying. next step is ivf. Merry Christmas.

:-<

WA1215 · December 2013

pcrumley said:

WA1215 said:

*a pg is mentioned*

DHs 19 yr old niece is pg and the baby's father is a felon/drug dealer. She out of the blue at dinner said - "I'm not a whore or anything but next time I will choose a better potential baby daddy" Smh. Good grief.

I read that to my husband, it applies to a few ppl we know as well, there's always next time!

Every time I'm around her they have to talk about her pg and it makes my stomach nauseous bc their comments are just...ridiculous.

Saintelizabeth · December 2013

Twinkie0612 said:

Saintelizabeth said:

My mom gave my sister (who had an "oops" baby this past August) an extra gift and announced my sister received the extra gift "for giving my mom a grandchild"

@Saintelizabeth I really hope that your mom doesn't know about your IF treatments, although either way the comment is rude and out of line!

@Twinkie0612 My whole family knows about our IF struggle which is what bothered me the most about my moms comment. I'd like to think she didn't mean that as a jab to me when she said it (I'm the oldest and the only one who is married), but she could have at least done this after I left.

I love my niece and I'm happy shes here, but they way the family acts when her and I are in the same room is weird. They always have me feed her, change her, put her to sleep. No one else in the family is ever asked. I think they feel bad because it "should have been me" with the first grandchild and so they assume having me take care of my niece at family functions somehow makes me feel better. I'm happy her and I are bonding, but it just keeps that empty feeling in my heart at the fore front of my mind.

Me: 31, DH:32, Married: 8/30/2008, TTC since: 10/1/2012

DX: Me - DOR & POI, DH: none

October 2013 IUI#1: clomid+HCG trigger 10/26/2013 - BFN

November 2013 IUI#2: clomid+HCG trigger 11/25/2013 - BFN

December 2013:Taking a break

January 2014: Hoping for IUI#3 with injectables

Twinkie0612 · December 2013

Saintelizabeth said:

Twinkie0612 said:

Saintelizabeth said:

My mom gave my sister (who had an "oops" baby this past August) an extra gift and announced my sister received the extra gift "for giving my mom a grandchild"

@Saintelizabeth I really hope that your mom doesn't know about your IF treatments, although either way the comment is rude and out of line!

@Twinkie0612 My whole family knows about our IF struggle which is what bothered me the most about my moms comment. I'd like to think she didn't mean that as a jab to me when she said it (I'm the oldest and the only one who is married), but she could have at least done this after I left.

I love my niece and I'm happy shes here, but they way the family acts when her and I are in the same room is weird. They always have me feed her, change her, put her to sleep. No one else in the family is ever asked. I think they feel bad because it "should have been me" with the first grandchild and so they assume having me take care of my niece at family functions somehow makes me feel better. I'm happy her and I are bonding, but it just keeps that empty feeling in my heart at the fore front of my mind.

@Saintelizabeth Wow, I'm really sorry. I understand that empty feeling you are talking about. My nephew was born right after I started IF testing and treatments (he's 15 months old now). On one hand you are so happy and in love with the baby, but you also hurt because you still don't have your baby. It does get better though (or at least it did for me), now there are times when I am feeling upset about my IF that I want to be around my nephew. His laughter is contagious and always pulls me out of my bad mood.

kristi&p · December 2013

Sometimes family gatherings are the hardest to get through! Things are said in ways that hurt but we haven't shared our IF struggle with most of the family. So my BIL made a dumb comment "You guys need to have kids already, poor dog"

I have an 8 pound short haired dog, and when its snowing and cold she needs to wear a sweater because its too clod for her. (when snow is on the ground she can only be outside for a little bit or it truly hurts her feet she stumbled up the stairs before I realized that she was in pain for cold feet)

It stung and my SO wasn't happy with it but I couldn't say much but just defend myself and why I put my dog in sweaters.

Kacelets · December 2013

Oh girls! I am SOO very sorry for those comments from your family! Oy Vey! My In-Laws stayed with my parents and my DH and I "volunteered" to stay at a hotel. That did not excuse us from the comments about children. Both sides are aware of our IF. BUT, they both had lots of advice - mostly, "Stop trying and it will happen." Oh, my favorite was someone telling us to "Picture it and it will happen." Like we should have pictures of babies all over our house and "will" ourselves to have a child. Good Lord, if it's not happening with modern medicine (Eastern OR Western) then, of COURSE pictures of babies on the fridge will do the trick.

Another GEM that I heard today was a friend of mine who had a story about her Aunt who dealt with IF. She babysat for a week for a friend's baby and then decided she didn't want kids. And then a month later - was preggo. So, my friend thought that my DH and I should babysit my Goddaughter and that would make me pregnant. WTF?

Agape1029 · December 2013

i am thankful that i had to work this Christmas and didnt have to deal with uncomfortable situations.... yet another positive to being a nurse. I can't handle all the pressure of being with i laws

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