Inlaws vent

Jeveritt11 · December 2013

Hello all. I really hope this doesn't sound as if I'm ungrateful, I don't intend for it to I'm just a little hurt and need to vent.

A (my DP) and I have been together for 4 years. Up until April of this year I was not welcome in her parents home (super religious and all that). Our LO B is almost 3 months old. A has a niece and 2 nephews who are 10,12, & 13. I am B's bio mom and A is in the process of adopting her. So anyway we go to the inlaws for Christmas today and all open presents and all that fun stuff. Well her parents get B a little toy riding car thing (for ages 1-3 but that's beside the point). Anyway these cars are around $25 at toys r us. Her niece got a tablet from them. And her 2 nephews got an Xbox one. I realize B is still young but it bothers me they spent a ton on the other grand kids and just a little on B. I know there's not much a 3 month old can really play with, but dang they could have gotten her a zoo membership or put money in her college fund. My family has always been very fair where gifts are concerned. Maybe I'm just overreacting a little, I just feel like because she isn't biologically their grandchild she's always going to get the short end of the stick.

Sorry if I sound like a spoiled brat, I'm really not materialistic at all I guess I'm just defensive of my LO being left out.

LC122 · December 2013

Eh, I get it.
3 month olds are hard to shop for, especially if you haven't been around one in a decade.
I think you're probably just really sensitive to the inequality. I am too. My dad overwhelmingly favors boys. My brother has two sons who are several years older than my girls. When the boys were young, my dad (and then-stepmom) bought so many toys for them, they literally filled two bedrooms, a storage room and a single car garage at their house. There are tons of toys and baby items still in their packaging. My oldest is about to turn 2 and this Christmas was the first time it occurred to my dad to share any of the baby/toddler toys he's had at his house for years. I wasn't even hoping for equal (new toy) treatment, leftover/used toys are fine by us.
Anyway, I am very sensitive to how he treats my brother's boys as opposed to my girls. So, I get it. I think the age difference argument only goes so far though. And yet I hate to be the person who writes it down for future reference/evidence.
Sorry about your Christmas. Hopefully we're both just being too sensitive.

Jalee85 · December 2013

I can understand where you are coming from. Hopefully, it is just an age issue. Although they could of gotten several smaller gifts.

EmJ&B · December 2013

My mom was always super fair when it came to gifts for me and my sis so I have a hard time not being amazed by DH's crazy fam. MIL deft favors his brother

Colada584 · December 2013

My MIL did something similar. For my nephew she bought all sorts of stuff...puzzles, movies, clothes, toys..he's 6. And for my LO...potted flowers. Really? What does a 2 1/2 month old need a a flower pot for? Why waste the money. It's just going to die because I'm going to forget to water it. But she made sure she wrote on the bottom so that LO knows it was from her. Sorry MIL that will not be around when LO is old enough to read.

Kittymom6 · December 2013

I'm really sorry, that sucks. I have some friends that went through a similar situation with their daughter, who is now 4 and I think her partner's parents have finally come around to see LO as their granddaughter. It sounds like it took them a while to warm up to you, and it might take a while for them to warm up to your LO.

I think the hard part for my friend was not to want to punish the grandparents by keeping them away from the baby, even though that would be totally justified based on their actions. But she wanted her daughter to have two sets of loving grandparents, and although it took one pair a little longer, they now dote on her.
. I was going to suggest you ask about this on LGBT parenting board, but it looks like you xp'd already. I hope that your family is warm and accepting and showers your LO with love!
Eta: the bump ate my paragraphs

Ycu2013 · December 2013

Our family rule: be fair, spend the same amount of $$$ on each child. Even if the are little!

Drea2892 · December 2013

Sorry if I'm hijacking your thread but This is kind of related in the sense that I can completely understand how you're feeling. My mil hasn't bought my dd anything at all in two months that she's been around. She hasn't checked to see if we've needed anything, she only calls to see when she can see the baby. I mean yea I know this is my baby but damn you can't get your grand baby anything.

Slap8out · December 2013

Totally understand how you feel and have right to feel like your LO is being left out, I feel the same way. DH's family didn't come at all to see LO. They keep saying they will but reschedule every time, both patents are so concerned with other grand kids that LO gets zero attention. It's their loss. Maybe as our LO get older it will get better! GL

Herefishy87 · December 2013

Ugh I understand the feeling. My mother is BSC and favors my 6yr old nephew. Ds1's birthday is a few days before my nephews and my mother made a huge shit show about the toys she got my nephew for his bday but when my sons party came she got him NOTHING! I am far from materialistic but it pisses me to see the favoritism. I'm just glad DS1 isn't old enough to understand or realize. O and of course my mother has to tell me all the things she does with my nephew and talks about him constantly. She even calls my son my nephews name all the time and just kinda smirks and says oops. Grrrr, I could go on for hours! Lol!
I hope they come around and except your LO, family (although can be cray) is so important!

moninc · December 2013

Hey at least your LO got something. My MIL didn't even buy my LO anything for Christmas. The other 5 grand kids got something but not my daughter.

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