My OB is kinda a douche!

HeartOverMind · December 2013

I had an appointment yesterday, and I had to get my Group B Strep test done. I had previously read about it and thought I knew what to expect, but I was not expecting what actually happened. For background, my OB doesn't really say that much unless I have a specific question, so when he was doing the GBS he just did his thing..not explaining anything. He swabbed me, that wasn't bad at all, then he proceeded to jam his entire f'n fist (I'm exaggerating here, but still) up my vagina. That crap hurt. He basically made me feel like I was the only woman on earth that felt uncomfortable with that pelvic exam. He told me that I should rethink getting an epidural. He told me "a baby's head is a hell of a lot bigger". I wasn't really scared to give birth until I had this lovely encounter. I just want LO to stay in my ute forever. Can that happen???

I guess I just have a small pelvis..I think my OB may have said something like that, but I was feeling too embarrassed and ashamed to really hear what he was telling me after the exam. TMI, but sex has always been a bit uncomfortable for me, and I'm hoping pushing this baby out will loosen me up a tiny bit. I don't know, but now I'm really scuuuured!!!

Does a pelvic exam hurt anyone else?

Here are some Christmas cookies for you ladies!

megngregk · December 2013

I'm also "small" down there according to every OB I've ever had and have similar fears. The cervical checks are definitely uncomfortable and give me bad cramps for the rest of the day.

juliasmama2010 · December 2013

Apparently I have a mammoth vagina...

jmdaisy2 · December 2013

Pelvic exams are uncomfortable - and depending on how gentle the doctor is can down right hurt. This is not abnormal.

On a side note, I completely agree that your OB is a douche. I probably would have already switched, and if I had not, I definitely would after this baby. I think at this point I'd have a talk with him about how he made you feel. I'd tell him to tell me before he does a cervical exam in the future so you can know what to expect.

Since he is a douche, take what he says with a grain of salt, and do not let him mess things up for you. If you end up needing an epi, so be it, but he does not get to decide that. It is a good thing he'll probably only be there for the delivery and not the rest of the labor process (if your doc is anything like mine in that sense).

HeartOverMind · December 2013

megngregk said:

I'm also "small" down there according to every OB I've ever had and have similar fears. The cervical checks are definitely uncomfortable and give me bad cramps for the rest of the day.

Yeah, I was cramping and had a ton more BH yesterday.

I don't even think OB was able to "find what he was looking for" during the pelvic exam, because he was telling me that if someone asked for my results to say that I was small or something. Dang, I wish I could remember! OB talks so freaking fast, and I usually have the last appt so he's trying to run out on me every single time.

HeartOverMind · December 2013

juliasmama2010 said:

Apparently I have a mammoth vagina...

Lucky! lol.

RedSaffron · December 2013

Holy, I would have slapped his head if he did a cervical check without warning. I had my gbs test yesterday too and my OB asked if I wanted a cervical check and I kindly refused and she was okay with it.
I did have a cervical check at 34 weeks when I went to L&D (LO wasn't moving all day). It did hurt even with the doctor tell me what he's doing.
I would ask your doctor next time if he would so kindly tell you what he was doing or even ask to get a cervical check.

HeartOverMind · December 2013

jmdaisy2 said:

Pelvic exams are uncomfortable - and depending on how gentle the doctor is can down right hurt. This is not abnormal.

On a side note, I completely agree that your OB is a douche. I probably would have already switched, and if I had not, I definitely would after this baby. I think at this point I'd have a talk with him about how he made you feel. I'd tell him to tell me before he does a cervical exam in the future so you can know what to expect.

Since he is a douche, take what he says with a grain of salt, and do not let him mess things up for you. If you end up needing an epi, so be it, but he does not get to decide that. It is a good thing he'll probably only be there for the delivery and not the rest of the labor process (if your doc is anything like mine in that sense).

I'm definitely going to look into seeing another dr. for the next baby.

He is going to be gone for the next two weeks, so if LO decides to come a little early that will be fine with me.

amt0312 · December 2013

Dude, I would totally not be ok with how your OB treated and talked to you....

LabPupLuv · December 2013

amt0312 said:

Dude, I would totally not be ok with how your OB treated and talked to you....

This!!! I am so sorry you had to go through that.

Hmvbaby14 · December 2013

What a jerk! Fortunately you are nearing the end and can find someone new for the next time around!

csandroo · December 2013

Yeah I would not want him in the delivery room with me.

peanutmuse · December 2013

They should always tell you what they are doing ahead of time in an office scenario. That really is unacceptable for him to just stick his hand up there.

I think the cervical checks are uncomfortable but not necessarily painful for me. My vag is long and skinny. It's painful for me simply because they have to reach past where normal human fingers can reach, if that makes sense.

And his comments about the epidural were absolutely uncalled for.

megs12914 · December 2013

What a tool box. I'd kick him in the balls and then tell him maybe he just has really sensitive testicles and should rethink being a man.

HeartOverMind · December 2013

megs12914 said:

What a tool box. I'd kick him in the balls and then tell him maybe he just has really sensitive testicles and should rethink being a man.

Haha! You crack me up, @megs12914!!

angiek1 · December 2013

I hate getting checked, it is just uncomfortable and slightly painful. Your doc is a douche.

HeartOverMind · December 2013

Thanks, ladies! DH was there during that appt. and now he is freaking out for me; he doesn't understand why I would even consider not getting an epi. I appreciate his concern, but I've told him a million times that I just don't want to go into labor planning on getting an epi. If I end up needing one, then that's one thing. But I just don't want to commit to it before I have a chance to see how I hold up.

precious72381 · December 2013

When seeing a new doctor for infertility treatments...they surprised me with an anus check of some kind. No warning...nothing. Just all of a sudden something was shoved up there (qtip, finger...I don't know) I was so shocked. The next moment the nurse said, "okay, now that is done I need to take your blood pressure." I was like..."woman...give me a minute or it will not be a good reading!!!!"

Otherwise, sorry it was such a bad experience. I ask questions before my underwear comes off for any reason now

I'm small down there and was told when I was younger that child birth will hopefully open that up and make sex a little less painless for me! So hoping for a vag birth for a few different reasons

mj0413 · December 2013

@heartovermind - ugh, I'm sorry! I feel like OB/GYNs should be super aware and sensitive about anything involving lady parts. Everything should be explained beforehand and they should not make flippant comments like that. Definite d bag. And stay strong about the labor. You do what you want/need to do. It's no ones call but yours!

sarahmarie2 · December 2013

I agree that your ob is a douche, he should have given you a heads up, and been more considerate when speaking to you. Would you feel comfortable addressing the issue? I feel badly that he left you feeling embaressed.

That being said, I've had two cervix checks now. One in L&D and one at a regular appointment with my ob. My ob warned me weeks ago that it would be uncomfortable, so of course I've been dreading it. The one in L&D wasn't bad at all. The one my ob performed was pretty uncomfortable and made me really crampy, but afterwards I felt fine. I think it has to do with how they manuever, but also when I was in L&D I was on a bed and my legs were bent like a frog and waaaaaaay open. I'm attributing the comfort to that, and will ask if I can be more open at my next ob appointment.

HeartOverMind · December 2013

precious72381 said:

When seeing a new doctor for infertility treatments...they surprised me with an anus check of some kind. No warning...nothing. Just all of a sudden something was shoved up there (qtip, finger...I don't know) I was so shocked. The next moment the nurse said, "okay, now that is done I need to take your blood pressure." I was like..."woman...give me a minute or it will not be a good reading!!!!"

Otherwise, sorry it was such a bad experience. I ask questions before my underwear comes off for any reason now I'm small down there and was told when I was younger that child birth will hopefully open that up and make sex a little less painless for me! So hoping for a vag birth for a few different reasons

Oh my goodness! That would have been terrible. Lucky for me, they left the room immediately after the exam and I had time to calm down.

Unknown · December 2013

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lolinshag · December 2013

I would have pulled a donkey kick on his ass!

MrsGraham06 · December 2013

Any time I've had a male OB, there was a nurse in the room, and she did jump in and say what was happening when. He kind of glossed over it (yeah, oh, you'll feel me touch now...) but the nurse was there to make sure the patient was taken care of professionally, and informed at what was going on.

I'm sorry your OB was like that. None of them should do something like that ever. You should be informed, and have things explained when you want to. And comments on how small you are or if you'll need an epi are out of line.

HeartOverMind · December 2013

MrsGraham06 said:

Any time I've had a male OB, there was a nurse in the room, and she did jump in and say what was happening when. He kind of glossed over it (yeah, oh, you'll feel me touch now...) but the nurse was there to make sure the patient was taken care of professionally, and informed at what was going on.

I'm sorry your OB was like that. None of them should do something like that ever. You should be informed, and have things explained when you want to. And comments on how small you are or if you'll need an epi are out of line.

My OB's nurse didn't say anything either. Craziness!

nikkijd17 · December 2013

jmdaisy2 said:
Pelvic exams are uncomfortable - and depending on how gentle the doctor is can down right hurt. This is not abnormal.

On a side note, I completely agree that your OB is a douche. I probably would have already switched, and if I had not, I definitely would after this baby. I think at this point I'd have a talk with him about how he made you feel. I'd tell him to tell me before he does a cervical exam in the future so you can know what to expect.

Since he is a douche, take what he says with a grain of salt, and do not let him mess things up for you. If you end up needing an epi, so be it, but he does not get to decide that. It is a good thing he'll probably only be there for the delivery and not the rest of the labor process (if your doc is anything like mine in that sense).

I agree with this entirely. A heads up is absolutely necessary here. He's lucky he didn't get kicked in the face.

bensmommy518 · December 2013

They are uncomfortable for me too. That's why I usually refuse - I don't see the point in them anyway.

HeartOverMind · December 2013

bensmommy518 said:

They are uncomfortable for me too. That's why I usually refuse - I don't see the point in them anyway.

I wish I was given a choice!

sapatel1 said:

Whenever I get a pap the gynecologist has to get a smaller speculum so I'm in the small vagina boat. I had my cervical exam last week and my OB has small hands and talked through it to get me to relax a bit. It worked and I wasn't in any pain... just uncomfortable. In conclusion, your OB is a douche.

Haha! Basically.

daltosostarby · December 2013

I had to have my first cervical check when I was in L&D, and it was definitely unpleasant, but at least the nurse explained it all to me before she put her hand up there. I apparently have a high cervix, so it felt like she was shoving her entire hand in me, but it wasn't horribly painful.

If be pissed though if shed been like your dr and just done it without any warning!

ETA: stupid mobile posted before I was done.

SandFHasse · December 2013

They are painful for me. My OB didn't even finish the exam all the way today because it hurt too bad.

I do agree with PP's that they should always tell you what they're doing before they do it. I would be pissed if my Dr did an exam without telling me first.

JuliaH21 · December 2013

Wow, if your OB has patients that have been raped (or otherwise sexually assaulted) that kind of behavior (no warning, snide comments) could really cause some anxiety and flash-back related issues. You'd think someone in that profession would be more sensitive to things like that.

I really wouldn't listen to him about the epi. Depending on how gentle the ob is, some of my cervical exams have been very uncomfortable/painful and some have not been bad at all. After DD, I had the paraguard IUD put in (and then removed) and both procedures were painful. I was able to go med-free with DD and it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. Your ob is a douche.

bee1916 · December 2013

It's really crappy that your OB isn't trying to support your choice in pain management, but is instead telling you that you won't be able to handle it. That would make me really angry! He needs to comfort his patients and walk them through the process, not scare your hubby and you!

AnnikaD20 · December 2013

Maybe I'm in the minority that I don't think cervix checks are that bad, but my OB at least has the courtesy of telling me what she's about to do.

I would not make a decision on getting an epidural based on what Dr. Douche said. I'm not entirely qualified to talk about it being a FTM, but I don't think a cervix check is the best indicator of how childbirth is going to feel, and the way you want to manage pain is up to you.

HeartOverMind · December 2013

JuliaH21 said:

Wow, if your OB has patients that have been raped (or otherwise sexually assaulted) that kind of behavior (no warning, snide comments) could really cause some anxiety and flash-back related issues. You'd think someone in that profession would be more sensitive to things like that.

I really wouldn't listen to him about the epi. Depending on how gentle the ob is, some of my cervical exams have been very uncomfortable/painful and some have not been bad at all. After DD, I had the paraguard IUD put in (and then removed) and both procedures were painful. I was able to go med-free with DD and it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. Your ob is a douche.

I felt completely violated after the exam and felt depressed because of what he was telling me. (So I couldn't imagine what I would have been feeling if I had experienced some kind of assault) He made me feel like delivering this baby will be a nightmare. DH felt so bad and kept telling me about how every woman has gone through the same procedures and that I'll be fine giving birth. But it totally sucks that my dr. doesn't care about what kind of experience I have.

LuGal623 · December 2013

Yea I would've definitely kicked him in the face for just springing that on you. I just had my first cervical check and yes it was mildly uncomfortable and I did have some contractions the rest of the day but what scared me more was the bleeding. I bled the rest of the day so I guess I have a sensitive cervix.

rowanthefrog · December 2013

I had one today and it wasn't very comfortable, but I would not be ok with those comments. Is there another OB in your practice that you can see?

A

HeartOverMind · December 2013

rowanthefrog said:

I had one today and it wasn't very comfortable, but I would not be ok with those comments. Is there another OB in your practice that you can see?

A

Unfortunately, no. There was another OB, but she moved to another state before I actually started going there. He is a lone dr in the office. He'll be gone for the next two weeks, and I'll be seeing a lady doctor and she could deliver (if I were to have LO in the next two weeks).

I live in a very small town, and this hospital is five minutes away from home. It's just nice with it being winter to deliver close to home. But I will definitely consider going to a hospital 45 minutes away for the next baby, assuming it won't be another winter baby.

housewifebecomesher · December 2013

All of the pelvic exams hurt...and so did the Strep B test. Buttt, I feel like he should have warned you before "going in"!

squeakbeth · December 2013

I am furious for you! Please don't be depressed because of this moron. We all know those muscles can get tight temporarily when you are uneasy, so you probably (likely! Rightly!) clenched and it hurt more.

But also, keep in mind that during labor you have a build up to things coming out of your vagina. It is nothing like having a man's hand suddenly shoved up there. Your body takes its time and stretches what needs to be stretched and even pushing is designed to ease the baby out. Seriously, he is an OB. He should know there is no comparison. You can totally birth whatever way you like and douche can take a hike. No uterus, no opinion.

HeartOverMind · December 2013

squeakbeth said:

I am furious for you! Please don't be depressed because of this moron. We all know those muscles can get tight temporarily when you are uneasy, so you probably (likely! Rightly!) clenched and it hurt more. But also, keep in mind that during labor you have a build up to things coming out of your vagina. It is nothing like having a man's hand suddenly shoved up there. Your body takes its time and stretches what needs to be stretched and even pushing is designed to ease the baby out. Seriously, he is an OB. He should know there is no comparison. You can totally birth whatever way you like and douche can take a hike. No uterus, no opinion.

These were some of my thoughts after the appointment, but I just kept thinking that he is the doctor and he *should* know what he is talking about. But on the other hand, he is a man and has absolutely no idea, aside from the books he's read from.

ashleywiz · December 2013

Yikes! He would have gotten a swift kick to the crotch as a "reflex" for that action! I'm sorry you had to go through that. I would not be ok with it and would absolutely be voicing that to the nurses AND him. He should know that those comments did not sit well with you.

My OB made me laugh during my swab and check because she is so gentle and always does a thigh touch before approaching my vagina. That said, I must be a freak because paps, the cervical checks and any other time they've had to investigate hasn't ever given me discomfort. Just feels a little funny when they get up in there to swab, but I wouldn't even classify it as uncomfortable. The very first time I went (when I was 17) it was weird and uncomfortable but that was it.

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