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Cincinnati Babies
Am I being "crazy"?
Background: my parents will be the primary daycare providers for DD when I go back to work full-time in January. DH's parents will also watch her on occasion.
Okay, so yesterday I said something to DH about how I expect my parents (or his) to ask us before they take DD anywhere. He said "you're crazy". I told him that 99% of the time, I won't care, but she is our child and I think they should ask before they take her anywhere other than our house / their house. He said "now I know you're crazy". I said that I didn't think that was unreasonable, but he thinks that since they're the grandparents that whenever they have her they should be able to do whatever they want, without asking first.
At first I thought he was the "crazy" one for not caring what they do with her, but the more he insisted, the more I thought maybe I was being unreasonable.
So... IYO... who's right?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I being "crazy"?
My mom watches Katie and she takes her everywhere! Half the time I don't know what they did during the day until I go pick her up. My mom has a stroller, car seat, and everything that she needs in order to keep Katie safe. My mom even has her own diaper bag.
They do tons of stuff together, go to the mall, take trips to the zoo, go to the pool during the summer months, watch Aunt Lauren play soocer, pick out Chrstimas trees, etc. Katie loves these experiences.
I'm not going to force my mom to stay at home- she has a life and errands to run herself. My mom does inform me of longer trips. She took Katie to Louisville to pick up my aunt from the airport. I didn't have a problem. She slept the entire time.
I think as long as you provide her with everything she needs for a safe trip, there is no need to worry. I am going to have to side with your husband. Sorry
Katie: 1/16/08 2lbs. 15oz.
Abby & Emily: 12/31/10 6lbs. 2oz. & 5lbs. 7oz.
I agree with you somewhat. Hopefully if they have plans to do something with your baby, they will let you know in advance. However, if they need to run to the store to pick something up and it can't be planned in advance, I don't think it's too big of a deal for them not to tell you.
DH and I follow this rule within our own immediate family as well. If he takes her out while I'm at work, he calls and leaves me a message if he can't get ahold of me. He does it out of common courtesy and it makes me feel good to know where my child is even when I can't be with her.
Also, this is something that seemed to ease up over time. When I first went back to work, I would have wanted to know where she was all the time. This is because I was so used to being with her 24 hrs a day during maternity leave. As she got older, I relaxed a bunch!
Good luck! I know it's a hard transition but you obviously trust your parents if you are using them as regular care providers. I think over time it will be easier to feel comfortable with them making decisions on what they do while they are with your baby.
My mom started watching DS when he was 4 months old. I was a little bit picky then because I was kind of germaphobe-y. However, I trust my mom and know that she knew how to take care of Niko and prevent sickness just as much as I did. I looked at my mom almost as Niko's SAHM, per se. I would want to take him to library and playgroup and such....so would she! She is going to watch him again in Jan and I am signing him up for tumbling classes near where she lives. After being a SAHM I know that she'll want to get out a lot.
I found that when I was anxious about my mom taking Niko anywhere, it ended up being due to some PPD. Not saying thats what it is...but that is what I figured out for me.
IMHO if you are going to ask someone in your immediate family to take time out of their life (whether paid or not) to watch your DD, then you should be flexible enough to allow them to still go shopping, doctors, etc. as needed. However if they were going to go to the zoo or something, I would want to know beforehand.
If it were someone other than family, I would DEFINITELY want to know. And I have to agree with a PP that it is more than likely because she is so young. You will grow out of that as rediculous as that sounds now, eventually you will be fine with it.
Elijah Matthew - 5/3/07 ~ Adalyn Rosemary - 3/23/11
*Photos by Kacy Cierley*
Thanks for all of your input.
I guess I'll have to ease up a bit.
It probably is partly because I'm used to being the one with her all of the time. And like AgathiP04 mentioned, I guess it could be somewhat related to PPD, which I'm being treated for.
Thanks again.
I don't think you're being crazy - just a little controlling. My guess is anyone that's trustworthy enough to watch your DC in their home is trustworthy enough to watch her when they are out and about. I also agree that it's something that you'll probably become a little more relaxed about with age.
Best of luck!
My family doesn't watch DS b/c they don't live near us but I was this way with his sitter's and still am kind of with his new sitter. I did not like them driving him around all the time but if they had to, I asked them to let me know when they got back safe and sound. It is a common courtesy I think. I now don't hesitate when his sitter asks if she can take him some where, I just ask that she call me when they get back. She is glad that I am that way b/c she is that way with her own kids. In the beginning it was VERY HARD to let anyone drive him around but now I trust his sitter and I have always trusted my mom. I will not leave him with anyone I don't trust so I won't have to worry about him being driven around by those people I don't trust. I would try to relax and it will get easier :-)
Married to my BFF on 8.13.05 (after dating 5 years)!
DS born 2.14.08. DD born 9.30.09.