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Best advice you've gotten...

logansmom3212logansmom3212 member
in Blended Families
Ok, I'll start a conversation... What is the best BF advice you've gotten (from this board or anywhere)?

My DH spent a lot of time "not wanting to rock the boat" and when things finally did really blow up, I encouraged him to fight for a more detailed CO because It cost us a small fortune, but it's been so worth it. Everything is spelled out and we went as far as creating a calendar that lists all of his days including meeting times.
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Re: Best advice you've gotten...

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    logansmom3212logansmom3212 member
    Post fail... Fixed in quote...
    logansmom3212 said:

    Ok, I'll start a conversation... What is the best BF advice you've gotten (from this board or anywhere)?

    My DH spent a lot of time "not wanting to rock the boat" and when things finally did really blow up, I encouraged him to fight for a more detailed CO because of what I have read here. It cost us a small fortune, but it's been so worth it. Everything is spelled out and we went as far as creating a calendar that lists all of his days including meeting times. There is now no room to manipulate the schedule. n

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    fellesferiefellesferie member
    Two pieces of divorce-related advice from the same friend.

    1) Pick the one thing you really care about and let everything else go.

    2) Try not to react emotionally; he wants you emotional and off your game. 
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    coopsbabycoopsbaby member
    @+just+j+ stole mine!

    Also, it's not my job to make exh be a good father.
       
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    CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
    Not to worry about what CS is spent on or begrudge the money paid to BM.  There's nothing to be done about it.

    Let the little things go, pick your battles.  These two things have led us to live peacefully with BM since 2008.
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    ambrvanambrvan member
    To change what you can and accept what you can't change.

    To fight like hell when there is a battle worth fighting.

    You cannot change it control what happens around you, but you can control how you react to it. In the middle of drama, you can still choose to remove yourself from it.

    To take the high road even when you think getting down and dirty with the pigs would be so much more satisfying.

    One of the best things I have have learned here is in regards to my marriage:
    To not make excuses. It took me a long time, but I think I am finally at this point. What is my fault is on me. What is not my fault is not mine to feel responsible for. My H, for example, I don't make excuses for him like I used to. That doesn't mean I don't love him whole heartedly. It means I acknowledge and accept his faults and choose to love him anyway.

    And probably the best thing I have ever learned:
    Love is not a feeling, not an emotion, not a whim of the heart. Love is a conscious choice that requires action, work, and dedication. Love is ultimately self-sacrificing. And you can choose to love someone even when though they do not reciprocate.
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    lookame3639lookame3639 member
    Do not engage. Thats all the ex wants is to get me upset and into an argument.
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    twister22twister22 member
    You cannot control what happens on the other parents' time, you can only control what happens on your own time. Let the small stuff go, and pick your battles.
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    CurlieWhirlieCurlieWhirlie member
    This is all really great advice!

    Here's a tidbit that I have read a few places, and I like it: it's ok when things are hard or kids are sad about the breakup/new family situation. Don't expect everything to settle down into "happy blended family mode" right away, give everyone time and space to work out their own place in the family.
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    CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    tifanico said:
    When my court case ended my lawyer told me that I had two options. One was keep on the same path and continue being bitter with BF or try to patch things up to have a good co-parenting relationship.

    I chose the second and it has changed my life but it takes two to tango so it has also been hard work from BF.  

    I really love this advice.  Your attorney is awesome for saying this, and I wish more attorneys/Judges would tell parents this.

    I think the best advice I've received here is that the hatred/venom/crazy from BM is not a reflection of me.  That all stems from her own issues.  Oh, and the whole "playing dirty with pigs only makes the pigs happy because they like the mud" (or something along those lines).
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    mccall0113mccall0113 member
    Do what is in the best interest of the children
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    NineoceansNineoceans member
    Best advice is probably that as a SM it's ok to disengage and let Dh fight his own battles. It isn't a reflection on me that I'm not a good wife it's just a reflection on Dh that this is a challenge he signed up to for 18 years and he needs to figure it out on his own sometimes
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    NineoceansNineoceans member
    Also a friend at work told me once "what does it make you look like to argue with a crazy person" so now I just say "we are going to disagree on the details but how can we move forward"
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    MrsHetzelMrsHetzel member
    And this too shall pass.
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    anordstrWed114947anordstrWed114947 member
    Mine was, you have to feel sorry for BM. She can't help that she really doesn't get it. She is "special" didn't have someone to show her the right way to be an adult.

    I treat her like she is slow because she is. I used to think ... There is no way she is that stupid. No one is that stupid. She is trying to hurt us or SD. Nope just really that stupid.

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    nurrieumnurrieum member
    Grace leads to peace which leads to happiness. I have to have grace for the people that piss me off and grace for my own failures, promote peace but having grace and responding peacefully, and by forgiving and letting go ie: having peace, I can actually live happier.
    It's a daily thing of falling down and trying again.

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