Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

No idea when we will have Step kids for Xmas

lisad79lisad79 member
in Blended Families
am I over reacting? I mean seriously Xmas is 5 days away and the BM has not told my husband when he will have the kids. I am extremely frustrated because I have guests coming over Xmas Eve and we host a big family Xmas dinner on Xmas day.

Sorry I really needed to vent this because I am 19 weeks pregnant and this is stressing me out. I am an extreme planner and would just like to know when they will be here to open gifts, see family, etc. 

The BM does not care, all she is going to do is tell my husband when and where he can get them, or drop them off. We technically should have them Xmas Day, but my husband has Mon and Tues off work so he thought it would be nice to keep them this weekend thru Xmas Eve Tues afternoon.

Does anyone else deal with this BS? Should my husband push back a little and try to get the BM to communicate more? And how?!
Report Reply to Post

Re: No idea when we will have Step kids for Xmas

  • fellesferiefellesferie member
    I'm also still sitting here waiting for XH to let me know what his Christmas plans are. It sucks.

    The reality is that you can't force a timeline on anyone. So unless there is something in your CO about deadlines for establishing parenting time, I think you are out of luck.

    The only suggestion I have is to send an email along the lines of "If you would like to alter the holidays as I suggested (brief repeat of info here), then please let me know by the end of today. Otherwise I will assume we are just going forward based on the time share outlined in the CO."
    my read shelf:
    Erin's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • ambrvanambrvan member
    Our Christmas plans have changed a million times as DH tries to accommodate everyone. And we are the CPs, so it's not like BM is the one telling us anything. For us, it's the other way around. H is trying to be as accommodating as possible for everyone and all families, but as usual no one is happy.

    I am just asking for the ride. I'm making a trip to the liquor store this weekend. And I am suggesting that next year we take a holiday vacation. Whether that means a vacation for the holidays or a vacation from the holidays is still in question.

    I was in the Christmas mood early this year, and hearing everyone argue while I sit quietly and smile is really turning me into a scrooge again.
    Report Reply
  • lisad79lisad79 member
    well we get the kids tonight so HOPEFULLY we will know what is going on. I hate that my husband might have to resort going through his daughter to find out, (who is 13) but I mean really, parents should co-parent and communicate.
    Report Reply
  • mccall0113mccall0113 member
    I'm heart broken that my step daughter doesn't want to come. :(. (DH is not her bio dad so we have no legal rights). And step son lives in Georgia. Hopefully he will come for the summer. He's 16 and time is flying by.
    Trying to Conceive Ticker
    Report Reply
  • nurrieumnurrieum member
    We've also gotten no Christmas info, it's frustrating.

    Anniversary


    (Jar of Bees- Le Blog)

    Pregnancy Ticker
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
  • momof2buggsmomof2buggs member
    I'm wondering what the court order says. She cannot withhold the children during his scheduled visits. That crap would not fly with me.
    Report Reply
  • jsharkkjsharkk member
    I drive BD crazy by demanding he plan holidays months in advance. Our custody agreement isn't finalized yet so we've been working things out on our own. Back in October I asked what he wanted and he said Christmas Eve and I said "Ok".
    Report Reply
  • IlumineIlumine member
    So what DOES your Court Order say?  And if your CO is that vague, then why don't you do something legal about it?
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
    Report Reply
  • ambrvanambrvan member
    And just since I replied, our Christmas plans have changed yet again. BM's parents were able to work out the time of to allow BM to take SD from Christmas Eve to the following Sunday. So we will get her overnight the 25th and do our Christmas on the 26th (which works out great for us since DH will be coming home from work that morning when the kids are getting up).

    The inky people that truly have been unhappy no matter how much we have tried to move things around have been H's family. He finally told them to shove it yesterday, that I would decide whether or not we attended their dinner when SD comes home on the 25th and that he would not be there because of work and he was all too thrilled.

    He agrees that next year we take a vacation. This year were taking a vacation from sobriety.
    Report Reply
  • lisad79lisad79 member
    His divorce decree just states that they switch at holidays, one year someone gets them Xmas eve and Xmas morning and one year someone only gets them Xmas afternoon through the night.

    There is nothing stated about when she has to notify him of the schedule. She is the worst at letting us know anything ahead of time and it frustrates the hell out of me!

    He texted the BM again Friday night after picking the kids up, asking what the plan was for Xmas. He asked to have them Xmas Eve day and she finally texted back saying ok. So we have them until tomorrow evening (Sunday) and then he has to drive 2 hours (back and forth) to get them Tues AM and have them till about 5 or 6pm Xmas Eve. It's all ridiculous but as long as my 2 year is not effected by anyone this BS, I don't care.

    Sorry, my husband's family has become a total nightmare at the holidays, fighting when we will see who, when and where.

    I am taking a vacation next year.
    Report Reply
  • bebe11bebe11 member
    Maybe have your husband notify BM of when he will be picking the kids up, rather than waiting on her.

     

    Report Reply
  • lisad79lisad79 member
    yep he does all of the driving, except when they meet on Friday nights for pick ups. They went home Sunday evening and now he will go drive 2 hours to get them tomorrow so they can spend 4/5 hrs at our house. Then he will drive them to their aunts for xmas eve, which thankfully is 20 mins away.

    I would love for her to do more driving and be more responsive in a timely manner. My husband doesnt seem to want to rock the boat. I don't think he would take her back to court to get things adjusted.

    It is exactly right, there are no consequences for her, she just tells him when and where and he does it.
    Report Reply
  • ambrvanambrvan member
    lisad79 said:

    yep he does all of the driving, except when they meet on Friday nights for pick ups. They went home Sunday evening and now he will go drive 2 hours to get them tomorrow so they can spend 4/5 hrs at our house. Then he will drive them to their aunts for xmas eve, which thankfully is 20 mins away.

    I would love for her to do more driving and be more responsive in a timely manner. My husband doesnt seem to want to rock the boat. I don't think he would take her back to court to get things adjusted.

    It is exactly right, there are no consequences for her, she just tells him when and where and he does it.

    Is it written into the CO that he does aall the driving? If not, he can always go pick them up and then just say, we will be at X place (home, halfway point, wherever) when it will be time for BM to get them back.

    Our CO specifically states that the party picking up is to drive. Occasionally, if it works out better for us all, we meet halfway. And if they ask us to give them extra time, they always offer to drive both ways (which is a 30 minute commute at least). But we made sure it said that the party picking up drives because it allows us to keep a check on certain other stipulations of the CO.

    If your H is ok with all this, then I'd just let it ride unless it is affecting you and your life. But if he is complaining about it, I would tell him until he puts his foot down, you don't want to hear it. I would also tell him that you don't want to be married to a door mat. It is pretty offensive and even hurtful when your spouse is so submissive to their X, I think.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"