PumpkinandthePeanut

Blueyed228 · December 2013

So this might get a bit long, but backstory is that Julia is a much "easier" baby that Anthony. I think she was probably ready for her crib a few months ago, but for some silly reason I thought it wasnt 'fair' to have him in with me and her down the hall. Stupid, but whatever. He had a little rougher of a go than she did. He had pretty bad formula issues with gas and stomach aches, and then he dealt with terrible constipation for a few months before that go sorted out, then they got croup, and then he had surgery, so he has always needed extra coddling. He is also a baby that gets overstimulated very easily. We call him the little owl because he needs to see EVERYTHING that is going on and his head is always turning to see whats going on. He also does not take a paci or his thumb so he doesnt know how to soothe himself.

Her transition to the crib was great. She likes the quiet and sleeps well for naps. She takes a paci and her blanket so she can pretty much get herself to sleep without needing much from me, so she doesnt count, lol.

I started by bringing him into his room during the day and putting him in the crib to "play". I would put on his mobile, read to him, give him some toys, etc. Just so he got used to the space. The next step was putting him in there while I did laundry or was cleaning on the same floor, popping in and out to let him know I was there, see how he was, etc. I didnt let him cry in the crib because I didnt want him to be afraid of it. He started to like being in there, so I tried it with the lights dimmer (he is a little afraid of the dark so we keep a nightlight and his humidifier throws stars on the ceiling). He was never a napper so he would literally just whine all.day.long and want to be held. If he would nap, it would be no longer than 20 min and on the couch. A few days into it, I had him in there and he put his head down and fell asleep for a little nap. He didnt sleep long, maybe 15-20 min but it was a start.

The first night I tried to put him in there to sleep was a disaster. I spent 5 hours walking back and forth to his room to soothe him back to sleep. I never wanted him to get to full cry because I dont want him to develop a fear of the crib. He would only stay asleep for a short stretch before he woke up crying. I gave up and just brought him into bed with me because I was exhausted.

Next I would rock him to sleep for naps, and then put him in the crib. He is a belly sleeper and 8 out of 10 times he wakes up when I transfer him, but I just pat his bum lightly and do the Shhhhh sound until he either falls back asleep or goes to a cry. If he goes to a cry, I pick him up and try to rock him again. Sometimes I give him a bottle in the crib to get him out. The first time he slept for an hour I had no idea what to do with myself! Im still rocking him to sleep most of the time. Im sure thats not the best idea, but it works for us.

His stretches overnight got a bit more once his day naps became routine. He was waking up 3-4 times before, now its 1-2 times. But now he wakes up, I give him a bottle (he holds it himself) and go back to bed. I dont talk to him or look at him overnight, most times his eyes are not really open either, just give the bottle and walk out. He drinks it, rolls over, and goes back to sleep. I also dont change diapers overnight unless its poop. So he wakes up in the morning soaked often, but i dont care. I also let him fuss in there. Fuss, not cry, but I want him to learn to put himself back to sleep. When he goes to full cry, thats when i go in. Once this sleep pattern keeps up, Im going to work on getting rid of one of the night feedings, and work on maybe letting him full cry for a few minutes to see what happens so i dont create a "when i cry mommy comes" trend, but we are so new with him sleeping i dont want to mess with it yet. I know Im not ready for that anyway because I tried to let him do it and timed myself, I didnt get past a minute of full cry before I went in.

The last week he has been going to bed between 8-9pm, waking up at midnight, and then 3-5am for bottles, and then up between 7-8am for the day. And who knows if my "training" is what did it, or if he was just ready, you know? Also- I dont want to make it seem like it was easy. It was all day everyday with this child to do this. I wanted to pull my hair out. It might help you, or it might not work at all, but it seems to be working for us (fingers crossed). The only downside is that I dont want to leave the house and mess with their nap schedules. And I think I need to take it from 3 (1 hour) naps a day to 2 longer naps a day.

And as long as they both eat at the same time, their nap/bedtimes are usually within an hour of each other. She is waking up once overnight to eat. (like I said, I wont complain about her, she transitioned easily. Im very lucky in that aspect)

Blueyed228 · December 2013

Also- I have been trying really hard to get all of their ounces in during the day. So i try to keep the feedings every 3 hours, but he has been on a bit of a hunger strike lately. But i found that filling him up more during the day helped take away one of the 4 hungry wake ups he was doing.

They still wake up sometimes fussing, so I dont count that as part of their 1-2 wake ups overnight, because usually that just requires me patting his bum or giving her the paci to get her back asleep and it doesnt happen every night.

PumpkinAndThePeanut · December 2013

Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry you had a rough time with Anthony, I hope the surgery he needed fixed the issue and isn't related to anything ongoing.

I get the fairness thing. That's a big part of how E ended up in our bed. They both started out in RnPs next to our bed and up until about 4 months, E was a good sleeper - she'd usually wake up only once or twice to eat and would sleep a 5 or 6 hour stretch once or twice a week. V has never slept that long, since birth. But she'd sleep in the RnP in 3-4 hour stretches and would go right back to sleep after I fed her, until she turned 12 weeks. She's really tall for her age and I think she just started to get uncomfortable in the RnP at 12 weeks. With all the wake ups, I started falling asleep nursing them, holding them in my arms, and started worrying that I'd drop them. So due to my anxiety about dropping them and V's refusal to go back to sleep in the RnP, I started bringing her into bed after her first wake up and side-lying nursing her.

V has never taken a pacifier. I had to nurse her to sleep for all naps and night-time sleep until I went back to work when they were 4.5 months. She will fall asleep in the Ergo with DH, and that's how she takes all her naps on weekends, and that's how we get her ready for bed at night. We have never been able to move her to the crib after she falls asleep. I've never been able to nurse her to sleep and then slip away - she ALWAYS wakes up immediately and cries.

When E outgrew the RnP around 5 months, we brought a crib into our room and transitioned her to it. She does OK with it - she'll take her naps in there, and we can usually move her into it after she falls asleep. But even though she loves her pacifier, she really can't self-soothe. She has to be rocked or snuggled or nursed to sleep before we can move her to the crib. Once I went back to work at 4.5 months, she started waking up every hour or hour and a half. They both did; I think they were reverse cycling and it lasted for nearly two months. So that's when we started bringing E into bed with us after her first waking.

What further complicates things is that my mom watches them (in our home) while we're at work, and they are very different for her. They both nap in their cribs for my mom. She puts E in her crib in our room and V in hers in the nursery and turns on the musical projector thing for V. While V fusses a bit, she pats E's butt and shushes, and by the time E falls asleep (usually pretty quickly), V has fallen asleep. Every time I try the same method, E sits up in her crib and stretches out her arms to me and cries until I pick her up, and V screams.

I know that these are now habits and they aren't going to change on their own. I have to admit, since I am at work all day, I like snuggling with them at night, so I rarely complain about our sleep situation because I'd miss them if they were down the hall in their own room all night long. So while this situation does sort of "work for us," I'm no longer sure it's best for the girls. I think they would be more rested if they slept on their own and weren't waking up every time DH or I roll over.

It's hard for me to take other people's advice, because I feel like my situation is such a clusterfuck I don't really know how to apply it. I know my girls aren't afraid of their cribs and they don't associate them with anything bad... they play in there while we're getting them ready for their baths, or while I'm putting their laundry away, etc. They nap in them when DH and I aren't home. I think what I can take from your advice is that I need to work harder to get E back to sleep in her crib if she wakes up after I move her... and that I should put her back in her crib after MOTN wakeups. For that, I need to get DH on board, because my side of the bed is blocked by a bed rail to keep V in, so he would need to get up and move E. He used to do that until we started full-time bed-sharing.

I still have no idea what to do with V. DH usually wears her in the Ergo to get her to sleep and then transfers her to my arms. She wakes briefly, searches for my boob, then goes to sleep when she gets it. If she doesn't get it, she wakes up and cries. Maybe if we get E sleeping well on her own, the way with V will become more clear.

thanks again.

Blueyed228 · December 2013

Hmmm. Well you have a few pluses I think. If they will sleep well for your mom, that means there is hope, lol.

What if instead of H getting V to sleep in the Ergo, you take that day and only let her take 1 nap early in the day, and then push her the rest of the day to where she is just so exhausted, that she falls asleep in the crib? See if she will do a longer stretch?

Does V wake E up a lot? What if you put her to bed first in her room?

I cant even fathom trying to sleep train and then have to go to work in the morning and be a clean, dressed, fully functioning human. Im sorry you are dealing with it.

PumpkinAndThePeanut · December 2013

Haha, thanks. I aim for being a clean, dressed, functioning-at-75% human at work.

I should clarify that they take good naps in the morning for my mom but she often struggles to get them to nap in the afternoon. So usually when we get home from work, they're cranky and overtired already, and that doesn't seem to help too much with getting her to sleep for the night.

I think maybe instead of always relying on the tried-and-true Ergo method to get her to sleep, we should just start putting her in her crib when she's really tired in the evening, and letting her fuss/cry for a few minutes. Or getting her to sleep in the Ergo and then transferring her into the crib. If she starts really crying, I can't leave her in there, but if she's really tired, maybe she won't fight it too much if DH is the one who puts her in there.

But yeah, usually we don't do that because E is in the next room sleeping. But if we put V down first, maybe it will work.

If anything, reading your advice and typing all that out has given me some motivation to try to make some changes...

Blueyed228 · December 2013

I had a bit of a "I-have-not-fucking-slept-in-7-fucking-months" meltdown a few week ago. I had pretty much given up on the idea that I was going to ever get more than 2-3 hours of sleep a night ever again.

My motivation came from a random place. My moms cousin (who is like an aunt to me) was here helping me out for the day and she was on a mission to help me figure something out for them. We noticed A like to suck on the tag of one of the random loveys we had lying around. So she bought him a Taggie lovey. Its the closest thing we have to a soother for him now. When he is in his crib whining and rolling around, he reaches for it and rubs it on his face. Sometimes it helps him fall asleep.

After that day with her, i was just on a mission to figure something out. Because I was losing my mind. Maybe it will just be something little, like a small change in something random, that will be the trick for you.

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