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BM coming over on Christmas

Doubletrouble12Doubletrouble12 member
in Blended Families
Both step daughters will be home on Christmas morning. For the past 3 Christmas'
BM has came to our house on Christmas morning and watched them open their gifts from us and Santa.
We also have twin dds that are 1. I just don't like the idea of us having to wait on someone for them 
to be able to open gifts and it seems weird to me.  

How would you feel about this? TIA
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Re: BM coming over on Christmas

  • ambrvanambrvan member
    Is she coming over to give her gifts also? I'm a little unclear about why BM is coming over in the first place. Does she not get her own Christmas visitation? I don't see any reason for you to have to wait. If she is coming over,she sHould be bringing her own Christmas stuff for SDs. If she is not bringing her gifts and saving them for a later time, then I see no reason for her to interrupt your visitation time.
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  • Doubletrouble12Doubletrouble12 member
    No she does not bring gifts, I guess she comes to just see them open their gifts from us? I just wondered if others thought that was weird.  If I was her I would feel kind of out of place anyway.  It's also kind of uncomfortable for me.  
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  • hopankahopanka member

    Does she get visitation on Christmas? If she has an opportunity to do her own Christmas celebration with them, then I would say it's probably a little odd...unless you all get along really well and the girls are really happy to have both parents there.

    If she does not have an opportunity to do her own Christmas with her daughters, then I would understand why this is taking place.

    What does your husband say?

     

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  • Doubletrouble12Doubletrouble12 member
    Our house is more of their "main home".  This is her week with them and she is letting them stay with us on Christmas Eve so they will be home on Christmas morning.  She then usually picks them back up around 11 or noon for all her family stuff. 

    I don't like to make waves, but I don't really feel it's necessary for her to need to spend Christmas morning with us.  I said something to my husband but he is avoiding the subject. I think he thinks that if he says anything then she won't let them stay the night on Christmas Eve. 


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  • coopsbabycoopsbaby member
    Yes, it's weird, and I don't know why she'd want to be there. How uncomfortable. BUT, if it's her time and she dictates whether you have them Christmas Eve or not, and that's important to you, then you may have to go along with it. Personally I'd just have Santa come on a different day on your own time and let her keep them Christmas Eve. There's no reason Christmas has to be celebrated ON Christmas.
       
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    So she is coming to pick them up around lunch time and that is when you works wait to open gifts?

    Just let them do it when they get up. You don't need to tell her that. She is willing to give up her chance to spend Christmas morning with them because *she* feels like your home is their *main* home? You do your Christmas morning thing and then have the girls ready to go when she gets there.

    Simple as that.

    If you feel uncomfortable with this, then you need to make your husband understand. But if you're okay enough with it that you don't want to make it a battle, then keep things the way they have been. Decide how important this is. Holidays are a stressful time. Is this one of the things that you don't want to add to your list of holiday worries, let it lie.

    But yeah, it is weird.
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  • MrsHetzelMrsHetzel member
    Ditto PPs. It's just weird. I'm all for blended families being pleasant as they coexist (faking/forcing civility if they must) but no one should have to feel that uncomfortable in their own home on Christmas.
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  • bebe11bebe11 member
    My ex only came to my house once after we split to do Santa presents with our DD.  It is just not necessary, Santa can come to two houses.

     

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  • anordstrWed114947anordstrWed114947 member
    Oh no. That would never fly here
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  • WahooWahoo member

    It's fine if that worked in the past, but the situation has changed now.  You were very gracious to have BM, but now that you have two new LOs, BM no longer belongs in the family photo. 

    You can always open gifts on a different day if the girls will not be with you on Christmas morning. 

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • Doubletrouble12Doubletrouble12 member
    I think it's very uncomfortable. I'm trying not to stress about it because tomorrow is Christmas, I think what I'm more irritated about is that my DH doesn't seem to get it at all and basically refuses to discuss the topic.  The last few years I think I've let it go bc I didn't have my own little ones and we weren't married. 
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  • Leni410Leni410 member
    edited December 2013
    Im of the opposite mind set as most. Why rock the boat? Its not like she's sleeping over xmas eve with your family. I would just tell her we are doing gifts at 7 am or whatever time your planning on and if she's late then to bad for her. Good luck!
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