No kids at wedding - what are your thoughts?

Sep5Bride · December 2013

Hi ladies,

This is just an opinion question; I was curious what others thought. Two of my best friends are getting married next summer, and I've been looking forward to bringing DD to their weddings. It turns out neither one is planning to invite kids to their wedding, which surprised me since they both have nieces and nephews, and a lot of our friends have little kids now. It's totally their choice of course, I get that, but the wedding is out of town, and a couple of my friends will have new babies (3 and 4 months) at that time, so it's going to be difficult for them to attend without their infants. We'll have to get an overnight babysitter too, and since I'm in one of the weddings I'll have to be away from DD for the whole weekend. It's okay, I just wish I could bring her along.

Anyway, just curious what you ladies thought - totally normal, or inconsiderate?

Mom2anAngel2 · December 2013

As PP stated, I think this is becoming more the norm. When it comes to friends, I think it is normal and helps keep cost down. I am in a situation where we are invited to a family wedding and no kids are invited. I get it and don't blame them, but it is out of town and my entire family will be there. I have no one to watch DS and will probably not be able to attend. I just feel bad for not attending because he did make it to my wedding while on leave from some where in the Middle East (he is a navy seal and we are not really allowed to know what he does most of the time).

My brother is also getting married in about 6 months. They are inviting only "family kids," (nieces and nephews). They did a count of kids from close friends and extended family, and it was an extra 60 people. Their wedding location does discount for kids, but it is still $100 per kid. I think that would be ridiculous to spend an extra $6000 for all of those kids.

OhBaby+2013 · December 2013

We did the same as @amnat84. We didn't invite any children that weren't directly related to us.

SPK926 · December 2013

Personally I don't agree with it. I think inviting only some kids and not others is really rude. I don't care if some are related to you and others not - it should be an all or nothing thing.

That being said, it's their wedding and their choice. You also have a choice though. If by them choosing not to invite children makes it too difficult for you (or your friends) then you can decline. If they ask why I wouldn't hesitate to tell them why.

82Sonia · December 2013

I wanted to do it for my own wedding but I'm glad I didn't now. I don't think it's weird, it's just an opportunity for it to be an adult event.

Allycat11 · December 2013

I know a lot of people who have adult only weddings. I would have considered that when I got married but DH has a lot of young children in his family and some people would have flipped if their precious, perfect little ones weren't invited.

this decaf life · December 2013

We really didn't have this problem because only my sister had a kid and I wasn't going to leave my 1 year old nephew out of the wedding. I see both sides, it's kind of silly but depending on the age it can add up to an extra sizable amount we were on a pretty tight budget and it might have been hard if we'd had lots of kids to feed. We didn't allow plus ones and only one person didn't understand the implication of an invitation without a plus one option and brought a random person.

I think the only real exception would be a breastfeeding child, I think I'd have a hard time saying no to that because I know what a hassle it can be to pump.

AshleyDehaven · December 2013

I think it's pretty rude honestly, especially if it is an out of town wedding, or the kids are under 2. In August i flew across the country for a wedding, and got a sitter for the ceremony, then DH went and got LO for the reception. I didn't want him to fuss and distract from the main event, but there was no way i was leaving my 7 month old for 8 plus hours with a sitter for the first time in his life after traveling for 18+ hours the day before. Not a chance.

OhBaby+2013 · December 2013

As I mentioned we didn't invite kids that were unrelated and it was out of town. Gasp. That said, two girlfriends had newborns and they were breast feeding so they brought the babies but left their older kids at home. They could have brought the older kids and left them with the sitter we had for my nieces. After dinner the under 10 crowd that were invited had a sleepover of their own. So don't get too judgy. Your wedding, your rules. And if the rules don't work for you don't go, and if you choose to go don't complain.

AshleyDehaven · December 2013

I guess i just consider the kids in my family to be ya know, family. *Shrug*. Of course for us we only invited family and our best friends, so with kids it only came to 80 people. Personal preference, not trying to argue, but i do think it's rude. That's just me though, whatever works for you, as you said, your wedding, your rules.

littleheaven · December 2013

the only kids at my wedding were my neice and nephew bc they were in it.. they were 3 and 4 at the time....no one complained about not being able to bring their kids...one of my guests was on mat leave at the time...they were all grateful to have a grown up night out....
tbh i was selfish there and wanted only my neice and nephew...dh didn't have any so it was ok....if he did they would have been in it too...didn't want other kids distracting the cuteness of my kids....
however if it was out of state I might have done it differently

jobiann · December 2013

I personally couldn't have an adult's only wedding as I have a ton of nieces and nephews. But if I was attending a wedding and little ones were not invited I wouldn't care. I'd just call the sitter and have a date night! We don't get many of those!

GraceyandTroy · December 2013

I think if there are lots of nieces and nephews and family has to travel for the wedding but bride and groom don't want the kids at the wedding, then they should help arrange for childcare. In college, on a couple occasions, I baby sat a bunch of kids at a hotel during the ceremony of the weddings.

As far as no kids or only family kids, I don't care too much. I get the extra cost of having more seats and even limited space to fit all the guests. It's easier for me to not have LO with me at a formal event. When we do bring him along, we just plan in advance who will be the one to step out so we don't disturb the other guests.

rockyrollgirl · December 2013

Eh, I wouldn't want to bring DD to a wedding anyhow.

BBS! · December 2013

We had a baby free wedding but hired nursery workers for the ceremony. We didn't care if they were there for the reception. I personally would never bring a kid under 10 to a wedding and would enjoy a night away. I can see how an out of town wedding would be difficult tho!

holly52 · December 2013

I also didn't have children at my wedding aside from my nieces and nephews who were in the wedding. It was a local wedding and everyone lives locally so I didn't have to worry about people traveling. I did this to cut down on costs. It was very expensive per person. Selfish maybe but that's how I did it. I'm going to a wedding soon and I don't have the desire to bring DD I'll get a babysitter and enjoy a night out.

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