Holiday party advice please! UPDaTe in comments

Re: Holiday party advice please! UPDaTe in comments

• MNOpea member

  December 2013

  I say go and wear something you're comfortable in. Most people aren't going to bring up a pregnancy that hasn't been brought up to them.. Is there a reason he doesn't want people to know you're pregnant?

  
  

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• Mrs.C.V. member

  December 2013

  Poor you! I would stay home. It would be different if he was being supportive or understanding (helping choose a different dress, telling coworkers - the party would be a great time to share the news!) but if he's being a bum then you're not going to be comfortable or happy.

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• curlylocks3 member

  December 2013

  Ugh what a mess. I'd give him two choices: you stay home (and comfy in your sweats or whatever) or you go wearing the dress of your choice and share your good news tonight.
  
  And if he picks the first choice he just has to deal with not having a DD and either stay sober or pay for a cab. He doesn't get to have it both ways at your expense.

    
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• mschware member

  December 2013

  If I were you, I would have a serious talk with him about why he doesn't want to tell people at work that you're pregnant. Tell him you're willing to go to support him, but it's not really his choice what you wear. You are your own woman and your body is changing so much and you should be comfortable in whatever you wear! & he should want you to he comfortable or else it won't be fun for either of you. Also, I would tell him that if someone were to ask if you were pregnant you aren't going to lie to them. That's just me and my opinion though! Best of luck to you

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• MrsCase1 member

  December 2013

  Is there a reason he doesn't want to tell anyone?
  
  I would go since you committed but wear what you want. If he continues any shenanigans, let him go alone.
  

  
  

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• k318 member

  December 2013

  MegK82 said:

  I'd get pissed and probably end up in a huge fight b/c there's no way I'd wear a dress I didn't like b/c he wanted me to hide my belly.  He'd either have to stop being an ass and let me wear what I wanted or I wouldn't go.

  This is me, except once I told him that I'm calling my mom and telling her that she doesn't need to babysit because he is being an ass and I don't wanna go anymore, he was like fine wear the other dress. But now I'm here and i really am just pissed at him and don't want to go. But I don't wanna call my mom to cancel her watching the baby and have to explain why I'm not going either.. Ugh!
  
  I don't understand why he doesn't want to tell anyone. I get waiting til 3 months but it was like pulling teeth to even get him to tell his immediate family, which he only did because he understood after I explained how upset they would be if they found out through neighborhood gossip and not him. Last time he was so excited and told everyone right away. I get that the beginning of this pregnancy was scary but everything is fine now. I'm almost 4 months and the bump is there I can't hide it.

  

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• nunzchucks member

  December 2013

  emilyh107 said:

  curlylocks3 said:

  Ugh what a mess. I'd give him two choices: you stay home (and comfy in your sweats or whatever) or you go wearing the dress of your choice and share your good news tonight.
  
  And if he picks the first choice he just has to deal with not having a DD and either stay sober or pay for a cab. He doesn't get to have it both ways at your expense.

  
  
  ^this.

  
  
  Times two

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• k318 member

  December 2013

  LilNunz1 said:

  emilyh107 said:

  curlylocks3 said:

  Ugh what a mess. I'd give him two choices: you stay home (and comfy in your sweats or whatever) or you go wearing the dress of your choice and share your good news tonight.
  
  And if he picks the first choice he just has to deal with not having a DD and either stay sober or pay for a cab. He doesn't get to have it both ways at your expense.

  
  
  ^this.

  
  
  Times two

  So we got in a huge fight, I ended up going (in a different dress). I asked him wtf was up with hiding this pregnancy and how it is making me feel like he is ashamed of it or something and how he isn't as excited as he was with our son etc.. He said its bc he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it bc his sil had a late miscarriage over the summer and doesn't want to rub it in her face. I get that but still, we waited past three months and told his family and not one of them has even acknowledged that I am pregnant. He said we shouldn't celebrate bc this is unfair to her. I get that it is a sore subject, but honestly it's not fair to my kid that s/he will get less attention bc of this.
  
  The thing about this is when I first got pregnant and he said he wanted to wait a while to tell ppl, I asked him if this was why and he said no. So this is why I'm pissed. It's a losing battle that we have to agree to disagree. He's pissed that I said I feel that he is ashamed and not happy about this pregnancy, I'm pissed that his whole side of the family (himself included) just pretends that I'm not pregnant. The only one who said congratulations was one of his cousins. I don't expect a freaking party but at least an acknowledgement. Especially considering how over the moon happy and excited they all were for my son. Ugh.
  
  I could care less when he tells work people but I refuse to hide it.
  
  Also he expects me to be a mind reader and know he actually wanted me to go and was super excited to bring me, but when he asks me if I want to go he just says do you want to come to my work party and when I said not really he said please come to be my dd. how does be my designated driver relay to I want to show you off to my coworkers?????

  

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• nunzchucks member

  December 2013

  I guess I get not making a big deal out of it in front of his family because of his SIL, but none of them would be at the work party so that is strange. Is he nervous about a late term loss now? Eventually the kid will be here and even his family will have to acknowledge that on some fashion. I'm sorry this is happening.

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• tbmadeamistake member

  December 2013

  I'm sorry, that sucks.  While I think it's important to not rub in it SIL's face, that doesn't mean not acknowledging it or asking you how you're doing.  I agree, too, that it's odd to hide it at a work party when generally family doesn't go to those things.  He needs to really be clear with you about how he feels and why. 
  

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  CHC arrived 6/2/14
  

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