Nursing and an 11 year old boy

RedZee · December 2013

Yesterday I was at a dinner and went to nurse DD. I had a cover on (which I always have when NIP or when people are over). The 11 year old son came over to me and asked if he could see the baby. I said she was eating. He said, "Can I look?" I was kind of taken off guard and said, "Um, no." I generally want people to see that BFing isn't such a weird thing etc, etc - but I feel like an 11 year old boy asking isn't really just 'cause he's interested in BFing. Creepy, right?

Jalee85 · December 2013

Was he your son?

SnoopyLuv · December 2013

Yeah, I'd tend to agree. Maybe he has poor social skills? Hopefully?

RedZee · December 2013

Jalee85 said:

Was he your son?

No, he was the son of the people whose house we were at. Also, it was the first time we were really meeting the family (it was a dinner through our synagogue intended for people in the community to get to know each other).

And I do think his parents are addressing some of his social issues. At least I got that sense by the end of the evening.

DETrent · December 2013

Yup...11 is at the right age for him to be curious about boobs, and not the mechanics.

Jalee85 · December 2013

RedZee said:

Jalee85 said:

Was he your son?

No, he was the son of the people whose house we were at. Also, it was the first time we were really meeting the family (it was a dinner through our synagogue intended for people in the community to get to know each other).

And I do think his parents are addressing some of his social issues. At least I got that sense by the end of the evening.

Then definitely inappropriate.

Palereadhead · December 2013

DETrent said:

Yup...11 is at the right age for him to be curious about boobs, and not the mechanics.

Took me 23 years to learn the mechanics by having a baby lol

jennlin · December 2013

I would've told him to ask his mom first. I show very little when I nip, so it wouldn't be exciting for a boy that age to see and would be a lesson about BF.

deedee1017 · December 2013

breadandbutter07 said:

Wow, I thought the title said "nursing an 11 year old boy." This is totally different, but still a nope from me!

I was just writing the same thing!

Op, could it be that maybe the boy didn't get it? could he maybe be a little slow?

blondolphn · December 2013

First reaction no way. Hindsight, ask his parents. Seeing a baby feed isn't all that sexy and maybe it will not be so taboo.

Gatorsgirl731 · December 2013

No it's just a boob to them. My 12 yro socially awkward weirdo was horrified when he saw me nursing. Unless his mother regularly nursed a LO in front of him it was the boob not the mechanics. I would have said no too.

amber0529 · December 2013

Every kid is different. My boyfriend's brother is almost 12 & still completely innocent. I could see him wanting to know how the baby is eating but I've known other boys his age that would just want to see your boobs.

finnybooboo · December 2013

My nephew is 9 and asked the same thing. I just don't think he gets it yet.

RedZee · December 2013

I guess even if it's about the mechanics, I'm not the person to explain it to him. It was the first time I was meeting him or his parents. If they want him to learn those things I think it's up to them.

elllaf · December 2013

At least he asked instead of just lifting up your cover!

Pickle123 · December 2013

Do you think maybe he had no clue you were nursing? Maybe giving a bottle under there?

EmJ&B · December 2013

Nah ... 11 is wanting to see boobs

jennlin · December 2013

@jgslr said it much better than I. But yes. Everything she said.

Gatorsgirl731 · December 2013

jgslr said:
I mean, I get that you didn't know his family and why you would say no, I think it's weird he asked.

BUT to be the devil's advocate, isn't saying he just wants to see your boobs perpetuating the sexualization of breasts? If you were nip, would him seeing your boob be such a big deal? I think the curiosity at this age is perhaps the best time to remove the breasts are sex objects stigma. And that comment about his parents thinking you're a pedophile if you were to show him is beyond strange.

Your right to an extent, and I can only speak for my son. A boob, a real life boob would mean total mental breakdown. After he saw me nurse we talked about it. But since he has the attention span of a turd, I know if it was something I did not bring up again before him seeing someone nurse, he would have a meltdown.

Gatorsgirl731 · December 2013

23Melissa28 said:

jgslr said:

23Melissa28 said:

jgslr said:
I mean, I get that you didn't know his family and why you would say no, I think it's weird he asked.

BUT to be the devil's advocate, isn't saying he just wants to see your boobs perpetuating the sexualization of breasts? If you were nip, would him seeing your boob be such a big deal? I think the curiosity at this age is perhaps the best time to remove the breasts are sex objects stigma. And that comment about his parents thinking you're a pedophile if you were to show him is beyond strange.
I disagree that it's perpetrating the sexualization of breasts. You can drill in an adolescent boys head that boobs are for feeding babies only (I say "only" for the sake of the hypothetical conversation) allllll you want. But at the end of the conversation, it's still a sexual thing to them. It's hard wired in their DNA. I've never, ever, met a teenage boy that didn't love boobs. And it certainly wasn't due to their nutritional value.
BUT, the reason men are drawn to breasts, especially larger ones, is the subconscious biological hardwiring of natural selection. Full breasts mean his offspring will be well fed and his offspring and genetic code will live on.

Watch out I'm getting all biological on your ass..lol and I didn't need to be married to someone pre-med to know that.

While that's true, it's still sexual to them regardless. No matter the reason. That was my point. And you know what, some boobs are in fact, really nice to look lol

Especially big juicy milk filled ones. Lol

jennlin · December 2013

23Melissa28 said:

jgslr said:
I mean, I get that you didn't know his family and why you would say no, I think it's weird he asked.

BUT to be the devil's advocate, isn't saying he just wants to see your boobs perpetuating the sexualization of breasts? If you were nip, would him seeing your boob be such a big deal? I think the curiosity at this age is perhaps the best time to remove the breasts are sex objects stigma. And that comment about his parents thinking you're a pedophile if you were to show him is beyond strange.
I disagree that it's perpetrating the sexualization of breasts. You can drill in an adolescent boys head that boobs are for feeding babies only (I say "only" for the sake of the hypothetical conversation) allllll you want. But at the end of the conversation, it's still a sexual thing to them. It's hard wired in their DNA. I've never, ever, met a teenage boy that didn't love boobs. And it certainly wasn't due to their nutritional value.

Telling him "no" is what adds to the sexualization. Why else would you say no? Boobs are for feeding AND nutritional value, and he needs to see both, and not just the sexualization/private/hiding your boobs under cover part.

lorelaie10 · December 2013

jennlin said:

I mean, I get that you didn't know his family and why you would say no, I think it's weird he asked. BUT to be the devil's advocate, isn't saying he just wants to see your boobs perpetuating the sexualization of breasts? If you were nip, would him seeing your boob be such a big deal? I think the curiosity at this age is perhaps the best time to remove the breasts are sex objects stigma. And that comment about his parents thinking you're a pedophile if you were to show him is beyond strange.
I disagree that it's perpetrating the sexualization of breasts. You can drill in an adolescent boys head that boobs are for feeding babies only (I say "only" for the sake of the hypothetical conversation) allllll you want. But at the end of the conversation, it's still a sexual thing to them. It's hard wired in their DNA. I've never, ever, met a teenage boy that didn't love boobs. And it certainly wasn't due to their nutritional value.
Telling him "no" is what adds to the sexualization. Why else would you say no? Boobs are for feeding AND nutritional value, and he needs to see both, and not just the sexualization/private/hiding your boobs under cover part.

So you are suggesting that OP should have just hoisted the cover and given him a peek in order to "educate" some random kid? Showing doesn't equal teaching - a serious conversation about BF would need to accompany that action and it doesn't appear that it was the right time, place or that OP was the right person to do so. Think of it the other way, what if the parents of the child were posting here? It would be a very different conversation.

Point is that OP's child was the priority - she needed to eat and mom needed to be comfortable. A stranger's curiosity and sex/health education is NOT the priority.

Mae208 · December 2013

Kate101080 said:

jennlin said:

23Melissa28 said:

jgslr said:
I mean, I get that you didn't know his family and why you would say no, I think it's weird he asked.

BUT to be the devil's advocate, isn't saying he just wants to see your boobs perpetuating the sexualization of breasts? If you were nip, would him seeing your boob be such a big deal? I think the curiosity at this age is perhaps the best time to remove the breasts are sex objects stigma. And that comment about his parents thinking you're a pedophile if you were to show him is beyond strange.
I disagree that it's perpetrating the sexualization of breasts. You can drill in an adolescent boys head that boobs are for feeding babies only (I say "only" for the sake of the hypothetical conversation) allllll you want. But at the end of the conversation, it's still a sexual thing to them. It's hard wired in their DNA. I've never, ever, met a teenage boy that didn't love boobs. And it certainly wasn't due to their nutritional value.
Telling him "no" is what adds to the sexualization. Why else would you say no? Boobs are for feeding AND nutritional value, and he needs to see both, and not just the sexualization/private/hiding your boobs under cover part.

So you are suggesting that OP should have just hoisted the cover and given him a peek in order to "educate" some random kid? Showing doesn't equal teaching - a serious conversation about BF would need to accompany that action and it doesn't appear that it was the right time, place or that OP was the right person to do so. Think of it the other way, what if the parents of the child were posting here? It would be a very different conversation.

Point is that OP's child was the priority - she needed to eat and mom needed to be comfortable. A stranger's curiosity and sex/health education is NOT the priority.

This was my thought too. Just showing him that you are BFing is not going to enlighten him to 'oh wow, how beautiful that this baby is getting nutrition from his mothers breast!' His thoughts would likely be something along the lines of 'OMG a real live boob!!'

I have an 11 year old brother... He couldn't care less about a strangers baby. Now Boobs on the other hand...

Heather91011 · December 2013

breadandbutter07 said:
Wow, I thought the title said "nursing an 11 year old boy." This is totally different, but still a nope from me!

I thought the same thing....

jennlin · December 2013

Kate101080 said:

jennlin said:

23Melissa28 said:

jgslr said:
I mean, I get that you didn't know his family and why you would say no, I think it's weird he asked.

BUT to be the devil's advocate, isn't saying he just wants to see your boobs perpetuating the sexualization of breasts? If you were nip, would him seeing your boob be such a big deal? I think the curiosity at this age is perhaps the best time to remove the breasts are sex objects stigma. And that comment about his parents thinking you're a pedophile if you were to show him is beyond strange.
I disagree that it's perpetrating the sexualization of breasts. You can drill in an adolescent boys head that boobs are for feeding babies only (I say "only" for the sake of the hypothetical conversation) allllll you want. But at the end of the conversation, it's still a sexual thing to them. It's hard wired in their DNA. I've never, ever, met a teenage boy that didn't love boobs. And it certainly wasn't due to their nutritional value.
Telling him "no" is what adds to the sexualization. Why else would you say no? Boobs are for feeding AND nutritional value, and he needs to see both, and not just the sexualization/private/hiding your boobs under cover part.

So you are suggesting that OP should have just hoisted the cover and given him a peek in order to "educate" some random kid? Showing doesn't equal teaching - a serious conversation about BF would need to accompany that action and it doesn't appear that it was the right time, place or that OP was the right person to do so. Think of it the other way, what if the parents of the child were posting here? It would be a very different conversation.

Point is that OP's child was the priority - she needed to eat and mom needed to be comfortable. A stranger's curiosity and sex/health education is NOT the priority.

---------

No, several posts earlier I suggested OP ask his mom first.

ETA: flat out saying no is what sexualizes the breasts.

RedZee · December 2013

jennlin said:

jennlin said:

I mean, I get that you didn't know his family and why you would say no, I think it's weird he asked. BUT to be the devil's advocate, isn't saying he just wants to see your boobs perpetuating the sexualization of breasts? If you were nip, would him seeing your boob be such a big deal? I think the curiosity at this age is perhaps the best time to remove the breasts are sex objects stigma. And that comment about his parents thinking you're a pedophile if you were to show him is beyond strange.
I disagree that it's perpetrating the sexualization of breasts. You can drill in an adolescent boys head that boobs are for feeding babies only (I say "only" for the sake of the hypothetical conversation) allllll you want. But at the end of the conversation, it's still a sexual thing to them. It's hard wired in their DNA. I've never, ever, met a teenage boy that didn't love boobs. And it certainly wasn't due to their nutritional value.
Telling him "no" is what adds to the sexualization. Why else would you say no? Boobs are for feeding AND nutritional value, and he needs to see both, and not just the sexualization/private/hiding your boobs under cover part.

So you are suggesting that OP should have just hoisted the cover and given him a peek in order to "educate" some random kid? Showing doesn't equal teaching - a serious conversation about BF would need to accompany that action and it doesn't appear that it was the right time, place or that OP was the right person to do so. Think of it the other way, what if the parents of the child were posting here? It would be a very different conversation.

Point is that OP's child was the priority - she needed to eat and mom needed to be comfortable. A stranger's curiosity and sex/health education is NOT the priority.
--------- No, several posts earlier I suggested OP ask his mom first. ETA: flat out saying no is what sexualizes the breasts.

I think breasts ARE sexual to adults - and to pre-teen and teenage boys. They are NOT sexual to babies. NIP is not sexual because you have a baby attached to it. But I'm not sure breasts should be totally de-sexualized. At any rate, I don't think me giving this kid a tutorial is going to completely change the perspective he's been learning for 11 years. If I walked in to a room and a grown woman was demonstrating nursing to my 11 year old, I'd think it was weird. (They are also religious and there's a lot about modesty so on top of everything else I think it would have been wildly inappropriate.

kimbo1216 · December 2013

Hmm. I can see both sides. I probably wouldn't have just lifted up the cover. I would have said she's eating and he can look at her later if boobie was completely free. If boobie were mostly covered, I would show him. If it were a girl though, I'd lift it right up though no matter how much boob was showing.

RedZee · December 2013

crunchymama11 said:

my nephews-19, 14, 12- were bf. they lived in mexico where bfing is nbd. they've seen me nurse, and they've seen a lot of non-relatives nurse. guess what- they absolutely understand the difference between a baby eating and a cute girl showing some cleavage.

sure- they're teenage boys and probably love boobies. but they don't see a woman nursing and think "ohhhhh boooooobbbbbiiiiieeesssss!"

boys seeing women nurse grow up thinking nursing is normal and are more supportive of bfing because they learn from a young age that breasts have dual purposes. hiding bfing from them enforces boobs=sex and not food.

and to illustrate a point- when they were living in mexico, one of the women visiting them was nursing her 1yo. she was not wearing a bra, and had both breasts hanging out while the baby nursed. when he was done and ran off, she kept both breasts out for a few min to make sure he wasn't coming back for more. she was just sitting on their porch with her boobs hanging out and everyone walking by. no one blinked an eye at her boobs or the fact she was nursing a 1yo.

Good points. I nurse in front of my OWN nephews and have explained/shown as needed.

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