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Christmas planning with family

AgoAgo member
in One & Done: Only child
Argh!  My husband's family drives me insane when it comes to planning holiday get-togethers, especially Christmas!  We usually don't find out until about a week beforehand what is going on, and that even requires me to call or e-mail the group to find out, as no one seems to tell us.  Thanksgiving this year, we found out the weekend before that it was not going to be on Saturday, as planned in October, but on Thanksgiving day.  Since we already planned Thanksgiving day with my family, we couldn't go (DH's family is 3 hours away).  Now with Christmas, they were debating back and forth between the weekend before and the weekend after.  I feel obliged, since we missed Thanksgiving, to keep my calendar open for them to make a decision, but there are so many things going on that I just get anxiety over making the right decision.  So I finally signed DD up for her dance recital the weekend before and as of last night, that's the date they are leaning toward.  Now my husband is feeling conflicted but I just want to say screw it!  If they want people to be there, they need to make a decision so we can plan around it! Then last night they decide they want to do a cousin's drawing (Youngest is 16, oldest is 40) and include the cousins' kids.  I'm out, I think it is silly for adults to exchange gifts.  But I plan to put DD in, and will likely end up having her "buy" a gift for a 30-something cousin of DH's.  This is not the reason for Christmas, in my opinion!  Sorry to vent.
University of Kansas alum Geoff Folker applies food coloring to his snow sculpture at his home on Park Street in Olathe, Kan., on Sunday, March 24, 2013. A storm that dumped up to 15 inches of snow on parts of Colorado and Kansas is making its way east, with winter storm warnings and advisories issued for today and tomorrow as far east as Pennsylvania. (AP Photo/The Kansas City Star, John Sleezer)

January OAD Siggy Challenge: Creative Snow Sculptures

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Re: Christmas planning with family

  • KatieB19KatieB19 member
    That is so frustrating. I have a friend in a similar boat where her in-laws don't plan a date in advance but then expect everyone to be there. I don't understand. It's the busiest time of year for most people.

    Definitely don't feel guilty for not going. Maybe you can clarify for them how busy a time it is, and that they please need to let you know by thanksgiving or maybe December 1 if they want to to reserve the date. Otherwise no promises, you'll come if you can.
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  • PB102012PB102012 member
    I would be irritated as well! Don't feel guilty though! You held out as long as possible before making your plans, you can't be expected to wait around until the last minute only to ask what their plans are instead of being informed. That's especially inconsiderate of them since you have to incorporate plans that your side of the family has as well.

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  • KL777KL777 member
    That is frustrating! I know I need advance notice. Maybe you can suggest to them for the future that they need to give a 3 week notice. People can't put their lives on hold because they are "last minute" planners.

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  • Arcadia1114Arcadia1114 member
    MIL used to do this with her extended family as well. Big birthday parties were planned on four days notice. We were expected to cancel plans and be there, even if we had sporting event or concert tickets. Dh and I had huge arguments about it. It finally came to a head and MIL and I had it out. It was awkward for awhile but is so much better now. Now, we are given notice and not given guilt trips if we can't attend something last minute. It sticks and I'm sorry you're going through it.
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