How do you respond...

Hopeful1981 · December 2013

...when people ask you about having another baby? I get it constantly, from family to strangers. Does this happen to anyone else? Like, my son just turned six months and it seems ever since he popped out of me people are overly preoccupied with when I am going to have another baby. Someone two weeks ago asked me if I was pregnant (um I do not look pregnant or overweight whatsoever but thanks for that). A couple days ago LO and I were with DH at a new dentist office and the receptionist comes out and says "are you going to have another one right away so LO has someone to play with?" I wanted to scream HOW IS THAT ANY OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS but of course I kept my composure.

Yes, I would absolutely love to have another baby right away. But I struggle with infertility and it is hard for me to conceive, something that even my family or friends don't know about. Maybe I am overly sensitive to the "when are you popping out another one" question. I understand that most people truly do not understand what an intrusive private question that is. But what are some canned responses I can have ready that are not aggressive/confrontational/rude/bitchy because while I certainly would love to say certain snarky stuff in response, in real life I don't want to create drama or offend distant relatives at family get togethers, etc. But I am also really tired of people thinking I owe them full disclosure of my reproductive health and family plans.

KellenHi21 · December 2013

I always make it a joke and say something along the lines of; "maybe but let me take a break for a second will ya?!" Or "geeeeez, slow down there... Let me take a breath between babies please!"

Junemom2013 · December 2013

I just smile and laugh.

CindyRelluh · December 2013

I think a lot of it is other peoples baby fever. I'm sure they aren't actually thinking CAN YOU HAVE ONE TOMORROW PLEASE? Lol. I told everyone we are done, so if it happens it'll be a surprise.

amberdt03 · December 2013

I say we're still trying to figure this one out. Occasionally I'll laugh and say not doing that again for a while. I definitely think it's a baby fever thing for people. I'm sure I was the same way.

kari.sandall · December 2013

I used to get asked all the time when we were going to have kids. It was hard to answer while struggling with infertility and losses. Now I just keep getting told I'm done since I have one of each. Wow, thanks for making that decision for me!

ilovemarfa · December 2013

I laugh and ask the person if they are going to help me take care of my kids.

Monkeybutt80 · December 2013

I just laugh at them. In the 'what-you-just-said-is-so-absurd-I-think-you-are-crazy way'. Half the time they shut up, half the time they say something like " oh you will want another one".

phishgirl29 · December 2013

As a fellow IVF September Sweetheart I get it. It's hard thinking of yourself as fertile (even With a baby in your arms) when in our minds we're not. I just handle the comments like I handle all unsolicited parenting advice. I nod and smile, and end up ignoring. It's hard but I think because I've been pretty open about my IVF I've avoided some of these comments. ((Hugs)).

kanga1622Wed220857 · December 2013

I just told everyone that one was perfect thank you very much. Eventually I started telling people it took years to get one. Then people quit asking.

Now that we've had our second son, no one asks. We are absolutely done and I feel like both our children are miracles after unexplained infertility and two losses.

ASmallWonder · December 2013

I'd smile and say "We'll see!" We're two and through by permanent measures so depending on the audience I either say "Our two wonderful boys are it for us!" or "The factory has been shut down."

Hopeful1981 · December 2013

Yes, I have done the funny, laugh about it responses. Nothing deters the constant questions. I really need to come up with the perfect response that is not aggressive but makes people stop asking once and for all, without disclosing my infertility struggles. With the holidays we have many family get togethers coming up and I am tired of this being the constant topic of conversation. DH sisters ask repeatedly every. single. time. we see them. If I say "oh, we'll see" or "give me a minute, I just had a baby last week", etc., they say, "well are you trying?" I just don't know what to say in response anymore and my patience is wearing thin. They tell me every. single. time. how fun it was growing up with siblings close in age (my MIL had 4 kids in five years, then had 3 more kids over the next ten years). Literally, these questions started a week after LO was born.

ASmallWonder · December 2013

Oh God, that's annoying. You'll probably piss them off but I'd be blunt "I know you're all excited about us having a second baby but there's nothing to report. If I get pregnant again, you'll know, don't worry, but I don't want to spend all of THIS baby's babyhood talking about the next baby."

Hopeful1981 · December 2013

Because people assume we get pregnant the old fashioned way, I have wanted to be really blunt and say "well the next time my husband has his penis in my vagina and he is about to orgasm and we decide he should ejaculate inside of me with the intent of his sperm fertilizing my egg, you will certainly be the absolute first to know. I promise I will call you before we even wipe off and get dressed."

Beaslejl · December 2013

I just tell people that we fully intend to have another baby. We want to spend time enjoying Abigail for now and we'll have another when we feel we're ready. Not a biggy really.

Now telling me what to do and how to do it with Abigail makes me want to throat punch some people sometimes. (Obviously when I don't ask for their advice).

kelseypie · December 2013

When people ask me, I just say "hopefully not anytime soon!". Though in reality I want to try again this summer. Either that or, "Does this mean you're volunteering to wash diapers? No? Oh, well then no."

ShelleyBQ · December 2013

phishgirl29 said:

As a fellow IVF September Sweetheart I get it. It's hard thinking of yourself as fertile (even With a baby in your arms) when in our minds we're not. I just handle the comments like I handle all unsolicited parenting advice. I nod and smile, and end up ignoring. It's hard but I think because I've been pretty open about my IVF I've avoided some of these comments. ((Hugs)).

You're so right about it being hard to think of ourselves as fertile. I've been open about our struggles too, so when people ask I say, "we'd like to, but it was a challenge having this one so who knows." Or for those who know we did IVF, I say as soon as we can save up $15,000. That shuts people up!

steph_pegasus · December 2013

"When we're ready to."

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