5 steps back in healing process

Campow83 · December 2013

I have been doing pretty well considering our loss. It's been about 7 weeks and I don't cry as much and have more happier days. After last night I feel like I have taken 5 steps back. I had a girls night, none of them knowing I was pg. My cousin told me her daughter is pregnant, it stung a little. But then she said she was due June 14th, my exact date. I felt like I was kicked in the stomach and that feeling has carried over into today, I just feel like I'm gonna throw up cause I can't stop thinking about it. I was doing so well. How do you deal with this yo-yo effect of emotions, AAHHHH!!!!

PinkRoses · December 2013

Oh I'm so sorry. What are the chances?? That would have hit me like a ton of bricks as well. How awful. Sending lots of hugs.

ACrashe · December 2013

That is very tough. Sometimes it seems like the universe is testing us. On the day of my d&c (today actually) I was invited to a Bris and my girlfriend announced she was pregnant via text. She wrote 'now tell me are you pregnant too?' I held back writing 'not anymore!'
I think when it's early people expect you to move on faster. You don't have to - it's your loss and you will have good and bad days. Sometimes we need bad days for an excuse to have an earth shattering cry.

Campow83 · December 2013

Thank you ladies. I was thinking about deleting my Facebook in the new year too, that's where I see all my friends bumps and it just suffocates me. God bless you ladies and may we all grow stronger day by day!!!

Laura&Austin2013 · December 2013

Oh I know how you feel, my friend. I lost my first at 11 weeks exactly 3 months ago yesterday, and even though I feel mostly ok most of the time now, I still have random moments of all those emotions rushing back unexpectedly. The other day it was a coke commercial that did it, and I sat on the couch with tears just streaming down my face. I had to order my bridesmaid dress for my best friend's wedding while I was only 2 months pregnant, so I ordered several sizes up since I was expecting to have a six month belly by now (the wedding's next week), and I went to pick up the dress last week. Well of course putting the dress on and having to go get it altered waayy down was just another reminder that my baby's gone. So I feel your pain. There are reminders EVERYWHERE, but we just have to carry hope that it's not over. On the bright side, I can finally hold other people's babies without insta-lump in my throat. Healing day by day! Hugs and prayers going out to all of you.

aliciapaige82 · December 2013

I feel your pain , my miscarriage happened on December 1st, and since then I have my ups and downs...this past week I've been feeling a little better, especially since I saw my new obgyn who I am very happy with. My old team and doctor whom I had I my miscarriage with, was terrible...and the new, highly rated new doctor is a world of difference. As I take each day by day, it's still a battle every time I go out on public, and see other pregnant women my age, out and about. It still hurts. I'm seeing my sister in law and my brother in law (husbands brother) this Saturday for our annual holiday Christmas dinner that we do every year. My sister in law and I were originally pregnant together around the same time...she's past 12 weeks now, and just made her happy announcement last week to everyone....that felt like I got hit with a ton of bricks, or,punch in the stomach. I'm so very happy for them, and look forward to seeing them this weekend..but I know there might come a point when we are having dinner, is my miscarriage is brought up, or her pregnancy, and I won't be able to control my emotions... Just when I thought I was feeling better, this is going to be another set back for me.

My heart goes out to,you, and the other women here...everyday feels like a battle...

Campow83 · December 2013

Thank you ladies for sharing your stories. My heart aches for you all as well.

jenwashington · December 2013

Reading all of these stories is hard and my heart goes out to each of you. My co-worker announced she was pregnant to the office when she was only like 5 weeks and I was upset at the time since I was saving my news until after the first trimester. She is due 3w after my EDD was. I was upset then that she had the nerve to make the announcement so early and it stung even more when I learned of my loss because I was looking forward to being able to make my own announcement. Having to hear her talk about her symptoms at work now and others ask her about her pregnancy just flat out sucks. I pretty much have to avoid her for the most part because I just can't deal with it quite yet.

IslandDoctor23 · December 2013

I'm struggling with these reminders and the emotions that come of it also and I'm sorry you are having to deal with it. For all of us it is so difficult to hear of other people who are happily pregnant, posting pictures of their babies, etc. I had to hide all facebook posts from anyone who is expecting or recently had a baby - it was just too much to handle having to see it somewhat unexpectedly. I'm now working in an OBGYN office (I'm finishing up my last year of medical school) and I can't tell you how hard it has been to act happy for these patients and perform their exams letting them know everything is okay. I just want to cry and ask 'why me?'. Today I had a patient who miscarried and it was so tough to hand her that piece of news, I tried to be strong and help her through it but just broke down once she left :-/

heathersf11 · December 2013

Hugs to all of you. I'm so sorry that we have to be in this situation and feel these feelings, but feeling them is part of our healing process. A woman I work with is expecting, and strangely what made me "okay" with it, was knowing that she had had two previous miscarriages, suddenly we were playing for the same team.

sarahms · December 2013

I had a very similar experience. I recently misscarried at 6 weeks. I'm still trying to figure out how to even deal with this, especially since we had not announced the news to anyone yet. No one even knew we were expecting, so i feel like i have no support. Last night I had a girls night and a friend I used to work with announced that she was pregnant and due the exact day I would have been due. It felt like a knife through my heart. I came home very angry. How have you ladies started your healing process? Because I just don't know how to.

Betty769 · December 2013

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss sarahms. I totally understand the pang of anger at hearing that news. I just found out a friend of mine had an mc at the exact same point as me earlier this year. She just knew intuitively what happened to me even though i didn't tell anyone and I could see the relief on her face to know she wasn't alone and could finally talk to someone. I have found telling people close to me very therapeutic. It's amazing how many people will tell you they had the same thing. Is there anyone you can trust that your can confide in? DH and I we considering couples counselling too, which I heard is very helpful in the healing process.

sarahms · December 2013

Thanks Betty769. I have told a few close friends, but fortunately for them they have never experienced a pregnancy loss, so they don't truly know what I'm going through. I am sorry for your loss as well. I truly wish none of us had to experience this pain, especially right before the holidays.

emsrdh03 · December 2013

I'm sorry.

The first time I came across someone with my EDD it took my breath away.

Campow83 · December 2013

The only thing I have found that truly helps me find peace is going to church. Nobody knew about my pregnancy, I was 2 weeks away from my 3rd month mark & that's when we were going to share with our family. Having nobody to talk to helps me turn and talk to god. It feels very therapeutic. I struggle during the week but Sunday is like recharge of positive thoughts

jchuntoon05 · December 2013

I am so sorry!!! It truly is a punch in the gut feeling...I miscarried in August and found out lots of family and friends are due in march, when I would be due. Though I am ecstatic for them...I cant help to be angry/sad at the same time.

I don't know if it is because it was my first pregnancy and first miscarriage...but I don't think i will truly be happy until I am pregnant again....One of the girls told me on here before that there is no length on grieving...to give myself time....things did get better, life goes on...but there is always that random moment where you find out someone else is pregnant, or you hear a song, or something reminds you of our situation and you feel like your back at square one...im not sure that ever ends...

kikimeemee · December 2013

Campow83 said:

But then she said she was due June 14th, my exact date. I felt like I was kicked in the stomach and that feeling has carried over into today, I just feel like I'm gonna throw up cause I can't stop thinking about it. I was doing so well. How do you deal with this yo-yo effect of emotions, AAHHHH!!!!

Coincidence can be so cruel. I can fully understand why you'd be stuck over the thought now. You've been brought right back to your sad situation with the mention of the date. What helps me is seeing a therapist. I was seeing her before my MC, and then the MC happened and she shared with me that she had one, and how devastating it was for her. I have found that telling my very few family members and VERY few friends, that it doesn't help telling people. It's been more helpful for me to tell a therapist. See if your employer or husband's employer has an "Employee Assistance Program" where you can speak to someone confidentially if you feel you can't get over your hump. I can picture the situation you were in and it just breaks my heart. During my MC, I was away for work and a male teammate asked me unbeknownst, "You don't look well. What are you pregnant?!" All eyes shot over to me and I wanted to die. I just said, "No, I'm not pregnant, and you should never ask a woman that in front of a group of people. I'm just not feeling well; a cold or something." But UGH...can people's comments do us in!!

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